Surviving Circumstance
by gamerprincess1218
Summary: After years of military training Raven thought she could handle anything. Ending up in Thedas was not one of them. With no idea how she ended up in one of her favorite video games and completely clueless on how to get back home she must struggle to make the best of the situation she was thrown into while making sure her new friends stay alive in the process.
1. Chapter 1

Raven stirred and clenched her jaw to suppress the shiver that ran through her. She was cold, wet, hurt everywhere. Knowing she'd just been in an accident made staying calm and focused difficult. Years of training had taught her to assess the situation at hand and take in the facts instead of rushing to accusations. Her head was throbbing, but with a slow, deep breath she performed a quick assessment on the rest of her body. Her wrist hurt and upon moving it slightly she winced, but sighed in relief; it wasn't broken. It would need to be splinted, though, as her fingers were cold and hurt to move. There was a small warm, weight on her stomach. That was most likely her cat since Zevran hated the cold more than anything else on the planet except water and plastic bags. She was lying on her back, arms spread out, and the sweatshirt she was wearing barely helped the cold from seeping in and assaulting her skin. Why was it cold anyway? Raven thought to herself. California wasn't cold and the state itself had been going through a drought for the last five months. Was she dead? She vaguely recalled some jerk in a white car speeding up to pass her and cutting her off which caused her to slam on her brakes, skid on gravel, and break through the guard rail along the edge of the mountain. There was no way she could have survived. That cliff had been over three hundred feet high.

With a final sigh, she opened her eyes only to quickly shut them again. The sky was bright and green. Raven groaned as she brought up her injured wrist to cradle her cat and used the other one to help herself sit up. Opening her eyes a second time, she squinted at the stark white surrounding her, letting them adjust before she ground out a small string of curses when she realized that what she had been laying in and what was all around her. Snow. Fucking snow in California in the middle of August. She looked down at her cat and saw that he was looking up at her with a curious expression.

"I blame all of this on you." She said in a low voice, though she really didn't mean it. "Should we try to find someplace warmer?" Of course he didn't reply, but made no move to get away as she awkwardly found a way to stand with Zevran still in her arm and against her chest. Her entire back was cold and completely soaked and her hands continued to hurt, almost tingle, as she did her best to brush the remaining snow from her pants. Looking around she saw trees, a lot of trees and a lot of rocks. Was she still in the mountains? Her car was nowhere to be seen, but she easily spotted her two large, multi-colored bags in the snow; one lay next to a tree about ten feet away and the other-which held technology that was probably now broken beyond repair-about five feet from the first. As her anxiety started to rise and break through the calm she was struggling to maintain, she fought to keep her breathing and body in check. Keep calm, she thought to herself, there had to be a reason why her car was nowhere to be seen. Losing your shit and freaking out won't help. Still, she slowly made her way over to her bags thanking a higher power that she'd decided to wear her boots instead of the flip-flops she wanted to.

"Hold it right there." A deep voice commanded, startling Raven as she was bent down to reach her first bag. She put Zevran down on the large multicolored cotton surface and straightened to see two men standing about ten feet from her with daggers drawn, really small daggers compared to what she was used to using. They were both wearing the same thing, a green hood with what Raven could only guess was tan leather armor, which she'd only seen during the LARPing events she went to every few months. Still, the costume looked familiar. Was there an event going on nearby? They looked scared and angry, as if she wasn't supposed to be there.

"I'm sorry if I interrupted your event. Do you guys have a phone?" Neither of them responded, "I was just in an accident. I'll grab my things and head to the nearest town if you tell me which way to go." They watched her as she started to bend down to pick up her bag again before stopping, "Would either of you happen to have seen a car near here, a black Impala with red leather interior?" One man looked at the other with an expression that had Raven almost questioning her own sanity. Why, of all people to find her, did it have to be people stuck in method acting?

The second man didn't return his fellow agents expression. His eyes never left the girl standing in front of them in strange clothes. Her height made him think she was a dwarf, but her small size made him reconsider. She could be a human or even an elf, but he couldn't see her ears. Her hair was wet and it was obvious that her strange clothes offered little to no warmth from the way her arms were curling into her body and how her cheeks and nose were red from the cold. He could see blood on her face and how it turned her red hair a shade darker. But no matter how small she was, he knew better than to trust her. What was a… car, anyway?

"You're going to have to come with us, Miss. This is Inquisition territory." He explained and saw her visibly stiffen. Inquisition territory? Raven questioned, but remained silent. Had she interrupted a Dragon Age roleplay? That would explain why their costumes seemed so familiar. She stood up straight again and her hand discreetly moved to the knife in her back pocket. She understood method acting during events, but to continue with the act made her question his sanity and was starting to become annoying.

"Look, guy," She said, her tone dropping to one more menacing. Her fingers gripped around her knife handle. "Either you cut the act and explain what's going on here and help me or you can leave and go back to your little event. I'm not in the mood for your shit."

Neither he nor the other man said anything and maybe it was the fact that the pain in her head that had been building since she woke suddenly multiplied that caused her knees to almost buckle and made her look away, but she suddenly heard the crunching sound of boots in the snow as one of the men rushed towards her. Not taking any chances she clenched her jaw, pulled out her knife, and flicked the blade free from the confines of its handle just in time to deflect the hand of the man she hadn't spoken to. His eyes widened and Raven could tell he wasn't expecting her to respond in such a way. Not wasting time, she used his surprise to her advantage by moving away, repositioning her own stance as well as the blade in her hand. Despite the orders to stop from his partner, the man charged at her again. She dodged his attack and as he fell past her, she grabbed his arm and used his own weight against him to throw him into his stomach in the snow. He cried out in pain as she bent his arm to an immobilizing position.

"I'm really not in the mood for this," she told the man still standing, "My head hurts, I have no idea where I am, and I'm really cold. So, please call off your friend before he gets hurt, tell me where the next town is, and let me go on my way." If it weren't for the anger she probably would've cried. The man standing remained silent and the man underneath her continued to grunt and curse at her as she kept his arm bent back for leverage. Before the former could respond to her a searing pain spread through her lower right leg causing her to knees to buckle completely and she fell forward. She cried out a string of curses and the man below her struggled to get away. She bent his arm back even more and in her pain filled haze she smiled, feeling satisfied, as she felt and heard a sickening crack and shrill scream as his shoulder was forced from its socket.

"We didn't want to have to hurt you!" The man yelled, "But you gave us no choice. You're coming with us." Raven heard crunching in the snow from multiple pairs of boots behind her and her stomach sank. Looking down at her leg she saw a gash in the leggings she wore and her blood pooling onto the white snow below her. The contrast made her nauseated and she just barely managed to keep down the contents of her stomach. The man she had been sitting on scrambled to get away, his left arm useless as he did so. Raven did her best to stand and failed. She grunted as she fell to her knees in the snow. Looking at the man in front of her, she made the clear motion of closing her knife and dropping it to her side.

"If I'm to go with you, then can you please grab my knife, bags, and cat? He's really nice, but hates the snow." She spoke just loud enough for the man to hear. "You can check me, I have no other weapons." Raven had to fight the urge to elbow the person who was suddenly behind her roughly pulling her to her feet. She wasn't used to being touched by people she didn't know, but he made no move to check her body the way police and authorized officials did for weapons. Instead, he grabbed her arms and in a swift motion, even for her, and tied her hands behind her back. The man she had been speaking to made his way forward and carefully bent down to grab her black and purple knife, looking at it as if almost in awe before putting it in the bag on his hip. She then watched as he moved over to her bags and Zevran whom still had yet to move, but hissed as the man came close to gather her belongings.

He knew she was still capable of fighting despite the condition she was in, he saw it in her eyes. It was also how he knew that if she wanted Deeks dead, he would be. Jax's arrow had cut her deep and she was still bleeding, but she managed to remain standing once Jax had helped her into the position. The wind started to pick up and he watched as her long hair blew into her face. Deeks was still cursing at her as they continued without a word toward Haven. It was a two-mile journey and halfway through, whether it was because of her head that she claimed had hurt or the blood loss from her leg, she'd passed out.

It was cold and dark when Raven woke, her body jerking forward like when she woke up from the dreams she had about falling, and the sudden deep breath she took caused her to cough. She heard voices, not too far away, but in her fuzzy state she couldn't make out the words. She braced herself when a woman in robes rushed toward her. She had to be freezing, Raven thought.

"You shouldn't be up so soon," the woman said as she bent down to put a cold hand on Raven's forehead. The words dipped in and out of her ability to understand them. "You lost a lot of blood and the potion we've given you has yet to take full effect." Potion? Raven's head was spinning and she had to fight the urge to jump up and forcefully purge whatever had been put into her stomach in her unconscious state, but her tied hands didn't allow it. Instead of being tied together, they were tied to what she was resting on, strapping and keeping her down. She noticed the pain in her head was gone and the searing pain from her legs had been reduced to a dull throb.

"Where am I?" Raven tried to ask the girl, but wasn't sure she was speaking right. Her mouth was dry and her tongue didn't seem to want to work. "Where's my cat?" The woman's eyes widened and she brushed some of the blond hair that had fallen into her face during her rush behind a pointed ear. Raven stared.

"You're in Haven, safe. My name is Melissa and I'm one of the healers." She explained and then continued before Raven could ask any questions. Healer? Haven? How deep did the insanity go? "Your cat is in the Chantry. Our ambassador has become quite fond of him." Raven laid back down and closed her eyes, willing herself to wake up, but her mind refused to cooperate in her search for answers.

Melissa watched the pale restrained woman stiffen at her words and, if possible, turn even paler. At first, she'd been frightened to go near the girl after seeing the agents carrying her in. She'd dislocated one of the soldier's shoulders and the way they'd tied her to the cot did nothing to ease her nerves. She was surprised to find that now the woman was awake and speaking, her fears had died down some.

"How long have I been asleep?" Raven asked quietly knowing Melissa, the healer, was still beside her.

"Mistress Nightingale's agents say you lost consciousness about a mile from camp. Maybe about two hours. May I know your name, Miss?" Raven opened her eyes and looked at the woman. Melissa was no longer looking at her, but she could hear the trickles of water before Melissa brought a dampened wet cloth to her face. "You still have blood on your face and in your hair." She explained and Raven tensed for a moment before relaxing as the soft cloth and warm water brushed against her forehead.

"Raven O'Hara." She told the blond woman quietly, "You said we were in Haven?" Melissa nodded and continued to wipe the now dried blood from Raven's pale skin.

"That is correct Ma'am. Once you're feeling better and the guard gets back, the Herald of Andraste wants to see you." _Herald of_ _Andraste_? Raven felt her heart start to race and stomach turn. Her reaction didn't go unnoticed by Melissa, who had suddenly stood up ready to call out to someone in case she did something unexpected.

"What country are we in?" Raven asked, but wasn't eager to hear the woman's answer. Melissa visibly calmed and sat down again.

"Ferelden, Miss." Melissa explained carefully, "In the Frostback Mountains." Upon answering that time Melissa didn't hesitate to call out for the head healer as the prisoner named Raven lost consciousness again.


	2. Chapter 2

"Herald, _Your Worship_ , please listen to reason," a woman pleaded loudly, her harsh accented voice cutting through the fuzziness in Raven's mind. She remained still, her eyes closed as she listened. "You don't know what the prisoner is capable of. None of us do."

"Then we should at least find out, Cassandra." a man replied. His voice was much more relaxed than the woman he was speaking with.

"You read the reports! She took down and dislocated the shoulder of one of Leliana's agents, not to mention that strange knife she was carrying, and those bags they gathered." The woman didn't go into detail of what was in her bags, which Raven supposed could be a good thing; either they had yet to go through them or they found nothing worth mentioning which was doubtful with all the technology she knew the bags contained . _Orlais,_ the woman named Melissa had said. That couldn't be right. That was Dragon Age. She'd spent hundreds of hours, completed dozens of playthroughs, discussed Thedas politics and cultures with her friends enough over tea and pastries to know better. This make believe method acting shit was really starting to get old.

"Yes, Cassandra, I read the reports and they also stated that Deeks made the first move with his dagger in hand. You even heard the other agent speak to Leliana about it. Therefore, I want to talk to her." Raven liked how the man was more logical than Cassandra. She highly doubted it was the same woman, but in the game Cassandra was always rash and quick to judge.

"She could be a spy. All I'm suggesting is you shouldn't do it alone," Cassandra explained as Raven heard footsteps coming toward her. She had to restrain from opening her eyes and keep her breathing in a slow, steady rhythm. There was a sigh from above her.

"Alright, when she wakes I'll have her escorted to the war room. I want Bull there as well." She knew it was the Herald who spoke from above her. That voice with the almost easy going tone belonged to the man who replied to Cassandra when she'd addressed him as such. Raven had no time to control her actions as she felt his hand against her leg. Her eyes shot open, searching for the source only to still when they landed on him. With messy black hair, green eyes, and stubble along his jaw, she knew him, but that wasn't possible. Christopher Trevelyan was her most recent mage playthrough with Cassandra as his love interest. Raven's heart jumped into overtime and she tried to look away as he stared down at her.

"And it seems like the prisoner is awake. I'll call for one of the guards," Cassandra said and then her footsteps faded into the distance.

"Are you feeling better?" He asked once the Seeker-if she really was a Seeker-was gone. "Melissa took great care of your head and leg. She said your name was Raven, right?" He asked and smiled when she nodded.

"Raven O'Hara," she answered him and suddenly noticed that his hand was still on her leg. Despite how handsome he was, she didn't like it. He seemed to notice when her eyes went to his arm then back to his face. He pulled his hand away with a quick apology.

"Before Cassandra comes back with the guard to escort you to the Chantry, is there anything you want to tell me?" He asked. The silence that followed his question lingered and as Raven lay there still strapped to the cot, unmoving, he took the time to look her over. She was small and thin and her long hair was tangled, but he had to give Melissa credit: not only did she heal any injuries, but also seemed to clean off the remaining blood. Her clothes were what raised question in his eyes, as well as everyone who saw her. Black pants that were skin tight, but seemed to stretch, black boots unlike any fashion he had ever seen, what he could only imagine as a purple undershirt that was also skin tight and only had lacey straps to hold it up exposing her collarbone, arms, and part of her back. A black cloth jacket had been removed when she was brought in and everyone-not only him-was astounded to see the colorful markings and tattoos that decorated her pale skin.

"I didn't attack that man," she finally answered and her voice brought his attention back to her green eyes. "I wanted to leave, to find out how I'd gotten here, but the two men showed up as I was getting my bags and wanted me to go with them. I refused and one attacked. His moves were easy enough to block and I grabbed his arm to keep him from attacking me with that small dagger again. It only dislocated when I fell, after another man shot me; although, I'd be lying if I said it didn't give some sick satisfaction after he'd attacked me," Raven explained. She didn't want to talk, but knew it would be in her best interest for whatever came next. Her eyes never left the man who was called the 'Herald of Andraste,' though she still didn't believe the title. Her mind was still trying to figure out how he looked exactly like her mage Inquisitor. It was best to play along in any case. He looked as if he were about to speak when a man wearing plate armor came in and announced himself. They were all quiet as he came forward, respectfully brushing past the man she'd been talking with to cut the ropes holding her to the bed. As they waited for her to stand, the man had to stop the soldier from drawing his sword. When she stood, she raised her arms to stretch and noticed her wrist and leg didn't hurt anymore before proceeding to quickly work out her still sore muscles. Her neck, shoulders, and back cracked and she honestly felt better by the time she was done. Thankfully her arms weren't tied behind her back again. Instead, he bound them in front of her in a tie she easily knew how to get out of. The humor in the 'Herald's' eyes didn't go unnoticed and she had to give him a small smile. Poor bastard, she thought and with them both behind her, watching her every move, she left the building only to be greeted by another soldier. He insisted that she follow him, but once her eyes took in their surroundings she had to stop. _There was no way_ , Raven thought, _no fucking way._

It was Haven. Bigger, with more houses and people, but it was Haven without a doubt. She looked around and saw the top of the Chantry building, heard the distant sound of metal clanging together, talking, shouting, and could smell horses and the blacksmith's forge. The sky was green and she could see the giant tear. Her stomach turned in an unpleasant way; Forget reenactments, it had to be a dream. Why wouldn't she wake up? It was cold and she felt goosebumps break out on her skin. Someone touched her shoulders and she spun around to come in contact with a chest covered in cloth and leather. Looking up, she saw the Herald stared down at her, surprised.

"Your coat," he said suddenly, "The thing you were wearing. You seemed cold, so I put it over your shoulders." Raven stared up at him and after a few seconds mumbled a thank you before turning around again. The other guard in plate armor guided her along the snow covered path to the Chantry and Raven had to stop and stare again. It was big, much bigger than she imagined it being. She continued on when she felt the strange looks from those around her.

It was warm in the building and much darker than she'd always pictured. Raven observed the laid stone work and the candles as she was guided to the war room. She passed the woman she knew to be Mother Giselle and was shocked when the woman smiled and nodded at her.

Entering the rather large room at the end of the hall, she was greeted by Cassandra and the woman looked exactly like she did in the game Raven knew so well, down to the very scar on her face. The Iron Bull was against the wall toward the back, the gaze with his remaining eye almost as menacing as his height, size, and horns. Hell, he was down right terrifying and Raven was quick to look away. The advisors were there as well: Leliana with her red hair showing from her dark hood, Cullen with his wavy blond hair and furry mantle, and Josephine looking absolutely beautiful with her golden ruffles. They stood on the other side of the table that displayed maps of Ferelden and Orlais. She could see markers displaying the Inquisitions current objectives as she was seated in a wooden chair across from them. The 'Herald' took his place next to Josephine and the door closed. The soldiers must have been staying as well, she thought, surprised that they felt additional security was required since she had no intentions of doing anything stupid and lashing out. Especially with Iron Bull joining them.

They were silent as they looked at the young woman seated across from them. Leliana took note of her long hair and the tattoos on her skin wondering who had done them and if any provided information on her origin. Her height was what astounded Cullen; it wouldn't have been the first time he'd seen someone so small manage to get the upper hand on someone twice their size, but that was mostly from his past with Mages. Josephine looked into the girl's eyes; such curiosity. All were surprised when she looked spoke to Leliana.

"I apologize for hurting one of your agents." Although she did her best to appear strong, she was nearly petrified. The spymaster continued to stare at her. "I didn't attack him. I tried to leave, but they wouldn't let me. I meant no harm."

"What is your name?" The other redhead finally asked, moving around the war table and closer to the girl.

"Raven Alexander O'Hara." Raven answered.

"Your middle name is Alexander?" Cassandra suddenly asked. Raven looked over to the woman and nodded.

"It is. I was my mother's first child and she wanted to honor her own father, my grandfather, since he died about six months before I was born." Her explanation earned a nod from the woman. Her eyes moved back to Leliana who was now mere feet away. Raven noticed how her hand rested on the hilt of one of the daggers she kept.

"Where are you from?" Leliana asked. Raven was silent; how could she possibly answer that without sounding insane? If everything around her was real, she knew they wouldn't believe her. Unfortunately, Cassandra took her silence the worst.

"She must be a spy!" The woman exclaimed. "She could be a spy from Tevinter." The disgusted sound from Raven at Cassandra's words made them all focus on her instead of the Seeker. _I'm gonna be so dead for this,_ Raven thought. There was no way she would get out alive if she kept silent.

"Tevinter is awful. Why would I and how could I possibly work for them?" She asked earning a loud snort from Iron Bull as he chuckled and a smirk from Cullen, Josephine, and the Herald who still had yet to properly introduce himself. Even Leliana had an amused expression. Cassandra didn't find it, at all, funny.

"You know of Tevinter?" It was Josephine that asked the question and Raven felt herself shrug, her sweatshirt falling to the floor exposing more of her arms.

"I've never had any personal experiences with blood Mages, but Slavery kind of rubs me the wrong way," she answered. "Thank you for taking care of my cat. The healer that tended to me said you were the one watching him." It never hurt to be kind and Raven watched as Josephine smiled, looking almost flustered.

"He's a very sweet cat." She answered and Raven nodded in agreement.

"So if you're not going to tell us where you're from, then why are you here?" Cullen asked. Raven knew she had to tell them before she lost all resolve. Her father's training had always told her that secrecy was best, but the circumstances were different. The men and women in the room made no move to hurt her; if they wanted to, they could've already. Leliana with her daggers or the bow and quiver of arrows on her back, Iron Bull with anything, Cullen or the soldiers behind her with their swords, or even the Herald with his staff. He was a Mage. Just like she'd created him to be. Thought she created, anyway.

"It's not like I want to be. I was in an accident some place completely different from here. If you need proof, there's a small green pouch in the mostly blue and gray bag. In there are my identification cards, our currency, and even a library card." She explained as Cullen took the bag she'd mentioned, put it on the war table, and used the zipper to open it with a questioning look. _They didn't have zippers, did they?_ She nodded when he pulled out her green wallet and watched as he opened it. Inside, Raven knew there to be her drivers license, state ID, Military ID, Library card, a few business cards for the artists responsible for her tattoos, and pictures of her with her father and kittens, then another of her mother before she'd died. Leliana moved away from her and to the table where she grabbed one of the dollar bills and her drivers license.

"What are these?" She asked.

"The paper you have is our form of money. The other thing is my license showing who I am. My name, birthday, and address. It even has my picture," she explained. "I'm from a completely different place. I don't know how I got here. I was run off the road by someone and fell from a cliff. The next thing I know, I'm waking up in the snow with my cat on my stomach, cold, and my two bags ten feet away from me. I was picking up my bags to try and find some place I could get help when your agents approached me."

"You're lying!" Cassandra exclaimed. "These things mean nothing. You expect us to believe that you came from somewhere you claim we've never heard of and that you don't know how you got here?" Raven glared at the Seeker.

"Believe what you want. I'm telling the truth," she replied. "I'm not a spy. I mean no one harm. You think you're confused with my showing up out of the goddamn blue? Remember that I'm the one experiencing it."

"What else is in her bags?" Cassandra asked ignoring Raven's reply. She was searching for additional proof. Cullen looked at her before he started emptying her bag, messing up the beautiful organization they'd once had. Ten minutes later the first bag was emptied of its contents: twelve shirts, four pairs of leggings, three pairs of jeans, five pairs of cotton pants, fifteen pairs of socks and underwear, six bras, a pair of pajama shorts, and her hygiene products. Raven explained what something was when they asked questions and, thankfully, Cullen laid everything out flat and piled it onto the table.

Her second bag, however, raised nothing but questions when the first things Cullen pulled out were her cell phone, kindle, large pink headphones, a speaker, solar powered charger, and two cell phone batteries.

From her wooden seat and hands still bound, Raven cringed at the sudden cacophony of noise from Cassandra, Josephine, and Cullen. It took ten minutes for the noise to wane. With patience and careful words, Raven did her best to explain the devices at hand. She explained the cell phone first, giving Leliana instructions on how to turn it on. Once they seemed satisfied there was nothing harmful on the device, it was shut off with Ravens instructions on how to do so and set in a separate pile. Next was the kindle and she explained that she loved to read and learn new things, anything from philosophy and religion, to crafts, learning different languages, and even the occasional romance. She explained the devices only ability is to contain the books she'd put on it so she could read them any time she wanted. Then it was also shut off and put in the same pile as the phone. Soon followed by the headphones, batteries, speaker, and power charger.

The photo album her best friend had given her before she left to return home was next and Raven's chest felt heavy as pictures of her father, mother, friends, and pets were pulled out and she had to explain who each person was to her. She even explained what a car was, since it was in the background of one of the pictures. She let out a sigh of relief as Leliana took over with the album, careful to put the pictures back the way they were. Next were her notebooks and her pouch of pens. Cassandra took one of the notebooks and from the slight blush that appeared three pages in, Raven knew which story she was reading. After two hours of going through her pictures and stories, she knew they were even more confused. She was feeling vulnerable and wanted to leave because, little to their knowledge, in the hours they spent going through her things they knew more about her than some of her closest friends and family back home.

"We're going to give the items in your second bag to one of our own for further examination," Leliana explained once the bags contents were put back. Raven nodded, her technology not extremely high on her priority list.

"What are you going to do with me?" She asked Leliana. The woman looked at her, but didn't speak. Silence always meant the worst and Raven looked down. She didn't want to die, she still had so much she needed to do, to see, and to learn. Telling them what she really knew about their world was the last thing she wanted to do, but maybe it would buy her time. God - or the Maker, she supposed - knew it would help them and even save lives, but she wasn't sure if she was ready to open up that can of worms.

"Boss, if I may?" She didn't look up, she didn't need to. She knew it was Iron Bull speaking. He had been quiet the entire time, watching her as she spoke and answered all the questions they'd asked to the best of her ability. Nothing was said, but she knew he was moving away from the wall and closing in on her. Suddenly he was down in her line of sight. Her eyes widened and with the force her body gave as she jerked back in surprise, the chair almost fell backward. The sound of a sword being unsheathed filled the room and with quick reflexes Iron Bull caught the chair and steadied the small girl before she could fall. He was so close to her that she was forced to look at him; terror filled her eyes, but her body was stilled now and bracing. She was strong and honest, like he was, and he would tell the Boss later of the respect she had earned from him for being such. In all his years in the Ben-Hassrath, he knew a liar when he saw one and despite her far off stories, explanations, and devices, she was being truthful. Most men would lie or say nothing at all, which always earned hard results. Her green eyes didn't follow him as he straightened, towering over her. He looked towards the important people in the room and nodded with a small smile. It was Boss that spoke up—after all he had the final say whether they liked it or not. Everyone watched in silence as he moved to the table and started putting her clothes back in her bag.

"You'll be watched for now and help where you can. In the morning you'll report to Cullen, Leliana, Cassandra, or I and we'll instruct you." Raven's eyes shot up to the Harald's as he spoke, not believing what she heard. They weren't going to kill her? Her shoulders sagged in relief and she tried to stop the tears from forming in her eyes. They were allowing her to stay, giving her a chance instead of casting her out or killing her.

"You can't be serious! She could kill us!" Cassandra yelled and Raven flinched as a result, not sure if them not knowing all that she was capable of was the best choice. She would have to make it work, though. Bull laughed.

"I'll be putting her in a tent near me and the Chargers. Between us and Cullen's soldiers I doubt she could do much." She looked at Iron Bull willingly for the first time to see that he was looking at her. He knew, she thought. He knew she was capable of more than she was letting on or else he'd place her inside the gate with the Herald and most of the civilians. Bull reached out and took her bag of clothing as one of the soldiers came from behind her and cut the ropes that were supposed to bind her hands. Bull saw that, too, that it was tied incorrectly and she could've gotten free at any time. He waited for her once he reached the door and she wasted no time standing up, grabbing her cover from the ground and putting it on, and following him from the Chantry. It was dark and the village was almost quiet with is people asleep. They were quiet until they reached the gate and she seemed surprised when he stopped and turned to look at her. Fuck, she was small. He loved her red hair, though.

"He wouldn't have let you die," Bull said and she looked up at him. Her head cocked to the side as if she didn't understand what he was saying. "You did what you had to do with the guy who lunged at you, but from what I can tell you don't hurt anyone unless you need to." Her eyes widened and she nodded, visibly relaxing.

"I don't like hurting people. My father says it's wise to know how to, though." Raven replied and took her time assessing Iron Bull. He was so much bigger than she'd ever thought, standing at least two feet and some inches taller than her before his horns even began. She eyed the scars he wore with pride and admired the armor he was wearing. It almost looked like obsidian.

"Well, that makes your father a very wise man," he replied and watched her as she nodded and followed alongside him. He readjusted her bag in his hand and showed her to her tent. He'd placed her within five paces of Stitches, Krem, and Dalish. Cullen's soldiers were seated about one hundred yards away. He didn't say a word as he gave her back her bag, but stopped her as she entered the tent.

"Thank you for helping me. You say he wouldn't have let me die, but I know your opinion carries a lot of weight," she said before he could speak. Nice words and sentiments weren't his thing, but he smiled down at her anyway and with a quick look around to see that no one was paying attention, he reached into his harness and pulled out her black and purple knife and held it out to her.

"Don't make me regret giving this back to you," he said quietly as she took the small blade and clutched it to her chest like a child would a teddy bear. "See you in the morning."

Raven watched him walk away without another word to her. She kept the knife to her chest, scared she'd never see it again. Her father had given it to her when she was sixteen and with excellent care over the years it was damn near perfect. He glanced back at her as he entered his own tent and she looked down, embarrassed that he'd caught her still looking at him.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a month since her unexpected and curious arrival at Haven and, in Raven's opinion, it could have definitely been worse. She could tell the habits she'd developed over years from her father confused some of the people saw her day after day, but she made no effort to change. Her first morning in Haven she was up at dawn with only a few hours of sleep, quick to change her clothes and tie her hair back.

She didn't know it at that time, but as she stepped out of her tent Krem, Iron Bull's second in command, was watching her. No other guards watched her and she could run if she wanted to, but he needed to see for himself what she would do. Sure enough, she wrapped her sweatshirt around her, checked the small of her back underneath her shirt to make sure her knife was tucked safely away, and made her way to one of the guards watching the gate. He couldn't hear what was said between them, but after she gave him a smile and set her small hand on his shoulder, he pointed to the Chantry. Krem watched her as she spent an hour seated outside the Spymaster's door waiting to be of service until Cassandra came rushing in muttering about how Raven's tent was empty and that they should've known better to trust her. She brushed past Krem only to stop when she saw the young girl waiting outside Leliana's room, and then walking out again, not meeting his gaze and he noticed the tinge of pink suddenly staining her cheeks.

Raven had spent the rest of the day running reports. Throughout the month, if she wasn't running reports, then she was picking elfroot for Adan and helping Flissa serve food and drinks at the bar to the guests, party, and soldiers of the Inquisition. It was busy, something Raven was used to. Something she wasn't used to, however, was not being allowed to train. She knew that Cullen was a fair commander who earned respect from his soldiers as well as others, but in the month she'd been there he refused to hear out any of her requests when it came to training alongside the soldiers, claiming that he was partly responsible for her and he didn't need her getting hurt. Nevermind that she had years of more diverse training-not that he let her speak long enough to tell him so. His responses and the tone he used felt like someone had punched her in the gut and pissed her off, but after the fifth refusal he'd given her she acquiesced to his order and made her way to the Chantry only to see Josephine at the door.

"Ah, Miss O'Hara may I have a word with you?" Josephine called out to her as Raven made her way up the stone stairs and passed the Quartermaster. She smiled at the woman and quickened her pace.

"Is everything alright, Lady Montilyet?" She asked the older woman. Josephine smiled politely though Raven knew she actually preferred to be called by her real name. She'd requested that of Raven a few days after her arrival, but after years of addressing others by their titles and surnames as a sign of respect, it proved to be a habit not easily broken.

"Everything is fine, thank you for asking. Were the reports delivered to Commander Cullen and Leliana?" She asked, though she didn't need an answer. Raven was efficient and usually quick to complete whatever task was assigned to her without complaint. The young redhead nodded and Josephine watched as she grew more relaxed. When standing it was one of her tells to bring her arm to rest across her back and grip the other one near the elbow. When she first noticed it she thought Raven was just stretching out a muscle, but when she asked the young woman she quickly learned it was a relaxed military stance she learned from her father and something she usually did, often without thinking of it,

"Cullen had me put his reports on his desk and Leliana said to thank you. Is there anything else you need of me?" She asked politely.

"If you have nothing planned, would you like to sit and have some tea with me?" She asked. Raven let go of her arm, letting the other drop to her side, and nodded. Josephine's office was always clean and Raven noticed the magical researcher wasn't where she normally stood. Josephine had also closed the door behind them both. Weeks ago it would've put Raven on edge, but Josephine had always been kind to her and had spoiled Zevran however she could-her cat, not the assassin. Leliana had found great amusement when she learned of the golden tabby cats name.

"Has it been stressful being ambassador for the Inquisition?" Raven asked as she took a seat at Josephine's desk across from where she usually sat. Josephine seated herself after putting her usual platter on the desk and pouring tea in Raven's cup. Before Raven could reach toward her cat, Zevran jumped on her lap and stood on his back legs to rub his face against hers. Once he was resting on her lap, purring loudly, Raven reached out and took her usual teacup.

"I'm finding it enjoyable and no less stressful than my time at court. Still, your concern is very touching. Thank you. I actually wished to inquire about how you are doing here." She asked and watched as Raven sipped the tea poured for her. She continued to hold the small glass cup in her hands. She liked the warmth. Raven didn't answer right away, her smile faltering.

"Honestly?" The young redhead asked and Josephine nodded. "I miss home. I miss my friends and training and hot baths after training with salt and lavender." She looked heartbroken, Josephine thought, but knew Raven normally shied away from feelings enough to not bring it up.

"You put salt and lavender in your baths, Why? I can understand scented oils, but never salt." Josephine exclaimed, eager to hear what the young woman across from her had to say.

"A hot bath with sea salt is amazing for decreasing muscle inflammation and enhancing circulation throughout the body. Lavender also helps reduce stress. It all ties into letting your body get the same amount of rest as it does conditioning." She explained and Josephine rested her head in her hands and continued to stare at the woman across from her.

"I apologize for not asking before, but what sort of training do you mean? Cullen mentioned in passing that you expressed on multiple occasions to spar with some of his soldiers. Are you trained in weapon combat?" After a moment of silent debate Raven nodded and took another sip of her tea. Josephine continued to watch her; even when her door opened and Leliana stepped in, her eyes moved back to the young girl. Raven tilted her head back and acknowledged the other redhead before turning back to the Antivan.

"Not that he would take the twenty seconds needed to listen to me instead of imply that I'm a liability, but yes I am. Back where I'm from we have a military and soldiers like you do here. My father was in the military for twenty-five years and in special forces for sixteen of those years, meaning he went on missions almost no one else could do. I have combat skills and over twelve years of trained experience. Dad was never open to the idea of hurting someone without reason, but he wanted me to be able to defend myself if the situation called for it," she explained.

"That is fascinating!" Josephine exclaimed. "Are you familiar with any specific weapons or do you just know how to fight?" Raven had to smile at the excitement in Josephine's voice as she did her best to remain proper.

"Both. I know six different fighting styles and have extensive training in archery, daggers and knives, as well as swords and a handful of of other weapons. Dad and I trained five hours a day, six days a week." She explained looking down into her tea cup deciding not to tell them of her gun and munitions training, as well. It hurt to talk about him and she didn't really want to anymore. Josephine looked at Leliana who was regarding the girl carefully, hardly believing what she was hearing.

"Does the Commander know any of this?" Leliana asked, hardly believing the Commander would pass up such an opportunity if what Raven said was true. As far as she could tell, the girl had yet to be anything but honest.

"No. Like I said, every time I've tried talking to him about the subject he cuts me off." Raven did her best to sound like it didn't bother her as much as it had over the last month. "He dismisses the idea with the runaround excuse that he's partially responsible for me and doesn't want me hurt." Leliana smiled, amused at the tone Raven had used and the way she seemed to slump in her chair. She looked up and made eye contact as Leliana moved closer to the young girl and brought a hand up to rest on her shoulder.

"You're free now, yes?" Leliana asked and Raven nodded, "How about we go have a talk with our Commander." Raven glanced over to Josephine who merely nodded.

"I don't have anything to do, but I don't want to cause any arguments," she said quietly setting her tea on Josephine's desk. Leliana chuckled, but Raven continued, "He's busy and I was already shot down today. The last thing I want is him thinking I'm going behind his back."

"Nonsense," Leliana replied. "If you have the skills and are willing to use them for the Inquisition, then they should be addressed." With a nod Raven stood and with a polite farewell to Josephine she followed Leliana out of the small office and out of the building. As they made their way down to the practice yard, she caught the eyes and smiles of a few of the citizens who knew her. It was nice being able to interact with them, which was something she couldn't often do in the game. Cullen noticed the two women making their way toward him and, with a quick order to the soldier by his side, he smiled and met them about twenty feet from where the soldiers were training.

"Leliana, Miss O'Hara," he addressed, "It's a pleasure seeing you both. What can I help you with?" Cullen noticed the younger redhead wouldn't meet his eye and the way her fingers picked at the sleeves of the coat she was wearing. Leliana was the one to answer him.

"Well, Commander," Leliana started, "Raven would like to train with the soldiers." She wasted no time with tactfulness and maybe it was for the best, but Raven could feel Cullen's eyes on her, no doubt even more annoyed than he had been earlier. He already didn't like her and she knew looking like she was undermining him wouldn't help.

"I spoke with her about it this morning, as well as a handful of other times this past month, and explained that her training with the soldiers isn't a good idea. Maybe after the breach in the sky is sealed, but right now we need to focus on the fighters we have and not the whims of a girl who's probably never picked up a weapon in her life." Raven's head shot up and she glared at Cullen. Yeah, he was pissed.

"But I ha-" She started, but she was cut off. Not by the Commander, however, but by Krem as he approached her. Cullen hadn't exactly been quiet while addressing Leliana's request and Krem always hated seeing a woman upset. Even though she had yet to show skill with any type of weapon, Krem saw no harm in giving her a chance. It would make her happy and he liked her smile.

"I'll work with you if you'd like," he offered and smiled when Raven looked at him. Cullen was about to reply, but stopped when the young girl turned toward Krem. Her hair was coming free from the tie or maybe it was supposed to be that way, Krem wasn't sure; it wasn't very often he saw a woman with hair that long.

"You will?" She asked and her smile grew bigger when he nodded.

"Of course. Why don't you go get ready and I'll take you over to the practice weapons when you're done," he suggested and wondered what was going through her head when she chuckled at him, her eyes already brighter than they had since she'd first arrived.

"I _am_ ready," she stated and Krem looked her up and down, taking in what she was wearing: loose black pants, her boots, and coat. She had to be joking! There was no way she'd survive wearing something like that in real combat. The humor in her voice and the idea of her not wearing proper armor bothered both Krem and Cullen more than it should, while Leliana just continued to watch the interaction between them in silence. A part of her prayed that Raven had at least a small idea of what she was getting into.

"That seriously can't be what you expect to train in? You don't have armor?" Cullen asked, taking the words out of Krem's mouth.

"Considering you were the one to go through my bags and examine everything I have right down to my lacy pink undies, I think we both know the answer to that." Her tone was low, almost condescending, and it caused Cullen's eyes to simply widen and his cheeks to turn red. She usually answered everyone respectfully, which only showed how much the Commander's dismissive attitude toward her had hurt. Krem liked to think he knew how she felt-having been born into and grown up among the lowest social class in Tevinter, he was often disregarded and cast aside himself-but that didn't explain the clothes she insisted on training in. What made it even worse was when she took off her jacket, exposing a thin black shirt with short sleeves, and politely requested that Leliana hold it for her, which the Spymaster graciously did. Was she wearing so little to prove a point to the Commander? If so, it was working.

"Care to show me the practice weapons?" She asked him in a tone he could only describe as sweet. The spymaster let out a chuckle as he led Raven to the dulled practice weapons in a rack against the tents. She picked up a sword first, checked the weight, and then put it back down. It was only a matter of seconds before she had a pair of dulled practice daggers picked out while Krem went for his practice sword and shield. He led her to an open area away from the fighting soldiers. Leliana and Cullen continued to watch them. They were all impressed by the stance she had taken and noted the way she held the daggers in her hands.

"You ready?" He asked and did his best to hide the unease in his voice as he idly wondered what he'd gotten himself into. She nodded and he took the first charge, which she easily dodged. He turned quickly to see her smile with one of her practice daggers to his throat.

"Dead," was the only word she spoke before backing away and positioning herself again.

Cullen and Leliana watched in awed silence as the young redhead dodged attacks with a speed that was astounding for anyone. Raven was smiling as Krem swung his sword and, in return, she did a backflip away from it only to crouch down low on the hard ground and swing her leg with enough force to knock Krem clear off his feet and land on the ground with a loud thud. Over and over again he'd made a move to attack her and, each time, she dodged and countered his attacks with one of her own. It was a game to her and Cullen stiffened as he heard her laughing at something Krem must have said to her. He'd never heard that sound come from her before or from anyone he'd ever seen train.

"I must admit that I'm surprised she's this good," Cullen finally conceded after half an hour of watching Krem and Raven together. By now they had drawn a small crowd, but neither Krem nor Raven had seemed to notice. It was cold and, even from their distance, Cullen could see the way strands of Raven's long hair stuck to her face and shoulders and that Krem was breathing heavy."I came in as Josie was asking about her old life," Leliana replied quietly

and Cullen looked at her. "She talked about her father and how he trained her. She told us that she has experience with multiple weapons and different types of combat. I wanted to see if what she said was true, even if she was against approaching you a second time today." Though Leliana was happy she'd insisted. She knew the Charger's second in command was a fantastic warrior and in the beginning he held back to give Raven a chance, which she apparently didn't need since he was no longer fooling around and was really going after her only to miss every time.

"What's going on here?" She heard Varric's voice from behind them. Turning around Leliana not only saw Varric, but Bull and The Herald with him as well. It was always nice when they returned a day earlier than planned.

"I think we may have found a new asset to the Inquisition," Leliana replied and turned around in time to see Raven holding her hand out to Krem who was on the ground again. About twenty minutes later that Raven dodged and swung her arm, misjudging the space she had between her and Krem and, even though it was a practice dagger, she sliced him across the cheek. Leliana could feel Cullen, Varric, and The Herald tense around her, but she continued to look at the young woman, noticing the expression of absolute horror on her face as she suddenly stopped her attack, dropped both daggers and made a move towards the bleeding young man. Krem smiled at her and she could see his lips moving, but couldn't hear what was said. From the way Raven's shoulders seemed to settle it was most likely a quiet comfort not meant for anyone else's ears.

"Well shit," Varric mumbled and readjusted Bianca on his shoulder. He had seen many things, but for someone to stop mid-attack, drop their weapons, and follow it with such a contrite expression almost unnerved him. He watched as Krem nodded and Raven bent down to pick up the practice daggers.

"How did this happen?" The Herald asked. Cullen continued to watch the pair with curiosity so Leliana turned toward the group and, with a smile, she handed The Herald Raven's coat. With the exception of her first night with them he'd never seen it off her small frame. Christopher frowned; it was entirely too light to keep her warm.

"Krem offered after she insisted," Leliana replied and could tell Bull was still watching the pair, most likely Krem to see what needed to be worked on. With one last glance toward the sparring pair Leliana smiled, bid farewell, and made her way toward the Chantry, leaving only the men to continue watching in stunned silence.

"I don't know about you, but I think I've had enough," Krem said between breaths. Raven's breathing was quickened, but not irregular and she could hear and feel her heart beating in her ears and chest. She was warm yet cold and smiled at him as he offered to take her practice daggers while she went to put on her coat. With one last glance at him, her eyes lingering on his split cheek, Raven turned to see Cullen, Varric, Iron Bull, and The Herald-though she'd been instructed by him to use his real name: Christopher, as she suspected. He was the one holding her sweatshirt, so with a sheepish grin she made her way over to him.

"Damn, Ginger," Varric exclaimed when she was only a couple feet away, "Call me impressed. Where'd you learn to fight like that?" She smiled down at him, her eyes holding a brightness he'd never seen in them before. The times they'd talked during the weeks she'd been with them, those green eyes had barely held anything even close to the excited spark he was now seeing.

"Years of training," Raven replied and thanked Christopher when he'd held out her sweatshirt. She was starting to shiver from the cold as her body temperature began to adjust, so before anything else was said she threw on the thin piece of cotton and zipped it up.

"If I had known," Cullen started and stopped when her green eyes moved to him and held his gaze. He didn't understand women, but he could definitely tell when one was angry with him. He honestly didn't blame her since he'd all but called her a liability every time she made the request.

"What's done is done. Can I please train with your soldiers now?" She asked. The men around her were caught off guard by the almost exasperated tone she used. Cullen didn't get to answer, Bull beat him to it.

"Hell, Girl-," That was Bull's name for her since he tried holding off on nicknames until he knew a person better, "If he doesn't let you train, and you really want to, then you can join my team." Christopher had to look away, almost stunned, as Raven smiled up at Bull looking absolutely ecstatic and he couldn't help but be proud of her.

"Do any of your Chargers have speed? Krem was fun and I liked sparring with him, but the metal he wears slows him down," she asked Iron Bull. Her smile didn't fade, but she was back to using a professional courtesy. He laughed and put a giant hand on her shoulder. _Fucking rogues_ , he thought as he continued to look down at the tiny girl that barely came to the middle of his chest.

"We have a few. Come by later if you want and I'll introduce you to the ones you haven't met yet," he said and left the group.

Christopher, Cullen, and Varric stared at the girl in front of them. She didn't pay them any mind and started to stretch, her back and shoulders popped and caused Christopher to flinch at the noise. Her hair was still tied back, but messy and a sheen of sweat lingered on her forehead. Before anyone else could say anything Cullen pulled her attention by clearing his throat.

"I apologize, Miss O'Hara. If you're still interested in training with the soldiers I won't stop you. We will have to discuss your lack of armor later though." He addressed his comrades and made his way back to the practice grounds and the recruits of his actually wearing armor.

"Asshole." But he was already too far away to hear Ravens softly spoken insult. It was almost a pity.


	4. Chapter 4

In a month and a half-fifty-two days, Raven had secretly been keeping track-a lot had changed and a part of her was growing weary. Ever since Leliana had given her a chance to display her talents things had been better; while she still ran reports from advisor to advisor, between Iron Bull, Cullen, and Christopher's final word on the matter, she was allowed to train virtually whenever she wanted, _however_ she wanted. It relaxed her and kept her thoughts at bay. Christopher had started talking to her about plans for their expeditions and what he'd hoped to achieve. Raven wanted to help-she knew what was at stake-but how could she possibly explain that? They were just starting to trust her, but she was also starting to trust and care for them. Back home where this world was just a series of games, not only did she remember all the locations, rifts, monsters, quests, and battle strategies that one couldn't help but memorize over the amount of time she'd spent on them, but she had grown used to fast travel.

"Ginger, is everything alright?" Varric asked, his voice breaking her thoughts. It was midday and they had been at the bar going over a few things. With gained trust came reward and she'd been given back her notebooks and pouch of pens earlier that morning. Christopher had also let it slip to Varric that she'd like to write so he'd met her at the Chantry entrance and practically dragged her away with him. Flissa gave her a smile as they seated themselves and promptly served her and Varric tea, leaving the kettle on the table for them.

"Yeah, I'm just thinking." Raven moved to look at the page he was reading, "Are you done yet?" She asked and laughed a second later when she'd noticed the slight pink color on his cheeks. "Varric are you _blushing_?" Her tone was incredulous and Varric hushed her.

"Not blushing, just intrigued." He covered it up by looking down at Raven's work again. On more than one occasion when they were outside of Haven, Ginger had been brought up in conversation. It was during their last stint in the Hinterlands and Val Royeaux that Christopher had mentioned that Ginger liked to write and even Seeker had mentioned that she was very good at it. They weren't wrong and, though he didn't understand what some things were, he kept it to himself.

"I beg your indulgence Varric," She said to him with a coy smile, one that could easily melt any heart, "What has you so intrigued regarding my little drabbles?" Her voice had a lilt of humor to it and he had to chuckle, liking that she was becoming more relaxed around him. She didn't know it, but everyone else was liking it too, especially Christopher. Her humor was much more sarcastic than expected. He enjoyed seeing the way she interacted with people when she was on edge, but preferred the adorable, smiling girl sitting next to him already on her third cup of tea.

With a content sigh Varric set one of the pages with her curvy scribbles onto the table and turned it so she could see. "Is it really possible to be taken in this position?" He asked in all seriousness and had to smile when she laughed, her eyes tearing.

"Before I ended up here my friend had a rather adventurous sex life. She wasn't promiscuous by any means, it was all with her boyfriend, but yes, that's what she told me. Then she proceeded to tell me the mechanics of it. I never expected you could get those types of results with-" Varric shushed her with a laugh as Tiny entered the warm building and sat next to Raven.

"What's got Varric turning red?" He asked, causing the small girl to bring her hand to her mouth and laugh into it as she turned a shade closer to her hair. Bull stared down at the girl in amusement and waited patiently for her to catch her breath.

"I was telling him about my friend back home and-" Varric silenced her as he picked up the pages of Raven's writing and handed them to Bull. He couldn't have been that embarrassed, right? Raven mused and covered the dwarf's hand with her own. A moment of reading later, she looked up at Iron Bull as he laughed and slammed the paper to the table in a loud bang.

"I'll have to remember that," he said, already thinking of the healer he was going to be with later that night. "How does it work exactly?" Varric groaned and was quick to change the subject. Bull caught the tiny redhead smile up at him and mouth 'later' before moving on to ease Varric's obvious discomfort and Bull had to give her credit where it was due; outside of training, she seemed to portray pure innocence. Who knew she could make the smut writer blush by giving him even smuttier smut. It was hilarious! He'd have to tell Boss about it later, or in fifteen seconds, Bull corrected his thought when Christopher walked into the tavern, the young Mage's eyes immediately finding them.

"I thought you'd be training," he addressed Raven first, who smiled up at him. She had trained with the soldiers earlier in the day before the message to go to the Chantry had been delivered to her. He was in the war room at the time with Cullen and Josephine. Leliana joined after giving Raven her things.

"I did that this morning and besides," she began gathering the papers and shaping them into a neat pile in front of her, "even if I wanted to continue, _you're_ the one who told Varric that I like to write." Christopher smiled and Bull couldn't take it any longer.

"She even made him blush," Bull added causing Boss to look at the dwarf, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Raven rolled her eyes.

"Is there anything I can help you with?" She asked Christopher, putting an end to any taunting and further talk of her random works. Of all the things he picked up, it had to be the smut. Christopher cleared his throat suddenly feeling nervous. She was, at most, an inch and a half taller than Varric and half his size. How was he finding her intimidating?

"I would actually like to talk to you in private if you don't mind," he said formally like the high ranking official he was and watched as her eyes widened. Varric and Bull said nothing already knowing why he was taking her away. Raven nodded her acceptance and stood up from the chair she had been sitting in. Varric put his hand over the stories she'd written saying he'd continue looking them over for her and caught the smile she gave him before bending down and kissing her friend on the cheek. Christopher tried to think nothing of it as she did the same to Bull, having to stand on her tiptoes to reach the sitting Qunari, she was that small. Bull laughed at her and as Raven turned to walk outside with Christopher, the young mage caught the way Bull's eyes lingered after her like he'd done so many times before. It wasn't until they were outside where it was cooler that he noticed she wasn't wearing her normal jacket. Instead she just had on her usual boots, a pair of black skin tight pants, and a loose hanging sleeveless black top. His eyes wandered over her figure while she wasn't looking, finally fixating on her arms and upper back, always amazed at the colorful tattoos against her pale skin. Ever since she'd arrived he wanted to reach out and touch the artwork, but didn't want to risk being too forward. The last thing he wanted was to make it uncomfortable for her to be around him, especially since he wanted to take her with one their next objective. He hoped she agreed.

"So is everything okay?" She asked after a minute or two of walking in silence. Christopher looked up from her tattoos to see that she was also looking at him. What if she refused, he fretted silently. What would it take for her to accept?

"I spoke with Cullen this morning. He and Bull say you've been training every day." She nodded in confirmation to his statement. By the time he'd brought it up they were already where they needed to be. Raven didn't catch on and broke away to smile at Harritt and ask how he was. The blacksmith smiled at her in return and looked to Christopher who nodded. The girl stood between the two of them confused.

"What's going on?" She asked, subtly shifting her stance in case she needed to run. Old habits die hard, but she relaxed some as Christopher put a hand on her upper back.

"As I was saying, I spoke with Cullen and Bull and they agreed with me that you can only get so much experience here training soldiers. We're leaving for the Hinterlands next week and I want you to come with us." Part of him grew excited when he saw her eyes light up, but cut her off before she could speak, "The only condition is that you wear armor."

Raven stared at the man in front of her and didn't say a word. She'd been hopeful at first, but he wanted her to get armor. She had no problem with it and had actually worn leather armor in the past, but she hadn't necessarily been paid for all the errands she'd done the last month and a half. Surely he must've known that. Maybe he'd be willing to take her next time, she thought. Christopher noticed her smile falter and had to wonder what she was thinking. She had to wear armor; Cullen had all but demanded it of him and Christopher couldn't agree more. He liked to think that he was close to her, that they were friends and he didn't want her hurt.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

She looked down, almost as if embarrassed. Her hair fell and covered part of her face. Harritt noticed too and lifted a dirty soot covered hand to tilt her chin up so she could look at him.

"With all the materials you've gathered for me you've more than paid for your armor," he said quietly and Christopher watched as she started to smile again. That was what she worried about? He had every intention of giving it to her as a gift, he just needed her measurements. No one ever said that she'd been helping Harritt out as well, though part of him wasn't surprised. She seemed to help everyone she could and from what he'd seen and heard from them, she had never asked for anything in return. At least the daggers he'd crafted for her would still be a surprise.

"Are you sure Harritt?" She asked and was relieved when the older man nodded.

An hour later her measurements had been taken and materials had been picked out. She wanted to go simple, but Harritt and Christopher wouldn't hear it, both wanting her to have armor that would protect her. On his trip to Val Royeaux a few weeks ago, in between attempting to speak with the Chantry and Templars and recruiting the merchant Bell, he'd found a medium rate armor schematic while browsing one of the many shops and bought it with her in mind. Both he and Harritt were surprised about her knowledge regarding the materials supplied to them. In the end they'd both been satisfied with her selection of dragonling scales and drakestone. Harritt smiled at her as she reached out and shook his hand before taking their leave.

"You really want me to go with you?" She asked and he nodded.

"Of course," he answered almost earnestly. "I mean, Cullen's forces just finished building the watch towers for Master Dennet and we still have to do a few things regarding the rogue Templars and the Mages. We also have to meet with Grand Enchanter Fiona and enlist a Gray Warden. The list is honestly endless," he told her and was pleased that she seemed to be genuinely interested, though he was quick enough to notice her smile falter when he'd mentioned the Mages. Did she not like Mages, he wondered but quickly dismissed the idea. He and Solas were Mages and she never seemed to mind. He knew Cullen wasn't entirely open to them; maybe he'd spoken to her about the Circle of Ferelden and Kirkwall during her training.

"How's the rift situation?" She asked and he caught her looking down at his left hand. "Have the wolves been taken care of yet? I heard you talking about them when you came back." He stared at her, contemplating the questions she'd asked. He couldn't remember talking about the wolves, but lately things had been so hectic that it was certainly possible.

"Most of the rifts have been closed and we were going to take care of the wolves when we're there next week. I bet wolves will be an exciting change from rams." She laughed in response and Christopher was momentarily enthralled as her face lit up.

"You have no idea. Thank you for choosing to bring me with you. I can imagine your normal companions aren't too excited." He stopped and reached out to grab her arm. She stopped walking and turned to look at him, confusion evident on her face.

"I know the circumstances of your arrival still aren't completely clear, but you've given us no reason to doubt you. You're smart, resourceful, and extremely skilled in combat. Besides...Varric, Bull, and Solas love you. Cassandra is even coming around," he told her, finishing the last part with humor, earning another laugh.

"Varric and Iron Bull I can believe, but you're going going to stand there and actually tell me to my face that _Solas_ loves _me_? He might respect and admire my curiosity, but let's be honest with each other." He laughed, too, but truthfully he wasn't far off. He'd asked the Elven apostate about Raven a few times since her arrival and was pleased to learn that he'd found the young woman oddly charming and curious. She'd asked him countless questions about the Fade and where he'd been on his journeys. Solas enjoyed talking about his adventures in the fade as well as the spirit friends he'd met there and had a great respect for anyone with the hunger for knowledge and an open mind to comprehend what he'd learned over the years.

"Alright," Christopher conceded, "But he does _like_ you and being around you. Cassandra may not completely trust you yet, but she does respect you." He was caught off guard as Raven came forward and wrapped her arms around him in a sudden hug, the top of her head coming up to his chest. Christopher wasn't used to such forward affection; but it only took him a second to regain his composure, only a second before he smiled and wrapped his arms around her in return. Her skin was surprisingly warm and soft against his fingers. Her hair smelled like oranges and-before he knew it-she was pulling back and smiling at him again, or maybe she hadn't stopped smiling.

It had been at least six years since Raven had been on a horse and she'd forgotten how much she loved it. Despite her aching muscles from riding the last three days, she was having more fun than she'd had in a long time. Her traveling companions were wonderful...though their banter was different than what she'd seen in the game, but that was to expected. Christopher also preferred a party of six as opposed to four in the game. The pair of obsidian daggers Christopher had given to her yesterday that matched her new red armor were weighted better than anything made back home ever had been and were resting comfortably in their harness that crisscrossed along her back, positioned high enough where she'd easily be able to reach them if needed. And yet, all she could do was admire the giant black horse beneath her. She was so engrossed in petting the horse's long mane that it took Bull's hand on her arm to pull her back to reality. Raven looked over to see him still riding beside her with an amused smile.

"Adjusting well?" He asked and motioned to the horse earning a nod in response.

"The last time I was on a horse was sometime shortly after my thirteenth birthday," she replied and went back to petting the horse's mane, missing the look Bull and Varric shared. Ever since she'd been found and brought to them, she'd been careful with the information she'd given, sticking with basic and general facts and staying away from anything remotely sentimental. At first it didn't particularly matter since she did nothing but gather herbs and materials and run reports all day, but as the Inquisition party members and the advisors spent more time with her they started to care for and respect her. They liked her and enjoyed her company. However, ever since the night she shared and left her written works in the possession of Varric and Bull, they had been trying to get her to divulge more information about herself. In the dozens of attempts they'd made she had yet to give anything away and it wasn't as if they were the only ones wanting to know; Christopher's curiosity was obvious, but she was always careful with what she revealed, never saying anything or letting any of them know something she didn't want them to. Solas was the only one she spoke to about her previous life somewhat freely.

"Why so long?" Varric asked casually from her other side.

"It was my uncle's ranch we always went to. He used to live an hour south from where we were located, but moved further away. Dad and I were so busy with our own stuff that we just didn't have the time," she explained and leaned forward, letting her body rest against the horse's back, no doubt oblivious to how tempting she may have looked in that position and in the armor she was wearing. Unlike the loose jacket she usually wore around Haven, the light red leather breeches and blood red coat fit her like a glove and left nothing about her petite, curvy stature to the imagination. Or maybe she did know, Bull mused, and just didn't care.

"How old are you, anyway?" Bull questioned, though it wasn't too important to him. He just wanted to know and was pretty sure no one ever asked. She looked young, but didn't act like a child. Raven sat up straight again, having finished stretching, and redid the bun in her hair that had come loose throughout the day before answering them. It was obvious what they were doing.

"I turned twenty about three months ago," she responded and smiled at Solas when he looked back at her from his own horse. Aside from the Herald's advisors he was the only one that she spoke to about her life before Haven, but the others didn't seem to know that as it had never come up in conversation with others. She was funny and enjoyed learning about the fade as well as what he decided to tell her of himself in return for anything she shared with him. Part of him knew that there was more to her knowledge than she was letting on and he knew it should bother him, but there was no doubt in his mind that if she wasn't saying anything, then she most likely had a good reason. It wasn't his concern.

"Holy shit..." Bull muttered and trailed off. Raven looked over to him and smirked.

"What's the matter, Bull? Feeling like a dirty old Qunari for all those times you've stared at my ass?" Bull let out a low predatory growl which caused Varric to laugh. Christopher remained silent as he watched the two interact, not sure if they were flirting or if it was just playful banter. It seemed to happen often between them.

"Careful, Girl," Bull warned as his thoughts started to race with ideas of what he could do to her if she'd let him, "I'll be more than happy to show you what dirty really is if you continue with the back talk." His offer had no effect on her which he'd already known would happen, but she winked and blew him a kiss anyway. Cassandra made a disgusted noise from behind him.

"Bull, you wouldn't know what to do with me even if I gave you the chance," she retorted and that was something no one in the party was expecting. Without another word she picked up the reins and with a quick flick of her wrist her horse was suddenly in front of them and next to Solas. Bull, Varric, Christopher, and Cassandra could hear their low voices, but couldn't make out what was being said. Her laughing, however, could be heard perfectly.

"So, Boss," Bull asked looking back at Christopher, noticing the unusual silence on his part the last couple days, "how much longer till camp?" The young mage looked up to see where the sun was above them.

"About two miles we'll be at the Redcliffe Farms camp. Tomorrow we'll take care of the wolves and get those horses from Dennet before we start searching for Warden Blackwall." He informed them and continued to make a mental list of everything else that needed to be done. He hated the Hinterlands.


	5. Chapter 5

"How is it that we've only been here three days and we're so far ahead of schedule?" Cassandra asked Christopher quietly as all but one member of their party gathered around the campfire. The young Mage looked at the woman for a moment and then his eyes traveled to Iron Bull, Varric, and Solas. The question had been on all their minds, but no one wanted to answer it; in truth, all credit was due to the small redhead already asleep in her tent. The day they'd arrived she spent a lot of time scouting the area, getting used to moving around in her new armor, and adjusting to the weight of the daggers Christopher had given her, all while claiming it helped the stiffness from her being on the horse for so long. They had been so busy setting up and going over their plans that it wasn't until two hours later when Varric pointed out that it had been a while since Raven had been seen that she came walking back, as if on queue. Splatters of blood streaked across her face, in her hair, and blended into her armor; she dragged a ram behind her with one arm and held two fennecs in her other, smiling proudly. Cassandra had been the first to speak, clearly shocked, but all Raven had replied with was that she caught dinner and asked Varric if he could help her skin the fennecs. The dwarf later let it slip to the others that she wanted a warmer coat to wear around Haven and had heard of the warmth fennec fur brought. Nugskin did the same, but apparently she hated the color white.

She had been the first one up the next morning, or so Christopher had been told by one of the guards keeping watch. Just before dawn she came out of her tent, already in her armor with her hair twisted in a braid and sat against one of the logs around the fire pit, humming a tune unfamiliar to them, and sharpened her daggers as the moon set and the sun started to rise. Solas had come out of his tent shortly after dawn and sat next to her in in silence while she told him where they needed to go for the wolves. She also suggested that it might be smarter to take care of the rift down by the ravine at a later time. At first they thought it was something she saw during scouting the night before. During their task to find the wolves the directions given to them had been checked multiple times and despite Cassandra and Christopher wanting to go up the hill just slightly downstream from the rift at Forannan Ravine, Raven had insisted on continuing downstream. Solas had offered to go with her in case something happened, so they split into two groups. By the time Cassandra, Bull, Varric, and Christopher realized they'd gone the wrong way and had backtracked downstream, Solas had frozen the last wolf in the den from the inside out and Raven had brought both daggers down, shattering the beast.

It hadn't just been the wolf incident either. Raven somehow knew where to go for everything that needed to be done and it slightly unnerved them all. When asked about it, she just smiled and answered in two simple words: trust me. Even in the eventful moments between clearing out the Templar encampment and taking care of the Mages in Witchwood-which she'd given them almost exact locations to-she seemed to busy herself with gathering more plants than were needed and metals for Harritt. At the end of that first day dozens of resources were divided by need: some would be used for requisitions, while others would be put in a chest to bring to Haven with them. The second and third day were no different.

"Maybe she's been studying the maps," Cassandra suggested and that was all any of them could think of. Christopher's eyes focused on Solas, the elf looked deep in thought as he stared into the fire.

"Have you seen anything in the Fade?" He asked. Solas looked at his fellow Mage and let out a frustrated sigh. For weeks he'd been looking for something to explain where she'd come from, but all his theories had fallen through. He'd even asked his old spirit friends and none of them had heard or known anything.

"Unfortunately, I haven't." he finally replied. "None of my friends have any idea, but I'll keep looking."

From inside her tent Raven was lying on her stomach, watching her traveling companions. She wasn't surprised when conversation drifted to her. She knew it had been careless to complete all the errands and quests she'd already known about, but it was so hard to control herself. She knew the area and what had to be done; Christopher hated the Hinterlands and wanted to leave quickly, so she decided to take matters into her own hands instead of wandering around for longer than necessary. Now they were wary of her again and even had Solas scouring the Fade trying to find something, anything to answer their questions. She wanted to tell them, but knew she couldn't. She cared for them and it was eating her alive, knowing what would happen no matter which decision was made. The game was so much easier-sure people died, but she could control so much more. Here she was powerless to stop it and if she were to help and tell them, they'd demand answers and want to know her full reasoning behind it. She was helpful already, but they still didn't trust her. Raven could only imagine their reaction when it came to more than just quests in the damn Hinterlands. Her mind drifted to her father and she wondered what advice he'd give her, wishing he were there with her. She ignored the sudden ache in her chest. Now wasn't the time to break down and think about being separated from him. She knew that even if he couldn't give her advice, he'd still offer a hug and, deep down, she missed those more than anything.

"Whether she's studying the maps, scouting the area, or some other reason we can't think of, she's helped us and has yet to give a reason not to trust her," Varric reasoned, earning a nod from Bull. He was right. The young girl had helped them, even before they left for the Hinterlands. It was no wonder why she wouldn't tell them anything if they were going to sit around a campfire and doubt her when they thought she was sleeping. Varric and Bull knew better though; not only about her still being awake, but-after years of training for Bull and Varric being who he was-both could determine a liar with one glance. There was a lot she wasn't telling them, but with the Seeker's mistrust, Solas looking for proof in the Fade, and their half thought out ideas, the two were surprised she'd told them as much as she had. If it were one of them in that position, they wouldn't have said shit.

"We have every reason not to trust her," Cassandra argued and Varric was quick to answer her before she continued to speak. The others remained silent and listened to the conversation.

"Because she showed up out of nowhere and can't give us answers?" He retorted. "Newsflash Seeker, our Herald did that less than four months ago and here you are, completely fine with it. You're even following him around the Hinterlands to help with the Inquisition. That girl may have no explanation she can give us as to why she's here, but she's given herself to helping all of us while making the best of what little trust we've all given her." By the end Varric had lost any form of his usual easy going demeanor and was now a foot from her with his finger pointed at the brunette woman. Cassandra glared at him and he noticed her hand rest on the hilt of her sword for a moment before it fell to her side and she dropped her head.

"She's a good person, Seeker," Bull said quietly as he cast a quick glance to the redhead's tent. Raven stared at Bull through the flaps before turning onto her side and curling into a ball under her blanket, no longer looking at them. She'd have to thank those two in the morning.

As usual Raven was awake before her companions. It was becoming easier to change into her armor so she gave herself a break, coming out of her tent in a pair of leggings and a skintight black tank top. The lush grass tickled her bare feet, but it was an enjoyable sensation and it helped wake her up a bit more. Sleep didn't come easy the night before and staying asleep for more than an hour at a time was even harder. She missed her coffee energy drinks, loud music in the mornings, and her dad's goofy expression as he would dance while making breakfast for them. Halfway through her stretches she heard a ruffle from one of the tents and from her bent position she turned her head to see Varric, up and dressed, but looking far less awake than she was.

"Morning, Ginger," he said glancing to her at first and then doing a double take. The young woman was bent over and touching her toes with her ass in those skin tight pants she wore with her long hair unbound and pooling on the ground. Varric almost swore, suddenly more awake than he wanted to be. She stood up straight and turned to him and he caught her eyes, not liking at all the sadness in them that she'd tried so hard to hide.

"Good morning, Varric," she responded politely and was suddenly nervous. His words from last night still played through her mind and she wanted to address them, but couldn't find the right way to do such a thing. So, with no words to speak of, she came forward and wrapped her arms around him. Varric stilled for a moment before returning the hug, knowing why she was doing such a thing. She was a few inches taller than him, but still so small in his arms that he had to wonder if she'd been eating enough. His thumbs stroked along her spine and back as he returned the gesture without a word. He continued to look at her when she pulled away from him.

"So are you ready for today?" He asked and she nodded, backing away from him to continue her stretching. Varric watched her and the way the shirt she wore rode up to reveal pale skin and more colorful tattoos made him wonder just how much of her body was covered since he'd never seen anything under her tops and pants. No doubt she'd give Rivaini a run for her money where the artwork was concerned.

"Recruiting the Warden and meeting with Fiona in Redcliffe. It should be wonderful," Varric noticed the sarcasm in her reply.

"I take it you're not a fan of Mages, then?" He asked, his mind going to Christopher and Chuckles who were still asleep in their tents. She seemed to get along with them well enough, but every time meeting with the Grand Enchanter had been mentioned she'd given a disapproving look that was gone and replaced with a different expression as fast as it came. She opened her eyes and lazily looked at him, her long hair catching in the sunlight.

"On the contrary. Magic is a beautiful and terrifying thing andI respect as well as admire those who can wield it. I'm just not a fan of traps," she stated with barely any emotion and cracked her neck as if it were nothing. Her back was to follow and Varric almost flinched as he heard about seven cracks and pops in a row come from her as she bent back, her body arching, hands resting fully on the ground behind her. He'd never seen her or anyone else bend that way before and it was a little unsettling. Then again, what she'd just said hadn't helped.

"You think it's a trap?" He asked taking a spot on one of the logs not too far from her. She brought her lower body up into the air and back down the other way before lifting her hands from the ground. She came toward him adjusting her shirt. Part of her knew she shouldn't be talking about what she knew to Varric, but he trusted her; he'd said so last night and was even ready to get into a fight with Cassandra for it. The least she could do in return is trust him.

"I know it's a trap," she responded.

"Why don't you tell them?" He asked before thinking that question through completely. She seemed unaffected and just sat down next to him, putting her head on his shoulder. She smelled of oranges, Varric thought and even wondered if that was possible since they'd been nowhere near fruit in days.

"Because they don't trust me," she answered quietly, both not noticing Bull come out from his tent. He stood there, not moving and just watched the two. From an onlookers point of view it probably looked like lovers sharing an intimate moment together but he knew better. "Besides, no matter what or who the Inquisition goes to, it's fucked either way. Between the Templars and their Lord Seeker or the Mages in Redcliffe. I'm just here for the ride and fennec fur." The last part caused both her and Varric to laugh.

"Hell, Ginger," The dwarf started, "if you wanted fennec fur you could've asked us and spared yourself from this trip." She took her head off his shoulder and brought her hands up to her hair, quickly and deftly twisting and braiding it to something more manageable than loose and flowing down her back before binding it with one of the ties from around her wrist.

"Nah, it's more rewarding if I catch the materials myself. Although, I'm surprised I feel less horrible than what I thought I would, killing animals and such," she muttered while standing up and turning around to see Bull. He didn't get to say anything before she rushed over and threw her arms around him in a hug causing the Qunari to throw a questioning look to dwarf who was now facing them.

"Did I do something?" He asked and felt a slight tickle when the tiny girl nodded her head and her face brushed against his stomach. He wasn't able to get an answer though because anything that could've been said was cut off when they were greeted by Solas, then Christopher, and Cassandra shortly after. It made sense, the sun was already up. Raven broke apart from Bull and smiled up at him before turning to Christopher and letting him know she was going to get ready. Bull didn't miss the way the young Mage's eyes followed that beautiful, tightly covered ass of hers as she went into her tent, coming out five minutes later while fastening the last strap of her armor. Her harness was also on, holding the daggers.

"Remember how to carry your shields. You're not hiding, you're holding. Otherwise it's useless." Raven heard the dark-haired, bearded man instruct the three men in front of him. They looked nervous. His lessons didn't stop Christopher from moving forward.

"Blackwall? Warden Blackwall?" He asked causing the would-be Warden to turn around and come towards Christopher. Raven unsheathed her daggers and Varric looked over at her. The thieves were going to attack but she couldn't tell Varric that.

"You're not -" He started, tripping over his words, "How do you know my name? Who sent -" He stopped and held up his shield just in time to stop an arrow from hitting him in the face. By that time the four invaders had made themselves known, one charging from behind a tree. Raven heard Blackwall demand Christopher to help or get out and instruct the his conscripts to fight, but before his sentence could be completed one of the archers was on his knees with his hands to his throat as blood gushed from the wound the young girl inflicted on him and the thief wielding the axe was dead. Cassandra and Blackwall had taken care of the other two. Afterward, while Blackwall gave a heartwarming speech to the conscripts and instructed them to leave, Raven took a comfortable seat on the chest beside his home watching Christopher approach the aged warrior again.

"You're no farmer," Blackwall stated, "How do you know my name? Who are you?" She saw the warrior glance at her and the rest of the party members before focusing on Christopher again. Bull moved to Raven's side and glanced down to see the knowing expression on the young girls face.

"I know your name because I'm an agent of the Inquisition." Christopher stated firmly, "I'm investigating whether the disappearance of the Wardens has anything to do with the murder of the Divine." Raven saw Blackwall's eyes widen and he moved closer to the Mage, making Raven smile as she thought back to the game. It was almost exactly the same and she appreciated the familiarity. Even Blackwall's large beard hadn't changed.

"Makers balls!" He exclaimed, "The Wardens and the Divine. They can't - no, you're asking so you don't really know." _Smart man_ , Raven thought and smiled. Varric, Solas, and Cassandra were looking at her comfortably seated, watching almost as if enthralled by the scene before her. "First off, I didn't know they disappeared but we do that right? No more Blight, job done, Wardens are the first thing forgotten. But one thing I'll tell you: No Warden killed the Divine. Our purpose isn't political." _Awh... Poor sweet babe,_ Raven thought to herself. It was something she often mumbled or thought to herself while playing the game back home and couldn't stop the thought from coming to her mind. She needed to get it together though, especially before Redcliffe.

"So where are the rest of you?" Christopher asked.

"I haven't seen any Wardens for months," Blackwall responded, his eyes glancing over to Raven again. "I travel alone, recruiting. Not much interest because the Archdemon is a decade dead and no need to conscript because there's no Blight coming. Treaties give Wardens the right to take what we need, who we need. These idiots forced this fight so I _conscripted_ their victims. They had to do what I said, so I told them to stand. Next time they won't need me; Grey Wardens can inspire, make you better than you think you are."

"I wasn't aware Wardens could take whatever they want," Christopher countered.

"It's complicated," Blackwall explained, "If there's a Blight everyone has to help the effort to fight it. The treaties are ancient. Outside of Blights it's as binding as a clever tongue can make it." Raven had always admired that phrase and it sent goosebumps along her skin to hear it straight from the Warden's mouth.

"You're no help," Christopher stated. "I'm no further along than I was." He started to walk away from Blackwall and Raven had to roll her eyes. Didn't he state he wanted to recruit the Warden earlier that day and multiple times in the past week? He still had a chance to when Blackwall looked toward the retreating man.

"Inquisition... Agent, did you say? Hold a moment." Christopher stopped and turned around as the older man rushed toward him. "The Divine is dead and the sky is torn. Events like these, thinking we're absent is almost as bad as thinking we're involved. If you're trying to put things right maybe you need a Warden. Maybe you need me." Raven was on the edge of her seat, well chest, waiting for Christopher to welcome him. She hoped he hadn't changed his mind.

"The Inquisition needs all the support it can get, but what can one Grey Warden do?" He asked.

"Save the fucking world, if pressed," Blackwall responded, "Look, maybe fighting demons from the sky isn't something I'm practiced at, but show me someone who is. And like I said, there are treaties. Maybe this isn't a Blight but its bloody well a disaster. Someone will honor them. Being a Warden means something to a lot of people" Raven couldn't help the smile that played on her lips drawing further attention from the four other party members standing close to her. Christopher and Blackwall didn't seem to notice.

"Warden Blackwall, the Inquisition accepts your offer," Christopher announced proudly. Varric, Cassandra, Bull, and Solas continued to look at Raven who had slid off the chest she was sitting on.

"Good to hear. We both need to know what's going on and perhaps I've been keeping to myself for too long. This Warden walks with the Inquisition."

Despite the setback of no one expecting the Inquisition's visit and Alexius being in charge, the village of Redcliffe was absolutely beautiful, both similar and completely different than what Raven had expected. Then again, from the time Origins had taken place and the time Inquisition was set the change had been dramatic enough, but being there and smelling the salty air, feeling the laid stone and wood along their way down to the center of town, and hearing all the people talk of the war, the mages, and events from long ago was almost overwhelming and Raven could hardly believe that she was among them, even looking the part in her armor.

Since they'd entered the village Christopher, Varric, Solas, Bull, and Cassandra had been watching Raven hum quietly to herself, trailing her fingers along the laid stone walls and admire the planted flowers. They remained quiet amongst themselves, talking about what needed to be done while Cassandra and Solas kept their eyes on the girl who was now speaking to an older woman about blood lotus plants in the lake and then to another man further down the docks about flowers for his dead wife.

"Cassandra, is everything okay?" Christopher asked noticing the woman had stopped offering her input. His eyes followed hers in time to see Raven approach a young, red haired man by the docks and start speaking to him.

"She's been talking to people since we've arrived," Cassandra noted and wondered why the girl had just given the man a hug. "I don't understand it. We don't need help or instructions." Of course she wouldn't understand it, Solas thought to himself. Sometimes it was nice to talk to people. Without a word he left the group and walked down the steps toward the two redheads. The man she was speaking with looked familiar but he couldn't quite place it. She turned to him and smiled.

"Connor, this is Solas, he's a friend of mine. Solas, I'd like to introduce you to Connor, the Arl's nephew." The elf's eyes widened in surprise for a second before smiling and once the introductions were done Raven went back to speaking with the young man as if Solas wasn't even there.

"You were behind the siege of Redcliffe ten years ago?" Raven asked, doing her best to ignore Solas's eyes on her. Conner nodded, his eyes never leaving hers. It wasn't often that someone so unfamiliar approached with questions regarding what happened years ago. Everyone in the village knew and the last he'd heard the village was closed to visitors because of the war.

"That's me." The young man sounded heartbroken and Raven had to fight the urge to look away. "The boy with Redcliffe's blood on his hands"

"But weren't you possessed?" She asked. "It wasn't you who did those things." Solas was caught off guard by Raven's words. How could she possibly know that?

"Wasn't it? I let the demon in," he countered, his eyes glancing at Solas and then back to her. "Sometimes when I dream I remember what happened. I see the death and destruction and it's me. It's all me."

"It wasn't all you. Jowan poisoned your father and you were young, scared, and didn't know any better," Raven insisted and came forward, wrapping her arms around Connor in another hug. She stepped back before he could object and smiled at him the way a mother would her son. The action only confused Solas even more. "How did you end up in the mage rebellion?" She asked. It took Conner a few seconds to reply, no doubt recovering from the tiny redhead's actions.

"I was living in the Ferelden Tower when the Circles dissolved. I voted against it, but at first it seemed alright. No one was summoning demons, they just wanted to oversee themselves but then the Magister came and… It's wrong, what they do in Tevinter. We are monsters. We need to be controlled. If it wasn't for me every family in this village wouldn't be missing a son, a daughter, a spouse." _Such self-hatred,_ Raven thought to herself and despite her control she felt her eyes sting with the tears.

"You're not in favor of the alliance with Tevinter?" She asked already knowing his answer.

"'Alliance?' Is that what they're calling it? That magister threw my uncle out into the street! He signed us into servitude. This is my home. Redcliffe, Ferelden, no matter what evil I've done, I would never have invited Tevinter here." Raven gave Connor a nod, one he returned and she looked at Solas as the young man moved to join a small group of mages closeby. It was always so hard to tell what he was thinking but he didn't look happy at all.

"We need to get going," she said quietly.

"Please talk some sense into the Grand Enchanter," Connor begged, "Selling out to the Imperium won't win us any friends. We have to find a way to make peace." Raven flashed him a sad smile before turning away and starting back toward the group.

"How did you know?" Solas asked quietly, confused and slightly angered by her words, actions, and knowledge. How could she know so much? She sighed while stopping in her tracks halfway up the stairs and turned to him. Even though he was four steps behind her they were still eye level.

"How did I know what?" She asked and looked down as one of his hands wrapped around her upper arm.

"Let go of me, Solas." Raven's normal happy tone had been replaced by something deeper and he drew his hand back almost like he'd been burned.

"How did you know who that man was?" He asked.

"The woman who mentioned the Spirit of Valor in the lake told me when I asked about the village," she replied, her tone back to normal but her eyes had become hurt, angry and Solas felt a twinge of guilt as she walked away. Her companions looked at her, then back at Solas as they both approached and together they made their way to the tavern to meet with Fiona.

Grand Enchanter Fiona was a beautiful woman, or so Raven thought anyway. She stood in the tavern as they'd entered and addressed them the way a woman in her position would. Varric stayed beside Raven to better keep up with her if something happened, though since Solas had joined her in talking with the redhead by the docks she'd been silent and distant from them all. It worried him.

"What has brought you to Redcliffe?" The Enchanter asked bringing Varric's attention back to the matter at hand. Raven stood and watched, unmoving, already knowing what would happen.

"We're here because of your invitation back in Val Royeaux," Christopher stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"You must be mistaken. I haven't been to Val Royeaux since before the Conclave," Fiona objected and from Raven's position near the back she could see Christopher, Cassandra, and Varric visibly stiffen at the woman's words.

"Well that's very strange," Christopher said quietly, "Because someone who looked exactly like you spoke to me in Val Royeaux."

"Exactly like me?" I supposed it could be magic at work but why would anyone… Whoever or whatever brought you here, the situation has changed. The free mages have already pledged themselves to the service of the Tevinter Imperium." _No shit,_ Raven thought and mentally reprimanded herself. The situation earlier with Solas still had her on edge and annoyed. _Stupid Egg._

"An alliance with Tevinter? Do you not fear all of Thedas turning against you?" Cassandra asked calmly.

"I understand that you are afraid but you deserve better than slavery to Tevinter," Solas spoke up from behind Raven. She didn't turn to look at him though she could feel his eyes gazing down at her.

"As one indentured to a Magister, I no longer have the authority to negotiate with you," Fiona stated, ignoring Cassandra's and Solas's words. Raven looked down, took a deep breath, and looked up to the scene playing out before her.

"An alliance with Tevinter is a terrible mistake," Christopher argued calmly and from Raven's vantage point she could see his fists curled, knuckles white.

"All hope of peace died with Justinia." Fiona countered, "This bargain with Tevinter would not have been my first choice, but we had no choice. We are losing this war; I needed to save as many of my people as I could." She finished and looked heartbroken. Back in the game, Raven could always empathize with the woman, but that had been the extent of whatever she felt. It hurt being in the same room with her and seeing the pain and sadness in person. She was already eager to leave but the sudden slam of the tavern door meant Alexius had just arrived. Raven glanced over to see the older man in his stupid red hood walking toward them with an arrogant smile to rival all others, followed by his son Felix and a few Tevinter guards.

"Welcome my friends. I apologize for not greeting you earlier," he said, almost happily and Raven clenched her jaw knowing he would suffer before too long.

"Agents of the Inquisition, allow me to introduce Magister Gereon Alexius," Fiona announced and looking at the woman Raven also noticed a subtle glare and had to smile. Little did Raven know that Varric's eyes had barely left her since they entered the tavern.

"The southern mages are under my command," he informed them now standing next to the Enchanter, his eyes settling on Christopher. "And you are the survivor, yes? The one from the Fade? Interesting." _I'm sure it is interesting,_ Raven thought and ground her teeth together.

"I'd like to know more about this alliance between the rebel mages and the Imperium," Christopher requested and Raven was surprised that his tone seemed more curious now than what it had been.

"Certainly. What specifically do you wish to know?" Alexius asked.

"The Grand Enchanter told me she was indentured to a Magister." He didn't like the games the Magister was playing and after requesting confirmation, he looked back at Fiona again.

"Our southern brethren have no legal status in the Imperium," the Magister explained, "As they were not born citizens of Tevinter they must work for a period of ten years before gaining full rights. As their protector, I shall oversee their work for the Imperium." Raven brought her hands up and started to pick at her fingers. She knew she'd want to punch him in the face, that much hadn't changed, but she was surprised at how strong the urge was.

"I'm not clear on when, exactly, you negotiated this arrangement with Fiona." She could hear the fake pleasantness in his voice and looked up to see Alexius looking at her. He hesitated for a moment, his eyes remaining on her as he opened his mouth to speak again.

"When the Conclave was destroyed these poor souls faced the brutality of the Templars who rushed to attack them. It could only be through Divine providence that I arrived when I did." _Divine fucking providence, indeed._ Raven ground out to herself as she bit the inside of her cheek.

"It was certainly… very timely." Fiona mused. It was obvious to see that she didn't quiet believe the Magister's words. No one did.

"What does the Imperium gain from taking rebel mages under its wing?" Christopher asked, not entirely sure he could continue watching the act before him.

"For the moment the southern mages are a considerable expense. After they are properly trained they will join our legion." Raven bit down harder on the inside of her cheek but released the tension when she tasted blood. She knew what that her companions were thinking the same; the man before them was disgusting.

"You said not all my people would be military! There are children, those not suited -" Fiona began to object but stopped when Alexius turned to her.

"And one day, I'm sure they will all be productive citizens of the Imperium. When their debts are paid." He was such a scumbag. After her first mage playthrough she began to skip what he'd said entirely. Unfortunately she didn't get that option and she could feel herself start to fidget, even more so when she felt a hand on her shoulder. The hand felt warm even through her armor and Raven had to resist the urge to lean back against whoever the hand belonged to.

"If you're leading the mages now, then let's talk. I'm sure we can come to an agreement," Christopher insisted, smiling at the man as he tried desperately to be pleasant.

"It is always a pleasure to meet with a reasonable man," Alexius happily replied and motioned for Christopher to take a seat at a nearby table. Raven looked up at Fiona to see the woman appear to be near tears as she stood there. "Felix would you send for a scribe please? Pardon my manners, My son Felix, friends." And she thought her introductions were half ass, Raven thought with a roll of her eyes. Felix bowed and disappeared. "I am not surprised you're here," Alexius continued once his son was gone, "Containing the Breach is not a feat that many could even attempt. There is no telling how many mages would be needed for such an endeavor. Ambitious indeed." She hated him.

"Well, when you're fighting a massive tear in the sky you can hardly afford to think small," Christopher replied letting sarcasm lightly coat his tone.

"There will have to be-" Alexius started but was cut off as Felix came in again, stumbling and looking paler than when he'd left. Impressive, Raven thought as she smiled sadly at the doomed son. She liked him. Christopher was the first to stand up, followed by Alexius and a moment later Felix fell, taking Christopher down with him. She caught the exact second the note the son of the Magister had written passed to her friend. His eyes widened but to his credit he hid it well. "Felix!" Alexius exclaimed. Raven's heart grew heavy as Felix addressed Christopher from his knees.

"My Lord, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me." Shit, Raven thought. She looked away as he asked for forgiveness.

"Are you alright?" The boys father asked, concern evident in his voice. Felix looked up at Alexius.

"I'm fine, Father." He insisted but Alexius, to Raven's small respect, wouldn't let it go. It was nice seeing a concerned, dedicated father and-as despicable as Alexius was-she knew he cared about his son more than anything.

"Come. Let me get your powders. Please excuse me, Friends. We will have to continue this another time. Fiona, I require your assistance back at the castle." Felix, Alexius, and Fiona made their way out of the tavern. As they passed, Felix looked at Raven.

"I don't mean to trouble everyone," he said quietly. She fought the urge to reach out to him. How different would he be if he'd been born into a different life that wasn't in the Imperium, she wondered. Or if he'd never gotten sick?

"I shall send word to the Inquisition. We will conclude this business at a later date." Once the three and their guards were gone Raven turned around to see Solas behind her. His hand still rested on her shoulder. Without saying a word she moved away from the group leaving Varric, Bull, Cassandra, Christopher, and Solas to discuss what she already knew. They didn't need her point of view and likely wouldn't trust what she had to say anyway.

Solas watched the young girl from his spot in the small circle Christopher had gathered as they spoke about the note Alexius's son had given him. He didn't trust it but knew the Imperium wouldn't outright attack just yet. He couldn't understand her; throughout the meeting with the Magister and discussing the fate of the mages, he could feel the rage flowing off her to the point where he'd rested a hand on her shoulder to ease some calming magic into her. He was there for her, he wanted to convey that in the only way he could at the time. Her body no longer shook after that but he could tell she wanted to do something. What, he wasn't sure. She spoke to a mage in the corner, probably about a year older than her. She smiled at him at first and he watched as her smile started to fade.

"Raven," Christopher called out and the girl looked over to him from her place next to the man, "We have to stop somewhere before we head to Val Royeaux. Are you ready?" He asked and she nodded. Solas watched her as she bid goodbye to the young man only for him to stop her. As she continued to talk to the man, Christopher and the rest of her companions, including Solas, made their way to the entrance just in time to see her smile again. Christopher stopped when she put a hand on his arm.

"Christopher, this is Clemence," she introduced, "He's an alchemist. Apparently Alexius is against tranquil mages so he's looking to join the Inquisition. You said we needed all the help we can get." Solas watched as Christopher smiled politely and welcomed him. It would be nice to have more mages in the Inquisition.

"Good! You're finally here. Now help me close this, would you?" The strange man asked as he killed the last demon for the moment. Raven could tell the giant rift and the adorable Tevinter man weren't what Christopher or any of the party were expecting. She drew out her daggers and lunged forward as the rift started to react again and demons poured out of it.

 _She's like a shadow_ , Christopher thought to himself as he watched her take down demon after demon. He wasn't able to watch her as fully as he wanted, using lightning to stun a couple of the bastards, but she was always in his line of sight lunging, crouching, her limbs stretching as she gracefully moved around the spells he and Solas cast and the holes from the rift that seemed to warp time. Once it was all over and the rift was closed, she sheathed her weapons and stood in silence against one of the stone pillars. He wondered if she knew that her hair had become loose.

"Fascinating," The Tevinter mage said causing Christopher to turn and look at him, "How does that work exactly?" The mage laughed, "You don't even know, do you? You just wiggle your fingers and boom! Rift closes." He was so much sassier in person and Raven couldn't suppress the tiny chuckle that left her mouth. Cassandra moved closer to her.

"Mind telling me what's so funny?" She mumbled, clearly not amused. The redhead rolled her eyes and motioned to Dorian. She could call him that now since he'd just introduced himself to Christopher and the party.

"Come on," Raven exclaimed softly, "He's adorable!" Cassandra ignored her statement but made no move to leave her side.

"Another Tevinter, be cautious with this one," she advised and Raven groaned, the woman was always so distrusting. It was starting to become annoying.

"Suspicious friends you have here," Dorian observed and Raven had to smile at the attitude in his tone though she didn't appreciate being lumped in with Cassandra and her current attitude. "Magister Alexius was once my mentor so my assistance should be valuable - As I'm sure you can imagine."

"You're betraying your mentor because…?" Christopher trailed off, not understanding why the man, Dorian, was willing to help. He looked over toward Raven to see the girl was still smiling, her hair whisked around from their previous fight.

"Alexius _was_ my mentor. Meaning he's not any longer, not for some time." Dorian answered, "Look, you must know there's danger. That should be obvious even without the note." Why did it seem much more dramatic in real life than it had in the game? Raven looked away from Dorian and Christopher and let her eyes travel to Cassandra, Bull, Varric, and Solas. All were watching the interaction and taking in the information. So many questions, she imagined.

"You trust him, don't you?" Cassandra whispered suddenly causing Raven to jump. The two women looked at each other and after a few seconds the younger girl shrugged.

"Does it really matter who I decide to trust?" She whispered back and felt Cassandra glare at her. "You're not going to trust me anyway and still treat me like an insect on the bottom of your boot, so I fail to see how or why my choices and opinions mean shit to you." Cassandra remained silent so Raven looked to Christopher and Dorian again to hear how Alexius altered time. The rest of the party seemed shocked but Raven was so annoyed she didn't even bother putting on a surprised face.

"I know what I'm talking about," Dorian argued, "I helped develop this magic. When I was still his apprentice it was pure theory. Alexius could never get it to work. What I don't understand is why he's doing it? Ripping time to shreds just to gain a few hundred lackeys?" Raven smiled to herself, _Queue dramatic entrance from the Magister's son,_ she thought and mentally reprimanded herself afterwards. Sarcasm always helped lighten her mood but it wasn't the time and certainly not when Felix was concerned.

"He didn't do it for them," Felix announced. Raven saw his eyes fix on Dorian's, then Christopher's, and then hers. Why was he staring at her? She wasn't important in their conversation, just a slightly pissed-off onlooker.

"Took you long enough. Is he getting suspicious?" Dorian asked and Felix looked at the man again.

"No," Felix answered, "but I shouldn't have played the illness card. I thought he'd be fussing over me all day. My father's joined a cult. Tevinter supremacists. They call themselves 'Venatori' and I can tell you one thing: whatever he's done for them, he's done it to get to you." Christopher seemed to ignore the young man's words.

"Alexius is your father. Why are you working against him?" Christopher asked.

"For the same reason Dorian works against him." Felix explained, "I love my father and I love my country. But this? Cults? Time magic? What he's doing now is madness. For his own sake you have to stop him." _Such a sweet, devoted son._ Raven mused and looked down to play with her hands. Would Christopher become upset if she left to recruit Sister Tanner?

"It would also be nice if he didn't rip a hole in time. There's already a hole in the sky." She heard Dorian remark and subtly nodded in agreement with his words.

"Why would he rearrange time and indenture the rebel mages just to get to me?" Christopher asked, still not completely understanding from what Raven could tell. He had no idea who he was and what he was destined to become. It saddened her a bit.

"They're obsessed with you but I don't know why. Perhaps because you survived the Temple of Sacred Ashes?" Felix suggested and Raven looked up in time to see Christopher look down at his mark with a frown on his face.

"You can close the rifts. Maybe there's a connection or they see you as a threat?" Dorian was giving suggestions, too.

"If the Venatori are behind those rifts, or the Breach in the sky, they're even worse than I thought." Felix continued speaking and Raven let out a soft sigh. They had no idea how much worse it was.

"All this for me?" Christopher almost sounded sad, "And here I didn't get Alexius anything." Raven giggled while Cassandra let out a disgruntled noise.

"Send him a fruit basket, everyone loves those," Dorian quipped before turning serious again. "You know you're his target. Expecting the trap is the first step in turning it to your advantage. I can't stay in Redcliffe. Alexius doesn't know I'm here and I want to keep it that way for now, but whenever you're ready to deal with them I want to be there. I'll be in touch." He started walking toward the side passageway instead of the front door and then stopped, turning to Felix. "And Felix? Try not to get yourself killed."

Raven continued to watch Felix as Dorian made an exit. To the young man's surprise and to the surprise of everyone else remaining in the chantry Raven stood up straight and, with as much graceful speed as she had while fighting earlier, she reached Felix in mere seconds. He was about five inches taller than her but that made no difference when she reached up her toes put a gentle hand on his cheek. She knew if she ever saw him again it wouldn't be the time and he would die within a month or so. It was unfair, he seemed so sweet.

"I know it hurts," she whispered while using the groups shock to her advantage, "But you're a good man who's doing the right thing." He stared down at her as she pulled her hand back and stepped away. He smiled then, a real smile instead of the sad ones he'd been showing. He bent down and, without his smile fading, kissed Raven lightly on the cheek and left. Her heart broke as she watched the door close after him.

"What in the hell was that about?" Cassandra yelled, walking to the girl and grabbing her arm hard to turn around. Raven closed her eyes holding back any signs of sorrow she could and once she was sure they were gone, she opened them and looked to Cassandra again. She really wasn't in the mood to be in Redcliffe or even the Hinterlands anymore. She was done being distrusted and looked down on.

"He's going to die," Raven answered in a slightly calmer voice than the Seeker. Cassandra stepped back, her face dropping the anger it held. "You might not care about anyone but yourself, but he'll live another month or two at most. I have no ulterior motive, Cassandra. I'm not out for anything, but he deserved something real that wasn't his father or hired guards or indentured mages. Everyone deserves comfort once in a while and that smile he gave me before he left was worth it." With a deep breath she turned to Christopher, "I'm going back to Haven. I'll help out with Harritt and do what needs to be done around there but I'll be fucking damned before I do this type of shit again with people like _her_." Tears left Raven's eyes as she walked out of the Chantry, the door slamming shut. Outside she took a second to calm down before looking over to see Sister Tanner. With a deep breath she masked any pain she felt and made her way over to the young woman. The Inquisition could always use another agent.

It was quiet inside the Chantry as Raven's words still hung between the remaining party members. Cassandra was silent, not sure what to say. Solas stared at the door contemplating and wondering how she knew. It was obvious to him that Felix had been infected with the Blight, but he'd said nothing to her or anyone else, there hadn't been time. Varric was fighting the urge to follow after his new friend but knew he'd never catch up, the girl was way too fast. Bull and Christopher thought the same.

"She was right." Solas finally broke the silence and everyone looked at him, "I've seen a lot of things in my travels and Blight sickness is one of them. Felix doesn't have long."

"So now that we know what's going on, should we head back to Haven?" Varric asked and before Christopher could answer, Solas spoke up again.

"No, we still have to go to Val Royeaux. Also, while we were in the center of town earlier Raven spoke to some of the citizens and offered to help them. It helps gain influence for the Inquisition. If you would like to head back I can finish what needs to be done." Solas wasn't sure why he was offering. Christopher looked to the Chantry door, hoping she'd come in saying she changed her mind, but when it didn't open he looked back to the Elven apostate.

"No," he finally answered, "We'll help you."

 _Well, Shit,_ Varric thought to himself as he followed the others. Upon leaving they were stopped by a Sister who pledged her service as a smuggler to them. It was when she described Raven that he smiled.

"She's really giving everything she can, isn't she?" Varric commented loud enough for Cassandra to hear. Bull laughed, urging his mind to get back in the game instead of focusing on how he truly felt.

"Did you expect anything else?" His reply was rhetorical and together they made their way out of Redcliffe. Who knew how long their journey would take without her.


	6. Chapter 6

With the help of her horse it only took Raven two and a half days to reach Haven from the Hinterlands. A message must've been sent because Cullen, Josephine, and Leliana were standing by the gates waiting for her arrival. Part of Raven wanted to hope that they waited because they missed her but the logical part knew they just wanted to hear what happened. She was silent as she stopped her horse in front of them, dismounted, and simply smiled at the two women. She addressed Cullen by his title. They watched as she walked her horse over to the stables and started unpacking what she'd brought, which hadn't been much.

The three advisors stood there assessing the young woman quietly. She looked absolutely exhausted; her skin was paler than normal, her hair was loose and windblown, and her eyes were bloodshot though they couldn't determine the cause. At some point on her way back she'd stripped her armor and was wearing a pair of her black pants, black boots, and one of her sleeveless shirts. Her harness remained strapped to her though, the obsidian daggers sparkling in the sunlight. She motioned to them that she needed a moment and took one of the big bags the horse was carrying to Harritt who was busy at the forge. He stood up to greet her and they noticed the smile on his face as she handed him a bag. The older man looked through it and suddenly tried to offer her money which they saw her graciously decline before making her way back to them, another smaller bag strapped to her hip they had failed to notice.

"He was short on drakestone and onyx before we left," she explained once she reached the three still patiently waiting. Cullen looked down and motioned to the other bag attached to her waist. She looked down and smiled at it. "Elfroot and blood lotus for Adan. Mother Giselle's request has already been filled in the Hinterlands." Raven explained. The three looked at her strangely.

"We're happy to see you made it back," Leliana greeted, "I admit I was worried when one of my agents told me you'd left earlier than the others. It's good to see that you're okay."

"Why _did_ you return so early?" Cullen asked, clearly not knowing what had happened. Raven sighed and looked down at the snow covered ground feeling it become very hard to look at them. During her ride back she'd had time to think and realized that running off hadn't been the most mature choice.

"I'll admit that I might've acted a tad irrationally. It was just a difference of opinion and in the end I felt that it would be better for the party if I came back early," She explained. "I know I'm not the Herald or an official member of the Inquisition, but I was there in Redcliffe and met with the mages. Would you like my debriefing now or once everyone gets back?" While Josephine and Cullen accepted her offer, Leliana looked at the girl standing before her already knowing why she left, but chose to remain silent on the matter. She wanted to hear what Raven had to say. Once they were outside the Chantry Raven stopped and smiled when the three turned to her.

"I'll be right back," She promised, "I need to get these to Adan." Leliana nodded her consent and watched as Raven jogged off to the apothecary. They continued their walk inside, heading to the war room.

"She's hiding something," Cullen said quietly, something Josephine and Leliana already knew. Neither of the women had a chance to reply because Raven had appeared at the door to the room not even ten seconds later. They stood around the war table watching her as she closed the door, grabbed one of the chairs in the corner, and straddled the back of it.

"I don't know what your agents have told you, Leliana," Raven admitted. She probably knew everything already. The spymaster held up the paper with a broken wax seal.

"I know you left early from the Hinterlands." She explained, "My agents contact me if there's a change in plans such as delays or early retreats." Raven nodded and looked down, her hair falling around her face and shoulders.

"The free mages allied with Tevinter," She revealed and flinched as Cullen suddenly slammed his large gloved hand down on the table. She looked up to see the anger on his face and the shock on Josephine's. Even Leliana's normal blank expression had changed, her eyes were wide. Raven guessed that news wasn't in the note that was sent.

"You're sure of this?" The Spymaster asked and Raven nodded.

"Before we entered the city we encountered a rift different from the others. It seemed to have control over time. Speeding up and slowing down... Once it was closed and we entered Redcliffe, we were told that no one was expecting us and Grand Enchanter Fiona was no longer in charge. When we met up at the tavern, she revealed that they all pledged themselves to Tevinter." Raven recalled the events, brushing hair from her eyes. "Since they're not legal citizens they have to serve ten years as indentured servants and Magister Alexius revealed that once they become legal after ten years, they have to join the military."

"How can that possibly happen?" Josephine asked astonished, "I know the Grand Enchanter. Why would she go from fighting for freedom to slavery?" Cullen nodded in agreement.

"According to her they had no choice. She also denied coming to Val Royeaux and speaking to Christopher, claiming she hasn't been to the city since before the conclave. After the explosion at the Temple of Sacred Ashes, Magister Alexius came to the mages and offered them protection from the Templars." The room grew silent. Raven looked to all three advisors and could practically feel the wheels turning in their heads.

"He showed up right after the explosion?" Leliana repeated to clarify.

"That's what both Alexius and Fiona said. When Christopher requested to talk of negotiations the Magister's son pretended to be ill and handed Christopher a note to go to the Chantry." She moved on, explaining the events to the best of her ability and trying to ignore the sadness seeping through her calm exterior as she thought of Felix. It had never bothered her before and the sudden emotion was growing tiresome very quickly.

"Why would he do something like that?" Cullen asked, "Surely it was a trap."

"We went to the chantry and met a Tevinter mage named Dorian. Alexius used to be his mentor and he explained the time magic that Alexius had been working on. Felix appeared during the explanation and stated that his father had joined a cult called the Venatori. They're after Christopher because of the mark on his hand, because he survived the explosion."

The three advisors stood completely silent, looking down at the girl straddling the back of the chair. Her eyes didn't leave them. How could what she was saying be true? Tevinter had been a problem in the past but why on earth would they indenture mages because of Christopher? Raven seemed to sense their disbelief. There was a way she could tell them, she thought. Changing what she knew so it sounded like a theory had worked for her in the past-granted she'd been back home and the situation had been different-but there was no reason why it couldn't work if she chose the right words. Even if Christopher was still away it would save them time from trying to figure out their motive and also give them time to come up with a plan about what to do.

"I have a theory," Raven finally said. They looked hesitant, waiting for her to continue. "It's fairly obvious and safe to say that we know Christopher ending up with the mark wasn't due to his own wishes."

"No one could possibly have expected that," Josephine agreed. Raven stood up from the chair and quickly jerked her body; a quick but loud series of cracks filled the room before she sat down again and began playing with her fingers. She felt exposed without her sweatshirt and silently cursed herself for not grabbing it before the debriefing.

"Can you imagine what that mark could do in the hands of Tevinter?" Raven asked, "Or in the hands of anyone who wished to cause harm?" Judging by the realization of Leliana's face it was obvious she was beginning to see the picture. Cullen and Josephine caught on seconds later.

"Could that be possible?" Cullen asked and the young girl shrugged.

"You know magic more than I do," Raven answered, not necessarily meaning it in the slightest, but it was best to play long. "If someone wanted to use magic to manipulate time they could go back and be at that conclave during the explosion. They would need the Herald for that...but like I said it's just a theory." To her surprise Cullen walked around the table and couched in front of her. Looking up to meet the Commander and his scrutinizing gaze, Raven jumped back and off the chair. No longer close, he stood up but didn't move. Had he been trying to tell if she was lying?

"It's definitely something to consider. Have you mentioned this to the Herald?" Josephine asked and Raven threw the woman a look of pure incredulity, "No, you wouldn't have had time to. You mentioned there was a disagreement of sorts that caused you to leave. May I ask what happened?" Before Raven could answer she was cut off by her stomach growling, loud and angry catching Josephine, Cullen, and Leliana by surprise.

"Sorry, it's been a day or so." Raven apologized sheepishly and the three elders looked to each other before turning back to her.

"Since you've eaten?" Cullen clarified and Raven nodded.

"I didn't have time to pack food before leaving Redcliffe. I'll get something from Flissa on my way back to the tent." Raven's nonchalance bothered them, Cullen especially and Raven looked away as he glared down at her.

"That's two days," Josephine noted. "Commander, would you please get some food and bring it back here?" Shit, Raven thought. Stupid stomach. Cullen didn't say anything as he left, closing the door as he did so.

"If it helps I had a couple of the regeneration potions and ate some of the elfroot leaves meant for Adan," She started before the two women could announce their annoyance. Josephine let out a long breath.

"That helps very little actually," Josephine answered. "If you can control it, please make sure it doesn't happen again." Raven had to bite back the smile as a thought from an old play passed through her mind. _Imminently practical and yet appropriate as always._ She knew they would fail to see the humor so just nodded.

"I apologize for being so careless," she said quietly.

"So why did you leave early?" Leliana asked, noticing how Raven started picking at her fingers again.

"The Magister's son was infected by the Blight." Raven explained, surprising the two women but they didn't say anything, "If you know what to look for it's fairly obvious and he has less than two months left. He's betraying his father and his country to help us all while knowing the consequences if he's caught. Magister's son or not, Felix will die if found out."

"Of course," Leliana acknowledged, "Treason is not looked upon and dealt with lightly in any country that I know of."

"When we got to the Hinterlands I scouted a part of the area. Christopher had a lot of things to do between talking to the Warden, dealing with the wolves, and recruiting Master Dennet. I knew where to go and we managed to get a weeks worth of work done in three days. They were grateful but whenever I was away or they thought I couldn't hear…" Raven paused when the door opened. Cullen had a tray in one of his hands; on it was a bowl and a glass. He put it down on the war table and proceeded to glare at Raven until she moved the chair forward, picked up the spoon, and took a bite of the stew Flissa had prepared. Three bites later she put the spoon down and saw that they were still watching her.

"What's going on?" Cullen asked. Raven didn't address him, her eyes falling on the two women who were waiting patiently for her to continue, already having an idea of what had occurred.

"I'm not a criminal," Raven told them and looked down to avoid seeing their reactions. "My training has made sure that I am far from harmless, but I have no malicious intent or agenda towards anyone here or the Inquisition; I'm just trying to make the best of the situation I was thrown into. Cassandra doesn't seem to understand that. Solas and Christopher don't seem to either." She was met with silence and her heart sank. Part of Raven wanted to cry and the other part wanted to spar until she fell from exhaustion. Instead, she put on a blank face and looked up to see Cullen and Josephine looking away. Leliana was the only one to make eye contact and she had to wonder what was going through the spymaster's head.

"Did they say anything to you?" Leliana quietly asked.

"Aside from Cassandra still thinking I'm a spy and Christopher having Solas search for proof in the Fade?" Raven asked. "I understand the scrutiny and know that trust isn't something easily gained, but I'm questioned and met with such mistrust and what seems like hatred for everything I do. Leliana, did you know I met Connor?" The girl asked and the spymaster visibly stiffened for a moment before relaxing again.

"Do you mean Eamon's son?" Cullen asked and Raven nodded.

"A woman in the village told me about him when I asked her about Redcliffe's history. Solas not only followed me, but stood there as we spoke, and even grabbed my arm afterwards while demanding to know how I knew him. Once we met and spoke with Dorian in the Chantry I stopped Felix as he was about to leave. He's sick and knowing what could happen if his actions are found out… Like I said before, he's choosing the Inquisition over his father and country. I won't have my character questioned because I choose to show compassion toward someone who needs it." By the time she was done, Raven was standing again, pacing, her hands shaking. Cullen and Leliana started to move toward the young girl but Josephine was to her before they even knew she moved. She gently grabbed Raven's hand and didn't flinch even when the girl jumped, clearly not expecting the sudden contact.

"It's alright," She said quietly. Raven stared at her and then her eyes went to the other two in the room. When they landed on Cullen any signs of distress she seemed to be going through were stopped in its tracks. The last thing she needed was for the Commander to think she couldn't handle herself and not allow her to train again.

"I apologize for how I acted, it was unprofessional. Do I have to put in a formal request to remain here from now on instead of going with them in the field?" She asked and Josephine hesitated.

"That is something you'll have to discuss with the Herald," She finally answered and Raven nodded. She'd already done that before she left. With a small smile to her and the other two, Raven took her hand back and walked toward the door.

"I'll be in my tent if you need anything else from me," She announced respectfully, addressing Leliana, Josephine, and Cullen like the officials they were before leaving the room. It was silent after she left, each of them lost in their own minds and thoughts.

"Leliana, what's your opinion on this?" Cullen finally asked. His words had been so unexpected that it caused both Leliana and Josephine to jump in surprise. The spymaster looked away from the door and to the Commander and smiled. She had to smile. In the last hour more questions had been answered about the girl than even Leliana had expected.

"I've never seen her react that way before..." Josephine trailed off.

"Honestly?" She asked and Cullen nodded, eager to see if they were sharing the same thought, "I am no longer questioning where her loyalties lie." Her words were met with a chuckle from the Commander.

"Glad to know I'm not the only one," he muttered softly.

It wasn't until two weeks after Raven's early arrival from the Hinterlands that Leliana received a letter from The Herald, first wanting to know if Raven had made it back safely and, after his concern had been expressed, the rest of the letter consisted of updating her on how their trip was progressing. He'd told her of Raven's helpfulness with what they had to do and recruiting Blackwall before she left and how much longer everything took with her absence. They'd finally finished in the Hinterlands and were traveling to Val Royeaux to investigate the Red Jenny letters from their time in the city before as well as attend the ball Madame de Fer had cordially invited them to. He'd also informed her of the agents Raven had recruited and let her know to expect one to arrive within the next week, a tranquil alchemist named Clemence. Raven had spoken to him after the meeting with Fiona and Magister Alexius. They expected to be back in Haven within a week.

In the time Raven had been back she threw herself into anything that would keep her mind busy; most of her time was spent with either Cullen's soldiers or Bull's Chargers training and learning new techniques. Stitches, Bull's designated healer, had even taught her to make a couple poisons to coat her blades if she ever needed the extra damage boost. During her down time she was usually found helping others. Adan was teaching her more about the herbs and even showing her ones that couldn't be gathered in the game, Harritt taught her basic blacksmithing and how to read weapon and armor schematics, and when Flissa didn't need help serving drinks and food, Raven was usually in the tavern anyway, having decided that drawing and writing would be fun to get into again. It had taken her a while to get used to the feel and texture of the new paper she'd been given by Josephine and was absolutely thrilled to learn how to use a quill and ink. She had yet to see her pen case and notebooks since she'd left it and her stories with Varric before the trip and would likely never see them again.

"You're very good," a voice said from right next to her causing Raven to jump and drop the quill she was using onto the table. When she looked up her eyes met Cullen's and she smiled. His hand flew to the back of his neck and he let out a nervous laugh. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Raven put the stopper back into the tiny bottle of black ink and she moved the quill onto an old piece of cloth, her outline seeming to be no longer important as she motioned for him to take a seat in the chair next to her.

"No need to apologize, Commander," Raven insisted. Cullen stared down at her for another moment before taking a seat next to her. "I take it the soldiers are done training for the day?" She asked and he nodded.

"They're a strong bunch," he commented, "Smart, too. Thank you for helping them with training. So many are new and don't realize all we're up against. Your style, although different, at least teaches them to be ready for more than just shields and swords." He explained, his eyes on Raven as she brushed the few copper strands that had fallen out of the loose braid back behind her ears while adjusting her position in her seat.

"It's not a problem. They get to learn and I get to stay in shape, killing two birds with one stone," Raven said happily, making light of the compliment. Cullen noticed that she didn't handle them well and learned to not take it too personally.

"I want to apologize again for my reluctance. I shouldn't have brushed off your requests like I did without hearing you through and giving you a chance. It was wrong of me." He wanted to continue his explanation but when he looked over at her and saw her still smiling, clearly amused, he was suddenly at a loss for words.

"You are entirely too proper Commander," Raven finally said. "It's just us and I'm no one to impress." He watched in silence as she adjusted her position, bringing her legs up and resting her chin on them, never breaking eye contact. Cullen had to wonder if she knew how intimidating she seemed.

"I don't see why you feel that way," he replied, "You're a woman worthy of respect." Flissa came and set down two mugs of what he assumed was ale and two plates. Cullen's had meat and potatoes while the one she'd set closer to Raven-to the right of her papers-had a smaller piece of meat, what had to have been a spoonful of potatoes, a cut up apple, and some grapes. He noticed the way the barmaid smiled at Raven before walking away.

"She's using a new recipe," Raven said quietly as Cullen waited for her to take the first bite of her food. Not many men observed that sort of chivalry anymore but growing up in a house full of women it was a part of him like many other things. When she noticed he made no move to start eating she threw him a questioning look, "Everything alright?"

"Yes, of course," he answered while realizing she must not have understood. "It's usually polite for a man to wait until a woman starts eating first." His explanation made him feel silly, especially when her eyes widened like she'd never even heard of the custom. He noticed the way her cheeks turned a light shade of pink as she reached out, grabbed a grape, and put it to her lips to take a bite. Once it was gone he smiled at her.

"It's... it's usually meant for dinner companions that aren't family. Is that custom something you're not used to?" He asked while picking up his utensils and cutting into the meat. She shook her head silently, picking up a piece of apple. There was a soft crack as she bit the piece in half.

"Back home the only men I saw and interacted with on a daily or regular basis were usually part of my family or my dad's military friends," she explained, "a father, two uncles, a grandfather on my father's side, and six father figures from the military. All were trainers. I had two friends back home: both girls and both my age." Cullen listened quietly, noticing the smile on her face as she spoke of those closest to her. He wondered if she spoke of them to anyone else or i it was just him.

"You've never had…" he started to ask but then trailed off, not sure if it were appropriate to inquire about such a thing. She seemed to catch on but she just shrugged.

"I had a boyfriend once." She answered his unfinished question quietly, "He fell for the image of an innocent and harmless tiny ginger girl." Cullen watched as she let out a small chuckle. "No one expects a girl barely five feet, two inches tall who weighs ninety-five pounds dripping wet to have the skill set that I have. It ended rather quickly once he found out. 'Too intimidating' and 'not right for a girl to have' were his words." She finished and took another grape from her plate.

"Was he jealous?" Cullen found himself asking only to earn another laugh from her.

"No man wants a woman who can fight as good, if not better, than him." She replied and was surprised at how much that statement seemed to hurt her. She didn't show it though and instead smiled at Cullen who was silent, staring at her. "What about you, Commander, any girlfriends to speak of?" She knew the answer already and was rewarded when his cheeks turned pink. Olivia, her friend back home would've had so much fun with him.

"Why would you…" He started and brought his hand to the back of his neck, "No. I mean, I've been with women before but there's no one right now." Raven almost felt bad for the embarrassment she was causing the poor man but couldn't deny that it was absolutely adorable and too hard to pass up.

"You need to relax, Commander," she told him again. He was about to reply when the door to the tavern opened to reveal Varric and Bull. They were halfway to their normal table when both noticed Raven seated in the dwarf's usual spot and the Commander seated beside her. Forgetting anything else she was about to say to Cullen she jumped up and ran to Varric, throwing herself to him in a hug that almost knocked the dwarf back if Bull hadn't braced him at the last moment.

"Damn, Ginger!" Varric laughed when she finally pulled away only to be taken into the arms of Bull. After a quick hug which brought her off the ground he set her down. She stared up at the large Qunari, still smiling even as he tried his best to appear stern with her. His arms didn't leave her sides.

"You are never allowed to leave again," Bull ordered only to have Raven roll her eyes, worm her way out of his grip, and make her way back to the chair she had been sitting in. Cullen was looking much more professional than he had been when Varric and Bull walked in and both had to wonder if something had been going on between them.

"So how was the trip?" She asked leaning back in her seat while taking another grape from her plate.

"After you left it went about as expected," Bull said bluntly and wasn't exaggerating. He and Varric had spent the next hour telling her and Cullen what it was like after she'd left them in Redcliffe. Christopher had barely spoken to Cassandra, they were delayed for another few days in the Hinterlands because of some errands she offered to help with and also met and accepted the offer of a mage who wished to join the Inquisition. Raven knew they were speaking of Vivienne but kept her mouth shut. Bull was the one to mention Sera, describing her as a quirky elf who hated elves but was damn good with a bow. Once Cullen had gotten up to leave, back to addressing Raven as 'Miss O'Hara', and was out the door Varric was the first to begin the interrogation.

"So you and Curly are making nice, huh?" He asked and it caused Raven to choke on her own breath.

"Not in a million years." She answered, "He's cute in a boy scout type of way, but he couldn't handle me even on his best days. We were going over some training strategies for his soldiers. I've been helping him." She responded, both entertaining and confusing the two older men, not having any idea what a boy scout was.

"Cullen's letting you help train the soldiers?" Bull inquired and Raven nodded.

"I needed the distraction when I came back and he felt my combat styles would prove useful." Raven explained, "I'm sorry I left. It had nothing to do with you two." Bull held up a hand, stopping the young girl.

"No need to explain. Seeker was out of line and I'm surprised you lasted as long as you did," he told her with a small smile. "I think she feels bad for it, too." He continued before taking a drink of whatever Flissa had brought him. Raven watched, amused, as he coughed a little and tried to tell her how good it was.

"Where are they now, anyway?" She asked finally noticing the others had yet to be seen.

"Christopher and Cassandra brought our two newest members to the Chantry for introductions and to report about our wonderful vacation from Haven. Is Blackwall here?" Varric answered and Raven nodded in response to his question. He arrived a day before she had and spent most of his time near the blacksmith. She hadn't talked to him much.

"If he's not over by Harritt, he's probably asleep in his tent," she explained finally moving to her small piece of meat on the plate. They noticed in the time she'd been there that it could never be called 'eating' when it came to Raven. One plate of food could last her an hour because she'd nibble. They wondered if that method was why she was so small but didn't dare ask. Raven smiled at Varric and Bull from her seat at the table. It was nice to have them back.


	7. Chapter 7

It had been four days since the party's arrival from Val Royeaux with Madame Vivienne and Sera when a small elf messenger found Raven among the training grounds and asked her to come to the war room. She had been sparing with Krem for the last hour, her hair messy and black shirt damp with sweat despite the cold. Still, she nodded and looked back to smile at Bull's second in command while graciously accepting his offer to take her practice daggers so she wouldn't keep them waiting. With a quick, friendly kiss on the cheek she leaned down, grabbed her sweatshirt, and made her way to the chantry while throwing the small article of clothing over her bare shoulders. When she entered the chantry she could already hear the voices of Leliana and Cullen in the war room. They didn't stop the conversation as she quietly opened the door, came in, closed it, and leaned against the far wall while watching the familiar conversation unfold before her, almost giddy with excitement though she didn't show it.

"We don't have the manpower to take the castle!" Cullen explained to Cassandra, "Either we find another way in or give up this nonsense and go get the Templars."

"Redcliffe is in the hands of a Magister. This cannot be allowed to stand." Cassandra argued back much more heatedly than Raven remembered her doing in the game. It was true, what Alexius was planning to do with those mages was unforgivable. Then again, the Templars' fate was pretty awful as well.

"The letter from Alexius asked for the Herald of Andraste by name. It's an obvious trap," Josephine added in. Christopher was standing among the three advisors and Cassandra listening to their debate, his eyes on Raven though she did her best to ignore him. They had yet to speak to each other since his return to Haven.

"We can't waste time fighting among ourselves. We have to come to an agreement," Christopher finally said causing everyone in the room except Raven to look at him.

"A Tevinter Magister controls Redcliffe, invites us to the castle to talk, and some of us want to do nothing." Even though she wasn't looking at the group anymore Raven knew it was Leliana who spoke and that it was directed towards Josephine.

"Not this again." The beautiful Antivan nearly groaned while glaring at her long-time friend. Raven could picture it in her mind and fought the urge to smile.

"Redcliffe Castle is one of the most defensible fortresses in Ferelden. It has repelled thousands of assaults," Cullen spoke up. Raven knew he had his hand on the hilt of his sword again and made a mental note to ask him if all warriors did that or if it was just him next time they were alone. "If you go in there you'll die and we'll lose the only means we have of closing these rifts. I won't allow it!"

"And if we don't even try to meet Alexius we lose the mages and leave a hostile foreign power on our doorstep," Leliana argued, clearly growing annoyed.

"Even if we could assault the keep it would be for naught." Josephine added, "An 'Orlesian' Inquisition's army marching into Ferelden would provoke a war. Our hands are tied."

"The Magister-" Cassandra went to argue but Cullen cut her off.

"Has outplayed us," he finished for the Seeker. Raven started to pick at the sleeves of her sweatshirt.

"We can't just give up. There has to be something we can do," Christopher said calmly after a few seconds. He caught Raven nodding to herself and looking at everyone but him. Every time he'd searched for her she'd been off on an errand.

"We cannot accept defeat now. There must be a solution." Cassandra agreed with him. They'd make a cute couple, Raven thought to herself and smiled at the idea. Leliana caught the young girl suppress a laugh but said nothing; they'd talk later.

"Other than the main gate there's got to be another way into the castle. A sewer? A water course? Something?" He was sounding desperate now and not only to Raven's ears. Come on Leliana, Raven ground out unaware that she was becoming fidgety.

"There's nothing I know of that would work," Cullen answered. As much as Raven liked and respected the man she couldn't help the tiny string of curses flowing through her mind. Of course he wouldn't know. He didn't sneak into the Castle with the Hero of Ferelden years ago.

"Wait," Leliana finally said, "There is a secret passage into the castle, an escape route for the family. It's too narrow for our troops but we could send agents through." Raven let out a small sigh.

"Too risky. Those agents will be discovered well before they reach the Magister." Shut it, Cullen, the tinier of the redheads screamed in her mind as she repositioned herself against the wall. She'd have to get a new pair of shoes soon, her feet were starting to hurt.

"That's why we need a distraction. Perhaps the envoy Alexius wants so badly?" Leliana suggested. To Raven's complete surprise Leliana looked directly at her, "What's your opinion on this Raven?" The Spymaster, Cullen, Josephine, Christopher, and Cassandra all looked at the wide eyed girl who was clearly not expecting to participate in the discussion she knew so well.

"It'll work, but Christopher can't go alone." Leliana looked at the girl. It was obvious that the Herald wouldn't go unattended, but she wanted to know what the girl's reasoning was.

"Why?" She asked simply and Cassandra let out a disgruntled noise. Raven didn't move from her spot near the wall but looked directly at the other redhead, then Cullen, and she spoke when her eyes landed on Christopher.

"If he shows up by himself their attention will be exactly that, on just him. It'll be quicker and easier to do something if they wanted to. However, if he shows up with others - even a small party of four - it'll be significantly harder to keep their attention on everyone. They'd most likely be so caught up in making sure the entire party isn't up to something that they won't notice the agents moving in, leaving Christopher to do what he needs to do with Alexius." Leliana smiled.

"Keeping attention on Trevelyan while we disable the Magister's defenses; It's a gamble but it could work." Cullen agreed while turning his gaze to Raven who was back to picking at the sleeves of her jacket, a small smile on her face. She didn't look up as the door opened causing everyone else in the room to look to the doorway as a tanned man with dark hair entered. An agent ran behind him.

"Fortunately you'll have help," the stranger announced proudly.

"This man says he has information about the Magister and his methods, Commander." The agent informed Cullen. Raven's smile grew.

"It's great to see you again, Dorian." Raven greeted politely. Dorian looked at the small, oddly dressed rogue and smiled at her, "I hope Haven wasn't too hard to find."

"Not at all, my dear, It's wonderful to see you again, as well," he returned the sentiment before standing next to Christopher. "Your spies will never get past Alexius's magic without my help so if you're going after him, I'm coming along," he announced and Raven had to fight back the fangirl side of her that wanted to dance out of sheer happiness. It was hard.

"The plan puts you in the most danger," Cullen said, looking away from Dorian to Christopher, "We can't, in good conscience, order you to do this. We can still go after the Templars if you'd rather not play the bait. It's up to you."

"No," Christopher countered, "We need to do this. I'll let my party know and we'll head out in the morning." He answered Cullen sternly. Raven could tell the Commander's hesitance towards Mages was starting to bother him. It bothered her, too; but she couldn't blame him after the Circle of Ferelden and Kirkwall. He just needed more faith and hope in humanity-that was what Olivia, her best friend back home, had always told her while defending him. With his words the meeting seemed to be adjourned and Raven quickly made her way over to Leliana.

"I'm not a member of the Inquisition. Why was I instructed to come here?" She asked quietly. Leliana smiled and looked at something behind Raven, causing her to turn around. Christopher and Cassandra stood in front of her as Dorian made his way over to the wall where she had been not a minute before. "What's going on?"

"I apologize for how I treated you in the Hinterlands," Cassandra said after a few moments of silence, "I need to remember that you, like The Herald, are helping us even though you don't have to and it doesn't go unappreciated." Raven wondered for a moment if she'd hit her head while training with Krem earlier. Cassandra's eyes met hers Raven felt herself nod in acceptance.

"As I've told the advisors, I just want to help. Your apology means a lot to me and I hope we can talk again in the future." She replied cordially and noticed the small smile on Christopher's face. "What?"

"I know you said you won't go out into the field again, but I want you to come with me when I meet with Alexius." Dorian watched her as the Herald spoke and liked how her eyes seemed to widen in surprise. Back in the Hinterlands the Chantry had been dim and she'd been far enough away that he didn't notice how green those eyes were, standing out from her pale skin and red hair. She reminded him of a doll, a very deadly and dangerous doll.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" She asked, looking for any objection from Cullen, Josephine, or Leliana, even Cassandra or Dorian, but none of them said anything, they just watched the exchange. Raven thought of what she knew would happen, not just to Christopher and Dorian but the others who decided to go with him. If they were really sent into the future he and Dorian would see the outcome of their world, should they fail. He would see the effects of what would happen to the others he brought. She knew the fates of the others but what would hers be? If it really happened would Christopher even tell her? With a small sigh she looked back to the mage to see that he was still staring at her.

"Fine," she said sternly causing Cullen to chuckle from his place two feet away from her, "I'll go on one condition."

"What's the condition?" Christopher asked a little nervous to hear what her mind had conjured up. He'd give it to her though, if it meant her coming with him. His companions seemed to be more at ease in her presence.

"On our way back I get to farm more materials. No farming, no deal." Cassandra watched as Raven stood a little straighter and crossed her arms over her chest and had to roll her eyes. The girl was about six inches shorter than Christopher and a third-possibly half-of his size, and although she wasn't sure what farming had to do with gathering materials, she was impressed at the young girls determination.

"Do Harritt and Adan need more materials?" Christopher asked while confusion and a smile lined his features. "You gathered so much when you were there last time. We brought back three chests and gave it to them." She shook her head.

"Harritt has a schematic for a scout coat I'd like to make that seems to be a lot warmer than the sweatshirt I have on." Raven explained, "I didn't have a chance to get all the things I needed for it before I left." She watched as Christopher thought about her proposal, or pretended to think. It was obvious she had yet to go into her tent since the coat she was talking about had been there since noon. It was made of the fennec fur as she had wanted but when it required cloth as well Christopher had ring velvet added at Harritts recommendation. It had been Cassandra's idea to have the coat made, an apology gift; but per the Seeker's request, Raven wasn't supposed to know that she had been the one behind it.

"Alright," he finally said. "Pack up anything you need, we're leaving early." Christopher said as he turned to leave. Dorian followed behind him. With the exception of the advisors it was only she and Cassandra left in the war room. Raven made a motion to leave, but the last thing she expected was the Seeker to gently grab onto her arm. The two women looked at each other and Raven braced herself.

"I'm sorry again," she said and Raven felt herself relax. "I've always been one to judge and act quickly, then ask questions later. Thank you for your help." It was silent between the two as Cassandra waited for Raven to reply. She studied the young girls face, looking for any sign of anger or hostility but found none. Instead she was met with a smile.

"Between us, I probably would've been the same way."

Since her arrival Raven wondered what it would be like walking into Redcliffe Castle; to be where so much had happened, where Connor had come into contact with the desire demon and where Arl Eamon had woken with the help of Andraste's ashes. Unfortunately, under the Magister's control, Raven was slightly disappointed to feel nothing but wrongness and oppression when she'd entered the building alongside Christopher, Cassandra, and Bull. Members of the Venatori stood guard and were silent as they were approached.

"Introduce us," Christopher ordered and was met by a regal looking man in a blue tunic.

"The Magister's invitation was for Master Trevelyan only. The others will have to remain here," he said as he looked past Christopher to the other three with disgust. Raven rolled her eyes and the warriors watched to see what she would do.

"Where I go they go," Christopher said simply and the man said nothing, staring at him as if Christopher would suddenly change his mind. After a few moments he turned around and began ascending the stairs to the main hall, the Inquisition party following behind him while passing Venatori agents, something Raven wasn't happy about. Christopher looked back to Raven and smiled at her; she was wearing the coat he and Cassandra had made for her, and she looked absolutely beautiful. When she came out of her tent wearing it the first time he'd made a mental note to himself how her pale skin and copper hair had contrasted against the royal blue and to use it when he could in future armor designs for her, assuming she didn't take matters into her own hands.

Alexius sat proudly in the chair that once held Eamon and Teagan and it astounded Raven how angry it made her. Felix was standing to his side and threw a smile at Raven as she approached with Christopher and other others, it was something she carefully returned without giving too much away. Alexius smiled at them as well and Raven had to fight the urge to bury one of her daggers into his head.

"My Lord Magister, the agents of the Inquisition have arrived," the snooty guy in the blue tunic announced. Alexius stood up and took a few steps toward Christopher. Felix moved too, Raven wasn't sure why.

"My friend," Alexius exclaimed while doing his best to appear cheerful, "It's so good to see you again. and your associates of course." His eyes fell on Raven. "I'm sure we can work out some arrangement that is equitable to all parties."

"Are we mages to have no voice in deciding our fate?" Fiona asked while coming forward.

"Fiona, you would not have turned your followers over to my care if you did not trust me with their lives," Alexius countered in the same annoyingly pleasant voice he used with Christopher not even ten seconds before. While the other members of her party were growing even more irritated, Raven couldn't help but feel the nerves turn in her stomach. It was coming up fast, she thought.

"If the Grand Enchanter wants to be part of these talks then I welcome her as a guest of the Inquisition," Christopher informed while looking at the elf.

"Thank you," She replied, seeming surprised that he'd included her. Alexius turned and walked back to the throne of Arl Teagan and Raven glared at the man.

"The Inquisition needs mages to close the Breach and I have them. So what shall you offer in exchange?" He asked with that stupid smile still on his face. Raven hoped she would be allowed to punch him before the day was out.

"Nothing at all," Christopher said politely. The Magister glared at Raven when she let out a chuckle, "I'm just going to take the mages and leave." His attention turned to Christopher.

"And how do you imagine you'll accomplish that feat?" Alexius asked. Felix gave her a final smile and turned toward his father.

"He knows everything, Father," The young man revealed, his voice grave. Any pleasantness Alexius had been trying to portray vanished as he looked at his son. A part of Raven almost felt sympathetic but she quickly shook that off.

"Felix, what have you done?" He asked.

"Your son is concerned that you're involved in something terrible." Christopher explained, hoping the Magister could still see reason.

"So speaks the thief. Do you think you can turn my own son against me?" Alexius bit out as he turned to look at Christopher again. Felix continued to look at his father. "You walk into my stronghold with your _stolen_ mark - a gift you don't even understand - and think you're in control?" Alexius stood up and took a few steps toward Christopher. Raven knew he wouldn't attack, not yet, but she could feel her instincts screaming at her to protect him. "You're nothing but a mistake," he finished.

"What do you know about the Divine's death?" Christopher asked, not expecting the way the conversation was turning.

"It was the Elder One's moment and you were unworthy even to stand in his presence!" Alexius exclaimed.

"Father, listen to yourself. Do you know what you sound like?" Felix asked, growing worried. Raven's eyes shot to her left where she knew Dorian would emerge. _Queue the sexy, man-loving Tevinter necromancer in 3… 2… 1._

"He sounds exactly like the sort of villainous cliché everyone expects us to be," Dorian remarked as he emerged from behind a pillar. _Totally called it!_ Raven thought as a proud smile briefly formed on her face before her attention was back on the conversation between Christopher, Dorian, and Alexius.

"Dorian." The tone Alexius used to address the man was that of addressing a man who slaughtered your entire family. Sadness, betrayal, and anger ebbed in his voice. "I gave you a chance to be a part of this. You turned me down. The Elder One has power you would not believe, He will raise the Imperium from its own ashes."

"That's who you serve? The one who killed the Divine? Is he a mage?" Christopher asked, the anger in his voice clear as day.

"Soon he will become a God." Alexius answered him, reverence obvious, "He will make the world bow to mages once more. We will rule from the Boeric Ocean to the Frozen Seas."

"You can't involve my people in this!" Fiona shouted. Dorian stepped forward.

"Alexius, this is exactly what you and I talked about never wanting to happen. Why would you support this?" Raven looked at Felix as Dorian spoke. When she nodded at him he turned to address Alexius.

"Stop it, Father. Give up the Venatori, let the southern mages fight the Breach, and let's go home." He tried to reason as Alexius turned his back on the party. He turned to Felix.

"No! It's the only way, Felix. He can save you," Alexius told his son, almost sounding broken in Raven's ears.

"Save me?" Felix sounded angry.

"There is a way. The Elder One promised. If I undo the mistake at the Temple…" He tried to explain but trailed off. Felix glared at his father.

"I'm going to die, you need to accept that!" Raven felt Cassandra's eyes on her, but she continued to watch the Magister.

"Seize them Venatori. The Elder One demands this man's life!" He ordered and from the corner of her eye she saw and heard Cassandra start to draw her sword. Raven held off on drawing her weapons as the sounds of knives cutting flesh, cracking, and groaning filled the room followed by bodies, one after another, falling to the floor.

"Your men are dead Alexius." Christopher stated the obvious.

"You are a mistake!" Alexius sneered, "You never should have existed." It was time. Alexius's green locket started to glow causing Dorian to cry out and before Raven knew what happened, the green rift had appeared, disappeared, and Christopher and Dorian were gone.

He had landed in something cold and wet and his mind briefly wondered if that was how Raven felt when she woke up in the snow two miles outside Haven. A quick look around before the two guards showed up made it fairly obvious both he and Dorian were in a prison cell, water coming up to their knees and still dripping from the ceiling. Red lyrium crowded the walls in large clumps like what he'd seen at the Temple of Sacred Ashes and the Hinterlands and the place smelled of mold. The guards that came in were Venatori and wasted no time trying to attack. It was over before it started and Christopher had taken the prison key from one of the guards before Dorian finally said something.

"Displacement? Interesting." He muttered to himself, looking around at the mess they had made, "It's probably not what Alexius intended. The rift must have moved us… to what? The closest confluence of arcane energy." Christopher listened and watched Dorian look around, but his mind was still reeling.

"The last thing I remember we were in the castle hall," he supplied and Dorian looked at him, standing up from his crouching position.

"Let's see, if we're still in the castle it isn't… oh! Of course! It's not simply where - it's when!" Christopher stared at the other mage not sure exactly what to say. "Alexius used the amulet as a focus. It moved us through time!"

"Did we go forward in time or back...and how far?" Christopher questioned. Dorian was more experienced and had a better understanding of time magic than he did, obviously.

"Those are excellent questions," Dorian commented, "We'll have to find out won't we? Let's look around and see where the rift took us. Then we can figure out how to get back… if we can." Christopher hated how uncertain and grave Dorian's tone turned and part of him feared the worst.

"What do you think happened to the others?" Christopher asked, his mind going to Cassandra, Bull, and Raven.

"I honestly have no idea. I hope that little redhead's okay though. Something was different about her." He didn't know half of it, Christopher thought but nodded in agreement anyway.

"Then let's go," He finally said and with key in hand he made his way to unlock the cell door. Once they were out and started to explore, Christopher learned that it wasn't only their cell that seemed to be in bad shape. Water soaked through their robes, though instead of coming up to his knees like it had been it just reached his ankles. Red lyrium was everywhere, some chunks smaller than others and some big enough to even block doors and passageways. Once they made their way up the stairs, there were two doors: one to the left and one to the right. Dorian followed Christopher up the left first only to come to a room with a couple cells and large veins of red lyrium.

"Alexius has made a dreadful mess of this place, hasn't he?" Dorian commented as they made their way through the room and Christopher nodded in agreement.

"I didn't see this part of the castle before," Christopher replied going through a random chest to see a mace, gold, and a belt. He only bothered with the gold.

"It was covered in the tackiest carvings of wolves and dogs I'd ever seen. This is not an improvement." Christopher smirked as Dorian recalled previous decorations. It sounded like every Ferelden's dream home and definitely better than what he was currently seeing. Their path was blocked by more red lyrium so he quickly turned around, went back down the stairs and up the other small set straight across the hall. Through the door there were more flooded cells. Cassandra was the first one they found, sitting in a cell reciting old Chantry prayers. She continued sitting even when she looked up and saw Dorian and Christopher approach her.

"You've returned to us. Can it be? Has Andraste given us another chance?" Her voice was changed, distorted. Her eyes had a red tint to them. He remembered Varric telling him how red lyrium can do things to the body and mind. "Maker forgive me, I failed you. I failed everyone. The end must truly be upon us if the dead return to life," Cassandra continued.

"You look wounded." Christopher stated, "Maybe we can help."

"Nothing you do can help me now. I'll be with the maker soon." She brushed aside his concern and he was surprised how his chest suddenly hurt at the thought.

"Alexius sent us forward in time. If we find him we may be able to return to the present," Dorian explained. Cassandra stood up and moved closer to the bars of her cell.

"Go back in time? Then… Can you make it so that none of this ever took place?" She asked, her distorted voice sounding hopeful.

"That's what I hope," Christopher answered.

"Alexius's master," she started, "After you died we could not stop the Elder One from rising. Empress Celene was murdered. The army that swept in afterwards - it was a horde of demons. Nothing stopped them. Nothing." "I should have been there to help you," Christopher lamented.

"You're here now," she replied.

They were in 9:42 Dragon according to the Grand Enchanter. It was hard to understand her through the pain in her voice as the red lyrium encased her. She'd also told him that Cassandra wasn't the only one of his companions in the castle; Iron Bull, Raven, and Leliana were being held as well and Christopher could feel his heart start to beat overtime at the thought of them suffering the same fate as Cassandra had.

Iron Bull was the second companion found, Christopher would've missed him if it hadn't been for his loud voice suddenly interrupting the dungeons eerie silence to sing about bottles of beer. When he turned in his cell to look at them it was clear he'd suffered. And even though his voice was less distorted, his eye had the same red tint.

"You're not dead?" Iron Bull said, almost sounding disappointed, "You're supposed to be dead. There was a burn on the ground and everything." Dorian moved forward and unlocked the cell gate.

"Alexius didn't kill us. His spell sent us through time. This is our future." The mage explained and Bull didn't look amused.

"Well it's _my_ present and in my past I definitely saw you both die," he argued. Christopher ignored his comment.

"Are you alright? You don't look so good," he asked and moved backward as Bull left the cell he'd been confined in.

"Red lyrium. If I'm lucky it'll kill me. If not, I'm hoping I die fighting," he explained looking down at the young, pale mage.

"You're dying?" Christopher exclaimed.

"No, he's not. If we find Alexius we go back and none of this will happen. Remember?" Dorian explained more to Christopher than to Iron Bull. Bull didn't seem to mind too much.

"Kill Alexius. Sounds good. Let's go."

A door to the left and going straight had them upstairs on a metal grating where two Venatori were stationed. With a simple fire spell from Christopher one burned to death while Bull kicked the other off the metal platform. A door to the left lead down the stairs to another room with cells and very little red lyrium. So little that Raven wasn't like the others, but that didn't mean she hadn't suffered. Dorian was the one who found her, barely hearing the soft rise and fall of her voice as she sang to herself, her hands around her knees. She looked towards the door when she heard it open and backed away. Despite Dorian's objection Christopher found himself rushing toward her cell, opening the door, and throwing himself to the ground, on his knees in front of her. Her green eyes were dull and her hair was so much longer and matted. Her cheeks were cut and her right eye, jaw, and arms were bruised. One could only imagine how she fared under the clothes she was wearing.

"Raven, it's me. It's Christopher," he whispered quietly. She stared at him and finally stretched out a hand to lightly pinch his shoulder before a wide smile graced her face.

"I thought you and Dorian would never come." She cried out quietly, her body lurching toward him with such force he almost fell over. Her arms wrapped around him and he could feel the heat involuntarily reach his cheeks as he felt her face nuzzle into his neck. When she pulled away he helped her stand, "I knew it would only be a year but it felt like so much longer." Her words caught him off guard.

"You knew we would end up here?" He kept his words quiet and she nodded as she clutched him tighter. There was so much he wanted to ask but couldn't bring himself to form the questions in his mind to say.

"I did but couldn't say anything. I didn't have the power to stop it so I did what I could to make it as difficult for them as possible. I'm so sorry."

"What happened to you?" He finally asked noticing that she was smaller, much smaller. She looked down at herself and shrugged.

"I guess I do look like I was rode hard and put up wet. You and Dorian disappeared but I knew you weren't dead so I fought. I fought the Venatori and killed as many fucking demons from his army as I could. My daggers broke while I was helping fight a pride demon and I was blindsided by one of those green praying mantis looking ones that can teleport," she told him quietly, not seeming to notice Cassandra and Bull. "Felix pleaded with his father and the Elder One on my behalf but I was interrogated. It hurt more than I thought it would, but I didn't say anything. They thought a nice stay in this cell here would soften me up. I knew you'd come back. You'll make this right."

"I'll do my best to and when we get back I'll get some stronger daggers made for you." _And find out what else you know_ ,he promised and she smiled. Following him outside the cell he was surprised to see the tiny girl rush to Cassandra and throw her arms around the Seeker in hug, which the older woman uncharacteristically returned.

"I was so scared I'd never see you again." They heard Raven mutter quietly, "I tried getting out to help you but -" The Seeker pulled back and put a finger to Raven's lips and she went quiet.

"You don't need to apologize. You risked your life and freedom for me so I never want to hear that you're sorry," Cassandra admonished. "Let's get out of here and find Leliana. Alexius is held up in the throne room." Raven nodded and grabbed a pair of iron daggers from the chest beside the door.

"She's in the torture chambers. I know the way," Raven responded quietly.

By the time they had found Leliana in the torture chamber, closed rifts, and deciphered the magical lock on the throne room door Christopher was seething and ready for bloodshed. The world had been destroyed by the will of the Elder One and he vowed to make the bastard pay. Alexius was standing facing the fireplace when they entered the throne room and made no movement or sound as Christopher and his reunited party approached.

"It's over Alexius," Christopher announced.

"So it is." The Magister agreed. "I knew you would appear again, not that it would be now, but I knew I hadn't destroyed you. My final failure."

"Was it worth it, everything you did to this world? To yourself?" Dorian asked.

"It doesn't matter now. All we can do is wait for the end," he replied sounding utterly defeated and broken. Christopher knew better though.

"What do you mean? What's ending?" Christopher still asked. Alexius started to chuckle.

"The irony that you should appear now of all the possibilities. All that I fought for, all that I betrayed, and what have I wrought? Ruin and death, there is nothing else! The Elder One comes for me, for you, for us all." There was a commotion and Alexius was cut off as Leliana grabbed something on the ground and held her dagger to it's throat. "Felix!"

"That's Felix? Maker's breath, Alexius, what have you done?" Dorian exclaimed. Alexius put a hand out to Felix and Leliana.

"Please don't hurt my son. I'll do anything you ask."

"Hand over the amulet and we'll let him go," Christopher demanded. Alexius looked between the young mage and Leliana still holding her dagger to his son's throat.

"Let him go and I swear you'll get what you want," he promised.

"I want the world back." Leliana sneered before slicing Felix's throat and throwing him down. Christopher noticed, from the corner of his eye, that Raven had to turn away from the sight and remembered what she'd told them in Redcliffe about him being sick and the tears she'd shed for him. Alexius cried out, whether it was in anger or despair Christopher wasn't sure and didn't have time to think about it as Alexius attacked.

"He wanted to die," Dorian murmured quietly to himself as he kneeled down over the dead body of Alexius. Christopher, who had been standing by Raven as the tiny rogue caught her breath walked over to his fellow mage. "All those lies he told himself, the justifications. He lost Felix long ago and didn't even notice. Oh, Alexius." Dorian stood up, eye level with Christopher and sighed.

"I know you cared for him." Christopher tried to console him.

"Once he was a man to whom I compared all others. Sad isn't it?" Dorian asked and Christopher shook his head in disagreement. "This is the same amulet he used before. I think it's the same one he made in Minrathous. That's a relief." Although he spoke directly to his fellow mage Dorian's eyes traveled to the young redhead and watched as she slowly made her way over to the body of Felix. She held him and kissed his forehead before smiling down at him. Curious, he thought to himself. That thought would stay with him, but he forced himself to continue focusing on Christopher. "Give me an hour to work out the spell we need and I should be able to reopen the fade."

"An hour!" Leliana exclaimed, "That's impossible, you must go now!" A distant, angry cry suddenly resounded through the castle followed by a loud banging that caused the walls to shake and tiny pieces of stone from the ceiling to fall. Raven had positioned Felix into a ceremonial funeral position and was now walking to where Leliana, Christopher, and Dorian stood while drawing her daggers. "The Elder One," The Spymaster announced.

"You have to hurry, there isn't much time," Raven urged, stopping to stand in front of Christopher. She gave him a sad smile.

"We'll hold the main door," Cassandra declared, "Once they break through it's all to you Leliana."

"I can't let you commit suicide," he argued while looking to Raven, Cassandra, and Bull.

"Look at us, we're already dead. The only way we live is if this day never comes," Leliana argued back. Christopher wasn't looking at her though. He met Raven's gaze as she brought a warm hand to his cheek and let out a childish giggle so unlike her.

"What else do you know, Raven? You knew we would end up here. What else is going to happen?" He asked quickly.

"Sweet boy," She murmured and stood up on her toes to kiss him lightly on the cheek. He grabbed her arm as she pulled away, "I can't tell you but know that everything I do and say, no matter how strange, is to insure that you and the Inquisition succeed. You are my family now. Go back and make this right. Our lives are counting on you. Don't rest once the Breach is closed, people will you need you then more than ever, more than you'll know, and remember that you promised me new daggers." Christopher wanted to ask what she meant about those who needed him and insist she tell him what she knew and how that knowledge came to her; his mind was racing with questions and possibilities, but Raven had wormed out of his grasp and was making her way to the main room with Cassandra and Bull.

"Cast your spell. You have as much time as I have arrows," Leliana warned while taking her spot to guard the door. It took roughly ten minutes for Dorian to figure out the spell. Christopher could hear his three companions in the main room and their cries of pain.

"Though darkness comes I am shielded by flame." Leliana began reciting an old prayer he knew from the Chantry while readying her bow. The main hall doors flew open. "Andraste guide me. Maker take me to your side." As demons entered she began firing arrows, one after the other. Eventually, an arrow came flying and hit her shoulder and still she didn't stop. Christopher rushed to help her but was stopped before he could get too far.

"You move and we all die," Dorian shouted over the noise. Christopher didn't move any farther and watched Leliana fight off the Venatori agents trying to pass her. Christopher heard the familiar popping and crackle of the time rift opening and turned towards it, only to look back as he heard Leliana cry out as a Venatori agent grabbed her from behind and brought a dagger to her throat. He felt Dorian's arm tighten on his arm as there was a flash of green and he appeared before an alive but shocked Alexius.

"You'll have to do better than that," Dorian commented and Alexius dramatically fell to his knees, knowing he was defeated.

"Put aside all claim to Redcliffe and we let you live," Christopher declared, his eyes finding Raven and she smiled at him.

"You know, there's no point extending this charade." Alexius muttered and looked to his son, "Felix…" Christopher looked away from Raven and watched Felix kneel down to his father.

"It's going to be alright, Father," he said quietly though his words didn't seem to comfort the Magister.

"You'll die," he whispered to his son, tears threatening to fall.

"Everyone dies," Felix replied and stood up shortly after Alexius to be escorted out by Inquisition forces. Christopher watched them go. Dorian watched as well, feeling relieved.

"I'm glad that's over with." The moment he said that though, armed guards filed into the throne room. "Or not." Christopher felt a hand on his forearm and looked down to see Raven smiling at up him. He met her gaze and smiled back before they both turned to see Queen Anora and King Alistair approaching them and Grand Enchanter Fiona. Raven stood in awe as she watched them both, flashbacks of Origins playing through her head.

"Grand Enchanter, we'd like to discuss your abuse of our hospitality," Alistair declared and the annoyance was obvious in his voice.

"Your Majesties," Fiona addressed while walking towards them.

"When we offered the mages sanctuary we did not give them the right to drive our people from their homes," Anora admonished. Raven moved away from Christopher and took a seat on one of the stone steps leading to the throne, silently watching the exchange while wondering if Christopher would conscript the mages or take them as allies. He never said. She definitely needed to talk to him more.

"King Alistair, Queen Anora, I assure you we never intended…" Fiona tried to reply only to be cut off with a glare from the Queen.

"In light of your actions, good intentions are no longer enough," She snapped and caught the Enchanter off guard. Raven watched closely, hoping to learn how to be that intimidating in the future. Maybe the cheekbones helped. Alistair took a step toward her, clearly pissed. She missed the old, funny Alistair.

"You and your followers have worn out your welcome. Leave Ferelden or we'll be forced to make you leave." he threatened. It was easy to see he was serious but Anora was much more intimidating.

"But we have hundreds who need protection. Where will we go?" Fiona asked in a hurried tone. She looked up at Christopher as he made his way down the steps toward the three speaking.

"The Inquisition might be willing to take in the mages," he offered and the Grand Enchanter looked at him.

"And what are the terms of this arrangement?" She asked.

"Hopefully better than what Alexius gave you. The Inquisition is better than that, yes?" Dorian spoke up, addressing Christopher who nodded to the man and looked at Raven, hoping she would say something. If what the other her said in the future proved to be correct, her knowledge and words might just be their salvation. Thankfully she caught on.

"A wise man once said 'When one treats people with benevolence and reposes confidence in them, the army will be united in mind and all will be happy to serve their leaders.'" Christopher stared at the tiny girl and with her words echoing in his mind she smiled at him as he turned to Fiona to offer an alliance.


	8. Chapter 8

"Are you sure you won't come with us to seal the Breach?" Christopher asked, knowing she wouldn't change her mind. Raven turned to look at him standing in the doorway; her hair was down and covering part of her face, but he could see her smile before she stood up from her seat and slowly make her way over to him. All he could do was stare at her when she stopped within arms reach of him. He could reach out and touch her if he wanted to or if he could get away with it, rather. She didn't seem to like people unexpectedly touching her.

"Everything will be fine. You don't need me there," she replied while doing her best to sound like everything was okay. It wasn't the Breach she was worried about but what came afterwards that had her stomach in knots.

"I'd still like you to be," he said softly and paused, the words her future self had whispered to him a week ago still in his mind. There was so much he wanted to ask her about what she knew would happen and how she could possibly have that information; she could've meant anything by saying people would need him. After all, she'd experienced events of a future he had only heard about so there was no telling what else she'd seen and dealt with.

"I'll be here when you get back. I hear there's going to be a celebration." She tried changing the subject. Christopher could see it, but he decided to humor her.

"Will you save a dance for me?" He heard himself ask and was rewarded with another smile from her. In the week since Redcliffe Christopher had done his best to not let on that he knew something, anything, was likely to happen after the Breach was sealed. It was hard keeping the secret that the future Raven had told him. If she was right, the Raven standing in front of him at that exact moment couldn't tell him what was to happen and how could he bring up that subject, anyway? He would have to trust her and somehow that notion wasn't difficult to accomplish.

"I'd love to," she accepted and he was surprised when she reached out and put a gentle hand on his shoulder, "It'll give me a break from dancing with Varric and Sera." Christopher could feel the confusion grow on his face and it caused her to chuckle.

"You're quite popular," he observed and she only shrugged.

"It's not like I try to be. That's actually the very last thing I want. Like, ever." She told him, her smile fading as she stared into his eyes, "But I can't help it if Sera wants my… 'lady bits' as she so eloquently called them and it's impossible to turn down Varric with his charm." Christopher could tell she was joking, the humor in her voice gave it away.

"By 'charm' do you mean his chest hair?" He retorted and was happy to hear her laugh.

"Isn't it the same thing?" Before he could answer she pulled her hand back. "You should head up to the breach, Herald. You have work to do and I'll see you later." It had been a long time since he'd been dismissed by a woman younger and tinier than him and he wanted to make a witty retort but was at a loss for words. He watched her as she turned and went back to her chair, secluded from everyone else. With a small sigh he turned and left the Chantry and made his way to Cassandra and Solas. It was going to be a long night.

It seemed like forever before she heard Christopher's footsteps receding and, when they were gone completely, Raven let out a sigh. It wasn't as if she liked playing the antisocial card-even though she proved to be very good at it-but her stomach was turning and it felt like she was going to be sick. In the last week she'd done everything in her power outside of her normal routine to prepare for the attack. The mine Christopher would drop down into now had some padding to lessen the hard impact, a blanket, and a mixture of health and lyrium potions. The trebuchets worked perfectly, boxes were moved out of the way of doors the best she could make them, and vantage points were easy to get to, but she was still restless. People would die tonight. Whether it would be few or many depended on what she knew and how much she'd done, but she couldn't see telling any of the advisors going over well. She would be gutted like a fish if she went to any of them, but she couldn't sit around and wait for the attack. She wouldn't be able to live with herself. Her father had always taught her to make the right choice even if it was the hardest, but who would ever believe her and then not accuse her of being a spy-or worse-once it was all over? Her mind wandered to the people she'd come to know over the last couple months, the people she'd come to love and care about.

"Hey, Ginger." She jumped as Varric's voice broke the silence of the Chantry. Turning to look at him she saw he wasn't smiling like usual, instead he looked worried. Was he worried for her? She wondered.

"Is everything okay?" She asked as he came forward and sat down in the chair besides hers.

"I should be asking you that question. Christopher's usual party went up to take care of the Breach, succeeded, and now are back celebrating and you're here alone. Did something happen?" She was surprised how much it hurt to hear the worry in his voice, the worry that she caused. Varric had become almost like a father figure in the last couple months in her real father's absence and he trusted her.

"If you knew something that could prevent a lot of people from getting hurt but there's the possibility that you could die if you told anyone what choice would you make?" She asked her friend and wasn't surprised by the look he gave her. She looked down at her hand as it was covered by one of his.

"That's a hard question to answer," he replied truthfully, "I've always lied and talked my way out of problems, to make light of everything, but that isn't you." Varric watched her as she looked down, and took note of the small trembling in the hand he held.

"Because the Breach is now sealed the Elder One will attack Haven tonight with Templars corrupted by red lyrium. He'll be after Christopher's mark and Haven will fall." The words left Raven's mouth in a whisper and Varric could've sworn he'd stopped breathing for a few seconds. It was always a possibility that Haven could be attacked, but there was no way she could know if or when it could happen.

"I'm sorry," he finally said, "I could've sworn you said that the Elder One will attack Haven. Tonight." To his disappointment she nodded, not denying her statement. "Fuck, Ginger, how could you know that?" She flinched at the disbelief in his voice.

"I know because I've seen it," she replied quietly. "The attack is inevitable and you have to help me. I've made as many preparations as I could over the week, but once the bells ring we need to get everyone into the chantry as soon as possible before the red Templars cross the gate." Varric took his hand away and stood up but continued to face her. He'd always trusted her without question, being able to tell when or if she lied. She stared at him with those green eyes that showed sadness and fear. If he were to help her instead of run like he wanted there was no way her plan could work if it was just them, he at least had to bring the information to Nightingale. She trusted Ginger. Her and Curly both did, even though the latter usually had his own comments to make in most situations.

"I'll help you, but we can't do it on our own. If Curly or Nightingale were to kn-" He was cut off by her shaking her head.

"I can't! If I told them…" She trailed off. Varric moved closer to her, his hand grasping her arm in case she tried to move away from him. The last thing he wanted to do was yell to make her see reason but if what she was saying was true he had no choice.

"You need to tell them, Raven!" He used her real name to show he was serious and he knew she saw his point when she didn't respond. "If this is true, we're going to need all the help we can get." She sat there staring at him, the silence stretching between them. She'd most likely lose everything; the trust she gained, friends she made, it would all disappear and if she wasn't killed immediately, it would happen after she was interrogated. She had to though. With a nod she finally stood up and with Varric following her, she made her way to the war room only to find it empty when they arrived. The familiar sound of the bell rang as she stepped out of the Chantry and Raven felt her heart sink.

"It looks like we're too late to tell them. We have to get everyone to the Chantry Varric! It's the only way!" Raven shouted over the noise as she took in the sight around her. The sound of marching footsteps could be heard along with the bells and people screaming. She knew she had, at most, fifteen minutes and Haven was big. Varric didn't have a chance to reply before she was running off, ordering people to head to the Chantry. He started urging others to do the same while making his way to the gate where he met up with Curly reporting an army approaching under no banner. Leliana looked to Varric as he quickly approached.

"Ginger's telling the citizens to get to the Chantry," he reported and the woman nodded in reply. Christopher turned around and his eyes met with Varric's.

"Help her. Does she have her daggers?" He asked and Varric nodded, recalling the harness across the girls soldiers, "Good. When she's done tell her to come to me, I want her by my side in case something happens." With Christopher's orders clear he left, telling anyone who would listen to make their way to the Chantry for safety.

"Get to the Chantry, you'll be safe there!" Raven told a family consisting of a mother, father, and a two year old child. They nodded and Raven watched them hurry in the needed direction before running to the next house. Her breath came in short puffs, her heart beat frantically and she had a feeling it was more from the adrenaline in her system than running. Twenty-two houses had been cleared and she was making her way to the apothecary to make sure Adan and Minaeve made it out safely before they were trapped. She could hear the sound of fighting, the metal of swords clanging loudly as they came into contact with each other. The screams had died down significantly and Raven had a feeling it was because at least ninety percent of the citizens were in the Chantry. When she opened the door to the apothecary Adan was shoving potions and ingredients in a satchel while Minaeve did the same.

"You two have enough," Raven said loudly enough for them to hear, her breathing still uneven, "Get to the Chantry or you will die." Adan took a step toward her with an angered look on his face, but Raven cut off anything he had to say by pulling out one of her daggers and pointing it to him, causing him to stop. "Get to the Chantry now!" He and Minaeve said nothing as they ran out of the tiny building with their bags to their chest and Raven leaned back against the door while trying her best to think in her adrenaline fueled haze. Lysette, Flissa, Adan, Minaeve, and Seggrit were in the Chantry. Harritt would be at his forge by now and she knew if any boxes still fell in front of his door that Christopher would help him when coming back from the trebuchets as well as save Threnn on their way to the Chantry.

"Ginger, Christopher needs you at the front gate with him, Cassandra, Bull, and Solas. Who do we have left to evacuate?" Varric yelled while running up the steps toward her. She straightened and looked at him.

"Harritt's outside the gates and there will be a woman Christopher will have to save on his way back to the Chantry. I think I got everyone. Are the advisors and everyone okay?" She asked and Varric merely nodded. "Good, I'll head to the gates. You get your ass to the Chantry." Varric watched her run down the stairs and disappear among the buildings hoping she knew what she was doing. He couldn't lose another friend.

On her way to meet up with them, Raven heard a loud explosion and near deafening cry, finally seeing her friends as they were running back toward the gates. Bull slightly behind the rest of them and she noticed the wooden boxes in front of Harritt's door had been all but obliterated and Harritt was following them.

"Christopher, what's happening?" She asked only to have him roughly grab her arm and pull her along with them. It was Raven's quick reflexes that caused her to gracefully turn around on the tips of her toes and start running the other way.

"There's a goddamn dragon!" He yelled over the noise and Raven could hear giant wings moving and another cry. "We have to save the citizens." Raven felt Solas beside her.

"Harritt and Threnn were the only ones I didn't see. Everyone else is stuffed in the Chantry," she responded. "We need to get there as soon as possible." Christopher nodded as they made their way to the gate. Cullen was still in the doorway urging mages and soldiers that were outside the gate to hurry. Raven, Christopher, and the others were the last ones in and Raven helped Cullen close the doors as she caught sight of the dragon flying overhead. Shit, it was bigger than she thought it'd be.

"We need everyone back to the Chantry! It's the only building that might hold against… that beast!" He was yelling, but Raven could hardly hear him over the dragons cries. Raven grabbed his arm as he was ascending the stairs.

"The citizens are already in the Chantry. Varric and I did that before I met up with Christopher." She took notice of his eyes softening for a moment before his Templar and military training took over again.

"Good. At this point just make them work for it," he replied before heading to the large building leaving Raven and her four friends to fight. Looking back to Christopher with a small smile she unsheathed her daggers and did the only thing she could think of to keep the sudden thought of loss from overwhelming her.

"Lowest number of kills buys the first round of drinks when all this is over," she offered and Christopher stared at her. She really wanted to make a game of killing red Templars?" He heard Bull cheer beside him.

"You're on!" The Qunari yelled and matched her fast pace up the steps while Christopher still stood in silence.

"She needs to keep her mind focused," Solas explained and both he and Cassandra started up the steps with Christopher following only to hear Bull shout four and Raven yell back six. It really did help when she could stealth, sneak up from behind, and slit their throat. Bull called cheater.

Fifteen to twelve kills later with Raven in the lead, she brought herself into stealth mode and quickly entered the burning tavern to sigh in relief when Flissa was nowhere to be seen under the rubble and fallen lumber. On her way to the apothecary she made quick work of two more red Templars; _seventeen_ , she thought proudly. As she opened the door to Adan's shop a rough hand grabbed onto her shoulder and jerked her back. Raven felt herself panic but turned around and blindly threw a punch, forgetting about the dagger in her hand. Her eyes widened and she stepped back, yanking her arm away as she tried not to curse in pain. The red templar standing in front of her remained still for a moment, shocked, before lunging at her. From less than a foot away Raven was quick enough to dodge a full body impact, but that didn't stop her from being pinned underneath the mutated creature. Her head slammed against the wooden floor and he made quick work of restraining her arms while she was dazed. She tried to use her legs but through the plate armor he was wearing it didn't seem to have much of an effect. Fear flooded through her, clouding her mind, and she couldn't stop the tears that came to her eyes as she continued to struggle.

"You die now!" The red Templar's voice was deep and distorted and Raven bucked against him as one of his large hands, then the other made their way from her arms up to her neck and grasping her throat.

"Not today. Not by you." A calm voice spoke, cutting through Raven's clouded and muddled thoughts and from behind the Templar she saw the brim of a familiar large hat. _It's him_ , she thought but was cut off, her eyes closing as she saw one of his daggers pierce through the red Templar's neck and come out the other side. Through her closed eyes she didn't see him look at her curiously, ignoring the gasping sound the Templar was making, "I'm sorry. It will get messy," he told her and suddenly brought the dagger forward through the Templar's throat, creating a large gash and causing his blood to pour out, covering the small girl underneath the creature. He pushed the dead Templar off the girl and kneeled down beside her, trying his best to help clean off the blood. ' _It's warmer than I expected,'_ he heard her thoughts and stopped, his mouth dropping.

"Cole. Helping, healing. Always looks out for others. Sweet spirit. I want his hat. You know me. How do you know me?" Cole asked quietly, watching as she opened her eyes and sat up, blood staining her hair, skin, and clothes. "Your friends are worried. You need to get to the Chantry! You're not afraid. Thank you for saving me. You're welcome." He continued to speak, only hearing some of her thoughts. The others were too muffled by fear. Not only hers but fear belonging to the others as well.

"Thank you, Cole," she whispered while giving him a smile. He stood up and offered a hand which she took. Cole watched her silently as she quickly grabbed her daggers in one hand and held them out to him.

"Take these for now. If you need to fight and protect yourself these are stronger and sharper than your own." She insisted. _You need them more_ , he heard her thoughts. Hesitantly Cole reached out and took them, looking down at the bloodied black blades. She took his blades from him.

"Your hand hurts," he said quietly but she didn't seem to hear. _Hurting, swollen, 'I'll cover it in snow later,'_ he heard before she grabbed his arm and pulled him from the building. Christopher, Bull, Cassandra, Solas, and Sera were leaving the Chantry as Raven and Cole arrived. The tiny girls bloodied appearance caused them all to stop short.

"What happened?" Cassandra asked stepping forward.

"Please tell me that's not your own," Bull commented and Raven shook her head.

"It belonged to a Red Templar. Cole saved my life. Get to the other trebuchet; I'll help Cole and Cullen with Roderick and the people in the Chantry," she instructed and walked past them to bang on the doors of the Chantry with her uninjured hand. She was starting to feel dizzy, her mind fuzzy and uncooperative. Cole followed behind, more people needed his help.

 _How does she know? Did he tell her?_ He heard the Qunari first as his eyes moved between the girl - Raven, as she was called, and himself.

 _What happened to her hand?_ It was the bald elf that cut through next.

 _So this is what she meant? Please let her be safe, even if I don't make it. Cullen will take care of her._ The last thing he heard belonged to the mage the Elder One came for. The Herald, a man almost desperate to find the girl Cole, himself, stood beside. It was the Commander who opened the door as the others rushed toward the last trebuchet The mans amber eyes widened when he saw Raven covered in blood. _Maker's mercy, I'm glad she's okay._ Cole heard the Commanders thoughts among the others and the mans relief was obvious.

"Who's leading the people through the passageway?" She asked, wasting no time with pleasantries. Cole stayed close to her as she entered.

Cullen stuttered for a moment. "Leliana is helping Chancellor Roderick lead the way and Josephine is keeping order along with Varric, Blackwall, and Vivienne. Blackwall also has your kitten and Varric has all your things, including the bag we haven't given back. Raven, what happened to you?" He asked the last part quietly. Cole could hear the soft thoughts he had for the young girl but that was lost on her.

"It doesn't matter. Once the trebuchet is aimed Christopher is going to send Cassandra, Bull, Sera, and Solas back to us. You can go with the others while Cole and I wait and hold off anyone that isn't Christopher's party who tries to get in." Maybe she could sit down while they did. Cullen glared at her as she spoke.

"If the red Templar's break through the Chantry doors before they come back someone is going to need to hold them off," Cullen retorted.

"Cole and I can do that." Cole watched Raven argue back. _Please go. I want you safe,_ her mind was screaming but on the outside she kept her composure. Cole put a hand on Raven's shoulder, something Cullen noticed and expected her to jerk away from like she normally did. Instead she let it remain and turned to look at the young blond boy. As she turned he noticed her normal black daggers were gone and replaced by blood stained silver ones.

"You want to fight. To protect. Your hand is hurt, swollen, can't grip the dagger. I can keep you safe and he wants to keep you safe, too. Let him stay. The trebuchet is almost aimed. Why do you want my hat?" He asked no longer noticing the Commander staring at him curiously. Raven let out a small uncharacteristic giggle.

"I didn't expect it to be so big," she said quietly, feeling her hands start to tremble. She knew her adrenaline rush was wearing off and her body was starting to crash as a result.

"Keep her safe. She needs sugar or she will faint. I need to find some." His hand left Raven's shoulders and Cullen reached to steady her. _Josephine's office by her tea_ , Cole heard before letting himself disappear. There were tiny white sugar cubes in a bowl on the desk with a tea pot and half filled cup. He thought of bringing the tea, but the sound of the door opening and more voices filling in caused him to hurry and grab the bowl of sugar cubes and move quickly back to the group.

"You need this," he said quietly to Raven, holding the bowl to her. His sudden appearance startled everyone else but not her. She smiled at him, took one of the white cubes, and brought it to her mouth.

"We aimed the trebuchet. The dragon and Elder One appeared and Boss had us come back," Bull explained to Cullen. "I don't think we can take them both on." _Sickly sweet, it sucks how sweet this is. Cole, sweet thing._ Her thoughts were complicated and jumbled, Cole thought to himself. Her bloodied and dazed appearance was starting to worry everyone, but they listened to her when she spoke.

"We don't need to. Christopher will fire the trebuchet and Haven will be destroyed. He will survive this and make it back to us." The amount of conviction in her voice astounded them all. _Know this. Seen this. He will survive._

"Right now we don't have time to argue. He wanted us to run and escape." Cassandra spoke up. Raven nodded.

"Bull, if I'm not too heavy can you carry me? I don't feel good," she asked quietly and Cole was certain he was the only one who knew how much it hurt her pride to ask that favor. The large Qunari scoffed at the heavy comment and in the next moment she was curled into his arms like she weighed nothing more than one of his harnesses. Solas saw the state of her hand and knew he had to wait to heal it till they were safe and out of Haven.

"What's wrong with her?" Cassandra asked while they hurriedly made their way to the passageway Roderick had revealed. _Warmth, bed, wrapped in the comforter Olivia gave me for my eighteenth birthday, or the quilt grandma made_ , Cole could still hear her thoughts and see the images behind them.

"Too much too fast. Falling hard making her dizzy," Cole told them quietly as he walked side by side with Bull, following Cullen. The pathway was lit with torches thanks to those who'd already passed. "Heart racing, mind fuzzy, breathing heavy and trying not to cry as the Red Templar's hands wrapped around her throat. He wanted to kill her. She tried to get free but couldn't. She punched him, broke her hand. Still cared more about making sure the others were safe." He was hardly aware he was speaking; the rest had gone quiet as he recalled the events. "They don't need to know all that." He stopped talking, realizing she was now addressing him personally, and looked at the girl in The Iron Bull's arms. _They don't need to know how weak I was._

"Once we catch up to the others, I'll heal her hand and make sure nothing else is wrong. Cole, was it?" Cole heard the elf mage ask causing him to turn around.

"Yes, and your name is Solas," he acknowledged and the bald elf smiled.

"Are those her daggers?" He asked, pointing to the harness he was wearing that revealed the familiar pair of black daggers he knew Raven loved so much. He saw Cole nod, his hand reaching back and his fingers ran along the edge of the hilt. Made with such care, he could feel how much she loved the daggers when she held them out to him, urging him to take them, to fight and protect himself, not to protect her even though she was the one hurt and needing the protecting.

"Yes, they are," he answered simply, his eyes going to the girl now asleep in The Iron Bull's arms.

"Why do you have her daggers?" The young elf, Sera angrily demanded of him. _Creepy guy took them, I know it. Why's he even here with us?_

"Stronger, sharper, but also heavier, if you need to fight then take them and protect yourself," He responded, thinking back to her words and thoughts from earlier. "Even though she was hurt she only cared about me being safe. Is she always like that?" He suddenly asked and both Solas and The Iron Bull laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

"You have no idea," Bull replied thinking back to the day he saw her spar with Krem the first time and the way she dropped her daggers to care for him. A cold draft from ahead caused him to hold the sleeping redhead tighter to his body. "We must be close," he observed.

"I can hear them," Cole said and Bull had to refrain from dropping Raven when the boy disappeared causing a loud curse from Sera.


	9. Chapter 9

It didn't take the small group long to reach the refugee camp set up by the soldiers and civilians in their absence. Cullen and Cassandra had dismissed themselves and went to find Leliana and Josephine, Cole had reappeared and was seated on a bench at Chancellor Roderick's side though his eyes followed Bull as he passed, paying more attention to the strange girl sleeping in his arms than the large Qunari. Sera had excused herself and Solas followed Bull to where the Chargers gathered. Krem greeted his chief with a relieved expression and took the blanket around his shoulders and covered Raven to keep her warm. It was then that he noticed the dried blood covering her.

"What the hell happened to her, Chief?" He asked while sitting down around the fire. Raven moved in his arms as he took a seat leaning against one of the logs placed around the fire, burying her face into his chest. If his armor bothered her in her sleep it didn't show.

"She's tired," Bull answered. Solas kneeled down close to where Raven slept and pulled back the blanket covering the girl. Taking her injured hand in his own even he had to wince; blood caked onto her knuckles, her entire hand swollen and bruised, and he tried his best to be gentle as he applied pressure only to find that her hand was, in fact, broken. Krem stared at her hand in shock.

"What did she do?" He questioned while watching the elf's hands start to glow green around the swollen one making Raven shift uncomfortably and try to pull her hand back. Solas continued holding onto it while speaking softly to her in his mother tongue. Neither Bull nor Krem understood what he said, but something about his words or tone of voice seemed to calm her.

"From what we were told a Red Templar snuck up behind her and she punched it in the face." Sudden coughing to their side brought Bull's attention away from the girl. He looked over at Krem who was pounding a hand against his chest and staring at the three of them, eyes wide. He couldn't picture her punching anyone, especially a red Templar. How was she still alive? Krem didn't voice his opinions though, instead he watched as Solas continued to use his magic to heal her hand. Moments later the green glowing subsided and Solas smiled, the bones were no longer broken, her hand wasn't swollen or cut, but the blood remained. That was easy enough to take care of, but it would have to come later, he thought as he pulled the blanket back over her.

"I will take my leave. Keep her warm and tell her to come see me once she wakes," he instructed while standing up and brushing off his robes. Bull and Krem watched his retreating figure until it was blocked by tents. Krem was the first to speak after about fifteen minutes or so.

"How is she still alive?" He asked and Bull shrugged, his eyes searching to find anyone who stood out among the refugees and survivors.

"A kid saved her, I think. I don't know how or where he is though." Bull explained, "We got separated on our way back to the Chantry. She hadn't shown while we were there and when we were going to aim the last trebuchet she came running up looking like she is now. When we came back she said she wasn't feeling good, asked me to carry her, and then passed out within five minutes. Any chance you can get the daggers out from her harness?" Krem nodded quietly, his mind still processing what the Chief had just told him. Since he arrived he hadn't seen anyone unfamiliar. As he reached toward Raven, his hand barely brushing over her, her eyes shot open and her body lurched forward causing Krem to jump away and Bull's grip on her to tighten.

"Shit, where are we?" She gasped while looking around confused. When she finally took in the image of Bull and then Krem beside her she calmed significantly, but her breathing was still uneven. "Are we outside of Haven?"

"We made camp to regroup. Boss still isn't here," Krem answered her quietly. Raven braced her hands against Bull's arm and chest with the attempt to readjust herself. He let her, not minding that she seemed comfortable and warm. She looked up at Bull and smiled.

"How many kills before you got to the Chantry?" She asked causing Bull to laugh, catching the attention of a few people around them, including some of the Chargers.

"Sixteen." He answered honestly and was rewarded when Raven's smile only grew.

"Seventeen," She replied, "Looks like you'll be buying our first round of drinks. None of that shit you drink though. I like having feeling in my throat." He shrugged, indifferent either way. She usually paid for her own drinks and meals, she didn't even let Varric add her to his tab like he'd tried to do more than once. Next time they all went drinking he could only imagine the look on the dwarf's face as he bought her the first round and she let him. "Where's Cole?" She asked suddenly and he raised an eyebrow.

"Cole?" Bull asked and was surprised when she gracefully turned and slid out of his hands and turn to give the blanket to him. "Are you sure you should be up? You were out pretty hard." He saw Krem ready himself to jump up and catch her if she fell, but she shrugged, twisting her body and proceeding with her usual stretches. He had to laugh at the look of utter revulsion when she realized she still had blood in her hair and on her skin and clothes before all her attention went to her hand.

"It's fixed!" She exclaimed, nearly ecstatic. "I was so worried that there would be lasting effects and I wouldn't be able to fight anymore." Their concern for her went unnoticed; that seemed to happen a lot.

"Solas took care of it. Again, are you sure you should be up?" Krem spoke up catching the girls attention.

"It was an adrenaline crash, that's all. The sugarcubes Cole gave me helped a lot, too." She explained nonchalantly using that name again before turning her attention to Krem. "If there's no other tent available for me tonight can I bunk with you? I promise I don't snore." She asked him, looking at anything she could to not meet his gaze. She'd never shared a tent with a man before, even though he was biologically a female that wasn't his gender of choice. He laughed and she looked at him.

"I don't see why not. If you're sure you're okay, then Solas wanted to see you when you woke up. Take the blanket with you, it's cold." Bull ordered and she made a high pitched noise in surprise as he threw the blanket over her head. When she finally shifted it so it was around her shoulders her hair was messy, but she was smiling. With a small wave she made her way towards the rest of the camp in search of Solas and Cole.

"You're the girl who had us go to the Chantry," a small voice exclaimed causing Raven to stop for the ninth time since she started her quest to find Solas. It was a little girl who spoke as she rushed forward and despite Raven's less than forgiving appearance gave her a quick, unexpected hug. Raven met the little girls smile as she looked down. "You saved me and my mom. Thank you!" She continued while pulling away and running off. A soft chuckle just behind her caused her to turn and see Solas smiling.

"You seem to be very popular _Da'len_ ," he observed, having been watching her for some time since she left the Chargers camp. She merely shrugged and turned towards him to resist any strain on her neck.

"It's definitely not my intention given how terrifying I probably look," she replied as she smiled upon realizing what he'd called her. _Da'len_. Little one. "Thank you for fixing my hand." Solas nodded and they continued to walk side by side. He probably had no idea how much it meant to her. Of course, there were other ways she could help, but the thought of never being able to fight or at least train again hurt more than she was willing to admit. Years of her life taken away in a second over pure impulse.

"After all you've done for us it's the least I can do. I am sure a lot of these people wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for you." He spoke truthfully only to receive another shrug. "You're too modest," he observed and she looked at him.

"We can't all be named Pride." Her comment caught him off guard, but she smiled at him. By now they were at his tent and with a flick of his wrist fire sprung from the unlit pile of wood.

"Please sit, I'll be back in a moment," he requested and was pleased when she complied and sat on one of the small benches supplied to him. It didn't take the elf long to grab a large piece of cloth and a bowl from his bag and take the seat next to her. She looked at him curiously, her entire body angling to watch as he placed the bowl in the small space between them and filled it with water. He didn't need the fire to make it warm like most of the others and part of him enjoyed the way she looked at his hands and the bowl in awe as he heated it with magic, then curiosity as he dipped the cloth in, rang it out, and brought it to her forehead. Solas doubted it could get all of it out of her red hair and clothes but everything else wouldn't be a problem. Raven closed her eyes as the warm rag brushed along her skin.

" _Ma serannas, Hahren,"_ she said quietly, her thankful words so unexpected it almost caused Solas to drop the cloth entirely. Her pronunciation was perfect. Raven offered him a small smile, "You called me 'little one' before. I hope it's okay that I addressed you as 'Elder'."

"You know the Elvhen language?" He asked as he rinsed out the cloth and brought it back to her face. She was almost starting to look normal again.

"I know enough to use it in conversation, but I'm not fluent by any means," she admitted. " _You're safe little one. Let me take the pain away so you can sleep easier._ That's what you said while fixing my hand, right?" Solas was stunned. Even more so when the young spirit from before suddenly appeared and he had to wonder if Raven knew what stood beside her and helped her. She turned to Cole and smiled up at him.

"Your pain is gone," Cole noted quietly as he stared into the girls green eyes before looking to the elf that held a wet cloth in his hands. Solas had been cleaning off the blood he had to cover her with earlier in the night. "You were so scared, but you didn't show it. Years of blood and sweat and dedication gone. He would be so disappointed. Why can't he be with me now?" Cole continued as remnants of the girl's thoughts from before still lingered in his mind. She knew they were her thoughts but made no move to stop him, always curious about what it would be like to speak to him and hear his tangents. Solas listened intently wondering who _'he'_ was.

"Thank you for saving my life, Cole." Raven spoke with a smile, "I don't know if I told you before with everything happening, but my name is Raven." She wasn't the only one to notice the almost perplexed look to cross the blond spirits face as his eyes continued to meet hers.

"I know. Raven." He said her name out loud, testing the feel of it as it left his lips. "So many think of you; worrying, missing, thanking, needing, loving. Not profane and death but creation, healing, protection, and wisdom. You want to live up to what she named you after; the woman who looks just like you with green eyes and long red hair, never meeting but having seen so many times. Alana." Cole replied and suddenly went silent. He did it again, _they don't know. No one here knows her name._ Raven's sad thought struck him hard.

"Alana?" Solas questioned, confused as Cole finished talking. Raven's gaze didn't falter as she continued to look at the spirit who was now staring at his hands, picking at the tattered gloves making Solas wonder if he'd gotten that from Raven or if it was something all rogues did.

"My mother," Raven explained. Solas wanted to ask more, but there was a commotion not too far away and Raven was up and running before either he or Cole could move. The spirit looked at her as she ran, his eyes wide when he turned to Solas.

"They found him. They need you," he revealed quietly and disappeared.

Raven had barely made it in time to see Cullen and Cassandra doing their best to carry Christopher in. Snow covered his light armor, his cheeks and nose were red, but his lips appeared blue. His black hair was frozen and she could tell he was shivering which was a good sign. As they brought him to one of the larger tents where three healers already waited she turned around to keep any of the civilians rushing to see the events from getting too close. Cullen appeared by her side moments later. He motioned for her to go over to the tent before addressing the people that had gathered. Raven gave him a quick smile and moved to the tent, closing the flaps to prevent people from seeing in. She also knew it would help raise the temperature, even if just a little.

"We need to take his clothes off," she said to the healers. Adan was one of them and Melissa was another, the elder man was in the process of covering Christopher with a blanket. The last girl Raven had never seen before. "Go get lots of blankets and one of the mabari hounds." Raven ordered, the unknown girl nodded and without a word rushed to do what was ordered.

"And why do we need to take his clothes off to make him warm?" Adan sneered at her, still not happy how she forced him out of his own apothecary. Raven rolled her eyes.

"Have you ever dealt with someone who spent hours and hours in the freezing cold in nothing but light armor?" She asked and Adan's sneer vanished, giving Raven the answer she needed. Technically she hadn't either but at least she knew what to do. "If your grumpy ass knew anything about how the body works outside of potions and poisons you would know that wet clothes will only continue to keep him cold. Spells and potions won't work here, this needs to be done the old fashioned way." Adan and Melissa made no move to do anything so with a small curse Raven reached back and grabbed one of the daggers from her harness, forgetting for a moment that they were Cole's, and came forward. Melissa stifled a scream as she pulled some of the wet clothing away from Christopher's unconscious body and started to cut the cloth, swiftly but carefully as he continued to shiver, from the collar to his stomach. After that she threw the dagger aside and proceeded to tear the shirt the rest of the way. Next went the shoes and pants. Raven respected his privacy and looked away as she removed his undergarment.

"If you're sure you know what you're doing then let me help you," Melissa finally said coming forward.

"Thank you. We need to lift him up so we can slide the wet clothes away." As the girl nodded and started doing as she was asked Raven looked over to see the flap open and the other healer as well as Solas enter the tent. "Good, you're here. Adan can you go to your tent and grab a few health potions?" The potion master simply nodded, probably in shock from what Raven could guess, and left. Solas looked at her.

"What are you doing?" He asked. The redhead flashed a quick smile and beckoned him forward.

"I need you to make it warm in the tent. Not super hot but warm." Solas didn't ask questions, just listened and did as he was asked. Once the wet robes were removed he watched, curious, as Raven took one of the smaller pieces of cloth and wrapped it around his head, confining his wet hair, dried the rest of him, then proceeded to wrap him in blanket after blanket, saving one. He had to admire the young girls professional attitude. With a whistle the mabari that was standing out front came in and hopped onto the bottom of the cot, resting near Christopher's feet. She used the remaining blanket to cover the dog and add more coverage to Christopher's feet before moving to stand. She had been crouched for so long that she staggered when she stood up, Solas caught her.

"Someday you're going to have to explain how you know so much, _Da'len_ ," He spoke quietly. Raven nodded, still looking at the young mage. Given her actions when Haven was attacked, that might be sooner rather than later. Melissa stood up and stared at the redhead in shock.

"What do we do now?" She asked.

"We've done all we can for right now. The shivering was a good sign, it means his body temperature hasn't dropped too low. Don't massage any limbs and I don't recommend any hot baths or hot drinks right now. He'll be okay though," she insisted and turned to leave the tent. Cullen was outside with Cassandra, Josephine, and Leliana. The crowd that had been gathering was gone. A cold gust of wind made her pull the blanket Krem let her borrow tighter around her small frame. She wasn't wearing her sweatshirt or the coat made for her when Haven was attacked; just a pair of black pants and a simple shirt that she just realized was still stained. She'd grab a shirt from Krem later since it was doubtful Bull would have any she could borrow.

"When I sent you in to help I did not mean for you to kick Adan out of the tent and cut off the Herald's clothes," Cullen admonished and Raven threw him a disbelieving look.

"You sent me in to help. It's not my fault I know more about practical methods than your grumpy potions master. Christopher is resting now. The spell Solas used to keep the inside of that tent warm should last another few hours. Now, if you're done, I'll be heading back to the Chargers for a nap. Stupidity makes me tired."

Cullen's face softened and he reached out to stop her as she turned to walk away. "Forgive me, I didn't mean to make it seem like I was scolding you. He's really alright?" He asked.

Raven looked back at him and gave a slow nod. "His body temperature didn't drop too low and being out of those wet clothes will help. He's wrapped in at least six blankets and that mabari is at his feet. Melissa will keep an eye on him," she informed in a much calmer voice. "I don't know how long he will sleep for, he's exhausted. Is there anything else, Cullen?"

"Chancellor Roderick passed while you were taking care of the Herald," Cullen responded and it made Raven look away. In the game he didn't die until people were singing, if they were to sing anyway. That would probably explain where Cole was, not that she would seek him out. He was always her favorite character in the game, but the words he spoke when they were last together still echoed in her mind. She never expected him to bring up her mother.

"That's a shame. When we get out of this mess and some place more stable we should hold a ceremony for him as well as any others we lost." As much as she hated it, Raven's voice didn't hold the amount of sympathy that was most likely acceptable. She was exhausted and she begrudgingly admitted to herself that Bull and Krem were right about her taking it easy.

"You also don't have to sleep with the Chargers. A tent has been set up for you." Cullen said while looking over to the smaller group of tents where he, the rest of the advisors, and Cassandra would be sleeping. He could see the empty tent set up for her with both bags placed inside by Blackwall earlier. With a quick glance over to the tents she noticed the makeshift war table and wasn't sure what to think. Did they want her close because they didn't trust her again? The thought hurt her, but it was to be expected after her actions back at Haven. She needed to talk to Varric, as well, but quickly decided she would do that later.

"Thanks, but you didn't have to go through the trouble. If he wakes up before I do, please send someone to let me know," she replied quietly and pulled her arm out of Cullen's grasp. He let her go and watched her walk away without a word; that alone answered her questions. Raven thought back to the games and the roles he'd played in them-if he was suspicious of her he would've made it known. As annoying as he was, she couldn't deny that he was an honorable man. Handsome, too, Raven supposed with a shrug as she entered the part of camp where the Chargers were set up and was relieved when she saw that Bull and Krem were still awake and around the fire. Varric was with them. Krem stopped mid-sentence when he noticed her and that caught the attention of the two other men. She looked absolutely exhausted and none of them were happy to see her still caked in the blood of that Red Templar- most of her, anyway. It looked like some from her face was gone and all three wondered if it was she or if someone else that had done it.

"Are you okay?" Krem asked as she sat down against one of the pieces of wood and brought her knees to her chest. She covered her mouth as she yawned and nodded.

"They found Christopher. I had to take over since Adan doesn't know shit outside of potions. Seriously, who keeps an unconscious, shivering, half-frozen man in cold, soaking light armor? Remind me to punt the dumbass tomorrow when I have more energy," she vented and the three looked at her before chuckling at her last comment.

"Ginger, if you're that tired why come back here? Didn't Curly or Ruffles let you know that there was a tent set up for you?" Varric's question was met with a shrug and he didn't like how her grip curled around the blanket. Something was bothering her, but she wouldn't say anything. Instead she looked over to him and smiled.

"Krem said I could sleep with him. What girl would ever pass that up?" She commented and looked at Krem in time to see his cheeks turn a shade redder than what the cold had already done. Bull and Varric laughed. "Could I borrow one of your shirts, as well?"

"Of course, give me a minute and I'll be back," he replied and stood up. Wasting no time he made way to his tent where he grabbed one of his clean black shirts and threw it on his shoulder, a cloth, and a bowl which he filled up with water on the way back. It was warm, something he had to thank Dalish and her undercover magic for. When Krem appeared by the fire again he sat down next to Raven with the supplies at hand. Varric was in the middle of telling a story and didn't stop as he watched the young kid sit next to his friend. She was surprised when he wet the cloth and brought it to her skin, but kept his eyes on hers. They all knew Raven was capable of cleaning herself, but Krem knew it would help her relax and that he would be able to get all of it without much trouble. The blood on her face anyway, he'd let her take care of the rest.

An hour later she was finally free from most of the blood and Raven was grateful. Krem had wiped down the rest of her face, behind her ears, neck, and back. She took care of her shoulders, arms, chest, and stomach where blood had seeped through her shirt. Varric had wandered off towards his tent shortly after the process started and Bull had gone to bed half an hour ago leaving only Krem and Raven seated beside the fire. Krem turned away when she stripped her shirt, threw on the tunic Krem had given her, and then her bra, truthfully too tired to care. She sighed in contentment as the soft cloth covered her skin. All that was left was her hair, but it was too cold to soak it. It would have to be reserved for later so she just tied it back with one of the hair ties always around her wrist.

"Shall we go?" She asked and Krem nodded, standing up when she did. She followed Krem to his tent with her shirt, bra, and blanket clutched in her hands. He allowed her in first and part of her wanted to cry when she saw the thick, heavy blanket they would be using. She stripped her boots and pants, then slid under the blanket. Krem soon followed having taken off his armor outside. He wore a simple pair of pants, or breeches as he called them, and a tan shirt that was the same style as the one he gave her.

"You're not nervous are you?" He asked her as he joined her under the blanket. It was dim in the tent, but he could still see her shrug. "I mean, there's no reason to be nervous. I would never do anything." Raven chuckled tiredly as he tried to explain.

"I've never slept in the same bed as a man," she admitted, "But at least it's with you. I trust you." Krem smiled at the girl and continued sitting, watching as she relaxed, laid back and pulled the blanket up to her shoulders. Soon after he did the same, all nervousness forgotten and soon they were asleep, side by side but comfortable and warm.

Raven was alone when she awoke, whether it was morning or afternoon she couldn't tell, but she smiled when she noticed a clean pair of leggings, pants, socks, underwear, a bra, a long sleeved shirt, and the coat given to her by her friends in a neat pile where Krem had slept the night before. It didn't take her long to strip the shirt and underwear she was wearing and change into the gifted clothes. The leggings she used like long underwear and was grateful to pull her pants over them. She needed the warmth. Once she had on her coat and boots she gathered her dirty clothes and made her way out of the tent. Stitches was the first one she saw and he smiled as she approached.

"It's not every day I see you sleeping late," he commented. "Everyone's been up for about an hour. Little blond kid brought you clothes about twenty minutes ago and asked me to tell you that Cullen wants to talk to you when you're up." Raven nodded and with a smile she made her way toward the war table knowing that was where he would most likely be.

It took her longer to get to the war table than it should have. More people from Haven were awake, people she'd helped save, and upon seeing her they made their appreciation known. With women and the couple children it was mostly hugs and promises of repayment, men offered handshakes. Cullen was at the war table with Leliana, Cassandra, Josephine, and Solas. Instead of addressing the Commander right away she approached the mage who kindly smiled at her.

"You look much better today," Solas acknowledged kindly, thinking back to the night before and all the blood covering her as well as the exhaustion she tried her best to hide. There was still some blood in her hair but she looked much more human now. "Did you sleep well?"

"I did. Krem has this huge blanket that I think is made of fennec fur and I've decided that I will someday own one for myself. How's Christopher?" She asked wanting to waste no time with small talk when it came to her half frozen friend.

"I've kept up the high temperature like you wanted. He's still asleep, but his breathing is much calmer and he's moved a bit. The healer who helped you last night dressed him in some spare cold resistant light armor earlier this morning, but we still have a few blankets on him," he told her, still impressed with how she'd handled last night's situation. Raven nodded and to the mage's surprise she reached forward and gave him a quick hug. When she pulled back he saw she was smiling.

"Thank you. We'll talk later?" She asked and when he nodded she made her way to the others. They all stared at her curiously, Cullen was the most obvious about it. Something was different and Raven didn't like it. Leliana was the first one to notice the young girls discomfort so she was the one to break the silence.

"You're not in trouble," Leliana spoke, almost amused at Raven's suddenly confused expression. "It's quite the opposite actually."

"Yesterday was hard on us all," Cullen started hoping to grab the girl's attention. His head had been pounding for the last few hours and the pain made it hard to think. Raven looked to him and he noticed her stance subtly shift, her body no longer relaxed like it had been when she was talking with the mage. Still, she grasped her arm with the other behind her back like she'd done so many times before. "I will apologize again for treating you the way I did last night, it was wrong of me." He watched her head cock to the side in confusion.

"I don't understand. You didn't treat me poorly, Cullen, and if I gave you that impression then I'm the one who should be sorry. I admit that I was tired last night and I can get mean when I'm tired, but it wasn't because of you." She really was confused as she apologized to him. Aside from the comment he made about her cutting off Christopher's armor and letting her know she had a tent if she wanted it they had barely spoken since the Chantry yesterday. Cullen stared at the girl almost as confused as she was. Maybe it was the lack of sleep he'd gotten or the hard pounding behind his eyes, but he didn't understand why she thought she should apologize. Leliana's eyes moved back and forth between the two even more amused and it was clear that they both needed more rest. She continued for the Commander since it was obvious they wouldn't get anywhere and she knew there were still people wanting to speak to the young girl.

"Varric came to me last night and told me what happened when the warning bell rang at Haven, how you went to each house and made sure all the civilians were in the Chantry. He hasn't been the only one to mention this either. Without you we would have lost so many instead of the few soldiers and agents in the field and the Herald would most likely be in worse condition than he is now," Leliana explained while holding Raven's gaze. The young girl nodded

"The people I care about were in danger so I acted. Christopher was hurt and it was obvious the healers had never dealt with someone in that condition before so I stepped in. I'm glad they're safe, but it's something anyone would've done," Raven responded simply, happy to hear that she could help so many people but also knowing it was what she had to do. They were making it seem like she had a choice when she didn't. She knew what was going to happen and doing the right thing wasn't a _can_ but a _must_. She would never be able to live with herself otherwise. Leliana could only give her a smile, understanding that she wasn't entirely comfortable with the praise and attention they were currently giving her. She wouldn't go unrewarded though, because despite the girl's words, she was the very first one who jumped into action and had taken over to make sure Christopher, their Herald, was cared for properly.

"You almost died last night, your hand was broken yet you wanted to stay and defend the Chantry in case any of the Red Templar's broke through," Cullen spoke up and even he could tell his voice was angrier than he'd intended, but how could she shrug off her actions like they weren't important? "Do you honestly view yourself and your actions as that insignificant to think what you've done for us doesn't matter?" Through his anger and disbelief he could tell he'd crossed the line when the small girl's entire body stiffened, her arms dropped to her sides, and she shot him a glare worthy of making even the bravest person crumble. She had to clench her fists, her nails digging into the palms of her hands, to keep from seeing red.

"Let's get one thing perfectly clear, _Commander_ ," Raven's voice was low, any pleasant mood she had before completely gone in the flash as he dared question her actions, "The last thing I need is for some prejudicial, self-loathing ex-Templar withdrawing from lyrium getting on my case because I'm not vain or smug about being a decent human being. I'm aware I helped a lot of people. _They_ have been reminding me and thanking me all morning, so don't you dare speak to me like I'm not aware of how important the choices I made yesterday were." Without another word Raven turned on her heel and walked off not giving a shit about respect, propriety, or protocol. Her father wouldn't have stood for such behavior, but he wasn't there and she needed to get away before the damage she caused became worse. Leliana noticed the drops of blood on the ground where Raven once stood and sighed as she looked over to Cullen. His face was significantly paler than what it had been two minutes ago and she couldn't blame him.

"You're lucky she didn't have her daggers," Cassandra mused and she saw Leliana nod in agreement. Cullen continued to stare at the young redhead as she continued to walk away. Before she was out of sight he saw a blond boy with an odd hat appear by her side and walk with her.

"What were you thinking?" Josephine finally exclaimed, "The purpose of summoning her was to formally bring her into the Inquisition - as an advisor, no less - and you ruined it!" Cullen turned to glare at the Ambassador.

"She's been training our recruits, helping the Herald in the field, and been brought in on planning our course of action. Just because she never pledged her allegiance doesn't mean she isn't already a part of our cause!" Cullen argued.

"With her knowledge and training Raven has the power to be a very beneficial ally or a dangerous enemy. We need her Commander and I wouldn't be surprised if you just made it exceedingly more difficult," Cassandra spoke as she readjusted her position. "Hopefully that man will be able to calm her down by the time I find her." Cullen watched in silence as Cassandra left to go after the young girl.

After her departure Leliana went to find Mother Giselle and Josephine politely excused herself leaving Cullen alone and angry at both himself and Raven. There was no reason for her to get to him and act the way he did, so why did it matter so much to him how she felt and what she thought? Why did the hatred in her eyes as she left hurt?

"Please don't cry," Cole quietly begged as he followed Raven away from the camp. Her hurt hadn't just called out to him moments ago, it had screamed and Cole was surprised that he could keep up with her fast pace. He wanted to help her but didn't know how and it wasn't until she reached a large pine tree not far from the camp that she stopped. He hadn't been expecting it and almost bumped into her. One of his hands reached out to gently grab her wrist to see the blood still dripping from the wound her fingernails had caused. She had matching marks on her other hand; they weren't deep but hurt just enough to keep her from lashing out and crying in pain and frustration at the Commanders words. No, he realized, it was more than that, but they were thoughts he couldn't hear. How could she keep him out?

"You don't need to be out here, Cole," she replied and Cole flinched at how raw her voice had sounded. Her mind was still screaming but was somehow easier to hear, though only fragments, and Cole tried his best to understand, but her hurt only confused him more. The Commander cared for her, wanted her safe and protected so why was he the reason she was hurting?

"Insignificant, insecure, and embarrassed. Such anger and misunderstandings; he didn't mean to hurt you the way he did. He doesn't understand and lashes out just like you don't understand and walk away. Scared and lonely, you want _him_ just like when you were home and not here. He was always there with you. He always made it better when you felt overwhelmed and helped you when you didn't understand. I'm not him, but I want to help," Cole spoke in a rush to keep up with her thoughts. A deep voice playing in her mind, flashes of warmth and happiness were so vibrant. She wasn't like the others. Without thinking Cole moved so that he was facing her and she watched as he reached up and removed his hat, the one thing she wanted to wear when they met last night, and placed it gently on her head. For the first time since he'd appeared by her side she smiled at him.

"How do I look?" She asked him quietly, angling her head so he could see her face better. His hat looked funny on her, but he enjoyed her smile even if it was still sad. She was feeling better and she was quick to speak as he readied himself to make her forget him. "Don't make me forget, okay? I don't want to forget you." Her request caused him to step back and stare. She wanted to remember him. Peaceful, excited, happy. He made her feel those things. She wasn't scared of him like others were. She knew what he was and what he wanted and didn't hate him. It was strange and Cole didn't know what to say so instead he made quick work of tearing off a part of his sleeve and using it as a bandage, wrapping it around her hand to soak up the blood. She watched him as he did the same thing with her other hand.

"You look like me," he finally told her. From where he stood he could see Cassandra approaching them. She was curious about him and why Raven was suddenly wearing his hat. Raven noticed that Cole was no longer looking at her and had to turn her entire body to follow his focus because of how big his hat was. Cassandra was approaching them. "She wants to make sure you're okay," Cole whispered before disappearing causing Cassandra to halt in surprise. Raven made her way to the other woman and looked up at her, fully seeing the appeal of appearing mysterious under the large brim as it blocked part of her face.

"He disappeared!" Cassandra exclaimed and it caused Raven to nod.

"Cole tends to do that. I'm sorry I stormed off back there," the young girl apologized, "He just - He really is an idiot sometimes." Cassandra stared down at her not able to see her expression under the large hat. Raven looked down as Cassandra's hand made contact with her shoulder.

"I would have done the same. Cullen was out of line and deserved your retaliation. I would like to talk to you if you are willing," she requested and had to bite back a smile as Raven nodded making that ridiculous hat move with her motions. They slowly made their way back to camp. Cassandra had followed her to make sure she was okay and that didn't go unappreciated.

"I realize you were trying to commend me for what I did," Raven suddenly broke the silence, "I wasn't brushing off my actions. I know I helped a lot of people last night, but I like to think that it's something anyone would've done if they had the choice."

"But you were the one to make that choice. No one else did when the bells sounded throughout Haven. You were the one to instruct all those people to go to the Chantry. You were the one to make sure every home was empty and you are the one who wanted to stay to continue to defend the Chantry as we made our escape. Only you, Raven." Cassandra looked down at the girl. She knew Leliana and Josephine would eventually talk to her about what she'd done and what they wanted to do going further, but in the girl's current state it would be best to let her know. "They want to bring you into the Inquisition," she revealed and though she couldn't see Raven's face, she knew the girl's eyes were probably wide and her jaw had dropped just a little.

"I thought I was already part of the Inquisition." Cassandra could hear the confusion in Raven's voice.

"What I meant was that with you doing so much for all of them and the Herald they want you as an advisor." Nevermind it was something that Christopher had brought up earlier in the week. Raven took a step back hardly able to understand Cassandra's words. Why would they want her as an advisor? She lacked anything and everything needed to fill that sort of role.

"Thank you for telling me. It'll give me time to find the words to decline their offer. It means a lot that I helped people, but the mentality of needing to act and do what's right is something I grew up with and I am sorry if it came off as cavalier." They were in the middle of camp, halfway between the Charger's and the war table.

"I understand that mentality, but don't let it consume you. We still have a lot to talk about so when you're ready we'll be here," Cassandra told her and with one last smile made her way back to the advisors. From his camp Solas watched the young girl look after the Seeker for a moment before making her way back to Krem's tent. Cole did the same from his seat around the Charger's fire pit though she didn't see him. No one saw him until they needed him or he wanted them to. He smiled, somehow happy that she was still wearing his hat.


	10. Chapter 10

It wasn't until after the sun had set that Raven decided to approach Leliana, Josephine, Cullen, and Cassandra at the war table for the second time. In the hours since she'd spoken to Cassandra she'd spent her time in Krem's tent going over all the polite ways of refusal that her father had taught her and that she'd learned from the many books and movies she'd collected throughout her years. She still hadn't decided on what to say but needed to get it over with. Cole quickly and quietly followed her from the camp. He remained unseen by everyone he passed; their hurts weren't so bad anymore. Seeing Christopher return had eased their doubt, worry, and pain. He'd also done all he could for the wounded soldiers of Haven.

When she approached the makeshift table covered in maps and pieces marking positions, Cullen was the first of the advisors Raven saw and the echoes of Cullen's hurt still spoke to Cole. It was muffled under the pounding in his head as he tried to decide what their best action would be since they no longer had Haven, but Cole could tell that the events from before still plagued him. Images of the anger and hurt he'd caused her-the one he wanted-were responsible for the sinking feeling in his stomach and his own pain from Raven's retort was still fresh in his heart. It had been a sharp, calculated, and brutal response. She knew what to say to make him hurt like he'd done to her. _How did she know?_ Cole could feel the shame in the back of Raven's mind as she continued to stare at him. When Cullen looked up to see the small figure standing quietly no less than ten feet from him he almost mistook her for someone else because of the large hat but then noticed her long red hair and the jacket she was so fond of. He didn't expect her to come back, at least not while he was around. Josephine appeared from her tent and both Leliana and Cassandra noticed her from where they stood outside Christopher's tent talking quietly. The young mage was still sleeping.

"We weren't expecting to see you back so soon," Cullen addressed as professionally as he could, not liking that he couldn't see her face and the expression she wore under the large hat. "New hat?" He asked vaguely remembering the young man Raven had addressed the night before in Haven's Chantry. Raven reached up to the hats large brim and Cole saw her smile as her fingers lightly traced over the material. Her hands were still wrapped in parts of his shirt from earlier.

"I'm keeping it safe until I see him again," she replied simply and from their position Leliana and Cassandra smiled before moving to join Cullen at the table. They couldn't see her expression from their vantage points, but her voice seemed pleasant enough and she still didn't have her harness or daggers strapped to her back. That didn't make her any less dangerous, but they all knew she wouldn't attack without weapons unless she had no other choice.

"We were in the middle of a discussion before things became heated between you and the Commander," Josephine spoke as she picked up her writing board from the table that had the documents outlining the offer they wanted to present to the young girl. It was separated into three parts and she took a quick moment to review the content of Cullen's untidy scribble, Leliana's small calligraphy, and the elegant curls of her own letters to make sure everything was correct. When she looked up from the papers Raven nodded and her hands clasped behind her back in that military pose, "And we have an offer for you," she finally finished.

"We want you to become an advisor for the Inquisition," Leliana spoke and Cole could tell that the three advisors and Cassandra all wanted her to accept. Raven didn't want to. _Inadequate, overwhelming, insecure, unfamiliar; it isn't what I know. This is a mistake._ Her song sang a somber melody in his ears and his chest somehow hurt because of it.

"Thank you for your gracious offer, but I'm going to have to decline." She replied cordially, without hesitation, and all but Cassandra were surprised. Raven liked the hat she was wearing, somehow she could see all their expressions, but they couldn't see hers. Cullen looked angry again and she knew he was still in pain. Back in the game it was obvious when the lyrium withdraw was getting to him. Here it was no different. Even if she didn't know that he no longer took it, the change in his personality was evident that something was wrong. He was usually much more relaxed and patient and she made a note to herself that once the advisor nonsense was over, or maybe even another day, she'd show him some techniques that would help reduce the pain. It was the least she could do to help him without actually admitting that she took the insult way too far earlier that day.

"Forgive me, but may I ask why you are so quick to decline our offer?" Josephine asked still clearly surprised. Had Cullen's words been the reason behind her choice? If so, Josephine would have to fix the damage and fast.

"I don't have experience in commanding soldiers or fighting on the front lines like Cullen, I don't know the first thing about being a Spymaster, and diplomacy isn't something I'm good at, like, at all. Unlike any of you and I have no connections to speak of." She fought to keep still under their gaze, "I've already joined the Inquisition; I help train Cullen's recruits and run reports. I help Christopher and others when they need me and I'm fine with that. What else could I possibly do?" Raven asked meaning for it to be rhetorical. The title of 'Advisor' would only bring a harrowing responsibility and unwanted pressures and problems. She would continue to help if it was needed but she didn't want the added on stress.

"What you do wouldn't change much. You would still help train Cullen's recruits, but you would help train my agents as well. You'd attend meetings and judgments, give your counsel to us and to The Herald when we cannot. He respects your suggestions and knowledge," Leliana informed while moving around the table in order to lean back against it while still facing Raven.

"I'm sensing there's more," Raven commented, interested in what the terms were. Leliana was right; Raven did half the things listed anyway and usually offers came with a type of privilege, condition, or reward. Josephine came forward with her writing board and stood next to her friend.

"In return we would also supply you with further training should you wish. There are quite a few specializations for rogues, especially for one with your skill set. Also Cullen would train you in combat, battle, and military strategy, Leliana would teach you to gather information and use it to your advantage, and I would teach you what needs to be done to gain connections throughout Thedas as well as etiquette and politics. All of which you would use to help us." Raven was stunned and it was obvious as she took a step back that she wasn't expecting there to be so much. Cole tried to keep up with her thoughts, but they were scrambled and sporadic so instead he tried focusing on the others. It was important to them that she accept. _Maker's breath that hat looks funny on her_. That was Cullen's thought and Cole had to look over towards Raven to see what he was talking about but he couldn't understand what was so funny. He _liked_ his hat on her. It made her smile.

"So… I'd be like a bard?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes." Leliana was the one to speak.

"Why?" Raven asked simply, already having a guess why they'd choose those subjects to teach her. No one outside of the Inquisition really knew her. With Leliana's and Josephine's lessons she could be one hell of a spy and Raven would be lying if she said the idea didn't appeal to her. Raven already had some military training, but Cullen was smart and she knew he could teach her a thing or two.

"Even with the information we have coming in from my scouts we need someone to interact with the nobility and those whose support would be beneficial in a less official manner. Become one they can trust and confide in and allow us to use it to our advantage," Leliana answered and Cole could tell the woman was impressed with Raven's quick conclusion. _She doesn't even realize her potential._ "You would be paid as well once we get everything settled. When Christopher wakes we'll figure out what to do." Silence stretched between them. _What if she declines? What would it take to persuade her?_ It was the woman Raven called Josephine that Cole heard and he knew she didn't need to worry. Raven had already made her decisions but would discuss it with them later. Once the fortress was found.

"You're serious about teaching me all this?" Raven was clearly perplexed as she spoke but earned a nod from Leliana. She stared at the Spymaster and then her eyes moved to Josephine and Cullen. "And this is something you all agreed to?"

"We did. Christopher brought it up after the incident with Alexius. Your actions at Haven confirmed it. I understand if you need time to think about what has been offered to you. We will be here," Leliana replied. Raven nodded and turned to leave, needing to get away from them and find somewhere to think. It wasn't until she was about ten steps from them that Cole appeared at her side. She felt his presence before she turned and saw him. _Stalker._

"I am _not_ stalking you," He protested once the thought crossed her mind and she smiled. It took him a moment to realize that she wasn't serious as he continued to follow her. She was thinking of the offer presented to her, the way Cullen looked when he discovered she was there, and Christopher still sleeping in the tent. He should've been awake by now and she was starting to worry.

"Is there any ulterior motive behind them offering me this?" Raven asked. Cole noticed they were going nowhere in particular, just walking around the camp. He thought back to the four people she met with and couldn't recall any of them wanting to wish her harm. He would've addressed it.

"Cullen thought you looked funny in my hat," he told her but wished he hadn't when she suddenly stopped and turned to him. She was smiling as she reached out and brushed some of his hair aside before removing his hat and putting it back on his head. Her hair was untied and messy and Cole watched her in a fascinated silence as she combed the waist length tresses with her fingers and eventually twisted and wrapped them as a group so it became shorter before tying it back.

"I probably did. It looks better on you anyway," she replied simply and continued walking like nothing had happened.

In the hours since Christopher had woken, too warm and constricted in blankets he'd done nothing but rest and it was starting to get to him. At first he'd been confused as to where he was but when he heard the voices of Cassandra and his three advisors he knew he was safe. Leliana was the first to notice he was awake and while she helped him drink some water Cullen had one of his soldiers run to fetch someone. Raven and Solas had appeared side by side moments later as he was sitting up and peeling the horrid blankets off his body and onto the ground. Raven was relieved, Christopher realized as she smiled at him. Even after Solas left she had taken a seat on the ground and leaned against his cot wanting him to continue resting. Mother Giselle joined them not long after and in those hours, now that he was awake, the planning began making rest an impossibility. All he had was a headache, but Mother Giselle stopped him from standing.

"Shh, you need rest," she told him quietly and Christopher noticed how tired the Chantry mother looked. He couldn't rest, not with them fighting.

"They've been at it for hours," he commented and noticed Raven nod silently at his words. He wondered if she had a headache like his? Her fingers were moving in a circular motion in a place on her other hand and he idly wondered what purpose it served.

"They have that luxury thanks to you. The enemy could not follow and with time to doubt, we turn to blame." It wasn't blame, Christopher thought to himself. There were so many worries now, so many people without anywhere to go. He didn't even know where they were. "Infighting may threaten us as much as this Corypheus."

"Do we know where Corypheus and his forces are?" He asked and Mother Giselle shook her head.

"We are not sure where we are. Which may be why-despite the numbers he still commands-there is no sign of him. That, or you are believed dead. Or, without Haven we are thought helpless. Or, he prepares for another attack. I cannot claim to know the mind of that creature, only his effect on us." Hell, she knew how to throw it all out there, but Raven nodded in agreement, not saying anything. There was no need. Christopher was awake and seemed to be doing alright, but she had to wonder how it would play out. They sing in the game and it's Solas who takes him aside to tell him of the orb and Skyhold, but based on the last day with Chancellor Roderick passing so soon, the sudden offer she was given, and the length of time Christopher was asleep compared to the game there was no chance it would play out that way so all she could do was hope for the best.

"If that thing is still out there we need to move," Christopher said while motioning to get up. Raven made no attempt to move and with the one remaining blanket on him it was a little difficult to get around her. She was doing it on purpose, he knew it. So far Mother Giselle's words didn't seem to be much different. She was a wise woman, explaining to Christopher the effect of his return had on the people of Haven. Christopher was sitting up completely now and noticed the robes he wore before had been changed to a different, warmer pair. It was appreciated.

"If the enemy is still out there these questions don't matter," he said while standing. "We need soldiers, weapons. Corypheus doesn't care what we believe." His legs were weak, but he managed to turn, walking away from the two women who were still seated at his bedside and when he left the tent he had to stop. Cassandra peered over the war table frustrated and looking like she had more to say, Josephine and Leliana sat together near the fire, and Cullen stood looking away from them all. It was quiet, the atmosphere almost seemed hopeless and Christopher was at a loss. What could he possibly say to them? Raven stood up and made her way out of the tent, dusting snow and dirt off her butt in the process. She still didn't say anything even as she passed Christopher and made her way to Josephine and Leliana. She was the only one to watch Christopher look down, not knowing what to do.

That was when the singing started and Raven had to bite her lip to keep from saying anything. The mother's voice was absolutely beautiful, even more so than in the game. Christopher looked back at her as she moved toward him, her voice growing loud enough for others to hear in the silence. Leliana joined in shortly after, her soprano tone blending in beautifully with Giselle's alto and Raven had to fight back tears as she saw others appear. Soldiers, civilians, and even Cullen started to sing. She watched Christopher stand there not knowing what to do and how to respond as people started to kneel in front of him. Something to the right caught Raven's attention and when she looked over Cole was standing there just as quiet as she in his patchy clothes and large hat. He seemed to be just as confused as Christopher, but he still gave her a small smile when his eyes caught hers. She also noticed Solas appear behind Christopher and Giselle, keeping enough distance to get away with not singing- Raven doubted he knew the words-but close enough to observe.

"Corypheus will care. The best answers to powerful lies are certain truths," Giselle advised quietly before walking away. Christopher watched her leave while contemplating her parting words. Maybe she was right. Solas was quiet and inconspicuous as he grabbed Christopher's attention. He wanted to start discussing the Inquisitions next move but followed his fellow mage knowing that if he wanted to speak in private, it must be important. With one last glance at Raven who was now speaking quietly to Leliana, Cullen, and Josephine he resigned himself to speak with her later and followed Solas out of camp.

An hour later Raven saw Christopher and Solas walking back towards camp from her place around the fire. However, once they reached the sum of tents they went their separate ways. While Solas made his way back to his own tent, Christopher's eyes seemed to find her and it wasn't long before he was walking in her direction. She smiled at him as he grew closer and, without a word, welcomed him as he sat next to her, their legs barely touching.

"Can we talk?" He asked quietly and took a small sip of the waterskin she offered him, almost coughing when he realized that it wasn't water but whiskey. When did she ever drink? She took a long pull when he gave it back to her grimacing slightly.

"Always. You know that."

"I'm told that you were the one to help after I was found and brought to camp." His words were quiet and she nodded while looking back into the warm flames.

"Adan, that grumpy idiot, would've inadvertently let you freeze and a frozen friend isn't much company." She replied with a kind smile and he chuckled before turning serious. Would he bring up the offer the advisors had given her?

"I suppose I should thank you for the softer landing and potions, too." He continued to look at her. She could feel his eyes burning a hole on the side of her face, but she didn't look at him. Her stomach suddenly dropped and she almost felt numb against the cold mountain air that the fire had lessened.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Damn, that was such a lame ass answer, she thought to herself. What else could she say that wouldn't implicate her anymore than she already had been? Christopher's hand on hers caused her to look at him. He wasn't angry, she realized. His eyes were almost pleading as they stared at her and at that moment Raven wasn't sure if she should deny any and all questioning or spill everything to him.

"When the time came for me to go over what happened in Redcliffe and tell Cullen, Leliana, and Josephine of the future Dorian and I ended up in, there was something I left out." He looked around as he spoke to make sure no one was listening before looking at her again. She was considerably paler than she had been when he arrived and Christopher could imagine the thoughts going through her mind. A part of her looked terrified.

"And what was that?" She finally asked him.

"That you were there, Raven. The future you had been tortured and interrogated almost as badly as Leliana, but Felix begged Alexius and Corypheus for your life." Her eyes widened.

"Why would he do that?" Her voice was nothing more than a whisper and Christopher wished he could give her an answer. He didn't know, not really anyway. There were always theories.

"I'm not sure. Perhaps it was the compassion you showed him back in the Chantry." He thought back to that day and remembered the gentle touch she had given him and the smile that he'd shown in return. Kindness and compassion were a part of her no matter how dangerous she had the potential to be.

"Did future me say anything?" She asked quietly, taking her hand from his and setting it on her lap. She was nervous and starting to fidget, her hands picking at the sleeves of her jacket.

"You knew Dorian and I hadn't died," he watched her carefully as he spoke, "That we'd show up exactly a year later and make things right. You also told me not to rest after the Breach was closed and that the people of Haven would need me then more than ever." Raven gave a dry laugh. How? Why would she tell him that?

"Future me must be pretty damn wise." The sarcasm in her tone was evident.

"Yes, I think so, too." Unlike her, he was serious and he almost relished the sight of her head snapping away from the fire to face him, her eyes wide. "Before she sacrificed herself to make sure Dorian and I had the chance to come back she said that while she couldn't tell me everything about the knowledge she has or how she came to acquire that knowledge, everything she does and will do, no matter how strange, will be so the Inquisition - her new family - can succeed."

"Future me has a really large mouth," Raven grumbled bitterly and it was Christopher's turn to laugh. He wasn't angry or even concerned, not anymore. The events of Haven only proved even more what her intentions were. She worked to save his people, risked her life, and went out of her way to ensure that he was okay without a second thought.

"Whatever you need to do, you have my support. I'm not going to demand you tell me how you have this knowledge, but I am asking that you don't hide it from me. You can help. I know you want to." His words were sincere.

"But the others - "

"I don't care what the others think or have to say, Raven. No one will touch you and I promise I won't tell them unless absolutely necessary and you're okay with it." He cut her off as she was about to speak. It was rude, but he didn't care. He couldn't express enough how important she was, how much his respect for her had grown. She'd helped them despite the fear of repercussions and he simply couldn't let that go.

"I still get to go out into the field with you?" She asked and he found himself nodding. "And the offer to become an advisor?"

"I was wondering if they'd talked to you. It's still there. You can do whatever you want, Raven. All I ask is that you continue to help us. I can't do this by myself." He tried to smile.

"You're capable of more than you think, Christopher. I trust you won't argue with me since I have this knowledge and all." He laughed when she did and he couldn't help but know in his heart and mind that that they'd somehow pull through no matter what was thrown at them.

Throughout her twenty years Raven had gone through and seen a fair amount of things that she knew would stay with her for the rest of her life. At the age of fifteen her dog Angel had passed away from cancer and Raven remembered the remorse and feeling of abandonment of having to bring her best friend in for cremation; She'd been there during the birth of her cousin Josh and remembered the joy she felt when she held him but the excitement while climbing that final hill and gazing upon Skyhold for the first time three days ago was so overwhelming that Raven almost wept. The game couldn't even begin to compare as Raven walked with the former citizens of Haven and members of the Inquisition along the stone bridge. Varric had walked quietly at her side and even stopped to watch her peer over the ledge to see the water, ice, and snow hundreds of feet below them.

Now, days later, as she wandered the courtyard she let her fingers trail over the laid stone walls and wooden doors still seeming to be in her own little world. She didn't make it obvious, but she had something in her hand that she'd hold up every minute or so then put down to her side. The air was lighter at that altitude, clean and fresh, and Raven could feel the power Skyhold once held and continued to hold throughout its years. Varric watched her in slight amusement and was soon joined by Solas and Cole. Once the girl was out of hearing range Varric chuckled.

"I can only imagine what's going through her mind right now," the dwarf mused and Solas glanced over at Cole who continued to stare at the door Raven had just gone through. _Abandoned for years and yearning for someone to claim it. Never thought I'd be here. Everything will change now._ Coming to the conclusion that Cole wouldn't say anything, Solas smiled at Varric and the dwarf had to wonder if Raven had said anything to him, as well, about the things she happened to know. As her friend Solas would most likely keep her secret.

"It's beautiful, maybe they don't have buildings like this where she's from," Solas commented, truly curious. Varric looked at Cole as the spirit started frantically shaking his head. He'd seen pictures in her mind as she thought about home and as she slept. Buildings bigger and taller than any castle made from all types of stone and glass. One house in particular always meant more to her than the others, it brought the most happiness and hurt.

"Stone laid out like a fortress, colored glass reflecting on the wooden floor, a room full of mirrors and weapons while music plays, loud, blaring, fast as she steps in time to the melody. Muscles hurt. Hands sweaty. It makes the daggers hard to grip. I can't do this, she says, but his smile says he knows she can," Cole rambled and Varric reached out to lay a hand on the kids shoulder, but he moved away before contact could be made.

"Kid what are you…?" He tried to ask but was cut off as Cole disappeared. Varric stumbled back in surprise. There were rumors that the kid could appear and disappear at will, but he'd never seen it. It only took a moment to compose himself and he looked up at Chuckles. The elf was aware of Varric looking up at him, but kept his eyes on the spirit as Cole suddenly appeared at the door Raven had gone through and calmly entered. What was their connection, he wondered. After years of studying the fade he could easily tell what Cole was: a spirit of compassion; his nature would compel him to help those in pain, but Raven never appeared hurt, at least in the kind of way that a spirit like Cole would be drawn to. Solas could only assume through their conversations that she also knew what Cole was even though whenever they spoke she addressed Cole as 'he' and 'him' the way she would a person.

"Varric, you said he just showed up out of nowhere before Haven was attacked?" Solas asked while looking down at the dwarf. Varric nodded thinking back to the other night and seeing the kid for the first time in the Chantry.

"Probably, I don't know when he showed up. When Haven was attacked Ginger recruited me to help her clear homes. I spoke to Nightingale about it but that only took a few seconds. He was in the Chantry when I showed up and I didn't see him again 'til your little group reached the camp. What are you thinking, Chuckles?" Varric spoke as he caught the sight of Raven coming back outside and slowly made her way to them, the thing she'd been holding tucked into the pocket of her breeches. Her eyes were brighter, the dwarf thought and he smiled at her.

Before Raven could reach her friends she was stopped by Josephine and Leliana. Cullen and Cassandra were not far behind the two. Raven stared at them all curiously, her head still partially reeling from the small part of Skyhold she'd explored so far, but she managed to smile and follow their conversation. She never thought she'd be consulted in the decision to make Christopher leader of the Inquisition, but she nodded in response when they asked. From Raven's viewpoint she could see when Christopher made his way over to their small group. Cullen was the one to grab her by the arm and lead her off as he grew closer. She knew that he would soon be left with only Cassandra and the scene from the game played in her mind. She stayed beside Cullen throughout the ceremony, which she admitted was more powerful in real life. She cheered with the people crowded around the stairs to watch Christopher accept and hold up that big ass sword and she discreetly slipped the small phone from her pocket to take three pictures to look at fondly since the device was now back in her possession. All it could be used for was a camera and for music anyway. Once it was over she smiled one last time at Cullen and made her way over to Solas and Varric who were still standing fifteen feet away.

"Ginger!" Varric exclaimed, "It's been way too long." She rolled her eyes in response; it had only been less than twenty minutes, but she hugged the man anyway. When she broke the hug he gave her a smile.

"It seems the Inquisition has an official leader," she told him quietly. Varric knew it was inevitable that Christopher would be named the one to lead their cause, with that mark on his hand and the way he stood against Corypheus and lived; he brought them hope and that was something they all needed, himself included.

"I was wondering when they would finally bring it to Christopher's attention." Solas remarked and watched Raven nod at his statement. Every day more people would arrive to join and support the Inquisition that up until today didn't have a leader. And now they did. A mage, no less.

"Now that it's finally happening, Ginger, you can talk to them about what they offered you," Varric pointed out with a smile and earned a shrug from his young friend. Solas looked at her confused and Varric suddenly realized that she must not have told many people. Solas wanted to ask her what was offered, but she must have had a reason for not telling him.

Later that night after dinner and taking more pictures while Christopher was meeting with Varric and Hawke on the battlements Raven was quick to make her way to the war room where the three advisors would be found. They all looked at her curiously as she knocked on the door before opening it to see them around their new war table. It was much larger and fancier than the ones they had at Haven and in the camp. Of course now they were at Skyhold a lot of things were being upgraded.

"Is this a good time?" Raven asked quietly. Leliana smiled and motioned for her to come in, which Raven did and softly closed the heavy wooden door behind her.

"Is everything alright?" Josephine asked and she nodded in response, "Are you satisfied with your new room?" Raven nodded again.

"My room is so beautiful. Thank you for letting me choose one so close to the garden." Her tone was simple.

"Of course." Josephine smiled as the words left her lips.

"It's close to the war room, too, which should make things easier," Raven commented casually and she noticed how Leliana was the only one to smile. Josephine and Cullen stared at her confused. "I know it's been longer than expected, but I thought we could talk about that offer and get it all out of the way?"

"The offer still stands," Josephine answered while picking up her writing board and flipping through the papers to find the outline of the offer given to her. "I have a copy for you here unless… unless you still have decided to decline?" Raven stared at the pretty Antivan woman who held out a large piece of thick parchment. From where she stood-maybe ten feet away-she could tell there were multiple types of writing on it.

"Actually, I'd like to accept your offer," she replied, her tone so casual that they almost didn't believe her. "I'm sorry I didn't come to you three with my decision earlier. With us arriving at Skyhold, all the things that still need to be done, and now Christopher officially becoming Inquisitor, I know it's been hectic." Cullen moved closer to the table, closer to her and looked for any signs that she wasn't serious about their offer. There were none.

"So you really want to accept?" Josephine asked slowly and clearly thinking the same thing as Cullen. Raven's eyes didn't leave Cullen's.

"I do, but first I'd like to apologize to you. What I said last week at the camp was brutal and uncalled for. We were all under so much stress… I lashed out and I don't want there to be any resentment between us. I am sorry, Cullen." Cullen stared at her. An apology was the last thing he expected and he knew she meant it. Her voice was contrite and she continued to keep eye contact throughout her apology.

"I'm sorry, as well. I crossed a line and there's no excuse for doing so," he apologized and held his hand out for her to take. Raven glanced down at it in confusion before reaching out and accepting what he had to offer. Her hand was so small in his, but her grip was strong. She had to be, he supposed, considering she was meeting the force of enemy swords with daggers. She'd been trained in other weapons, but insisted she liked them the most.

"So what's the first step on the agenda?" Raven asked once she pulled her hand from Cullen's. They were big and way too warm. He was also still looking at her so she averted her eyes and attention to Josephine and Leliana.

"Are there any demands you have of us?" The smile Raven had been wearing dropped in response to Josephine's question and the Ambassador was quick to continue, "You were silent and accepting as we told you what you would be doing should you accept our offer, but haven't asked for anything in return." The three were met with thoughtful silence from the girl and it was obvious in the week since they'd spoken with her about the offer that she hadn't thought of any conditions or things she wanted in return. Cullen's hand on the girls shoulder brought her back to them. What they were offering had been enough in Raven's opinion, but if they were expecting requests from her that could be written into the paperwork she supposed it would be normal to try and get something while the window was open.

"Why don't you think about it and once you have an idea you can let us know?" Cullen suggest and she nodded.

"Yeah. Wait - no. The device I showed you the night I was brought to Haven that takes pictures. Christopher gave me permission to take as many as I'd like and that's something I want to continue." They nodded in understanding.

"If that's really the only thing you want and if the Inquisitor already approved of it, then I don't see why things should change. We trust you." Leliana spoke with a smile.

"Would I be able to go out by myself? Say there was something in Val Royeaux or the Black Emporium I needed, would I be allowed to go?" She asked and Leliana was slightly amused. From what she understood the young girl had never been to Val Royeaux and didn't particularly enjoy shopping.

"What could you possibly need from there?" Cullen asked and Raven looked at him. There were so many possibilities and she knew where to get the real items needed for what she had planned. After playing the game so many times and now having the opportunity to create the weapons and armor she'd always wanted was a good enough reason as any to explore and not just stay in Skyhold.

"From what I understand you're able to get schematics, weapons, armor, and crafting materials. I didn't join them last time they were in Val Royeaux and I've always wanted to visit the Emporium," Raven explained and earned a respectful nod from the man. She didn't seem like the sort to go there for dresses, Cullen thought but was also aware how complicated women were. The small girl beside him was no different; she might wield daggers, a bow, and one handed swords better than most people he knew, but he'd also seen the beautiful tattoos on her arms and back as well as the lacy tops she wore.

"Now that you've chosen to do this, Raven, we will need to visit Val Royeaux together to visit the noble houses and purchase some suitable attire for you. If you were to travel on a personal note, I would personally request that you travel with someone," Josephine responded quickly. "It's not that I, or we, don't trust you. We want you to be safe." Again, Raven nodded in understanding.

"But provided I progress in the training you give me, I'll be able to go places and do things?" The young girl wanted to clarify. Josephine started to respond, but Cullen beat her to it.

"You're not a prisoner," he told her and then smiled when she did. "Also if there is anything _specific_ you need from a merchant, Josephine has arranged for a handful of them to come to Skyhold." The Connections perks, Raven thought and nodded. Those always were extremely convenient in the game and she wondered if they would eventually have the vault with the Quizquisition guy who made wind noises.

"What's our objective then?" Raven asked. "If it's that important to you that I learn to be a spy then who or what is the main focus? Does it have something to do with what Christopher saw concerning the assassination the Empress?" Leliana stared at the young woman not expecting her to jump right into business. They'd only been at Skyhold a week, but it was nice to know that she was going to take it seriously.

The next four hours flew by and the halls were empty as Raven left the war room followed by her three fellow advisors that looked as tired as she felt. In the hours she'd spent with them she learned of their plans; they wanted to focus on teaching her Orlesian customs because the two women wanted her to make her way into good graces of the Orlesian nobility. Raven honestly wasn't too excited about spending time with snooty nobles that reminded her of the French back home. Plus, according to Josephine, she would have to wear dresses. Pretty dresses with corsets and masks, which were easy enough to appreciate in a very novel kind of way. She thought back to the odd look Cullen had given her when she'd asked if corsets were involved. Or maybe it was the excitement that came over Josephine when she asked. Raven had worn enough in the past to know that they were ridiculously elaborate, hard to breathe in, and were even considered a symbol of one's status.

The Inquisition also needed more reputation and influence throughout Orlais and Ferelden - something Raven knew how to accomplish, but she kept that to herself or, at most, would share with only Christopher. Crestwood would have to be the first step and depending on how fast Christopher found Stroud they could move onto the Exalted Plains and then The Western Approach. With her help they'd have more power than needed to get an invitation to the Winter Palace. In the meantime Raven would begin her training, most likely not being able to go with Christopher when he left. It was a damn good thing she knew what needed to be done in order to gain influence and agents. Halfway to her room with her head down as she flipped through all the papers Josephine had given her, Raven didn't have time to react as Cole appeared in front of her. He was solid for a spirit, Raven thought as she walked into him and bounced back. She would've caught herself, but Cole was quick to reach out and grab her arm. She smiled at him while he stared at her.

"You're tired," he said quietly and his words earned a small nod from the girl in front of him. "You miss it, the blanket your grandmother made for you before she died; big and soft, black on one side but so many colors and patterns on the other. You wanted to bring it with you but decided to keep it at home on your bed. It would make coming home so much better," Cole murmured and his eyes widened as her smile faded and she walked past him without a word. Her room was just down the small stretch of stone. "I'm sorry, I did it wrong. Why is your hurt so different than everyone else?" He asked as they both entered her room. It was dark, but Raven's eyes didn't take long to adjust and she made quick work of lighting a couple candles, her hands shaking. She didn't even remember thinking of the blanket, not near him anyway. She knew and accepted that he didn't understand about the consequences of announcing peoples' thoughts, fears, desires, and memories and it hurt being reminded that she had no way of ever going homea fact that she'd been avoiding since the beginning by keeping herself busy. Coping was never her strong suit.

"It's okay. You're okay," she said quietly as she turned to glance at him while removing the dagger at her hip. It was a smaller dagger than the ones Christopher had made her. Cole had given them back to her the night they reached Skyhold. She didn't look at him for long, as she moved to undo the buckles on her coat and set it on one of the chairs surrounding a table covered in her writing and drawings. Next were her boots and socks. Cole watched in silence and awe as she took off each piece to reveal pale skin. She wore a pair of shorts under her pants and a light shirt under the thicker, long sleeved one. The pictures on her skin seemed to glow in the candle light. The ones on her arms and back weren't the only ones she had; they were on her legs and feet, too. Cole counted eight in total that he was able to see.

"The dragonfly was your first. The pain tickled your wrist and made your fingers twitch. You laughed at the numbness after a while. She, your grandmother, loved dragonflies… I'm sorry to hurt you again." He whispered quietly. Raven continued to stare at him from her seat on the bed. He was right, it did hurt but most likely not in the way he expected.

"They were her favorite. Dad let me get it when I was sixteen after she started getting sick. When I showed her she was so mad that she threw an apple at me from her hospital bed, I dodged it and it made a dent in the wall. The doctor and nurses couldn't bring themselves to be mad at the damage because they were too busy laughing," Raven told him with a chuckle as she held out her left arm. Cole moved closer to see her wrist and smiled.

"Your dad laughed and you made it up to her with…" Cole started but stopped in confusion.

"Pizza," Raven continued for him, "It's a popular meal from back home. Baked crust covered in a sauce made from tomatoes and herbs and then covered in any cheeses, meats, vegetables, and sometimes fruits that you want. It was her favorite. Can we not talk about her anymore?" She asked and Cole nodded while making a seat for himself on the floor in front of her. Not that he was trying but from the short distance away he was able to see the other pictures… tattoos… on her skin: the black swirls outlining dark roses and a skull with a banner on her upper right leg; a butterfly on her right ankle; what looked like a raven amongst trees on her left thigh that ended at her knee; a series of symbols around her left ankle. Raven stared down at him as he stared at her tattoos curious to know what he was thinking.

"They all hurt," Cole said quietly as he finally looked up at her.

"A lot of things in life hurt," Raven replied. "Sometimes there's nothing you can do about it."

"But that's why I'm here. I want to help. Christopher told me I could because you said you would leave if he didn't but… you don't want me to help you?" His voice became curious, as if didn't quite understand the words he spoke. With quick movements that he didn't expect she was off the bed, on her knees in front of him, and wrapped her arms around him in a hug making Cole suddenly stop his train of thought. From her position she couldn't see his eyes widen and she wasn't entirely pressed against him so she didn't feel his body stiffen and his breathing stop. No one had dared to touch him in so long out of fear that he didn't know what to do. Her braided hair smelled like oranges and her skin was warm. When she was sure he'd calmed down Raven pulled away and moved away.

"You are so sweet and gentle," she whispered to him with a kind smile, "You don't need to help me. I knew others would need you which is why I insisted to Christopher that you stay. Focus on the others, help them because they need you more." Cole could hear how fast her heart was beating. _They have families and loved ones waiting for them. Use your gift to help them instead. They are more important and I'm not ready to face my demons yet._ Raven watched him look down and nod before whispering 'good night' and disappearing. He wasn't gone, but she could no longer see him as he stood back against the wall and watched her curiously. She sat there with a sad smile as she continued to stare where he was moments ago. Cole wasn't sure if she understood what she meant to others and he really didn't like it, but he wouldn't help her see. It would make her happy if he helped others. It wasn't until she stood up, blew out the candles, and climbed into her bed that Cole finally left. Hopefully someday she would understand. She had to.


	11. Chapter 11

The next morning at dawn Raven was up, ready for the day, and knocking on the door to Cullen's office to go over troop scheduling and recruit training. With people still coming to Skyhold and pledging themselves to the Inquisition every day, he'd chosen fifteen of the new recruits to report directly to Raven. It wasn't only his way of showing that he trusted her but also to teach the recruits a lesson; he'd heard a couple of them talking the night before about the young girl, unsavory and undignified things that no man should utter about a woman. So as the sun continued to rise over Skyhold that morning and she left his office, Cullen watched in amusement from the battlements between his office and the library as the fifteen men in the courtyard ranging from sixteen to thirty-five stood in a sloppy line wearing practice armor watched Raven make her way down the steps. As usual, she was only dressed in one of her many pairs of skin tight black pants and a light blue lace top-something he'd always deemed unfit to train in, but after hearing about the night before she'd thrown her coat across his desk and insisted. Her obsidian daggers glittered in the light from the harness strapped to her body and it was probably the only time he would approve of her not wearing armor to train. Cullen noticed her hair was braided but that changed once she reached the last step and he watched the way she quickly removed the hair tie, combed the long braid out of her hair which made the copper tresses shine in the morning sunlight, and twisted her hair with graceful movements of her wrists so it was in a messy bun before tying it back again. It wasn't a coincidence, Cullen had learned. Raven had done it to get the men to stop talking and, as she walked the line to look and assess the posture and the condition of each recruit, one man reached out to touch her rear when he thought she wasn't looking. With a quick movement that none of the recruits had expected the offender was already on his stomach with the hand he reached out bent behind him in an extremely painful angle. She hadn't let the man up until he apologized. They'd all stood shocked as the large man scrambled off the ground and stood back in line.

"Hello, everyone. I hope you're having a good morning," Raven had said as if nothing had happened. "I apologize you had to see that, but when it comes to me, it's safer to look than to touch." She stood in front of the men looking like an innocent doe-eyed girl. Cullen had to wonder what her plan was as he leaned in closer to view the group. He was unaware of Cole standing beside him also looking down at her and all the men with curiosity.

"Nice to meet you, Sweetheart." One of them said; he was a man in his late twenties that Raven would soon learn was named Patrick. "You might've pulled one over on him, but the training fields are no place for a little girl such as yourself. So why don't you run to the kitchens?" A couple of the recruits laughed and Cullen found himself wanting her to teach them the hard way. Raven masked her annoyance and only widened her smile.

"Okay, since you're so big and strong, would you like to play a game with me?" She asked in the same cheery voice as before. The man who taunted her scoffed while some of the other recruits laughed, seeming to forget what she had just done to one of their own not even five minutes before.

"Sure , I'll play a game with you." Raven could feel her fingers start to twitch as excitement filled her, but she remained composed and continued to smile in response.

"I'm so glad. Why don't you go pick up one of those heavy wooden swords over there and come back," she suggested while pointing to the practice weapons. The man walked over, picked up one of the two handed swords without testing the weight and balance, and came back. Raven moved away from the others and urged her new plaything to follow.

"You really think you could take me in a fight?" The man asked and Raven shook her head. Stupid misogynistic piece of shit, she screamed in her mind but continued with the smile.

"It's not a fight. It's a game and the rule is simple: if you hit me with your weapon one time before I put you on your ass, then you win. I'll go to the kitchens and make you the best meal you've ever had in your life. However, if I manage to win, then you have to spend the rest of the day in the kitchens and make my dinner tonight." Raven knew her rules would cause some laughter. She was correct and Cullen had to force himself to hold himself back and watch their blatant disrespect to their superior and new Inquisition advisor. It was obvious what she was doing; the only way to get them to listen was to show her ability.

"Whatever, little girl," the man agreed. "Remember that I like my steak well done." Without wasting a second he lunged toward her with a great swing of his sword. Cullen wasn't surprised that he'd missed and judging by her stance it was obvious what she planned to do; it was something he'd seen her do only a handful of times since she'd started sparring with the soldiers. However, with this recruit he could tell she would need to use more force to prove the point she was trying to make. Cole watched in awe as she spun around while crouching low to the ground and used the momentum from the spin to deliver a hard kick to the recruit's ankle, making him cry out in pain as he fell to the ground and he could hear the echo of an unfamiliar tune playing in her mind, fast and loud. It made her happy. Raven continued to stare down at her sparring partner impassively as she stood up and with one last quick yet forceful movement kicked the sword from his hand.

"I never understood how one could like their steak well done. It takes flavor away from the cut," she commented and left him on the ground as she turned to the rest of the recruits. Cole was glad she taught him a lesson. No one deserved to be treated the way he treated her. "Lesson one of today's training session is to _never_ underestimate a potential enemy."

"Stupid bitch!" The man yelled as he tried to stand, "Just wait till the Commander hears about his!" Raven ignored him. Any smiles they had before were gone.

"Assuming there's no one else who wants to play with me, I think it's time for introductions," Raven said loudly as she dropped the cheerfulness from her tone. Cole liked the voice she was suddenly using, it was more her. "My name is Raven, but you will address me as Mistress O'Hara until I tell you otherwise. I have been personally chosen by Commander Cullen to train each and every one of you. Why did the Commander choose me, you ask? Why did the Inquisitor agree to it? The answer is very simple: with over twelve years of multiple types of combat and weapons training, I am one of the best fighters here." By the end of her introduction the man who was foolish enough to fall into her game was standing and in the process of limping to his spot in line. Raven noticed he'd left the practice sword on the ground and her jaw clenched. "Recruit, what are you doing back in line? You're not training with us today." The man glared at her.

"Fuck you, bitch. I'm part of the Inquisition now. Best fighter or not, you're still nothing more than a piece of - " He never got to finish that sentence before Raven suddenly appeared before him with one of her obsidian daggers drawn and pressed to his neck which caused him to cry out in surprise. Her darkening green eyes held his. Raven tried to steady her breathing but could already feel her anger rising.

"Make that two days. You might have pledged yourself to Inquisitor Trevelyan and the Inquisition, but you're not a soldier until Commander Cullen and I say so and I don't see a soldier in front of me. I see a sorry, pathetic excuse of a man who clearly doesn't know how to shut up and has no respect for himself or others." As Raven's words left her mouth even she was scared by how they sounded. It didn't sound like her. Instead it was cold and emotionless, but it seemed to get the point across because the man was terrified and he had a right to be. She'd never killed anyone before she'd been thrown into this world, but now she realized how killing was a necessity in certain situations. With a sigh Raven pulled away and sheathed her dagger into the harness. When she spoke again her voice was loud, addressing the entire group. "I will not tolerate the type of behavior your fellow recruit has just displayed. Not only because it's disgraceful to the Inquisition, but because it's disgraceful to yourselves. I believe you are all better than that. Anyone who shows disrespect like he did or insists on playing my game and loses, will also lose a day of training. Instead, the offender will help out somewhere else and if it's not done properly, you will lose another day. Recruit, what is your name?" She asked the man casually as if she hadn't just had her dagger to his throat.

"My name is Patrick, ma'am," the man informed her with a much more calm and respectful manner than before. Raven smiled at him.

"And the man who thought it would be funny to grab my ass?" She asked and one of the bigger, older men came forward. He was scared, Cole concluded from his place on the battlements.

"My name is Behven," he told her. Raven nodded and brought her hands to her hips.

"Well, Behven," she addressed, "because you felt it was acceptable to sexually harass your officer, you won't be training today. Instead, you will be helping down at the stables. You are to report to Warden Blackwall and tell him _exactly_ who sent you and why you are there. You can come back tomorrow." Behven opened his mouth with the intention of arguing but quickly shut it. At least he was capable of learning, Raven thought and watched as he bid her farewell and turned to walk toward the stables. When he was out of sight she turned to Patrick who was quick to apologize.

"I'm sorry for wh-"

"What's important is that you know what you did was wrong. Not only did you disrespect me as your trainer, but as you disrespected me as woman, which I will not stand for. Do you have a sister? Or maybe a wife, a daughter?" The man looked taken a back but slowly nodded.

"My sister, Elana," he replied and Raven had to shake her head in disappointment.

"You don't need to answer my next question, but how would you feel if some man-much older and bigger-treated her the same way you treated me? There's also the fact that you lost our game, so if you could please put that practice sword away and report to a woman named Gretchen in the kitchens, I'd be most obliged. I'll also stop by later with my dinner order and, if you're still interested in becoming a soldier, you can report back here tomorrow morning."

Meanwhile Cole was sitting on one of the pillars, his legs dangling off the side as he observed the exchange and the calm, yet powerful demeanor Raven presented. The men wouldn't have listened to her if she hadn't done what she did. This new personality she was showing was strange, but it was nice listening to her. She cared for others so much. Cole willed himself visible as he turned to look at Cullen.

"She thinks of music when she fights," Cole told the Commander, catching him off guard and causing him to jump back in surprise as the spirit made his presence known. That's what Cole was according to Solas and Christopher. Did Raven know? He wondered. Part of him doubted she would care; she seemed to get along with nearly everyone. He said something about music? Cole shrugged and looked back at the girl.

"Who thinks of music? Are you talking about Raven?" Cullen asked and the spirit nodded. "How do you know?"

"Loud music plays throughout a large room, fast and unfamiliar to us but familiar to her. I heard it in her mind just now. So many melodies and voices and she keeps step with all of them because she knows it takes more energy to swing and miss than to swing and hit." Cole spoke quietly as past pictures and thoughts from Raven's mind played over and over in his. Cullen stared at the spirit feeling even more unsettled as Cole continued to look at him. "Soft pale skin in the moonlight; heated and blushing under kisses, soft bites, and caresses; hearing her cry out your name. Fingers caught in long red hair… You think of her a lot, but you're not the only one. You don't want to think those things, but it's hard no to even when she wore my hat. I can see them, but they can't see me; she was happy you couldn't see her expression that night. She didn't want anyone to see how excited the idea joining you all made her." Sometime during his revelation he looked away to watch Raven only to bring his attention back to the embarrassed and red faced Commander. Cullen was mortified; he'd told no one of his brisk infatuation towards the young girl, but Cole knew. Without a word Cullen turned and made his way back to his office where he hoped there would be enough reports and paperwork to distract him. Cole shrugged and disappeared, the mice were hungry.

It was just before noon when Raven dismissed the recruits from training. Despite the minor mishap with the two recruits earlier in the morning, it had been a good first lesson which consisted of foot position and using a person's own body weight and movements against them. The recruits had objected at first, but once she explained how necessary it was and she picked one of the recruits to help her demonstrate, they were all interested in learning. Overall they were a good bunch, Raven concluded as she made her way to the stables to check on Behven. When she arrived she saw Dennett maneuvering a big brick of hay for the horses and Behven cleaning out a stall. Blackwall was the first to notice her presence from inside the doorway. During their time at Haven they'd spoken casually while she helped Harritt and she'd more than earned his respect.

"He's on dung duty all day for how he treated you. If he were my recruit he'd have gotten worse than a simple drop before I sent him away for good." The older man growled out loud enough for Behven to hear which only seemed to make him work even harder. Raven chuckled.

"He was already beaten by a ninety-five pound girl without a weapon, so I doubt it could get much worse. Thanks for keeping him for the day and please let me know how he does." Their conversation was short and ended in a hug from the large lumberjack of a man. Upon leaving, Raven was quick in her small journey to the kitchens and she smiled when she saw Patrick at a counter, still in his practice armor, kneading dough. Quietly she grabbed one of the pieces of paper and a quill that had been left out for notes and scribbled her dinner order and instructions onto it. Once she gave it to Gretchen with the order that Patrick had to be the one to cook it, she made her way into the large castle.

Christopher liked to think that he was a patient man. Between his pain in the ass family, years in the Circle under the watch of the Templars as he studied and learned to control his magic, the Mage-Templar rebellion, Temple of Sacred Ashes exploding, Haven, and going from prisoner to Herald of Andraste to Inquisitor there was a lot he could deal with before becoming annoyed, but Raven nearly had him at his limits. Since that night at the campfire where they came to their secret understanding he'd barely seen her. She'd been around, he knew that because of his other advisors and random scouts he'd managed to ask, but with her busy schedule on top of his own getting together to discuss their next plan of action had been impossible. The thought only annoyed him more as he shuffled through the never ending amount of missives on his desk.

"She wants to talk to you, but there's never any time. She hasn't been sleeping well lately. Why didn't I bring the blanket? Maybe I can make one." The sound of Cole's voice echoed on the stone wall making the young mage jump and look up to see the spirit standing at the entrance to his room from the balcony. "She likes talking to you. You make her feel safe, calm. Now that you know, anyway," he continued.

"Cole, do you know where she is?" Christopher asked kindly and was met with a silent nod from the spirit in response as he remained in the doorway, not quite entering the room. "May I ask how you two are so close?" Cole listened to the sounds coming from below him; the conversations between people echoing off stone and mountains, birds flying high above him, the sound of wind, and not ten feet away he could hear the muffled thoughts and almost blinding song of Christopher. Were they close? Cole wondered.

"Close?" The spirit asked and Christopher suddenly felt uncomfortable.

"You seemed to spend a lot of time with her after Haven was attacked. And once we got here she all but threatened to leave if I didn't allow you to stay. I was wondering if you've met before," he explained while closely watching Cole's reaction. The spirit stepped into the room and sat down on the bench at the foot of the large bed, looking up to the high ceiling so far away while thinking back to the first time he saw her struggling under that Red Templar. Her friends had been worried that she hadn't shown up and her pain had reached out to him not long after.

"Her thoughts are different; her song is brighter and sadder at the same time. She knows me like how she knows you and isn't scared. She knows what I am and what I've done and still smiles and laughs, still kind and soft in her words as she tries to help, to protect. The men from this morning will learn that soon. I hope they do, anyway," Cole explained as he looked down and started picking at his gloves. The events of this morning were still in his mind. He could tell that Christopher was looking at him strangely.

"What happened this morning?" He asked.

"They've never had a girl in charge before and wanted her to stop. Hurtful thoughts and words hoping to make her feel like nothing, but she didn't show it, embarrassment hidden by fury and determination. They must not know how it affects me," Cole muttered quietly so lost in thought that he didn't feel her presence as she entered through the door and up the stairs from the main hall. Her voice caught him off guard.

"What he's saying is that I got the privilege of training our new recruits this morning and they weren't too happy about it," Raven clarified as she leaned her body against the stone wall, watching the two men. Christopher moved to stand but stopped when she held out a hand.

"What do you need me to do?" He asked.

"Nothing. One's assisting Blackwall in the stables and the other will be in the kitchens for the rest of the day and tomorrow. He'll also be making us a private dinner tonight, Christopher, if you're free. I figured it was time I answered some of your questions." She smiled at the surprised look on his face before he composed himself again.

"Very well. As you wish," he agreed. "What time shall I expect you?"

"If you have no objections, I thought we could have dinner in my room. Say around seven?" Again Christopher was baffled by her offer and nodded. With a nod she turned and left as quickly as she came while both men stared at the place she briefly stood. With a small smile Cole disappeared.

"Did you know she was coming?" Christopher asked as he looked over to where Cole had been only to see it empty. Part of him wasn't surprised, he seemed to do that often. After a quick massage to the temples, the mage turned his attention back to the ever growing amount of paperwork.

By the time Raven left Josephine's new office she was tired and proud to say that she completed everything that needed to be done that day. The morning recruit training and dinner invitation for Christopher had just been the beginning. After that was a slight whirlwind of meetings with Leliana and the seven agents she'd be working with and there was the meeting with Josephine, who sat comfortably in one of her chairs with Zevran on her lap instead of her desk. The cat's position didn't last long once Raven entered the room. He'd jumped off the Ambassador's lap and ran to her. Much to Josephine's disappointment Zevran stayed by Raven's side for the rest of their appointment. Raven's first lesson had been to go over what she already knew as far as etiquette and foreign customs such as posture, polite conversation, greetings, titles of foreign diplomats and leaders, and table manners. There had been some slight differences from the customs back home, but Raven caught on quickly and she could tell Josephine was impressed. For the second part of their appointment, Josephine had wanted to fine tune Raven's privileges as an advisor, discuss a date they could go to Val Royeaux together to supply the young girl with some things that would be needed, and go over Raven's pay which nearly caused her to drop Zevran. No number had been discussed the night before-not that Raven cared-but two thousand gold a month had been much more than she expected and Josephine refused to go any lower. It was nearly six thirty when she left.

Dinner that night was seasoned chicken, rice, and fire roasted vegetables. White wine and pitcher of water were also supplied since she wasn't sure what Christopher liked. The dishes were delivered shortly before he arrived with a soft knock. He looked at her as she opened the door and greeted him with a smile, noticing that she no longer wore the clothes from earlier that morning but a pair of black pants and a red shirt. They were certainly nicer than the training clothes he often saw her in and he was glad they thought alike at times since he'd changed his clothes as well and now wore a green tunic and a pair of breeches made of canine leather. It seemed right to since it was to be a dinner between friends and colleagues. Her usual tattoos showed because her hair was pulled back and he had to wonder if there were any significance to them or if there were anymore under her clothes, not that he planned to physically find out.

Her room was bigger and brighter than expected with smooth wooden floors and a large bed in the corner. Underneath were her two bags, but they seemed more flattened as if the contents had been emptied. A dresser was placed in the opposite corner of the bed and Christopher took a quiet note of all the unlit candles. On the table near the door were two covered plates, two glasses, water, and wine. Raven smiled at him as he looked around and how his shoulders seemed to relax.

"It's big. Simple." He stated the observation as he looked at her.

"Josephine said the same. Thankfully once the dresses are made they'll be going into _her_ closet," she replied with a laugh.

"Dresses?" Christopher asked and moved to take a seat in one of the chairs at the table as Raven sat on her bed across the room.

"Part of my new role," Raven explained and truthfully Christopher wasn't surprised that the ambassador would want to have a new wardrobe made for her. The young girl had proved her usefulness time and time again since her arrival and the knowledge she had made her even more valuable.

"I know you'll do great. I wouldn't have insisted if I'd thought differently." He said and meant every word.

"If only good thoughts made it that easy," she said with a small chuckle. "To gain the favor and good graces of foreign leaders and nobility to help earn influence and power for the Inquisition will be one hell of a challenge and then getting used to the pretty dress and a mask or two because...well, you know how Orlesians are...will be a process in itself. You know I like my cotton pants and sleeveless shirts," Raven explained and Christopher couldn't help but smile. In his opinion she had the eloquence and posture of a noble already. There was no point in denying how beautiful she was or how charming she could be and he could see it working out really well or becoming an absolute failure.

"They chose wisely, then. Even with the dresses."

She looked at him curiously and brought her legs up to her chest. "Are you sure I can't just win them over in my night clothes?" She asked and he couldn't stop the laughter, "Was it your idea to throw in the education? Battle strategy, espionage, and diplomacy?"

"I suggested it, but it's not something I had to press. They're all pretty impressed with your skills and existing knowledge. What they know if it." She nodded in acknowledgement. "So, you had a recruit cook this?" He asked and Raven nodded while standing up from her place on the bed and making her way towards the table.

"That I did. A friend of mine in the kitchens watched him and confirmed he didn't do anything bad to it. According to her, he was also very apologetic so this should be interesting. I know you just want answers, but thank you for having dinner with me." The smell of garlic and rosemary filled his nose as she uncovered the plates and two clouds of steam rose up. "You didn't seem like the type to like really heavy food. I hope this is acceptable." Christopher had to admire her thoughtfulness.

"You're very kind," he complimented. She shrugged and sat down in the seat across from him. He watched her pick up her cutlery, cut a piece of chicken, and take a bite before he even thought of starting on his own. He could tell she was testing the flavors before she swallowed and smiled at him as he picked up his own knife and fork. She stopped after a couple bites and poured them both a glass of water.

"Where are you from?" He asked once she put her glass down.

"City, state, country?" She confirmed and continued when Christopher nodded. "The city where I lived was called Schaumburg. Illinois is the state, and the country is the United States of America." Christopher looked for any hesitation or change in her voice as she spoke, but there were none. No indication of lying.

"What was your life like there?" He probed and caught how she smiled though it didn't reach her eyes. It was a sad smile and he nodded when she excused herself and walked over to grab something from her dresser. It was the device she asked him about the night he approached her. He'd been so desperate at the time to have her help him in the way he knew no one else could that he didn't question her when she asked if she could go about using it. He only vaguely remembered it's purpose from all those months ago, but he could've sworn it had something to do with taking small portraits.

Raven took her place in the chair next to his, her attention still on her phone that she'd been using the last day or two. Once it was on and the lock screen showed, she swiped and with a quick motion entered the photo app and chose the gallery titled 'family' and held the phone's screen more toward his direction so Christopher could see the first picture: one of her and her dad in their training room. Christopher stared at the screen holding a small portrait of Raven and an older, much bigger man whose muscle could give Bull a run for his money. He and Raven had the same smile, but that seemed to be where any physical resemblance ended. His hair was dark where hers was red, his eyes were brown, and his skin was tanned. Raven watched him study the picture.

"This is the cell phone you allowed me to use after Haven. I didn't lie to you when I said it could be used to take pictures which is what I've been using it for, but I did only gave you a basic answer. My world, where I'm from, is a world of technology which evolves to fit the needs and convenience of the one using it. Instead of writing letters, having portraits painted, and spending hours looking through books for research this phone can do all of that." She explained and Christopher's eyes moved away from the device in her hands to focus on her.

"That can't possibly be true," he argued while waiting for Raven to reveal the punch line of a joke. She didn't smile, all she did was nod.

"Like I said, my world is technology based. We have machines that do almost anything we want, all you have to do is press a few buttons. But besides all that, this is a picture of my father and I. He spent years in the military and Special Forces and is one of the many whose helped teach me what I know. We're in one of our training rooms." She explained and Christopher brought his eyes back to the device she held out for him just in time to see her move a finger across the surface and the picture change to one of Raven by herself. Her hair was down and from the position of it she was most likely turning, her face was flushed and she wasn't looking at the screen. She had a dagger in each hand and he took notice of her all black attire.

"Were you training?" He asked and she nodded.

"We had a couple training rooms, but the one we used most is the one you see. Smooth wooden floors where we trained with gripped and non gripped shoes and barefoot. There was an entire wall of mirrors so we could watch ourselves and see if we there were any changes we needed to make. You don't see it, but there's one wall that has nothing but racks on racks of practice weapons; swords big enough to be considered great swords, one handed swords like what Cassandra uses, and katanas. There were also so many types of daggers." She explained and he could tell she was growing excited.

"Music playing throughout the room…" he said quietly and she stared at him curiously. "Cole mentioned it." She nodded at his explanation. It did make sense.

"When I first started, it was hard for me to get the rhythm down. Dad didn't expect the music idea to work as well as it, did but it was easier to keep step in time to the beats which only evolved as I did. It also helped train me in agility and dexterity over the years. That's why I'm almost never hit." She sounded proud and he knew she deserved to be.

"And your mother's not there?" Christopher asked, vaguely recalling that she was no longer with them, but he wanted to be sure.

"She died when I was born. Complications during pregnancy and she bled out so I never got to meet her. I'm told she was an amazing person. Dad had a lot of pictures of them throughout our home and according to everyone she knew, I look exactly like her which I guess is a compliment. I don't know," she told him in the most calm and even voice he'd ever heard when discussing the death of a parent. He had to remind himself that she technically never knew her mother and seemed to accept that death was a part of life. She switched the picture again and for the next hour he asked question after question and she answered them all to the best of her ability. She showed and explained to him more uses for her cell phone and their attention turned to her Kindle. Christopher listened intently as she showed him a list of the stories and books she had. She told him tales of her old home and about religions, countries, famous wars, and also famous world leaders and it wasn't long after that when she didn't want to talk of her world anymore that night. With a nod she changed the discussion to the Inquisition and what she knew of Thedas. But she didn't tell him how, even though he desperately wanted to know. Her knowledge seemed impossible as she leaned back in her chair - certainly more relaxed than she had been when talking of her own world - she told him stories of the Hero of Ferelden and Hawke, the Exalted March on the Dales, the events that lead up to the Mage Rebellion, and tales of his own family. She even promised to write down for him what would be needed for their trip to Crestwood the following week.

By the time he left it was dark. His stomach was still full from dinner and his mind was reeling with all she'd told him. She was a fascinating girl and while he still had questions, he was satisfied for the moment and glad it was a night well spent. Rushing her into telling him information she wasn't ready to reveal, or couldn't, would only push her away and make her regret her decision to help them. She was his friend and he couldn't do that to her. When he reached his room Cole was sitting on the chair by the stairs and swinging his feet. He wasn't sure if the spirit realized that he was humming but shrugged it off and smiled.

"Good evening, Cole. Is there anything I can help you with?" He asked and Cole stopped humming and looked at the mage able to hear the muted thoughts in his mind much more clearly.

"Pictures changing in an instant reminding her of better times, no longer in the dark. I know how she knows, are we safe? Was she telling the truth? Stomach turning, forced smiles, feeling exposed as she tells me of my family. She won't tell anyone your secrets, Christopher. She likes and respects you too much and it's not hers to tell. She was glad you accepted and came." Cole told him with a small shrug as he continued to swing his feet.

"Well thank you for putting my mind at ease. You're welcome to go to her now since we're done." Cole shook his head at the mages words. _Soft voices rising high and low, the sound of a piano in the background, need to be alone, need to sleep. Only ten days till Val Royeaux. I miss them. Miss him. Father. Daddy._ The sudden pain and hurt she was feeling called out. It made him _want_ to go to her, but he remembered what she'd told him the night before: to focus on the others. _They need it more,_ she had told him quietly as she embraced him. He didn't often meet people who were sad but truly cared about others comfort before their own. Throughout the day it kept him busy after he left the Commander; he did things wrong a lot but was always able to make them forget and start over. Christopher looked at him curiously.

"She told me to spend my time helping the hurts of other people, not her," Cole told him simply and Christopher had to wonder if it was the spirit's time around Raven that caused him to reply in that manner or the other way around.

"She's very interesting, but who are we to disrespect a woman's wishes," Christopher confirmed while sitting in his chair. It was comfortable and he liked how high the back rose. Cole felt himself nod in response.

u


	12. Chapter 12

By the end of her first week as an advisor, trainer, and student Raven was absolutely exhausted. She continued her routine of waking early every morning and knocking on Cullen's door just before dawn. She'd spend that next hour talking, laughing, learning about military strategy, and going over her lesson for the day. She and Cullen were both happy that the recruits behaved after she made an example out of Patrick and Behven on the first day and that they caught on quickly-so quickly that she cut the lesson time down to four hours instead of five so they were always done by midday. Cullen hadn't been exactly happy about it but understood and had a feeling it more had to do with her ability to manage her schedule better than their skill. Training with Leliana's agents-a small group of seven- occurred every other day and the three hours training them was much easier. Like her, they were spies and rogues, not warriors, so it was less physically exhausting and Raven wasn't as sore by the end of it. The true highlight of her day was the cup of hot tea always left waiting on her table when she arrived back in her room. Raven knew it was Cole, but seeing him had grown into a privilege as it seemed he was abiding her request to help others instead of focusing on her own pain. As long as the schedule continued the way it was, she would be okay. As long as she kept herself busy and didn't focus too long or too hard on her own demons she would make it.

Her lessons with Josephine were progressing easily; not only was Raven going over her Thedas reference guides again, but she also took notes each class and would study them in the main hall, seated across the table from Varric as he worked on his next book. Sometimes Dorian even decided to come down from his tiny library alcove and join them when he'd learned the content she was studying. Most of the time he talked with Varric about what the dwarf's latest novel while Raven had her head buried in her own studies, but he turned out to be very knowledgeable and was happy to talk and teach her about Orlesian, Nevarran, and Tevinter customs. He claimed it was to help a pretty girl in need, but she knew all he wanted was to show off. Not that she objected, she loved Dorian. In fact, she loved him so much that she played along as he purposefully spouted incorrect information at a louder than normal volume knowing it irritated Solas to no end.

The second week came easier since she'd gotten used to the pattern and it wasn't until the week was half over and she was awoken by a knock on her door at what had to have been extremely early in the morning that Raven remembered the scheduled trip to Val Royeaux. Involuntarily abandoning her grace she tried to untangle herself from the blanket she was wrapped in but only succeeded rolling out of bed and hitting the wooden floor with a loud thud. It was about ten seconds before she slowly managed to get to her feet, but by the time she steadied herself she heard the door open and on instinct Raven braced herself before looking up to see Cole holding the inside doorknob and Josephine in the doorway already dressed, looking beautiful as usual and completely surprised. Raven didn't blame her, she could only begin to imagine how she looked; she'd forgotten to braid her hair the night before and could already feel how poofy and untamed it was.

"Cole? What are you doing in Raven's room?" Josephine nearly shrieked once she found her voice causing the barely dressed redhead to flinch in her current state. Cole stood back and let his hands drop to his sides.

"So early and awake but not awake. The floor hurt, her hip will bruise. You were growing concerned, worried when you heard her cry out and the thud as she fell out of bed." He rambled as he heard the soft, slow melody of Raven's thoughts and the loud, confused disbelief from Josephine. It was then that Cole looked back at Raven to see her now uncovered by blankets and sitting on the edge of her big bed, legs bracing her arms which held her head. Her long red hair spilled in her face, covering her shoulders and arms, falling down her back to rest on the mattress. Cole had never seen her like that before and he flinched when Josephine slapped his arm. It wasn't hard, it didn't hurt, but it did cause him to look away from his friend. _Not appropriate, almost naked. Why is he here?_ Cole heard the older woman's thoughts and his eyes shot to her only to want to shrink back from her glare.

"While I appreciate you trying to help her, it is inappropriate for you to be in her room at this hour. She's barely dressed," Josephine scolded and Cole looked back at his very tired friend. Tired, but awake. _I don't want to be awake._ He heard her mumble and then noticed that she was in nothing more than a black pair of very small, very short shorts and an equally small sleeveless black shirt with strange designs on it. Cole didn't understand, he'd seen many wearing less, even some wearing nothing and it was never taken this poorly. The Iron Bull always had women and some men dressed less than his friend and he'd never heard her yell at him. How was it inappropriate, he wondered and dropped his gaze from Raven's form but kept his head in her direction. He remembered the thoughts of the naked and barely dressed people he'd seen before. _Hot, needing, wanting, need to be inside, needing him to take me_ … Cole didn't have those thoughts. Was it because he _didn't_ have those thoughts that somehow made it wrong?

"Josie it's alright. I wasn't feeling well after dinner last night and had a small fever. Cole wanted to help and I asked him to stay in case it got worse. It's my fault." Raven spoke while standing and slowly walking over to grab the discarded soft black pants she'd taken off the night before. Why would she lie for him, Cole wondered and it caused Josephine to glance at Cole, to assure he not even faced the girl as she dressed. Once her pants were on, Raven made quick work of her stretches and the elder woman flinched as she heard the cracking of joints as Raven moved.

"I still say it's inappropriate, but thank you for helping her Cole. She's very important to a lot of people. Raven, I hope you are feeling better, we'll be leaving for Val Royeaux soon," Josephine reminded her and Raven nodded in response as she tried to will her body awake.

"Since we're staying a few days let me pack a quick bag and I'll be right out," she promised and Josephine nodded. With one last wary glance she turned to leave and shut the door behind her. Once Cole was sure she'd gone he was quick to rush to Raven's side as she continued to stand in the same place contemplating what she should bring. He was almost surprised when she didn't object to him leading her to the table where a cup of strong tea and four sugars waited. _Still so tired, she didn't tell me how early we'd be leaving. At least it isn't by horse or hart._ Cole had to smile, but that went away when she looked up at him through her red hair. She wanted him to help others and not her; was she mad that he'd disobeyed her wish? Part of him wanted to make her forget, but that would just mean he ignored what she wanted twice.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly. "You told me to help other people and I did, I still am, but you needed help, too. Tired, still so tired. Sit and drink your tea. Let me take care of your clothes." He nearly pleaded and Raven couldn't find the strength to argue so she nodded and picked up her hot cup of tea to take a sip. Cole worked quickly in retrieving one of the large bags from under her bed and grabbed all the things he could hear in her thoughts; kindle in the top drawer of her dresser, undergarments, pants, two shirts, two pairs of socks, sweatshirt, the large pink striped shirt from the bottom drawer of her dresser, her coin purse, and then her daggers.

Through his rummaging to find everything he pulled out some clothes he liked and placed it under the other clothes. He'd also grabbed the brush off her dresser and gave it to her. It'd been on her mind and Cole had to flinch as he silently watched her roughly run the brush through her long hair, showing no signs of pain as it went through what few snags and knots there were. He enjoyed the way she took one of the bands wrapped around the brush and wrapped it around her hair letting it remain long instead of bunched against her head. She didn't really care how it looked as long as it was out of her face. Once her hair was taken care of she wasted no time finishing the rest of her tea. She was more awake thanks to the strong herbs and felt much better than before. As a thank you toward the sweet spirit she stood up and, upon realizing he was so close, she wrapped her arms around him in a hug. It was something that seemed natural to give him and he never said anything that showed he didn't want her to. The warmth of her body and mind always caught Cole by surprise the few times she hugged him. She didn't allow the type of warmth flowing through her to be shown to many others; Varric, Dorian, The Iron Bull, and him. Cool composure was reserved for the rest and Cole found himself wondering if he should return the hug like he'd seen Varric happily do or put a hand on her back and smile down at her like The Iron Bull, or briskly kiss both her cheeks like Dorian. She pulled away before he could come to a decision.

"I needed help and you were there. Don't apologize for that. Thank you. You'll be here when I get back?" She asked and he nodded. Raven stared at him a moment longer, searching for his beautiful blue eyes hidden under his hair that seemed pressed in place from his hat. He watched her bring a hand up and trace the hats brim like she had when he let her wear it. "We'll be gone for a few days. Take care of Zevran for me please." He nodded again and she smiled. She moved to grab the bag Cole had packed for her, but the spirit was faster in its retrieval and motioned for her to go ahead of him, which she begrudgingly did. It was still dark as they left her room. Cole closed the door behind them and followed close to her, listening as they made their way to the courtyard. _It's still so dark, is this really necessary? I already miss my bed. I wonder if I'll have time to grab something from the kitchens._ Cole quietly continued to follow and once they were where they needed to be and Raven was seated quietly on the stone steps with her bag Cole disappeared and then reappeared in the kitchens. The cooks weren't even awake yet and Cole had to wonder what she would like since she just mentioned she was hungry. She liked cheese and fruit; Cole was quick in his movements as he wrapped a pack of different types of cheeses, cubed not sliced, and grapes, a pear, apples, and two oranges for her and prepared a large canteen of water. By the time he appeared in the courtyard again, she was standing with Josephine and Dorian. They had been in mid-conversation, but Raven felt Cole approaching and turned to smile at him like she'd forgotten the presence of others. His eyes held hers from under his hair and hat and she noticed he was carrying a large pack and canteen which he awkwardly held out to her.

"You're hungry. Fruits and cheeses, I hope I got them right," he told her quietly and noticed how Josephine and Dorian were looking at him curiously. No, not just him, they were looking at Raven, too. _Awkward, but precious; when had they gotten so close?_ She gingerly took the items presented and put them into her bag before stepping closer and bringing a hand to his cheek. Before he could stop it Cole flinched even though he didn't mean to and he watched, horrified, as her eyes widened and she brought her hand back and held it against her chest before he could feel it against his skin. Why had that awful place come when she'd been nothing but kind to him? He did it wrong, she was suddenly hurting and it wasn't the kind of hurt that could be brushed aside if he'd give her his hat like before. _Cutting, slicing hot and deep, heart suddenly aching. Feeling cold, numb, heart cracking into small pieces._ Already he could hear the confusion and hurt coming from her though she kept her face composed. _We were fine ten minutes ago, what did I do wrong? You don't flinch away unless you're afraid; is he scared of me? Why does this hurt?_ She was eager to turn away from him as Josephine touched her bare shoulder.

"The carriage is ready," she said quietly and Cole had to force himself from hearing any more thoughts. Raven's were already so loud.

"Thanks, Josie." Raven replied in the same quiet tone and looked back at Cole, "I- Have a… I'm sor… Thank you. Be safe." She trailed off and stuttered to find the right words, her mind still racing. It was unlike her; she was always sure in her words. She didn't reach out to hug him goodbye like she would've normally done out of the fear of seeing him shrink back again. Was it something she did that caused him to recoil? Raven didn't want to think about it so with one last forced smile she turned away from him and walked with Josephine and Dorian to the carriage just realizing that he, too, looked so suave and perfect for it being so early. It was really unfair.

"Cheer up, Little Bird," Dorian encouraged to her once they were seated in the beautiful and spacious carriage. He noticed from the small window that Cole was no longer in the courtyard but instead was seated on the battlements with his head down, that hideous hat hiding any possibility of seeing an expression. Raven shrugged and stretched, bringing out her now bare feet to rest on the seat across from her, opposite of Josephine. When had she done that, Dorian wondered. He hadn't seen her remove her shoes and part of him was still too tired to care. It was going to be a long ride.

Cole was still seated on the battlements hours later when Cullen had finally come from his office already in full armor and ready to start the day. He would be overseeing the recruits in Raven's absence. At first he didn't see the spirit, his head was down as he read one of Leliana's reports, but when he finally noticed Cole unmoving and staring off into the mountains part of him wasn't surprised. The spirit spent a lot of time on the battlements though it was usually when Raven was teaching the recruits. But she was gone and he was facing the opposite way of the courtyard. He didn't acknowledge Cullen's presence as the Commander stopped and turned, other thoughts were still so loud, and he didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to make it better. Hesitantly, Cullen moved closer.

"Cole, are you alright?" He asked even though he wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer. He'd heard how the spirit spoke and it was still early.

"Hurts tearing into soft, pale skin like a knife, deep and smooth. Hot, cold, and finally numb. Feeling nauseated from the sudden pain, I can't show them how it hurts. Sealing unshed tears behind closed eyes, focusing on the rhythm of horses hooves against rock and dirt. What did I do? Why is he afraid? You don't flinch away unless you're afraid. I'm sorry. I don't know." Despite Cole's still unmoving position his voice was near frantic and it caught Cullen off guard. What was he talking about? He doubted Varric would be awake so early, maybe Solas? Cullen turned away from the spirit, ready to fetch the elf mage when Cole's voice stopped him. "Solas won't know what to do. He heals, not hurts. She was so angry and sad before. Now she smiles, laughs, enjoys her time with you. How did you make the pain go away?" The spirit asked and Cullen turned back to the small creature now looking at him.

"Are you speaking of Raven?" He asked and Cole nodded so swiftly that it made his hat bounce. Cullen stood confused until it dawned on him that he was speaking of their time at the refugee camp and the harsh words they'd spoken to one another; what had Cole done? Apart from what he'd seen during the fight at Haven the spirit seemed almost harmless and what had _he_ done to make things better? Raven was the one to reconcile.

"She was so angry and hurt. Worthless, doesn't matter, venom intertwined, laced with a deep voice that she'd always liked despite he, himself, being annoying at times. My hat made her feel better, but how did you heal the rest?" The spirit questioned and Cullen found himself moving closer until he was leaning against the battlements next to Cole. How had he? Cullen honestly couldn't recall doing anything.

"Sometimes… Sometimes things happen or are said out of anger or fear that hurt. Sometimes people mean their words one way, but they come out another. That night I never thought of Raven as if she didn't matter. I was in pain, angry, and scared and that's how the words came out. She has a hard time accepting praise and that was something I didn't know. We apologized and agreed to move forward because of her new position." Cullen explained and Cole turned his head to look at the Commander curiously.

"That's it?" Cole asked and Cullen slowly nodded.

"When it comes to friends, loved ones, and people you care about sometimes an apology is all that's needed. If you did something that you feel hurt her, then once she gets back you can apologize," Cullen replied and watched the spirit look away, his fingers started to pick at his gloves again.

"What if it doesn't work?" He asked quietly, "What if she still hurts?"

"It's obvious she cares about you. I wouldn't be too worried." Cole remained silent, still picking at his gloves. She cared about him, but were they friends? He thought of Rhys and Evangeline. They had cared about him to, they were his friends at one point but left once they'd found out what he was. Raven already knew, but what if she left for another reason. What if the hurt was too much? Cole didn't want her to leave. She'd never treated him with caution, anger, distrust, or hate. She trusted him, cared for him, treated him like Cole. He didn't want to lose that.

"Thank you, Cullen."

Raven woke from a restless sleep when the carriage hit a bump. Half dazed and on edge, she looked around only to relax when she saw Dorian seated next to her, his legs crossed, as he conversed with Josephine. It was bright; the sun had risen and reflected off the water of a nearby lake. The stark contrast hurt her eyes. They weren't in the mountains anymore. Both companions stopped talking and looked over at the young girl who was just waking up. Her long hair messy again and her cheeks pale, not to mention she was dressed in just a sleeveless black shirt and black pants. Did she have anything nicer to wear, Dorian wondered.

"Good morning, Little Bird," he greeted cheerfully while using the nickname he'd given her when they'd gotten to Skyhold. He smirked as he watched her cover her mouth to yawn, rub her eyes, and sit up straighter. She looked at him and then Josephine.

"How long have I been asleep and where are we?" She asked and Dorian wasn't surprised. She didn't seem like the type to waste time with small talk, something he appreciated.

"You fell asleep shortly after we left Skyhold. It's been about four hours now and there are probably another three hours before we reach Val Royeaux," Josephine answered. "Before we enter the city, would you happen to have a nicer shirt?" She asked and Dorian was grateful she said something before he had to. Raven looked to them both unsure if she should be offended. She also had no idea; Cole had been the one to pack her bag so she could only imagine what he'd included.

"I don't know. Let me check," she said simply and brought her bare feet down to the floor. Unlike their bags that were currently stored safely in a back compartment she had kept hers within the carriage since it included the food Cole had given to her. Her stomach dropped and she began to feel nauseous all over again, the way he'd flinched away from her. She tried not to think about it, but it wouldn't leave her thoughts. As she looked through her bag she missed Dorian raise an eyebrow.

"Check?" He asked. "How would you not know?" Raven didn't look up at him as she continued to rummage through her large and colorful bag. He watched her take out the package and canteen Cole had given her and all but throw them on the seat next to Josephine then continue to look which proved his suspicions from earlier had been correct: that small scene in the courtyard _had_ bothered her. Finally she pulled out a white lacy shirt and a rather fetching dark blue and gray jacket. Josephine let out a surprised gasp as Raven put the two new articles of clothing on her lap and stripped herself of the black shirt like no one was there, exposing what she figured to be a type of breast binding she used before arriving in Haven. She paid no mind to Josephine's discomfort as she discarded the old shirt into her bag and picked up the white top.

As she moved Dorian noticed the tattoos on her skin. He knew she had more than a fair share but he'd never seen her back in its entirety and didn't know she had more under the shirt. The one that caught his eye, that caused him to reach out and stop her from putting on the soft top, was a design unlike any he'd ever seen; shapes within shapes embedded among black swirls running along her side from her right breast to dipping below where her pants covered. The outlines were black but the coloring was random, sporadic, and bright. It reminded him of painting as a child and the effect of mixing the colors with water. "Just how many do you have, Little Bird?" He asked as he brought his fingers away from her warm skin. She looked down at the tattoo and to Dorian it looked like she was thinking.

"Eleven," she finally said and proceeded to put her shirt on as Dorian and Josephine both gawked at her. "The other two I have to be naked for and neither of you have bought me dinner yet." He let out a laugh and had to admire her even more. When he looked at her again she was redoing her hair, keeping it in a bun while some of the longer pieces fell down and framed her face. When her jacket was on he continued to observe her as she slowly took the package of food she'd gotten from Cole, opened it, and hesitantly picked up a small cube of yellow cheese.

"I understand tattoos can be extremely painful," Josephine said, still in awe that she had eleven of them. Raven popped the piece of cheese in her mouth and enjoyed the salty, creamy taste of cheddar while responding with a shrug. "Is it different where you're from?"

"No, they're still painful, but the level of pain depends on a person's pain tolerance and where the tattoo it is. Also, ink color has a lot to do with as well." She explained and held the large pack of food out to her two companions. "Would you like some?"

"I imagine the one on your side hurt the most." Raven nodded to Josephine's comment and smiled when she reached out and picked up an apple. Dorian chose a pear which was more than fine, Raven preferred grapes and cheese.

"I had to take pain killers through those sessions. The one on my foot and back hurt, too."

"You chose to get them?" Dorian asked and she nodded. "Why?"

"They make me feel pretty," she replied dismissively. "Now enough about me. What's the rundown once we get to Val Royeaux?" As Josephine started to list off the things that needed to be done in the city, Raven was happy for the change in subject and listened intently; unfortunately, it seemed as though once they arrived it would be about her again, because the first thing Josephine listed off was to go to the tailors to get her fitted for _at least_ three dresses. Dorian commented about how lucky she was with pure sarcasm which earned a polite, eloquent insult from the Antivan and that was how it continued. Raven eventually tuned them out, settling for looking out the carriage window at the beautiful green scenery they passed while she casually munched on cheese and grapes. It was going to be a long couple days.

"Please listen to reason, Raven. Camille is the best dressmaker in Val Royeaux, even royalty comes to her first when they need something," Josephine pleaded quietly as she and Dorian followed her through the streets of the capitol. It was beautiful and very big, but Raven wasn't in the mood for sightseeing. Instead, her jaw was clenched as she focused on the pain her nails caused as they dug into the palms of her hands. That woman wasn't coming anywhere near her body, she thought and turned a right at one of the corners thankful her choice in direction and memory were correct. In front of her was a small café and the nice masked Orlesian host was quick to greet her and show the small group to a table in the back where they were quickly served three large glasses and a pitcher of ice water. A waiter had come by not long after to advertise the specials and what Raven considered to be brown nosing the Inquisition before taking their orders. Once they were done being catered to, the conversation continued.

"I don't care if she's the best dressmaker in Val Royeaux. I don't care if she's the best dressmaker in the world. Josie, that bitch called me fat! I'm at least one fifth her size. Shut up, Dorian." Raven snapped quietly when he chuckled. Dorian stared at the small girl who sat next to him quietly fuming; her cheeks had gone red from anger and nearly matched her hair which was now loose and fell over her tattooed arms. When he noticed the bit of blood on her hands he rolled his eyes and let out a small curse in his mother-tongue and pulled her hands from their place on the table. It was true that he didn't know much about healing magic, but the bloody nail marks were light and soon the skin was mended back together and she was dabbing the blood away with a wetted napkin. When she wasn't looking he glanced toward Josephine who seemed to be fretting even more than Raven.

"What are we going to do now? Without Camille…" Josephine trailed off and took a sip of her water. Raven sighed, still furious but also hating that she'd made her friend worry. It wasn't fair.

"I'm sorry, Josephine, but you say you want me to be comfortable? Being insulted won't do that. We can go to another tailor or I have experience making dresses." Both of her friends stared at her as she did her best to offer solutions and she could easily see the disbelief etched in Josephine's features. Dorian opened his mouth as if he were going to say something, and he was going to. He was simply dying to know how someone like her could be trained to make dresses.

"Hello," A quiet voice greeted which brought his attention from his tiny redhead friend over to a tall and thin brown haired woman. Unlike the other Orlesians she wasn't wearing a mask and she was smiling down at them, her brown eyes meeting Raven's. "I apologize for interrupting. I couldn't help but overhear your problem. My name is Delphine, my brother Adrian and I make dresses and we would be honored to have an opportunity to provide for the Inquisition."

Raven stared at the girl, admiring the cornflower blue dress wrapped around her lithe frame. The neckline was a mixture between a scoop and shoulder cut which showed off her collar bones and ruching along the chest and waist gave her curves that she wouldn't have had otherwise. The dress was beautiful and when Josephine didn't say anything, Raven looked at her friends to see them looking back at her expectantly. It was then that Raven realized it was only she being spoken to and looked back at the girl nervously awaiting a reply. "I'm sorry; I didn't know that you were talking to me specifically. How did you know we were part of the Inquisition?" She asked.

"I recognized Lady Montilyet and would have addressed her first, but it seemed like you were the one in distress," Delphine explained and Raven nodded although what she was feeling could hardly be described as distress, just annoyance. Between the comments about her size and the self-righteous attitude it was best for Raven to leave before she buried the knife hidden in her bra into the horrible woman's throat.

"In that case, my name is Raven. The dress you're wearing...did you or your brother make it?" She asked and when Delphine nodded enthusiastically, Raven motioned for her to turn around so she could see the rest. Raven was surprised to see an adorable little bow resting in the small of the girl's back. Satisfied, she turned to Josephine. "I'd like to see what they have to offer. Can we go after lunch?"

"Of course. I'd also like to see what else she and her brother have," Josephine acquiesced, also impressed in the quality of what she'd seen. She would have to feel the fabric and look at it more closely, but it was surely not something to overlook. Raven seemed to be in a better mood and more excited about dress shopping since the young girl approached, which was helpful. Apparently happy with her answer, Raven smiled and looked back to the girl.

"Do you have a business card?" She asked which earned her a confused look, "Something with the name and location of your shop?"

"We're located on the high level above the armor shop. The name Cousland is on a sign over the door." Delphine informed them and Raven felt her eyes widen. Cousland... did they have any relation to the Ferelden noble family? Raven thought back to when she used to play Origins, female rogue Cousland was always her favorite.

"Are you by any chance related to the noble family and Hero of Ferelden?" Dorian asked before Raven could and Delphine eyes brightened as she smiled.

"She's our cousin. We haven't heard anything from her in a while though. Should I tell my brother to be expecting you?" She asked while returning her attention to Raven who nodded as she took a sip of her water. As Delphine turned to leave, Raven spoke up and watched the girl turn around again.

"Would you happen to sell bolts of regular material and thread?" She asked and ignored the curious looks from Dorian and Josephine. Delphine's eyes seemed to light up even more.

"Not many people ask for cloth and sewing supplies, but we do sell them. We'll see you soon," she said happily and left as their food was served. Dorian had ordered something weirdly named with pork and ginger while Josephine in her slight meltdown mode had recommended to Raven a salad with a raspberry balsamic dressing, cranberries, oranges, pecans, and bleu cheese with pecan crusted chicken. The man serving their food wouldn't take his eyes off the young woman as she smiled and politely thanked him. While Raven started to eat Josephine and Dorian still looked at her.

"So why do you want plain fabric?" Josephine asked and Raven stopped cutting into one of the pieces of sliced chicken.

"Is that really what we're going to talk about instead of the waiter fawning over her?" Dorian asked and smiled when she looked up at him from her plate. "Surely you know that with the right smile and touch you could get anything. If you're not familiar with that kind of art yet, I suppose I can teach you. I am the best." As he spoke Raven nearly lost herself in his words. Was he talking about seduction? Knowing him he had to have been and Raven felt heat rise to her cheeks.

"That isn't necessary, but thank you," Raven replied curtly as she looked down and continued cutting her chicken into smaller pieces before drizzling the dressing over her salad and mixing it in. Dorian continued to watch her as if fascinated by her actions. It nearly made her hands shake and he had to wonder if maybe she didn't know the effect she had on others.

"Forgive me if I seem crass, but is this shy virgin role you're playing an act or is it real?" Dorian asked bluntly and he had to look over to Josephine when he heard silverware hit the glass plate and her choke on air. When he was sure she would be okay, he looked at Raven again half expecting her to either glare at him or use the weapon he knew she kept hidden in her clothes. Instead, he was surprised to see her sitting across from him and slowly chewing a bite of her food. It was delicious and she knew she would have to stop by again before leaving. Raven thought about Dorian's question and she wasn't sure how to respond or if she should be offended. Did other people wonder that too or was it just him? It wasn't like she intended to come off as shy, Raven thought she was pretty outspoken when it came to most things.

"Dorian!" Josephine finally managed to gasp out. Raven and Dorian could tell she was going to say more so Raven spoke up before she was able, not that he didn't deserve to be yelled at, she decided. It was an inappropriate question to ask over lunch and in public. With any luck his question probably made Cole being in her room so early that morning seem like less of a big deal.

"I don't understand what you mean," she said and for effect Raven cocked her head to the side. Dorian continued to stare at her.

"I think you do. I think you know the effect you on people. The Commander included. Please don't take it as an insult. It's ver-"

"Wait a minute. What effect?" Raven asked suddenly, not caring that she cut him off. Him bringing up actual people that she knew wasn't what she expected and judging from Dorian's wide eyes and suddenly blank expression he knew he said too much. Oh well, he thought, if the cats out of the bag…

"The way he blushes when you talk to them, continues to look at you as you walk away, smiles when you greet him. Don't tell anyone, but I adore the mushy things," he explained and Raven sat back in her chair, feeling amazed and stupid if what he just said was true. How did she never notice? Perhaps because they were always too busy arguing. "You really didn't know." Dorian guessed though it was more of a statement.

"No, I didn't. I never thought about it, but I don't think me being a virgin has anything to do with it either." She explained calmly. Her mind was racing and she felt jittery. If what he said was true she would have to apologize and put a stop to it. Dorian found himself chuckling at the small girl. He couldn't help it.

"Sex and seduction are sometimes the best tools anyone can have in their arsenal," he explained matter-of-factly. "If you already have men fawning over you with a simple smile, hug, and touch to the arm, then you've got a good start." It was meant to be a compliment, but he nearly felt bad when she wouldn't look him in the eye. Instead, she pushed her barely touched meal away and looked to Josephine who, Dorian noticed, seemed to have done the same thing.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not really hungry anymore. Maybe we can come back another time?" Raven asked and earned a nod from the other woman.

"You never did answer my initial question; why do you want plain fabric?" Josephine asked in a futile attempt to change the subject. Raven sighed in exasperation.

"Some things I prefer to make myself," she replied shortly as she shot him a glance. Maybe it was her mood from earlier, but he was getting to be a bit much and she was really starting to wonder why Josephine brought him along.


	13. Chapter 13

"Hello again, Ma'am. I didn't expect to see you so soon," Delphine kindly greeted Raven as she walked into the shop. Raven smiled at the girl. Her head was still reeling from Dorian's comments over lunch and she was glad he'd decided to check out one of the bookstores across the downtown market instead of coming with her. The shop was bigger than it looked from outside with dozens of fabrics in all colors along the cream colored walls and an equal amount of thread and sewing tools; the stores back wall was all mirrors and three pedestals of varying height were placed in the center. What looked like fitting rooms were on the opposite side of the store from the fabric. As Raven took her time admiring the premade sample dresses hanging from the ceiling, she was already starting to feel better.

"I just couldn't wait to see the shop," Raven responded with a smile as she gently ran her fingers over one of the dresses skirts. The stitching was smooth and straight and the material glided through her fingers. Raven wasn't overly familiar with the materials used in Thedas, but she had to guess it was dyed ring velvet. Delphine let out a small giggle and made her way over to Raven. The redhead seemed to have a good eye as she examined the skirts on one of the sample dresses Adrian had made. It was a simple yet elegant A-line gown with an asymmetrical neckline made from purple dyed ring velvet and matching lustrous cotton underneath. However, the young girl didn't seem to be looking at the dress as a whole but instead seemed to be examining the stitching and material. "This is beautiful. I love the layering."

"Thank you, Ma'am. My brother is out to lunch right now but I can help. May I ask where your companions are?" She asked and smiled when Raven looked away from the dress and to her.

"Lady Montilyet said she had a small errand to run before she heads this way. I've been instructed to have my measurements taken," Raven replied feeling more excited than she was willing to admit since she had yet to be called fat. Delphine nodded and took a worn roll of bound tape from a pocket in her dress. Raven caught the inch and centimeter markings.

"Easy enough. Have you been measured before?" She asked and Raven nodded, "Would you happen to remember what the measurements were, that way we can see if anything has changed. Also, are you just looking for dresses or are you looking for corsets, too?" As she spoke Delphine took notice of the clothes Raven wore and aside from the jacket she'd never see anyone dress so casually in Orlais before. Delphine knew the girl wasn't Orlesian, but even tourists usually dressed their best when coming to the capital. Still, she admired the lace white top. Raven let go of the skirts and nodded while taking off her jacket, noticing how Delphine's eyes widened when she saw the tattoos. The girl was simple and nonchalant as she went over her previous measurements-twice because Delphine could hardly believe it. It was true that she was small, but her measurements almost rivaled the measurements her Elven patrons had given her and when Delphine had asked Raven's age the redhead had smiled and revealed she was twenty, older than Delphine by two years. When Delphine asked to confirm her measurements and suggested going in back to do so to protect Raven's modesty the small girl had shrugged and assured that it'd be okay. Two minutes later it was confirmed that Raven's words were true; thirty inch bust, twenty-four inch waist, and twenty-nine inch hips.

"My mom was small, too. I used to wear her old clothes while training. So how do we do this? I've never had a professional dressmaker design something for me." Raven asked while moving across the store. Delphine had grabbed her writing board, some paper, an ink jar, and quill and followed her to the bolts of cloth. "How much are the styles of cloth per yard or feet? This will be a separate purchase." Delphine watched as she ran one hand over a bolt of dyed green lustrous cotton and another over a bolt of plaidweave. She liked the materials and had to smile; in the game she used plaidweave as a punishment because she hated the almost canary yellow color mixed with the bright red but as she looked at the fabric in front of her the yellow almost appeared gold and the stark red from before was more of a maroon. It was soft and she could definitely see it used for more than patches in a quilt. She wanted a shirt and a matching sash.

"Every type of fabric with a red colored bolt is twenty gold pieces for six feet, the fabric with the blue bolts are twenty-four, and purple is thirty-six. May I ask what you plan on making? Maybe I can suggest something," Delphine offered and Raven looked back at the fabric. It was cheaper than what she thought it would be, a lot cheaper. As Raven was about to continue looking over the fabrics she heard Josephine enter the store, talking with a man with a much lighter voice than Dorian. She turned to look at them at the same time Delphine did. "Hello Lady Montilyet. Brother, I see you've already met. I'd like to introduce you to Raven," Delphine introduced and Adrian smiled at them.

"Lady Josephine has already told me so much about you Raven and I'm pleased to meet you. Shall we get started?" He asked politely. Delphine noticed Raven's head cock slightly to the side and watched as she merely shrugged.

"I'd like your help later if you don't mind," Raven said quietly as she made her way over to Adrian. He was a handsome man, in Raven's opinion, with chestnut brown hair and blue eyes. She guessed he was in his mid-twenties and Raven wasn't above noticing the black mages robes he wore. When she was close enough to him she held out her hand for him to shake and nearly jumped back as he gently took it within both his own and kissed the top of it. Her actions earned a laugh from him as well as Josephine.

The store was closed for the day, or better yet it had been closed the moment Adrian and Josephine had arrived. Since his arrival Adrian's and Delphine's attention had been on going over what was needed and wanted for Raven since it was revealed she would be attending formal events as a member of the Inquisition, taking her measurements and choosing the best type of dresses to fit her silhouette had barely taken any time at all. It was the small things like the neckline, sleeve length, which materials to use for the occasion the dress was meant for, and what color the dresses would be that turned out to be time consuming. Every small thing from Raven's hair color and length, skin tone, and tattoos were factors. Raven sat back in one of the padded chairs listening to Adrian and Delphine make suggestions and Josephine's response. Three corsets had been drawn up so far which could be worn with the long skirts Josephine insisted they get and two dresses had been discussed and drawn up which were both outside the norm of Orlesian fashion; the first one was a silk emerald green floor length sheath dress with a one shoulder drapery and slight ruching. With a pair of matching emerald green shoes it was supposed to make Raven appear taller, regal, and bring out her eyes and the natural red highlights in her hair. The second dress was a bit more casual even though it was a floor length ball gown dress. It was black and sleeveless with a sweetheart neckline which Raven knew would show off her figure. Josephine explained that it would be something nice to wear for tea or a casual lunch. They were in the process of working on a third dress which Raven had more of a say in. So far she was happy with the results and they'd be returning the next day. The last half hour consisted of nothing but shopping for cloth.

Josephine had insisted on adding it to the Inquisitions tab, but Raven wouldn't hear of it and by the time they left she'd gotten ten yards each of the plaidweave, sangria colored lustrous cotton, black lustrous cotton, highever weave, velveteen, and thick lambswool dyed black. Joining the purchase were three yards each of blue silk brocade, darkened samite, white cotton, pink cotton, and ring velvet. She was also pleasantly surprised that they'd had a rotary cutter, scissors, lots of thread, sets of needles, and rulers. They were to be delivered in the morning.

"That was a more pleasant experience than I thought it'd be," Raven commented as they made their way to their suite. The sun was setting and Raven admired the skyline of Val Royeaux as they strolled along the upper levels. The street lamps were being lit as music and chattering could be heard from below.

"I know we threw quite a few things at you today, but I'm glad you were able to enjoy it. I must admit that I like their quality and ideas and am looking forward to seeing the end result." Raven nodded in acknowledgment of Josephine's comment while looking at the displays in the shop windows they passed. Josephine noticed her fingers grazing the old stone. "You said you were going to make a blanket with all that fabric you bought. Does one blanket really need so much?" The older woman inquired.

"Before my grandmother passed she made me a quilt. The underside and outer edges were all black and then there were patches of all sorts of different colored and textured fabrics. Unlike a normal quilt which hides the seams on the inside the quilt she made has them showing on the outside. Rag quilts, they're called. I want one." Raven explained as thoughts and memories of her grandmother played in her mind like a movie. Josephine was silent as she continued, "They very seldom ever call for that much fabric but I'm intending on making a much bigger, thicker blanket. There's more to cuddle up with that way."

"And you insist on making it by yourself?" Josephine asked and Raven nodded again.

"The best part about making something like this is getting to mix and match the different materials and patterns. If I have someone else doing it, assuming they understand the concept, it would be their design and what they want. Besides, with all the time and energy I put into helping the Inquisition, sometimes it's nice to relax and I really do have fun making things like this." Like Josephine and her dolls, Raven continued silently and smiled to herself. Josephine didn't need to know how Raven knew that, even though it would be entertaining.

Once again, Raven was up and dressed before dawn. She met Adrian at the door as he delivered the wrapped and labeled fabrics and sewing supplies. The man looked tired but declined when Raven invited him in for tea and promised to make it up to her at the shop later in the day. Once he left, Raven wasted no time at all ripping into package after package for the fabrics and supplies she needed. She spent the next two hours measuring and cutting out square after square of plaidweave, sangria cotton, black cotton, samite, highever weave, and lambswool. Josephine found her straightening out each square in what she called a foyer, though Raven considered it a living room since it had a fireplace, a large table, and a few chairs.

"You're up early," Josephine observed pleasantly as she took a seat across the table from Raven. The young girl didn't look up from what she was doing, but she gave a sound of acknowledgement so Josephine decided to sit quietly and watch as Raven took piece after piece of square cut fabric and put them into groups of three before clipping them together and putting them into a growing pile. Finally the material was grouped and as far as Josephine could tell, the order of material was randomized. One hundred and twenty groups of ten by ten inch squares in total and four piles were created, sorted by the design of fabric on the top. It wasn't until Raven brought out threads and needles that Josephine spoke again, "Does this quilt really need to much material?" Raven jumped in response and laughed when she looked up to see Josephine seated across the table with her hair untied and wearing a simple dressing gown.

"How long have you been there?" She asked which earned a look of skepticism from her friend and gave Raven the answer she needed. "Sorry. I zone out sometimes."

"There is no need to apologize. I understand how it can be. That is a lot of material. Is it meant to have no specific order?" Raven set the thread aside and pulled a grouped square from each pile. Josephine watched Raven arrange the squares together so it displayed each material and pattern. Once they were laid out in front of her, Josephine was able to see how a pattern could emerge within the colors.

"The type of quilt I'm making is supposed to have multiple layers of fabric. If you've noticed there are three layers of cloth in each grouped square and the only layer that has changed is the top. The middle layer will always be lambswool and the bottom, or backing, will always be the black lustrous cotton leaving either the plaidweave, samite, sangria cotton, or highever weave on top. Also with more styles of cloth the more possibilities there are to establish a design. A lot of people like the organization aspect of these patterns but I think being random is fun." As she spoke she picked up a spool of black thread, unwound about four feet before cutting it, and threaded her chosen needle with ease while quietly humming an unfamiliar tune to herself.

"Thank you. For humoring me, that is," Josephine said quietly as she continued to watch the young girls hands.

"How exactly am I humoring you?" She asked, not stopping what she was doing and Josephine had to admire the efficiency and rhythm she seemed to memorize. As her question registered Josephine wasn't exactly sure how to explain. Raven didn't have to acquiesce to her wishes, not really anyway, but she went along with them. The mess with Camille aside, she'd been nothing but courteous and patient with the dozens of designs, dresses, and other items Josephine wanted for her. Others, she knew, would've complained or put a stop to it much sooner. "Are you talking about the ridiculous amount of dresses and materials you had me sample yesterday?" She finally asked and Josephine caught Raven's smile..

"For a start," She replied while allowing her own smile to show.

"I don't mind. Truly. It's something I knew needed to be done when I accepted your offer. I might need a break once in a while when things get too overwhelming and I definitely have standards as to how I'm treated while in this role, but I'm not humoring you. Besides, isn't this a way of making connections?"

That was how Dorian found them about an hour later. Raven heard the mage coming down the stairs while commenting on how early it was but chose to continue working on her squares. Half were done so far and the only time she stopped was to change the thread color. At some point Josephine had gotten up, disappeared into the kitchen, and returned with a tray bearing three tea cups, a bowl of sugar, another bowl of milk, and a hot kettle. She had continued to talk while Raven worked, every now and then asking questions, but she seemed more interested in going over an agenda for the day while accepting the monosyllabic replies from the young girl as most of her concentration still remained on the fabric in her hands. Eventually food would be needed and Josephine wanted to go back to the Cousland's shop after lunch. Dorian sat down at the table and listened for a moment while watching Raven attend to the craft in front of her.

"Will she be trying on clothes today?" Dorian asked while looking at Raven. She didn't so much as look up or respond to his presence and he wondered if it was because of their conversation over lunch the day before.

"In a sense," Josephine started while glancing at Raven, "The dresses won't be ready for a week or so but Adrian said he should have some corsets for Raven to try on to see what she's most comfortable in." She didn't see Raven roll her eyes.

"I know what I'm comfortable in Josie. You and Adrian just want to dress me up like a doll." Dorian snickered at Raven's comment. Of course she knew what she was comfortable in, Dorian thought to himself, she wore loose cotton pants and sleeveless shirts half the time. Her comment didn't stop Josephine from smiling.

"Dress up aside, it's still a good idea to find out what type of corsets you'll be comfortable in and adjust any measurements," Josephine countered and Raven shrugged while cutting and tying the thread to the square she'd just finished. Halfway through the next square she glanced up and smiled at the older woman. Raven went along with their idea of making sure she had plenty of dresses and corsets but never told them about the ones she had at home that she used for costumes and reenactments.

"I suppose you're right," Raven finally agreed. "I just hope if Adrian has any overbust styles that there's something with a sweetheart neckline. If not, he should at least have an underbust corset that's flexible enough to fight in, if needed. We should go out for breakfast soon, I'm hungry." Josephine stared at her quietly, hardly believing what she heard as Dorian let out a loud and rather undignified laugh.

"I think breakfast sounds like a good idea. Is there anything you had in mind?" Josephine finally said since she couldn't think of an appropriate response regarding the corsets. It wasn't often she brought up wanting food as well, normally she waited till others were hungry or unexpectedly pulled something out of her bag like the day before with the food Cole had packed for her. Then again it wasn't the first time she'd seen the spirit present her with something. Raven tied off the square she had finished and put it on top of a pile of completed ones before standing.

"Since it's our suite can I leave these here? I'll be finishing up the rest tonight once we get back," Raven asked. Josephine nodded, no one would be entering while they were out. Security would see to that. "Also, scrambled eggs with cheese, toast, and some fruit sound good. I'll go get ready."

Once she was upstairs and they heard the door to her room close, Dorian and Josephine looked at each other. He couldn't help but smile as she gave an exasperated sigh. Someday Raven was going to have to run out of things to keep secret, Josephine thought to herself but then shook her head and stood up from her chair.

"Is everything alright?" Dorian asked already knowing the answer. As she walked past the mage she threw him an unladylike glare and started to make her way up the stairs. She had no clue why she allowed him to come. All he seemed to offer was sarcasm and uncomfortable conversations. Next time he wouldn't be so insistent to come.

"Combat training, previous knowledge of battle strategy, dressmaking, sewing, someday I will learn how and why she knows all this as well as anything else," the ambassador grumbled as she ascended the stairs and Dorian chuckled again. There was always an easier way.

"Maybe you should just ask Cole. With how he spouts out everyone's inner thoughts, asking him about her shouldn't be a problem," he voiced causing Josephine to stop and look at him. Why hadn't she thought of that? It would press the boundaries she knew Raven had set up, keeping everything professional as much as she could; but if she knew more, perhaps Raven would be willing to relax instead of giving carefully dodged answers. Instead of saying anything, she continued moving up the stairs to her room, leaving the mage alone.

When Raven was finally ready for the day and came downstairs she was alone again, something she was grateful for since her clothing choice was rather questionable. Being so tired yesterday morning, she didn't pay attention to what Cole had packed for her. Once they had gotten back to the suite the night before, she'd merely stripped her clothes, only throwing them on again to meet Adrian earlier that morning. So as she left the bath, hair wet and towel wrapped around her frame, she brought her bag onto the bed and dumped out its contents to find her brush and deodorant but stopped when she saw that her clothing options had consisted of a pair of black fashionably ripped up skin tight jeans, a knee length lace skirt, a gray peasant top, a black cold shoulder blouse, a bra, socks, a thong, and a pair of lacy boy shorts. As funny as it was, she came to the conclusion that he was not allowed to pack her bag anymore. Thankfully, as Josephine, then Dorian, came down and eyed her sitting patiently on one of the couches with her hair styled and dressed in the ripped up jeans, black top, and black boots they didn't say anything. At least she wasn't wearing a tank top.

Breakfast was delicious and full of conversation but otherwise slightly uneventful. It was warmer than the day before so there were more people out, something she didn't seem to mind. A few nobles and richer citizens of Val Royeaux were out as well and Josephine not only questioned Raven to see if she remembered their names and titles but also took the opportunity to introduce her to them as a part of the Inquisition despite her attire which most admitted to finding charming. Still, Raven smiled, addressed them politely, answered any questions they asked, and had even found pleasant common ground talking about the Templars with a Marquis and dress embellishments with a Countess. Both conversations had ended with lunch invitations, something Josephine breathed a sigh of relief for once they were out of sight and earshot only to glare at Raven when she made the joke that dresses weren't necessary.

"Lady Josephine, Lady Raven," Adrian exclaimed happily as the two women entered the shop with Dorian following behind them, "It's lovely to see you again." Raven smiled at the mage as he came forward, took her hand, and kissed it. She still found it weird but smiled as Josephine giggled when he did the same to her. Raven was also quick to introduce Dorian who was silent and slightly regretted not joining them sooner. The younger mage was something Dorian would have thoroughly enjoyed watching for the hours they spent together the day before.

"Thank you again for delivering the fabric this morning," Raven spoke and Dorian wondered if he was the only one to see the slight red tint color of the fellow mage's neck as he brought a hand up to brush his hair back. It was cute nervous tick.

"It was my pleasure. I'm sorry if I woke you though," He apologized and Raven cocked her head to the side at his words.

"No," she said slowly, "You didn't wake me. I just wasn't entirely coherent." She explained and gave him a reassuring smile. Adrian nodded while trying to understand her words. Her voice had a hint of humor and she was polite, but some of her words and how she used them were so different. Her actions, too, he noted as her expression changed, like she just thought of something. "You have corsets for me?" He nodded. Even Josephine and Dorian were looking at her strangely since she hadn't been too eager earlier in the day.

"We have quite a few already made, with some minor adjustments I think they'll fit you. The personalized ones we talked about last night won't be ready for a week or so." He explained to her as well as Josephine since she seemed to be the one taking control. She and Raven nodded together.

"Can we stay away from anything that cinches the waist too much?" Raven asked in all sincerity hoping that Josephine wouldn't be upset as the ambassador looked at her. She did say today was to find what Raven would be comfortable in, "I never liked or was comfortable with the look and feel of a really tiny waist and obnoxiously huge hips and bust. I can't pull it off." She explained and was surprised when Adrian laughed.

"From what you seemed to like yesterday and with the silhouette you already have, that didn't even cross my mind. What I picked out for you are some corsets that will go over the bust with different patterns, cuts, and length and also some simple under the bust corsets you could even wear with the shirt you currently have on. The slit in the upper arms of that blouse are very appealing," he complimented and Raven was about to thank him when Delphine came out with her arms nearly overloaded with a bundle of corsets and set them down in the biggest fitting room they had.

"I assume she'll be the one helping me?" Raven asked with a smirk while glancing at Adrien as if the massive amount of clothes Delphine held expectantly wasn't enough of an answer.

"Of course," Josephine answered for her and Dorian laughed while Raven ignored the stern look she was currently receiving as she made her way over to the fitting rooms. Delphine was helpful and pleasant as she had been the first two times they'd met. They started with the underbust corsets and waist cinchers to get them out of the way. Out of twelve she'd tried, eight fit almost perfectly and were beautiful, all dragon-boned with detailed brocade fabric, silk, and leathers dyed in an array of colors. The overbust corsets were more varied and eclectic in taste including a light blue one made from deepstalker hide that turned out to be entirely way too long. Three, one after the other, fit well and were more for decoration-with the sweetheart neckline, rich colors, and embellishments-than shaping one's silhouette. One barely had to be tied for it to enhance Raven's subtle curves and she knew wearing her bra, or any band, would probably not be needed the way it cupped her breasts and kept them in place even as she jumped and moved around. It was convenient. Raven liked it and, surprisingly, so did Josephine who insisted on putting all four in the purchase pile. The very last two were different and something Raven never expected Adrian and Delphine to have, but it showed off their talent.

One was a purple overbust corset with lace sleeves sewn into the top. It was lovely and seemed like more of a styled shirt. Raven loved the final style the most. Two corsets, one black and the other purple, framed her figure and hid just enough skin to be deemed acceptable while training and in social situations. Before she revealed the final corset to her friends, Raven did a few stretches to find out that she moved surprisingly well in the piece, even with the rigid boning.

"Josephine I need this in my life," Raven commented as she walked out of the fitting room dressed in the corset. It fit like a damn glove and looked better than almost anything she could ever remember wearing. Josephine nearly dropped the cup of tea she'd been drinking from as the young girl came out smiling. The corset she was wearing wasn't anything like she'd seen before, especially in an Orlesian shop; nearly scandalous but equally alluring and it seemed to fit her body and personality perfectly. She also had to admit it made those shredded skin tight pants she was wearing look much better. Adrian stared at her and the creation she was wearing. It had been a design he and Delphine had been working on for fun over the last couple months but since it wasn't something usually suited for the normal patrons who visited the shop the corset was kept in back.

"Maker," Adrian started, "that looks beautiful on you. You could even pass as a courtesan." Raven looked at him and smiled. For effect she untied her hair and let it fall down to her waist.

"They have courtesans here?" She asked almost excitedly but didn't say anything else when she saw the glare Josephine was giving her.

"Shit," Dorian found himself saying as he looked at the young girl in awe. If she wore those types of things regularly he'd be in danger of no longer being the best dressed at Skyhold.

"I want to buy this and wear it out of here. Can I please?" She pleaded with Adrian who was slightly taken aback by her request. Her tone wasn't spoiled or demanding like most were that he'd previously dealt with in similar situations. So many demanded work of him, but she wasn't demanding, wasn't rude. She was asking him if it was alright. Adrian found himself nodding and was even more caught off guard as she closed the space between them with remarkable speed and threw her arms around him in a hug. Josephine let out a gasp but then chuckled, used to the wide array of reactions Raven often had. She still couldn't get over the piece the young girl was wearing. The mixed detailing somehow still appeared dignified and she looked taller, almost more confident than before. When Raven pulled away from Adrian she gave him a sheepish smile.


	14. Chapter 14

It was shortly after dawn when Cullen left his office feeling more rested than he had in weeks; the nightmares weren't so bad the night before and he was thankful that he managed to sleep for a few hours before waking and needing to start the day. Christopher announced that he would be leaving for the Fallow Mire within the week, followed by Crestwood immediately after and Cullen needed to go over Christopher's plans and who he'd chosen to accompany him. No doubt he would want Raven to come along since they'd received a letter from Josephine announcing that they'd be leaving Val Royeaux for Skyhold sometime that day. Knowing the Antivan, she'd probably dragged Raven and Dorian out of bed already. As Cullen walked the battlements while reading the reports in his hands a sense of déjà vu caused him to stop and look up. There, not five feet from where he stood was Cole, sitting on the battlement wall, knees up to his chest, as he looked out to the distance just like Cullen had caught him doing the other day.

"Good morning, Cole," Cullen greeted politely. "Is everything alright?" The spirit looked at him and then back to the mountains. He liked the way the sun would come up and make the snow shine. Why _wouldn't_ he be alright?

"Where I want to help no help is needed and nearly everyone is sleeping," he replied, "dreaming of past loves, fears, lives and loves lost and longing to be with them again. The cat's dream of lying in the light of the warm sun, mint, dancing and mice, while the mice dream of cheese and dancing cats. They think it's funny. You didn't dream of dancing cats, but you did dream and you did sleep. You should tell her. She worries when you don't sleep." Dark images and memories played out in Cole's mind of a younger Commander Cullen, he was a Templar then, not a Commander but a Knight-Captain.

Cullen stared at the spirit while trying to make sense of what was said and also partially debating on walking back to his office and locking the door. It was too early for such confusion."No, I've never dreamt of dancing cats. Why are you sitting on the wall?" The Commander asked, hoping he'd get a simple answer.

"They're coming back today," Cole stated. "I was with Varric last night when Christopher told him." Cullen stared at him incredulously and briefly wondered if he'd been waiting since last night. Cole heard it and turned to look at Cullen. "I was with The Iron Bull until a couple hours ago. He's with the red-headed woman from the kitchens now. He doesn't like me to listen, but his thoughts are loud. She's even louder. Are all women that loud?" He asked innocently and catching Cullen off guard. He'd have to talk to Varric about teaching the spirit about things that shouldn't be said.

"That… That isn't for me to say Cole," he finally answered. But Cole heard more than his words, even though Cullen tried not to think about it. Old memories, thoughts, longings, always wanted but never could have. First was Solana, a mage who died when abominations tore the Circle of Ferelden apart. He was so young then, but now it was years later and so many things had happened in those years. Now he wanted Raven but couldn't have her. Why couldn't he have her, Cole wondered and he thought back to Lady Josephine's words the other morning: _inappropriate._ Longings like his were never inappropriate in the tower. Cole had thought about it since then, wanting to ask Varric but not knowing how. Had it been inappropriate because he didn't have the thoughts they did? Would it be appropriate for Cullen to be in her room instead? "You _do_ know that they won't be back until sometime this afternoon?"

"I wasn't sure. It's pretty though," Cole said quietly and vanished causing Cullen to jump back with a curse. He doubted he'd ever get used to that.

The day before leaving Val Royeaux hadn't been an eventful one. It started with another early morning. Once Adrian had delivered the corsets and some additional fabric-a courtesy for giving the shop so much business-Raven had changed into her lounge clothes, put aside the next day's outfit, and packed her bags. Food from the café was delivered shortly after and Raven was happy nothing deterred her from finishing her salad the second time around. Afterward was spent around the large table. Dorian telling them about his life and growing up in Tevinter and in return Josephine talked about Antiva City, the heart and capital of her country. Instead of working on her quilt Raven joined the conversation and told them of her family, friends, and stories from when and where she was from. Neither of them could hold in their surprise; she never talked about herself to that extent and both felt that it was a pleasant change.

Dorian was the first to retire for the evening, claiming he needed his beauty sleep, and was followed shortly after by Josephine. To avoid the horrible feeling and lack of coherency caused by waking up really early the next morning Raven didn't sleep. With the help of two kettles worth of highly caffeinated black tea and some sugar, Raven worked on her quilt throughout the night, singing quietly to herself, and getting up to stretch every hour or so. She hadn't pulled an all-nighter in so long that she was surprised at how easy it was. She'd been so engrossed in her project, that by the time Raven had finished sewing all the squares, arranging and rearranging them to find a pattern she liked, had drawn a diagram to remember the pattern, and finally started sewing, she didn't hear a door shut and footsteps on the wooden floors until a chair from across the table was pulled out and Dorian sat down. Raven stopped sewing and looked up at the mage. His hair was tousled and the only thing he wore was a pair of simple cotton trousers, which Raven imagined would be the last thing he'd ever sleep in. He screamed silks and furs, not cotton.

"You, Little Bird, are either up very late or very early," he commented while eyeing the tea kettle, half empty glass bowl of sugar, and the line of pinned fabric she was currently sewing to the three already together.

"I wanted to get as much of this done as possible. With us going back to Skyhold, who knows when I'll have the time to work on it," She replied simply and continued to sew. Dorian watched her fingers move, quick and efficient as the pulled the needle and thread through the fabric. He found that he liked puffs of fabric outlining each square. When she was done sewing that row, creating four in total, and smoothed it out on the table between them Dorian realized how wide the blanket would be. On the far right of the table where the other squares had been piled together when he'd gone to bed six hours ago, were now sewn into the rows needed and were neatly folded waiting to be attached to the mass of fabric before him. She had been busy.

"Sweet Maker, do you really need a blanket that large?" He asked and received a rather adorable giggle from the girl sitting across from him.

"Yes. Yes I do." Again with the simple reply.

"May I ask why?" As he spoke Raven refilled her tea. It was cooler now and didn't mix as well with the sugar, but that didn't stop her from drinking half the cup. She missed her old tea cups back home. Actually, they were twenty-six ounce ceramic soup bowls with handles, but she used them for tea. She also missed the different blends of tea she and her father had collected. Dorian was still looking at her, waiting for an answer, when she put down the cup.

"I suppose I can give you a vast multitude of reasons ranging from me taking pride in the crafts I do to it being something pretty to look at. I can even point out that we live in a stone fortress in the Frostback Mountains but truthfully, between us and only us, it makes me feel safe and relaxed. If I'm stressed or exhausted I can go back to my room, wrap myself in this freaking behemoth of a quilt that _I_ made, and decompress for a little while." She was calm and relaxed as she spoke. "I'm giving my all to the Inquisition and I really do love every moment of it, but getting used to so much in such a short time span, and keeping a straight face while doing so, is exhausting." She smiled when she finished talking. Even though she kept eye contact with him he noticed how one of her hands started to rub a patch of plaidweave. He understood needing to relax, though he preferred to relax in a completely different way. Would she be upset if he brought it up again? He wondered.

"There are always men and women around Skyhold that would be happy to help you relax," Dorian said much less casually than the day before and Raven wasn't sure how to respond or feel about him bringing up the topic again. "if not for sex than just to spend time with," he continued.

"I spend time with a lot of people, Dorian," she argued, "you included."

"And yet you're still always on edge. You don't allow yourself to completely relax around them. I'm not saying you have to, Maker knows you'd most likely stab me if I tried giving you an order, but it is something you should at least consider. Trust me, having someone you can be yourself around, open up to, and let go of problems with is wonderful. Sex isn't the only form of intimacy." As Dorian spoke Raven was quiet. He was right in what he'd seen; she didn't relax around her friends. They were all major parts of the Inquisition and now so was she. She had to be careful with what was said and done because the last thing she, as the newest advisor and spy-in-training, needed was to inadvertently decrease the Inquisition's already questionable reputation or, even worse, spill how she had the knowledge she did, even though Christopher was only one to know she had that knowledge in the first place. As she thought more about the inner circle of the Inquisition Raven had to smile; Bull was a Qunari spy, Dorian a Tevinter mage, Varric was known for smut and other books that sounded like smut, Sera was a Red Jenny, Cole was a spirit, and Solas was an Elvhen god pretending to be a simple apostate; the list went on. Was she really _that_ odd compared to the rest of them?

"What happens if sex is brought up or they attempt to add it into the equation?" Raven finally asked not sounding at all like her normal self and Dorian took that small crack her in wall to realize just how naïve and unjaded she really was despite the knowledge that, if needed, she could slit a man's throat or even disembowel them without a second thought before they even realized she was there. It was sometimes difficult to remember that she was still a young girl and seemed to have been sheltered for most of her life. Dorian almost felt bad for her. "What if I don't want that?"

"If you don't want that, then you tell them," Dorian replied sounding very much how he imagined a normal father would. "If the subject gets pushed, then you make them bleed. And if you don't want to do that either, then all you need to do is tell me, Bull, or whoever you feel comfortable with and we'll take care of them." He could only begin to imagine the way the giant Qunari would have with whatever idiot decided to push her into something physical and it nearly made him smile.

"Is it wrong to be both horrified and entertained by the notion of _Bull_ taking care of that problem if it arises?" Raven asked with a chuckle. Dorian sat back in his chair and gently ran his hand over the unfinished blanket liking how soft it was. Maybe he could convince her to make one for him.

It had been nearly five hours since they started their return to Skyhold. Josephine wanted to be back already but she'd overslept, not that Raven and Dorian seemed to mind. She had slept past dawn and when she nearly ran out of her room to wake the two, she was surprised to see them already downstairs. Raven had been in the same clothes she changed into the night before and her hair had been pulled into a messy style while Dorian was in a simple pair of trousers. That Maker forsaken quilt was between them covering the table as Raven continued to work on it.

By the time Josephine was dressed and the carriage was loaded with their bags and purchases supposedly ten rows out of twelve were completed. Dorian had let it slip that she'd stayed up the entire night working on it, so as Raven had finished the remaining rows and completed the edges Josephine had quietly glared at her while doing her best to ignore how nice and warm she felt under the large object. Dorian had watched the exchanges between the two for a while with mild amusement, but once the blanket was done Raven was asleep under it.

"I don't understand how she does it," Josephine confessed with a long sigh while looking at the girl curled up on the seat. Her head had turned to face the window and her hair was starting to come loose from the knot-like style she'd pulled it into. Dorian laughed and pulled out one of the books he'd purchased the other day. He'd been surprised to find a book about magic from his homeland in an Orlesian shop and it was turning out to be quite the pleasant read. "I'm serious. She'll probably sleep until we get back to Skyhold and then won't be able to go back to sleep at a decent hour. Cullen will most likely have her continue with the recruits first thing in the morning."

"What I wouldn't give to be that young again," he commented in return. "It could always be worse. Most people that age are out having sex or getting into trouble and she chose to stay up all night making a blanket. My grandmother didn't even do that at sixty." She nodded in response for she couldn't find any untruth to them. The girl was remarkably mature for her age, or at least she presented herself to be.

"This is true. By the way, I received a letter from Commander Cullen saying that Christopher wants to leave within the next few days." Dorian marked his page and set the book down, She had his full attention; outings for the Inquisition, especially those with Christopher leading, were always interesting and, even though he'd been successful in his endeavors so far, what he planned and what actually happened were very seldom ever similar.

"Where does he plan on going?" The mage asked.

"First, the Fallow Mire to help rescue some of our troops and then he's supposed to meet with Mistress Hawke in Crestwood to meet with her Grey Warden contact. I'm not sure if he'll decide to do anything in between or after. You know how he is," she explained and Dorian hoped he wouldn't be chosen to go. He'd never been to the Fallow Mire before but heard nothing but dreadful things like how it was cold, rainy, and full of walking corpses.

"Is there any idea who he wants to bring with them?" He inquired and was surprised when Josephine merely shrugged.

"There is always an idea of who he's going to bring but nothing is certain. He'll most likely want Raven with him since there seems to be no end to her techniques and abilities." Dorian nodded in agreement but also had a feeling that he wanted her around for more than just her moves in battle. He was certain the handsome young mage fancied her, even more so after hearing how they had dinner together in her room. Raven's response to him bringing up the subject, not once but twice, confirmed that she was completely oblivious to the attention she received. Even Dorian couldn't fully comprehend how she didn't know. Cullen had to be the worst when it came to his desire towards her. The man was handsome, passionate, and Dorian had spent quite a few nights thinking of all the things he'd like to do to the man and let that man do to him, but it was almost like the Commander was a puppy eager for attention when she was around; or at least a stuttering, blushing idiot. It was hard to decide which one fit better. Christopher had been busy adjusting to the life and duties of being Inquisitor, but Dorian remembered the night Haven was attacked and how he scoured the Chantry looking for her. Maker knows how he'd be if Cole hadn't found her and saved her life. The dynamic between those two was another thing entirely and Dorian still had no idea how to react to it. It was like they seemed to have a deeper connection than he'd seen her have with anyone else including Solas, Bull, or even Varric.

"I imagine there's still a lot to do with her at Skyhold though," Dorian finally replied and Josephine didn't hesitate to nod.

"She's coming a long way in her lessons with me, but with the Grand Masquerade Empress Celene is holding the more influence we have the easier it will be to gain and keep the court's approval. That's where Raven comes in and she's already off to a wonderful start. The Countess truly enjoyed her company and the Marquis couldn't take his eyes off her." Josephine could hardly contain her excitement and Dorian found himself starting to worry for his young redheaded friend currently sleeping not five feet from them.

"You're not going to try and marry her off to the Marquis are you?" Dorian asked, doing his best to muster up an amused voice. Josephine let out a small laugh while being mindful of Raven's current condition.

"She's too good for a Marquis. Perhaps a Duke or even a Prince," she replied only half serious. It was doubtful that they could handle her even with all their nobility and influence. She was cunning and smart enough to most likely get what she wanted-if she wanted anything in the first place-without batting an eye. She laughed when Dorian did.

"What about a Commander?" Dorian suggested and Josephine's smile grew.

"I thought I was the only one to see it!" She exclaimed and immediately went silent afterward when she heard a small groan come from Raven. When it was clear that she wouldn't wake, Josephine turned her attention back to the mage. "It's amusing to watch them go back and forth with one another. Once back at Haven he actually came into my office yelling and complaining about her and the way she would spar with the recruits."

"You're joking," Dorian said flatly. He'd seen the way she worked with the recruits and Cullen seemed perfectly fine with it. He'd be crazy to not, she was a fantastic instructor who demanded respect and was always ready to help. Josephine shook her head.

"It was brilliant. He bursts into my office angry and yelling with Raven casually walking in right behind him. It turns out that he didn't like her training and sparring with the soldiers without armor. 'She's a young woman', he said, 'she needs something to keep her safe'. There were other reasons and as he was ranting, red in the face, Raven fixed cupx of tea for all three of us and sat down with me. When most of it was out of his system, she wasn't angry and she didn't argue. Instead she slid him his cup of tea and as he was taking a sip asked him very innocently if he was just jealous that his men and women now had a reason to touch her when he couldn't." As Josephine told the story she was near tears and Dorian was the same, biting his finger to keep from laughing. He could almost imagine the look Cullen would give, the gentleman he was.

"What happened?" Dorian asked.

"It was like she broke him! He nearly choked on his tea, went silent, and looked away from her as his cheeks turned a shade of red that I'd never seen. He put down his tea cup, excused himself and the topic hasn't been brought up since, at least to my knowledge." After being asked a question as blatantly as that, Dorian couldn't blame the man. Although when it came to Raven, he would've handled it differently knowing she'd only respond to his witty remarks with those of her own like nearly always. Cullen was too much of a gentleman to play that game. It was a shame; her responses were very amusing.

They rode in silence for a little while after that. Dorian picked up his book and continued reading while Josephine resumed looking over some of the contracts she had to discuss with Christopher when they returned to Skyhold. Both would occasionally say something to the other every now and then but mostly kept quiet out of mutual respect for the small sleeping girl cuddling with her part of the warm blanket beside them. As the carriage ascended the mountains, Josephine was happy she made the thing so big after all.

It wasn't until the sun was starting to set over the mountains that the carriage crossed the stone bridge and entered the large gates of Skyhold. To Josephine's and Dorian's surprise Christopher, Cullen, Leliana, and Cole were awaiting their arrival and eagerly greeted them as they stepped onto the hard ground. Raven was still fast asleep and Josephine was quiet in her explanation when Christopher asked where she was. It wasn't a surprise to Dorian that Cullen was the first to respond and he watched silently as the Commander, in his ever bulky armor and ridiculous mantle, moved toward the carriage. Whether he planned to wake the sleeping girl or carry her to her to room was still uncertain; Dorian guessed the latter and smiled as he watched the man take in sight of the overly large, heavy, and colorful thing covering her and keeping her warm, fairly sure she didn't have that when they left only days ago.

Cole stood quietly next to Christopher listening to him speak to Lady Josephine about the trip he was taking. Tribesman, the Avaar, had taken Inquisition soldiers and Christopher wanted them back, he needed them. They all had families, friends, lovers, someone they were dear to, and it was his job to make sure they came back safe. Cole admired his determination and he wanted to help. Christopher hadn't fully decided on who he wanted with him yet and Crestwood was a necessary stop on the way home. He needed to meet with a Warden Varric's friend Hawke had talked about. She was a nice lady, friendly but often kept to herself if she had the option. She liked tea with milk and honey before bed and Cole always did his best to make sure that's what she had. The first two nights he stood in the corner not letting her see him and watched the suspicious gleam in her eyes and her mind turning as she examined the cup before taking a chance sip. She was more accepting of it now and Cole didn't stay and watch. Part of him wanted to, at night was when she thought of her mother, brother, and sister and all the things she blamed herself for. He wanted to help but could easily sense that she wanted to be kept alone with the thoughts. The hurt helped her, pushed her, made her keep going when she wanted to give up. It was more crucial now because her lover wasn't with her. Cole didn't entirely mind, he wasn't so sure he wanted to meet Fenris.

"I assume your trip went well?" Christopher asked and Josephine nodded. Cole caught flashes of the grand city in Josephine's mind; the tall buildings, colorful banners, sitting with Raven and Dorian while eating, and then piece after piece of cloth on Raven, pieces he'd never seen. It was a very good trip for her.

"We managed to find a marvelous new tailor and I was able to introduce Raven to some of the Orlesian nobles. It was productive and Raven seemed to have a nice time which is always a good thing," Josephine replied, stopping when she saw the surprised look on Christopher's face. Cole turned to look along with her and watched as Commander Cullen slowly ascended the stairs with the small sleeping form of Raven practically clutched to his chest, her face buried in the fur lining around his neck. To the others it looked like she was asleep but Cole knew better. She was awake but just barely, drifting the edges of the Fade and dreaming dreams of music, laughter, dancing, and fighting alongside The Iron Bull. Cole wasn't sure if she dreamt of memories or what she wanted to happen, but he liked that she was happy in the dream.

When he reached the top step he stopped to make sure Raven was still asleep, much to the amusement of the Inquisitor, Dorian, and Josephine. She'd stirred in the carriage when he did his best to gently untangle her from the large, thick blanket she had wrapped herself up in but was now resting peacefully against his chest. She was lighter than he imagined she'd be; of course she was small, but she was also nearly all muscle. Cullen would never admit it but how light she was worried him. She never ate her food, merely picked at it and always worked so hard to stay on top of her abilities.

"Where's the blanket?" Josephine asked noticing it was nowhere in sight. Raven was curled into his armor and showing no signs of being cold as she slept even though she wore a simple pair of cotton pants and one of her black shirts. Cullen looked back toward the carriage then to Josephine.

"It's hers. No one else could make it. Marking, folding, and cutting, back hurting from the position but almost done, fingers hurt as they push and pull the needle through fabric after fabric over and over. She needed it to help. Thoughts of better times; happy, loved, content as he hugs me. He stinks with sweat but it's comforting, it's where I belong. I am safe." They were silent as Cole rambled, revealing thought after thought he'd gleaned from Raven's semiconscious state that she'd probably had more than once since she'd been found. While Christopher and Josephine continued to look at the spirit standing before them Cullen noticed Cole looking at Raven curiously. It was hard to know if his eyes were truly on her because of the hat but it wouldn't surprise him with how upset he'd been at the thought of hurting her and then how anxious he'd been for her return.

"I'm having two of the recruits bring it up. It was too big to carry with her already in my arms," Cullen explained and watched as Christopher and Josephine nodded in response and, as if planned, two of Raven's own recruits ascended the stairs with the blanket neatly folded and carried between them. It was a funny sight, Christopher supposed and chuckled as they gasped for air. They didn't have time to rest as Cullen gently repositioned Raven, politely excused himself, and started walking to her room. The recruits followed with silent curses. When they were far enough away Josephine giggled and turned to the others. Cole was no longer with them and they couldn't blame him, the topic was rather dry.

"The stories they will tell," she commented casually and glanced at Dorian to see that his focus was on Christopher who was still looking to the way Cullen had left. There would certainly be stories, he thought while trying not to feel bitter. Christopher laughed and looked back at his friend.

"Get the Chargers or Varric involved and they will never end. She's going to be so annoyed. Is there anything else you need from me Josephine, regarding the trip?" Christopher finally asked. She nodded and looked down at the papers she'd received.

"Who are you planning to take with you and how long do you expect to be gone?" She asked while uncovering the ink jar and dipping her quill. Christopher thought for a moment still not entirely sure who he wanted in his party or how long he would be gone. That truthfully depended on how bad the Fallow Mire and Crestwood were and he hoped Raven would be willing to help prepare him.

"Cassandra, Bull, Solas, and Raven," he answered simply all while anticipating the fit Josephine would likely throw at the request of taking the young redhead. She was damned talented, but with her new position it wasn't always an option. She deserved it though, Christopher reminded himself. Not only did they sort of throw it on her, but she had no choice but to jump in feet first without even adjusting to the position. He admired her for it and so did almost everyone else.

"And how long?" Josephine asked before coming to her decision.

"I honestly don't know," Christopher replied and knew it was a bad answer when Josephine sighed and shook her head, but he couldn't give her a suggested time until he talked to Raven about what needed to be done.

"Having her go now is not wise, Inquisitor. The Masquerade is only mere months away and she still has so much to learn. There's also a matter of the recruits. Why not take Cole?" Josephine suggested. Christopher hadn't seen Cole fight since the night Haven was attacked and even then it was only seconds. How was he to know what else the spirit was capable of? When it came to Raven he saw the training day after day and discussed it with his circle before bringing the topic up to her. Would he be open to training or showing what he could do besides help the ones who were hurt?

"I want to see what Cole is capable of before I take him out with me. Do you think you could arrange someone to spar with him? As far as Raven goes I understand. She's still doing well?" He asked to make sure. Josephine nodded.

"She's a very interesting woman but yes, she's catching on a lot quicker than I anticipated. Leliana will begin training her later this week. Thank you for understanding. If you don't mind I'm rather tired, please excuse me." Christopher nodded as the Ambassador politely excused herself and slowly made her way into the main hall. There were a few documents she needed to drop off in her office before retiring. Anything else that needed attention could wait until tomorrow.


	15. Chapter 15

Raven woke at what she guessed was right before dawn, confused at how she ended up in her bed back at Skyhold. She remembered the carriage ride home and talking with Dorian and Josephine but the rest was a blur. Did Bull or Blackwall bring her to her room? They were the only ones Raven could picture doing something of the sort. Sitting up and looking down at her clothes she was pleased to see she was still in the same cotton top and pants from the ride though her boots and socks had been taken off and Raven could see them beside her dresser in the dim light of the candle that was left lit. It was warm, nearly too warm even for being in the Frostback Mountains so Raven threw off the heavy quilt that she supposed had been laid on top of her with care and made a move to get out of bed; her feet had just touched the floor when the silhouette of someone suddenly appeared causing her to jump back, landing onto the bed, and out of instinct reach for the knife she normally kept on the bedside table. It wasn't there.

"I scared you, I'm sorry." Raven heard Cole's voice and immediately felt herself relax. The room grew brighter as more candles were suddenly lit and when her eyes moved over the room again and landed on his figure he was much easier to make out. He stood near the table in the corner holding what looked like a cup. Raven brought a hand up to brush through her hair, scowling when she realized that it was no longer in the bun she had earlier and her fingers ran into tangles.

"Is everything alright, Cole?" She finally asked as she stood up. With the increased light she saw her bags and the things she'd gotten from Val Royeaux neatly on the floor next to the wall, corsets included which Raven didn't mind. She wanted to test one of the more functional styles during training later.

"Is there a reason things wouldn't be alright? I heard you start to wake even though you aren't training today. You like tea when you wake up so I brought some." He explained and she nearly nodded just out of habit until it registered that she wouldn't be training later. From beside the table Cole caught the glimpse of confusion on her face and raced to explain, "Cullen used the paper and quill on your table to leave a message after he brought you up here and made sure you were comfortable. You had a long journey so he's giving you the day to rest." He continued as he put down the steaming cup of tea and picked up the letter for her. She was still tired, he thought to himself, but her movements were fast as she came forward to accept the note from him. Her bright eyes scanned the paper and she let out a sigh before her eyes widened and she looked back to him.

"What do you mean _Cullen_ brought me here?" She asked. It hadn't dawned on her when she'd first woken up that he of all people would perform that action. Her friend, teacher, fellow trainer and advisor. She knew he would never do anything unjust or wrong toward her, that he'd always remain a gentleman, but the idea was strangely unsettling and Raven wasn't sure if it was because it was _Cullen himself_ who had taken liberty to bring her upstairs, take off her shoes and socks, and made sure she was comfortable or because she just hadn't considered the idea. It was true that Cullen was a good man and that they were friends of sorts who often spoke casually, but there was still the lack of familiarity between them that she didn't share with Bull or even Cole.

"Feeling happy and nervous at the thought of your arrival. There's still so much to do, but she's probably exhausted. He was concerned when you didn't come out with Lady Josephine and Dorian. Sleeping, still sleeping. How can I possibly get her out of a blanket that large, she's completely wrapped in thing. Heart thudding, palms suddenly too warm under gloves as she curls into the fur lining of my mantle. She smells so good, like citrus and vanilla," Cole started and Raven did her best to tune out the recollection of thoughts he'd gleaned from the Commander. They were his thoughts, even if they were about her. She didn't need to know them, didn't want to know them either. It would make things awkward, not that they suddenly weren't already.

"Thanks, Cole. You don't need to tell me any more,"she said quietly and the spirit's eyes widened. He'd done it wrong.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make things worse. I know you don't want me to make you forget, but please let me try again." He frantically requested but went silent when she reached out to put a tentative hand on his shoulder and managed to smile at him. At least he didn't recoil from her like last time.

"Don't apologize for being you, Cole. You're you and there's nothing wrong with that," Raven told him quietly and took her hand away. Cole missed the warmth of it but instead of voicing it he moved slightly so she could take the few steps needed to the table and grab her tea. "So did you do anything fun while I was gone?" She asked him.

"Fun? I got to make cats dance and mice laugh and see Varric and The Iron Bull. Cullen talked to me as well," he replied while watching Raven sip her tea. Her eyes didn't leave him though and he knew it was something she tried to do with everyone.

"I miss Varric and Bull. Would you like to see them with me today since I guess I'm not training?" She asked while doing her best to ignore that he spoke with Cullen. Cole didn't smile, but he nodded in response.

"Varric misses talking about writing and stories. The Iron Bull likes watching you laugh with the Chargers. I'd like to see them with you," he finally answered. She didn't want to talk about Cullen. Would it hurt her, he wondered, and didn't want to find out.

"Ginger! I was wondering when you'd come by and see me," Varric exclaimed when he saw her enter the main hall just after ten. The Kid was beside her and the dwarf wasted no time getting up from his seat at his usual table and greeting her with a hug. Something was different about her, maybe it was the corset she was wearing, the way she had her hair, or it was just the shards of ideas he was still having after seeing Curly carry her up the stairs and to her room as she slept. Lovers did that sort of thing and he was eager to find out what she was going on between the two.

"I just got back last night. How have you been, Varric?" She asked after she'd returned his hug and sat down in her usual spot beside him. Cole moved to sit on her other side, but Varric pulled out the other seat beside him. Once Varric was seated he made quick work of cleaning up the papers spread out before him.

"I'm always good. How was Val Royeaux?" He asked and looked up at her in time to see her give an exhausted smile. "I imagine Ruffles is pretty hard to keep up with."

"Not at all. It was very productive and I had a lot of fun. It was just a very long trip," she explained and snatched one of the piles of paper from the dwarf, ignoring his half-hearted protests. Bills, more bills, ideas for the next chapter of Sword and Shields. "Mixing business with pleasure, I see?" She asked once the pages were read and she gave them back to him. He chuckled in response.

"Not that it matters. How have you been? Anything new?" As he asked Varric was happy to see her lean back in her chair like she normally did when becoming comfortable with him. Raven thought back over the last week or so and nothing really new had happened.

"Besides training scouts and recruits and undergoing my own lessons not much has happened beside the trip to Val Royeaux. Sorry to disappoint, but I lead a pretty boring life," she replied with a shrug. "I met some of the nobles Josephine told me about, made a blanket, tried on clothes. It definitely could've been worse, you know?"

Varric stared at the young girl as she suddenly leaned forward to grab his pile of blank paper, his favorite quill, and the bottle of black ink. She was quick in her preparations and soon just seemed to be drawing lines on the page. In Varric's opinion playing dress up sounded pretty awful, but in the grand scheme of things, he knew she was right. "I like the corset you're wearing, by the way," he told her and saw the smile on her face.

"Thank you. It's one of the many Josephine insisted buying me on our trip," she replied, her attention on whatever she was drawing. Her eyes didn't leave the paper except to dip the tip of the quill into the ink.

"So, I saw Curly carry you to your room last night. I didn't know you and he were so close," Varric was hesitant as he approached the subject. She stopped what she was doing and looked up at him. In the same moment he felt a hand on his and looked over at The Kid who had been quiet and observing until now. He shook his head which caused the rim of his hat to flop.

"Happy, excited but nervous to be around her again. Did she miss me while she was away? She's so light in my arms and small, so small. I love how her hair smells, skin soft and pale, please don't let me wake her. Almost there. She doesn't like how he feels, Varric; not like his armor or hands but what he feels for her. They aren't close like everyone wants them to be," Cole rambled, taking Varric by surprise. When he looked back to Ginger she was working on the paper again. What she was doing with the paper seemed to finally be taking shape; a simple drawing of him and Cole seated at the table beside her.

"What Cole said," She said simply and moments later put the quill down and leaned back in her chair. Her signature was at the bottom, a neat little slant, and written up at the top was 'Father and Son.' It only momentarily deterred Varric from the topic at hand and what was said. Any girl would be excited over a handsome man like Curly taking an interest in them.

"So what you're telling me is that this thing between you two-spending time together, talking, laughing, the way he looks at you, even him carrying you to your room last night-is one sided," he asked hardly able to believe it. His eyes didn't leave Ginger and he faintly heard The Kid asking him to stop since she didn't like it.

"I spend time with him because it's a necessary part of my day. We are friends of sorts, but we are also advisors for the Inquisition. He's a good man-handsome, in a way, I guess-but I'm not lying. Whatever he feels or doesn't feel for me is his own choice and problem." She spoke softly and in a light voice for presentation, others were appearing in the main hall, but he understood her meaning. "Can this be something that we don't talk about again?" She asked and Varric nodded reluctantly. They were friends, good friends, but Maker help anyone who fell for her.

"Just one last thing then; is there anyone here you would be interested in?" Varric asked knowing he might as well be signing his own death warrant. She glanced at Cole, most likely waiting to see if he said something. When he didn't she looked back to Varric wondering why she had wanted to come and see him again.

"I wasn't aware that I needed to be interested in anyone," she retorted more harshly than she intended and quickly stood up to leave. It was something Varric didn't want, he just wanted to talk.

"You don't, Ginger, and I'm sorry if it came off that way." She nodded to show she heard him and made her way out of the main hall. Varric continued to watch her retreating back as she descended the stairs.

"Did you understand any of that?" The dwarf asked Cole whose eyes were fixed on the table and was picking relentlessly at his gloves.

"She's happy not being attached to anyone even though everyone seems to want her to be. She's happy seeing others together; Christopher and Cassandra, The Iron Bull and Dorian, Lady Josephine and Blackwall." Varric listened to The Kid explain the inner workings of that girl like he'd known her for years instead of weeks. Every pair he listed off from her thoughts seemed to fit so well in some odd way and he had to remind himself that she most likely knew his, their, world and its inhabitants better than he did. "We weren't real to her so long ago, before she came here. We were stories. She really didn't like Cullen back then either."

Varric could only chuckle at the Kid's words.

Despite the lack of activity in the main hall Raven was glad to see that it was busier than usual in the courtyard. About twenty soldiers and recruits stood around the sparring ring cheering on two large, familiar men. Instead of just passing by, she stopped beside Bull to watch Patrick and Andrew, the former her own recruit and the latter Cullen's, as they sparred. Despite the rocky start she'd had with Patrick, he took her lessons seriously and was showing his progress before her now as he used Andrew's weakness of leaving his right side open allowing him to grab and throw him to the ground in a way that even the most inexperienced person knew he'd be feeling it later. It ended shortly after that and Patrick was the first to notice her and smiled.

"Mistress O'Hara," he addressed her formally and she could tell Bull was looking down at her with a smirk. "It's great to see you. Did you have a nice trip?"

"Definitely could've been worse. How's training with the Commander?" She asked, genuinely curious. The soldiers liked his methods and hers were very different.

"Will you be resuming your lessons soon?" He asked and it gave her the answer she needed. Bull chuckled at his question.

"Tomorrow at dawn. Have you seen the Commander around? I need to speak with him." Patrick only pointed to the door of his office along the battlements. Of course, she thought to herself, always in his damned office.

When she knocked and entered like she normally did he was leaning over his desk reading a report. He didn't notice she was there at first, not until she was a foot from his desk and cleared her throat which caused him to jump back and grab the hilt of his sword before he realized it was her. Another nightmare had woken him hours ago and his head was splitting, but it was nice to see her. She watched him, amused, as he regained his composure. It was nearly gone once he noticed the corset she was wearing, a man would have to be insane not to notice how it hugged her curves. She raised an eyebrow when he finally met her gaze. She still wore that same expression, but her posture was more reserved than he'd seen of her.

"Raven," Cullen addressed, "I trust you slept well." His comment caused her to look away and her mouth go dry.

"I'm told it was you that carried me to my room." He brought a hand to the back of his neck.

"I didn't want to wake you or leave you in a cold carriage. I apologize if it made you uncomfortable." Raven thought of his explanation and wasn't sure how to respond. He always had to be so damned considerate.

"Not until after I left my room this morning. People are already starting to talk about what you did and about there possibly being an 'us'. Surely you've heard?" She finally retorted. She didn't look up as she heard him move around his desk to be closer to her. He'd been hearing the talk for a while among their recruits, but it wasn't until his half thought out decision the day before that he was approached by anyone about it. Luckily it was Leliana who addressed it instead of one of those she was more close with.

"It bothers you." It wasn't a question. Why did it bother her, he couldn't help wonder even though he was already sure of the answer. He was nothing outside the Inquisition; no land, no title, nothing to call his own and a family he hadn't spoken to in years. A young woman like her deserved at least that even though she had proven to be different than most. She didn't seem the type to care about material objects and allow others to provide for her, even though it was something he'd found himself desperately wanting to do as of late.

"Yes, Cullen, it bothers me. I really appreciate your kindness but when our friends, who are coincidentally the Inner Circle of the Inquisition, think that I'm keeping things from them, there's an issue. It bothers me because the trust I worked my ass off to earn is still fragile. I can't go back to the constant questioning of my motives every time they think I'm not listening. The possibility of our recruits and soldiers seeing me in such a vulnerable position also bothers me. Do you realize how difficult it is for a woman in my position, with my age and stature, to gain the respect of men in combat? If there were any semblance of truth to what they're saying it wouldn't be so bad bu -"

Cullen moved fast, cutting her off as he brought a hand to the back of her neck and leaned down to close the distance between their mouths, catching her off guard and leaving her stunned. She was so small against him, her soft lips tasted like fruit, and the rush he felt cut through his migraine. The relief caused him to groan and deepen the kiss. It was wrong, inappropriate, and she would no doubt retaliate against him, but at the same time he couldn't have cared less. If there was a chance, no matter how small, he was prepared to take it. Only a few seconds later did he hear a low feminine moan and feel her lips start to move against his and Cullen felt himself start to harden in his breeches.

In the seconds-or maybe minutes-after she relented, she was caught between him and the stone wall of his office. One hand still rested on the back of her neck while the other found the curve of her hip. Her mind was racing, her heart beating even faster as she tried to think of that to do. He shouldn't be kissing her and she definitely shouldn't be feeling that surge of adrenaline currently coursing through her body or kissing him back. His body was so big against hers and he was thorough in his exploration of her mouth. He tasted like the mint chamomile tea she knew he liked. His gloved hand found the bare strip of skin from where her corset ended and her pants began and, damn, the smoothness of the rams leather made her whimper. What would it feel like on more of her?

"Then let there be truth to it," he murmured when he pulled away. Their breathing was labored, uneven, and her mind was in a haze. He kissed her again before she could reply, wanting, needing it to last. He knew the very moment she saw clarity because suddenly he was shoved halfway across the room while she moved away from the wall and toward the closed door. Her breathing, like his, remained uneven and her cheeks were flushed, matching the color of her hair. Cullen prepared himself for her harsh, eloquent words or one of her daggers to his throat, but it never came. Instead she just looked confused. What he didn't know was that he just took her first kiss. _Of course it had to be him_ , Raven ground out to herself.

"That's not something I can do, Cullen. Not with you." Her words broke the long stretch of silence between them. "So that cannot and will not happen again." Cullen brought a hand to the back of his neck. His mind was still racing, his body hot under the armor he was wearing.

"You didn't seem to mind it much." He knew his retort was unjust, arrogant, and a mistake the moment it left his mouth. Why was it she who seemed to bring out the harsh words in him? Nearly every time a conversation between them went past small and simple pleasantries, he was the one to lose control while she replied with a calm demeanor or cruel, cutting words, there never seemed to be a middle ground.

"I'm going to assume that you're grumpy from the lack of sleep and lyrium withdrawal, but that's beside the point," she continued quietly no longer wanting to look at him, "what I wanted to say when I came in here is that you're a good man, but given our positions within the Inquisition and everything going on in our personal lives, it would be inappropriate to entertain a notion that something... That something could _ever_ happen between us."

She left without another word. His migraine was back with a vengeance; it felt like a shield bashed against his skull. In the back of his mind, her words made sense, but he didn't want to accept it. He wouldn't allow her to close herself off like he did as a young Templar in the Ferelden Circle; he cared so much for Solona, but his duty came first so, despite the infatuation he had with her, he kept it inside. She died not long after and he'd always regretted not telling her. He didn't want to regret not telling Raven as well.

Sunset was approaching as Raven decided to make an appearance at the 'Herald's Rest' for something to eat. After the events involving Cullen she made a quick stop to the healers and requested a salve of elfroot, mint, and lavender to be made and delivered to Cullen for his headaches before spending the last few hours sitting on the fence of the sparring ring critiquing the techniques the recruits and soldiers used against one another. Christopher had appeared a while later with Cassandra and asked if she'd be open to having a test match against Cole to see if he would be fit for coming out in the field with them. She knew he was but happily obliged. Two hours were spent sparring with him. It quickly turned into a spectator sport with many of the soldiers, recruits, and even some nobles from Ferelden and Orlais watching, cheering, and making bets.

Cole was fast, nearly as fast as she. He'd also definitely made more contact with her than anyone else in Haven and Skyhold had since she started training and she knew she would be covered in bruises later. It was a draw in the end and she was happy to see the smile Christopher gave them both, deeming Cole more than acceptable to bring out into the field. She also made a mental note to send a letter to Delphine and her brother regarding the corset she was still wearing. She needed more like it. Cole was beside himself when he saw her arms already starting to bruise, her compliments and reassurances fell on deaf ears as he crouched down and put his head between his knees before he disappeared entirely. She hadn't seen him since but knew he was most likely with Varric or Solas.

"Hey, Ginger!" Varric yelled, his voice standing out over the already noisy crowd. Raven smiled when she saw he'd already gotten a table and with him was Bull, a very despondent looking Cole, and Sera. With a type of grace they assumed only she could manage, Raven made her way through the crowded tavern, catching the attention of one of the barmaids and signaling for a drink before she took her seat next to Cole. He looked at her with wide eyes as she took his hat, pulled the tie from her hair and let it fall down her shoulders to her waist before putting it on. She stuck her tongue out at him and turned to thank the woman who quietly set down a hot teacup in front of her. Bull snorted when she was gone.

"Only you would come to a bar and order tea," he commented while Raven shrugged and took a sip; it was a chamomile blend with honey and Raven already felt herself starting to relax. Sera let out an inebriated giggle. Instead of responding she looked back at Cole and gave him another smile. His eyes flashed down to the bruises on her otherwise pale arms.

"You did so great today, Cole. I'd be mad if you didn't come at me with all you had," she told him quietly.

"The daggers go where they are needed. Protecting, hurting, trying to help. You smiled even though I hurt you. No one has ever done that before. I'm sorry." His voice was quiet, but he was close enough for Raven to hear him. Maybe someday he would understand, but for now all she was able to do was put her small hand over his larger one. It didn't last long, she didn't want to make him uncomfortable, but it lasted long enough to make him feel better about earlier. That was what mattered. Giving him one last smile she turned her attention to her other friends.

"So Varric told me you had fun in Val Royeaux," Bull was the first to speak and she nodded in response, "and that you also bought corsets. Is this one of them?" He asked. Raven rolled her eyes and leaned back in her chair, stretching to bring her boot clad feet up to rest on his knees.

"That it is. After sparring with Cole today there's still no discomfort so I'm really happy," she replied and earned a confused look from the men in front of her. "It's more for function than fashion. Surprisingly sturdy and easy to move in. If you're not with one of the kitchen girls or barmaids, you're welcome to get up early and observe the way I train. Maybe offer some suggestions of your own?" Bull was silent as he contemplated her offer. In the end he accepted the invitation claiming he wanted to see her command skills. It was possible enough to believe-even though she didn't-and Raven wouldn't have said anything else if it weren't for Cole.

"But, The Iron Bull," Cole innocently protested, "The way she looks in tight pants has nothing to do with how she trains the recruits." That was more like it. His response caused her and Varric to laugh and even Sera let out a loud giggle as Cole remained unaware to what was funny. Bull threw the boy a look but laughed anyway. Not that he'd ever stop suggesting it, but it was made clear long ago that she was one redhead he would never get the pleasure to have. He didn't mind, he got a great friend in return.

"In that case, I'll wear my tight ripped up jeans while we're at it," She retorted. The hat was angled enough so Bull could see her face under the large brim. Something had happened, Bull could see it in her eyes and a large part of him wanted to demand to know what and whose ass he had to kick, but he'd worry about that later. She was genuinely happy at the moment sitting with them and drinking her tea.

"Your favorite pair. Your cousin bought them for you years ago. Even though they're ripped you'll always keep them. Do they make you train better?" Cole continued with the innocent questions much to Sera's annoyance. Bull chuckled while Varric and Raven continued to laugh.

"They're comfortable and I suppose, to perverts like Bull, they make a good distraction," she explained to the young spirit. "Some men get distracted easily when certain assets are flaunted. Dammit, Varric, as his adopted father you're supposed to explain this type of stuff to him!"

"Assets like red hair, tattoos, wide eyes as you look up at him. He likes that you're dangerous; jumping, ducking, twisting, catching them off guard as you bring them to their knees. That Templar with the large shield, you were there one moment then disappeared and suddenly he's still, groaning, gasping, choking on his own blood. You feel it run down your fingers, warm and wet as you twist your dagger further into his neck."

"Wow, Bull, if I knew that's how you felt about me..." Raven chuckled in response to Cole's words.

"You know I like things that can do as much damage as I can," he retorted and took a large gulp of his drink, emptying it just in time as the barmaid brought refills. She served Bull first, then Varric, Sera, and lastly Raven. Her eyes didn't once meet Cole's and she had to wonder if the woman could even see him seated beside her.

"Maybe that's why Curly watches the morning training sessions," Varric suggested and waited for any reaction from Ginger. She hadn't been in Curly's office long. Varric and Bull weren't disappointed; something changed in her eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it had come.

"Definitely wouldn't surprise me. Now, my skinny pale ass and Cullen's creepy lechery aside, I'm really hungry," she announced and as Raven looked over the menu, talking to Cole in the process, Varric looked up to meet Bull's gaze. They weren't going to get anything out of her anytime soon, that much was clear. With any luck Cole would let something slip in the time to come. Bull hoped it would be soon; if he had to kick Cullen's ass, he'd prefer to do it before he was drunk.


	16. Chapter 16

In the warm darkness of her room long abandoned by the light of candles, Cole tried hard to remain still on the floor where he'd claimed his spot hours ago, just after Raven had allowed herself to sleep. He'd spent the last hour or so looking at the images she'd taken on what she called a 'phone' to pass the time. There were hundreds of Skyhold and those within it including himself. To others the room was silent, but he knew better. They couldn't hear and see like he could. To him the dreams and screaming were so loud that his ears hurt, but he knew what he felt was nothing compared to what she was going through and he wanted so desperately to help her. He wanted to make her forget because that way she wouldn't have to bury the hurt slowly taking over. It would be gone and she would be happier. Her smile would be real and not what she knew others wanted it to be and he knew her song would be even more lovely than it already was.

During the day when awake and around others, she was so good at locking away the hurt and thoughts so she could do what was needed of her. They didn't know. Couldn't know. She wouldn't let them. They wouldn't understand the hurt twisting and knotting itself inside, making her not quite whole. Pieces of her were being taken; stripped and shredded and he couldn't allow it, especially not to her.

She was his friend. The one who made sure he was allowed to stay, who defended him against the hurtful words of others even though it was something she didn't need to do. She was patient, understanding, and forgiving when he did it wrong the first and even second time. She cared about him and trusted him without any second thoughts or hesitation even though she knew about him. She knew about Bunny, the White Spire, Rhys and Evangeline, and even Lord Seeker Lambert, but none of that mattered to her. She still sought him out above all others and he couldn't understand why.

Raven let out a soft whimper and Cole looked up in the direction of her bed. The movement of her large blanket followed. Images of her family played behind closed lids that struggled to open. Her father, warm and protective as he captured her in a tight embrace and whispering words of love and assurance as she allowed herself to let go. She needed him more than she needed anyone else, but the dream turned the way it always did. The large man with dark hair who held her clutched harder, almost hurting her as he begged that she be back with him. Where was she, why did she leave him the way Alana had? He needed her, too. They all did and she just abandoned them. When she let out a strangled sob Cole was up and across the room without a sound in the span of a heartbeat, her phone forgotten on the floor. Her bed was plush as always and he had a hard time seeing her in the dark, but he knew she was wrapped too warm in her blanket and her skin and hair were damp like the times before.

"Here." The word came out strangled. "I'm sorry… Dad…" Cole worked as quickly and as gently as he could to help untangle the blanket wrapped around her. Her movements helped him and as if being free was what she was waiting for she woke with a labored gasp and sat up. The blanket fell to her waist, not locking her down like it would've done. Cole watched her, not moving as she struggled to calm her breathing before the first sob escaped and then another. He didn't want to scare her like last time.

"So much hurt and longing," he whispered and could tell she'd turned her head to look at him. Tears were falling from her eyes. "You don't need to be sorry. You didn't abandon him. You didn't abandon any of them."

"Cole." Her voice cracked as she spoke, "Don't you have better things to do?"

Cole shook his head even though it was still dark and all she could see of him were shadows. "No. Not when the hurt from dreams takes over." He spoke honestly and knew to brace himself as she moved to close the short distance separating them and wrapped her arms around his neck. His body no longer stiffened at the contact like it had in the beginning. Instead, he mirrored her movements and pulled her closer until her face was against his chest. It was the only comfort she would allow him to give her. Cole held her close as she clutched at the material across his back, quiet sobs rang in his ears, and to keep himself from saying anything he busied himself by running a gloved hand over her long hair. It was tangled but soft and wavy under his fingers.

"I have to get ready for training." When she spoke her voice was raw. It was the first time either of them had spoken in a long while. Cole wasn't sure how much time had passed, but she was calmer as she pulled back, her grip loosened and her hands fell from him. Cole couldn't help himself as he brought his hands from her back and hair to under her eyes. They itched and hurt from the tears and he did his best to wipe what was left of them away with his thumbs.

"He will understand if you're late. Tired, stiff, sore. You need rest." He argued quietly.

"I can't. Training is already going to be cut short today because I have to meet with Christopher about the Fallow Mire and Crestwood. Thank you for going in my place." He didn't like how the mask was slowly covering the hurt again. He would never tell her, but he didn't want to go with the others. He wanted to help them, but she needed him more, even though she wouldn't admit it. She needed him there with her when she woke from painful dreams to comfort her because he knew how she hurt when others didn't. She wouldn't tell them. Instead, she'd do what they wanted with smiles that weren't quite happy.

"Then tonight, after dinner." He knew he was urging her and his voice didn't seem to want to listen as he tried to appear calm. She slowly nodded.

"Will you stay with me for a bit? At least until I fall asleep?" She asked and he looked at her shadow in the dark. She was serious, he knew, and the request caught him off guard.

"Yes."

"I was wondering when I'd see you again," Christopher greeted with a smile as she entered the War Room and quietly closed the door behind her. It had been a long but reasonably easy day so far. Early morning aside, training had gone very smoothly and all the recruits had been able to comfortably move to the next phase of combat. They'd even invited her to the tavern for a drink and some food later that night. She had promised to stop by for a bit before retiring if her classes with Josephine and Leliana didn't run late. Her advisors let her out on time but left her mind full and, more often than not, eager to retire and decompress for a while.

"Tell me about it. How have you been, Christopher?" She asked as she made her way to the War Table and sitting down in her usual chair. From that vantage point she could see that he'd been looking over various routes to and from the Fallow Mire and reports from scouts. Reports she already knew and read with Leliana before passing them to him.

"Between us, this is so overwhelming," he answered with a sigh and she knew exactly what he meant. "But, like you, I'm doing my best to take everything in stride and as gracefully as I can." That was all they could really do, she thought, and continued to watch him finish the report in his hand and set it down before turning his attention to her.

"Luckily I'm here to help however I can." She spoke with a smile and she meant it. "Since I can't go with you I figured I could simply write out a kind of guide and to-do list." Christopher's eyes widened and he leaned against the large wooden table.

"You'd do that?" He asked as if he were confirming and Raven nodded.

"Of course. I can do it over the span of dinner if you're free? You can read it over as I go and I can answer any questions you have. Truthfully, there isn't a whole lot to do in either place, but party composition is important if you plan to take the dragon in Crestwood." She was looking down by the time she finished speaking and didn't notice his eyes widen and his jaw drop. Only she could talk about such things so easily.

"Your room again?" He asked and after a moment of thinking she shook her head. After all the activity from earlier she wanted to spread out on the floor like the way she did back home and while her room was big, it didn't allow her the light she wanted or the softness of a rug.

"Yours this time, if you don't mind." He nodded at her request.

"If you have some time now, we can head up while there's still plenty of daylight. I can send one of the servants to the kitchen for some food. Maybe some meat and potatoes?" At the mention of food Raven's stomach let out a loud growl and she couldn't help but chuckle sheepishly.

"That sounds amazing. I haven't eaten yet," she admitted while standing and stretching. With smooth movements Christopher grabbed a pile of papers, most blank for her use, a new jar of ink, and a new quill. They left and walked through the hallway side by side.

When they arrived at his room she wasted no time taking the papers, quill, and ink he offered her and making a small place for herself on his floor. Christopher stared at her no doubt confused but didn't say anything about it. Instead, he excused himself for a moment and left the room. From her place on the smooth carpet, Raven quickly set up the materials and worked to recall the knowledge needed for him. It came with ease and by the time he returned she'd already finished a page for what was needed in the Fallow Mire. Gathering the metals were always essential and something she not only underlined but put a star next to. Sky Watcher, the Avaar that could become an Inquisition agent was next along with a brief description of him. The braziers, runes, walking dead, hidden but needed materials, the Warden items for Blackwall, and the Avaar Keep were all written out in her beautiful penmanship. It was only as a last thought that she included spirit essence if he had the time. Josephine had brought in teachers for her like she had with him; an assassin, a tempest, and an artificer and while Raven was already nothing short of an assassin, she wanted to learn more about the potions and abilities that came with the tempest class. Before she started on her outline for Crestwood, she made sure all his questions concerning the Fallow Mire were answered.

The Crestwood outline took longer. With twice the space and things to be done, she was slower writing out the guide for him. Still, Christopher sat patiently while watching her. Her knowledge and concentration were almost unbelievable and all of it still seemed so hard to wrap his head around.

"You understand that there are some things we can't control," she said suddenly while looking up at him. "Fixed events that will happen no matter what we do."

"Like what happened with Alexius and then the Red Templars?" He asked and she nodded. "You knew what was going on at Therinfal Redoubt." At that moment she almost looked broken. Fragile.

"I did. If you want, I can tell you what would've happened had you chosen to go to the Templars instead of Redcliffe to acquire the mages. It's quite fascinating." It was something he'd wanted to ask her since the moment she admitted her knowledge to him. He wanted to know the consequences of his choices so he nodded. She set her quill down, corked the bottle of ink, and told him as calmly as she could, but he noticed her hands were shaking before she tucked them closer to her body. She told him of the noble Orlesian houses coming together on his behalf to get an audience with the Lord Seeker. She told him of the Templars being fed red lyrium and of the dozen or so that had refused, the envy demon who wanted to steal his face and turn the Inquisition into something terrible. Cole would appear amidst the struggle in his mind; he would win with the help of the spirit, veteran Templars, and the few that hadn't taken the red lyrium. He would fight the envy demon in its true form. She explained how he'd have the choice to ally or disband and conscript the Templars, but in their place the mages of Redcliffe would suffer nearly the same fate as Red Templars. By the time she finished, they had both eaten, the sun was starting to set, and Christopher wasn't sure what he could possibly say to her.

"Did I make the right choice?" He finally asked truly at a loss. His heart hurt and he wanted to mourn at the tragedy of it all. No matter what he did someone would suffer and looking at Raven he knew without a doubt what he was feeling couldn't compare to what she was going through.

"That's not for me to tell you, Christopher." She was quiet as she spoke while opening the bottle of ink again.

"What choice would you have made?" He knew he had no right to ask. Not with the knowledge she had, which had to be horrifying and heartbreaking.

"I've made both multiple times," she finally admitted before starting her outline of Crestwood again. "But I usually go to Redcliffe and ally with the mages. Somehow it hurts less."

But it still hurt her, that much was obvious to him.

In the days after the surprising and slightly unwanted kiss between her and Cullen and the night with Christopher, Raven's schedule was back to normal, both as the teacher and the student. When she wasn't training she did her best to discreetly avoid spending time with Cullen as much as possible which seemed to go unnoticed by all except Varric and Bull. Even though they both knew it wise not to comment or question her about it, it didn't stop them from asking Cole who remained surprisingly quiet about what happened. Adopted father and friend or not, it seemed obvious that his loyalty belonged to her.

Christopher left later that week for the Fallow Mire with Blackwall, Cassandra, Solas, Sera, and Cole. Raven didn't envy them, but before they left she had one more meeting with Christopher to finalize plans, information, and to answer any other questions he'd thought of since their last meeting all while reminding him that what she'd given him had to remain a secret if he could help it. Just because he knew didn't mean others needed to know as well. Except Varric and Cole, but that couldn't be helped.

Eventually days turned to a couple weeks. Christopher and his group were still gone but had sent word every few days. The Marquis and Countess had stayed true to their words as well and sent letters requesting her presence for a lunch or afternoon tea. She had joined the Marquis at his home in Val Royeaux where they spoke in length about the mages and Templars, what happened at the Conclave, and himself. Only after did he want to know more about her since word apparently traveled fast about her skill in combat despite such a pretty face. By the end of their interesting visit, he was eating out of the palm of her hand and even presented her with a golden dove pendant. 'Grace' and 'Devotion' is what he claimed it meant and what he saw in her. It was too flashy in Raven's opinion, but that didn't keep her from smiling and wearing it in his presence.

The Countess was a different story altogether. She'd come to Skyhold with a gaggle of other Orlesian noblewomen; even a Duchess was included. Josephine had planned for such an occurrence and had a large covered table set up in the garden for tea, delicious finger sandwiches, and a fruit salad. Between obvious topics like fashion and the popular men and women of Orlais, they spoke of possibilities for the next Divine, the faux pas of other nobles, rumors, and the war between Empress Celene and Duke Gaspard. All seemed loyal to Celene's claim and cause. After their talks every day, Raven spent the evening writing reports for Leliana before drifting into a restless sleep, only to wake up hours later from the nightmares alone in her dark room. Everytime she woke, Raven wanted to curse. It wasn't right to become so dependent on the comfort Cole offered. The day the noblewomen had left, the Duchess requested that she come back with them, Raven all but cried in relief.

A week later, Christopher and his party returned to Skyhold weighed down with much more than when they left. The sun shining almost directly on them showed that it was early in the afternoon and Raven was in the courtyard sparring with Patrick as other soldiers watched and cheered. She'd countered his moves with speed and grace but all was forgotten when she heard the horn blow, signaling their arrival. She greeted Christopher first and surprise overcame her as she held out her hand in greeting only for him to pull her into a quick hug. Sera did the same as the young elf normally did after even a couple days without contact. Thankfully Cassandra merely nodded at her, Blackwall laid a large hand on her shoulder while giving her a smile, and Solas grasped her hand while telling her he was glad to be back. She greeted Cole last, almost apprehensive about being too close to him. He didn't notice her concern as he came forward and stopped less than an arm's reach away. He didn't hug her, but she could tell he was restless and worried. She didn't want to meet his eyes.

"Tired, trapped, and alone in the dark. It hurts to breathe and he's not - I'm not there. I'm sorry." His words came out in a rushed whisper, but he stopped when she put a hand on his cheek. As much as she wanted the comfort he offered it wasn't the time or the place.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. We'll talk later, okay? I have advisor nonsense to go over now." She did her best to reassure him. With a shake of his head he vanished. Taking a deep breath she took a fraction of a second to compose herself before moving back to Christopher.

"Did what I gave you prove useful?" She asked him quietly as the others dispersed. Sera made her way to the stables with Blackwall; Cassandra busied herself by talking with Cullen and Leliana who had just arrived; Solas lingered not too far away. The younger mage nodded and motioned for her to follow him toward the stairs but they didn't ascent. It was just a tad more private.

"I shared what you gave me with Solas. I know you wanted it kept a secret, but without him helping me I fear we wouldn't have done as well as we did against the Dragon in Crestwood," he replied in an equally quiet tone. They wouldn't have done as well in the Fallow Mire either, but he was aware that she knew. "Are you free this evening?"

"I have no plans for the day except to spar with my recruits. Did you have something in mind?"

"Would you like to have dinner later? In your room after the meeting with the other advisors? I'd also like Solas to join us if you're comfortable with the idea. He could help and we both know he's discreet," he explained then smiled when Raven nodded. If only he had an idea how discreet that old elf really was. Raven didn't want to think of the can of worms that would most likely be opened tonight.

"Would seven be too late? I can have some something brought up from the kitchens." Christopher had to admire her consideration even though his invitation had gained the attention from other companions, Sera in particular.

"How come I don't get to have dinner with the pretty redhead?" The young elf all but pouted. Christopher threw her a playful glare.

"Because I didn't invite you," He said with a smile and despite his snarky response, Raven laughed while putting a hand on his shoulder and turning her head to see her mischievous little friend standing there with her hands on her hips.

"Why don't we hang out tomorrow Sera, I have some fun ideas that I'd like to go over with you." Sera's eyes lit up and it seemed that everyone in the near vicinity nearly groaned.

"Are you sure that's wise, _Da'len_?" Solas asked coming up next to her and Christopher after the younger elf had left toward the tavern with a large bag in her hands. No, it wasn't wise, but she was looking forward to it anyway. With a simple shrug she removed her hand from Christopher's shoulder and started walking up the stairs with him as Cassandra, Leliana, and Cullen joined them.

"You didn't tell us anything about fighting a dragon, Your Worship," Cullen commented once they'd reached the main hall. Josephine who met them looked a little taken back, while Leliana walked silently at Josephine's side looking at Raven and then Cullen. She wondered if he had said anything to anyone about what happened between them.

"I apologize for not doing so, but we didn't have a choice. It was terrorizing the people of Crestwood," Christopher argued, his voice more amused than annoyed. "Now should we take this meeting to the War Room before we draw a crowd?" He asked and slowly the three other advisors nodded, so together they started on their way toward the long hall while Solas made his way to the study.

"I'm glad it all went well for you," Raven told him with a smile he returned.

"Very. We also managed to get the few things you needed as well. I can drop them off later if you wish," he offered and Raven nodded much to the confusion of the others. He was talking about the spirit essence Raven would need to specialize as a tempest. Sera had given her the book a couple weeks ago. All she needed was a containment flask which was easy enough to obtain.

"Thanks. What do I owe you for them?" She asked and Christopher stopped at the entrance of the main hall to look at her.

"After all the information you gave me, can we call it a trade?" He asked with a charming smile and Raven nodded. He knew how she worked and a trade was honestly the best compromise.

It had been only a few weeks since Raven last found herself in the War Room, yet felt longer with all the activity. It was still much bigger than Haven's, even with the added furniture; brighter too, as sun shone through the many tall windows facing west. The table was larger as well, with larger more elaborate maps of Ferelden and Orlais. Pawns, big and small, were placed over cities and objectives while unused pieces littered the free space around the maps. It was nice seeing it completely set up.

"So now that we're not outside would you like to explain to us how you fought a dragon? Is that what took you an extra week?" Josephine asked as she walked to the table and picked up her writing board. Raven took her usual spot against the wall by the door. Cullen and Leliana made their way to the table out of habit.

"We were there an extra week helping the people of Crestwood, closing rifts, and meeting with Hawke and Stroud. The dragon was just a coincidence," Christopher replied and Raven knew he was full of shit. Still, she kept her expression blank.

"And what part did you play, Raven? What information did you give him?" Cullen asked and her eyes shot up to see him staring at her. It was the first time they'd talked in weeks. His exhausted and grumpy appearance aside his tone wasn't angry.

"We got to talking about dragons one night before he left and I told him a few things I read in a book. I didn't know the information would actually be useful, especially with how rare dragons seem to be," she lied and hated how easily it seemed to roll off her tongue

"And what did you ask him to get you?" Cullen questioned and it reminded her of when she was first brought to Haven. She didn't like it.

"Since she wasn't able to go with us, she asked me to get her spirit essence from the Fallow Mire," Christopher spoke for her, almost angry. "Now, if you're done questioning her, can we move on to more important matters?" When Cullen looked away Raven mouthed a 'thank you' to her friend.

"I've read the reports you've sent us. If what Warden Stroud says is true, then we have a serious problem," Leliana spoke up. "I've already sent a letter to a former Warden friend of mine to see if he's experiencing the same effects as the others."

"Stroud says the Wardens are in the Western Approach. He and Hawke have started toward their location already. When can we send Harding and some troops?" Christopher asked.

"I spoke to Harding the other day while she was replenishing her supplies. She's ready to head out once we give the word," Raven spoke up from behind him. "Shall I let her know so she and her men can head out in the morning?" Christopher looked back at her and smiled.

"That would be appreciated. Josephine, I want Raven with me on this expedition. How are her lessons coming?" He asked while turning to her fellow advisors. Even Leliana looked surprised. With the exception of not speaking to Cullen after their incident, she'd been excelling in all her lessons.

"Your Worship, she has seven luncheon invitations and has been invited to Madame Cirella's salon next month," The Antivan protested and Raven could feel the surprise on her face. Those invitations were news to her.

"Then we'll head out later this week and get as much done before then. If we're not done by the time her appointments arrive, I'll send her back." Wow, Raven thought as she smirked at Christopher. Josephine wasn't going to win.

"I'll continue to study, Josephine. And we can arrange all these lunch dates to happen in Val Royeaux. I can stay there for however long is needed. Besides, I need more dresses since the season will be changing soon," Raven spoke softly and chose the words Josephine would want to hear. She liked Val Royeaux and it seemed to be a better option than keeping her locked away at Skyhold, something a majority of them seemed so hellbent on doing.

"I think it's best that she stays here to continue with her training and training the recruits," Cullen argued from across the room and Raven simply stared at him. Of course he would be the one to object, that petty bastard.

"I did what I needed to do with those recruits, Cullen. You wanted me to teach them how to counter my styles of combat. I've done that. I've also been going over battle strategies with Bull and have read every book in the library pertaining to the topic," the small girl countered and tension in the room seemed to grow immensely in the fifteen seconds of silence that followed her argument.

"It's still not wise - " His tone was nothing short of condescending when he moved to counter her arguments, but Raven stepped forward, closing some of the space between them before he could get out another word. His eyes widened in surprise.

"You do not get to treat me like a child," she said in an eerily low voice. A large, warm hand gently grasping her shoulder brought her attention back to Christopher. He was confused and looked worried.

"Then stop acting like a child, Raven," Cullen nearly shouted and she reacted by quickly freeing herself from Christopher's hold but not advancing.

"How am I acting like a child? I have done everything asked of me and have met all the terms and conditions we discussed in this very room the night I accepted the offer to become an advisor to the Inquisition." Raven's voice didn't waver or rise as she spoke the truth to Cullen. She knew it wasn't about her position or what she'd done for the Inquisition, it wasn't about her age, and it wasn't about her lack of armor, her future appointments, or his claim that she was acting like a child.

"You're trying to run from your responsibilities!" He accused and instead of slapping the tall, well built, armor-clad bastard like she wanted, Raven clenched her fists and let her nails dig into the palms of her hands and let out a shaky breath in an attempt to calm herself.

"Cullen, that's enough!" It was Leliana who spoke and Raven flinched at the anger in the woman's normally soft voice. "Helping the Inquisition is her responsibility and that's what she's doing. Don't let past events get in the way of her helping Christopher." Raven stood there quietly as Leliana eloquently called the Commander out on his pettiness. She wasn't sure if the Spymaster was referring to the incident in his office that ended up with her pressed between the Commander and a stone wall or to one of the many arguments before that. She and Cullen fought a lot, Raven realized, so much it seemed almost crazy that he'd kissed her, that he'd want her in any kind of capacity. It also further cemented the decision in her mind that she had made the right choice in rejecting him.

"I thought they were over what happened at the refugee camp. What fight did they get into now?" Josephine asked not bothering to hide the exasperation in her voice, sounding almost like how a parent would while discussing two fighting siblings. Raven looked at Leliana in time to see her smile. She knew. With one more squeeze, allowing her fingernails to dig into her palms, Raven sighed and spoke.

"The day after you, Dorian, and I came back from Val Royeaux I declined to entertain the notion of a romantic relationship with Commander Cullen. After he kissed me. In his office. We've hardly spoken since," Raven answered quietly and the only response she received from anyone in the room was a gasp from Josephine. Raven pulled out the hair tie that held the simple ponytail. Her hair came down in a thick red wall that hid the pink tinge rising to her cheeks. Unfortunately, Cullen wasn't so lucky as he stood there, bright red with a hand to the back of his neck as Christopher and Josephine stared at him.

"So moving past any awkwardness and pettiness," Leliana spoke, "Raven I'll compile a list of contacts for you to meet in the Western Approach and Josie will arrange your appointments to be in Val Royeaux." Leave it to her to help throw a damned bowling ball onto thin ice and then act like nothing happened. Raven had to admire the woman's tenacity.

"Ah... Yes, and I'll update you with the information. Your Worship, I'll need a list of your companions for this trip," Josephine continued and with that request their meeting for the day was adjourned.

It was a quarter to seven when Raven heard a knock on her bedroom door. Like last time she'd gone to the kitchens and ordered something to be brought up which lay covered on her table with a pitcher of water and three glasses, what she called glasses anyway. 'Crystal goblets' sounded funny. She opened the door with a smile to see Christopher and Solas standing there. The elf had a bundle in his arms.

"For you, _Da'len_ ," he said kindly and held the bundle out to her. It was heavy as she took it and moved out of the way so they both could come in.

"Thank you," she replied. When the door closed behind them, Christopher made his way over to the table and sat in the chair he'd used before. He seemed to be in a good mood. She sat down across from him and set the bundle on the table between them while Solas sat to her left. Both watched, amused, as she unwrapped the cloth. Inside was the spirit essence, a large collection of what looked like veridium judging from the green hue, as well as an assortment of other metals, leather, and cloth. A folded up piece of paper fluttered on top of the pile. When unfolded she saw it was a schematic for a dagger. 'Ribsplitter' was written at the top. She was very familiar with that particular dagger, having crafted multiple every time she played a rogue.

"I found this in a chest and thought you would appreciate it. A rogue can never have too many daggers," the elf said with a chuckle. "The green stone, I'm sure you already know, is veil quartz. I managed to find it long ago and thought it best to hold onto it." He spoke as she looked over the materials in awe. The only time she saw veil quartz was in the downloadable content of the game. Was it really possible to just _find_ it outside of a rift? "I was going to have them crafted for you, but I was unsure if you wanted to add a rune or even use the base materials I'd chosen." Raven stared at him as he continued to talk like what he'd just presented her with was an everyday occurrence. Was this how others felt when she did the same thing, she wondered. They both watched her with a smile as she moved the items over to her dresser and came back to the table where they began to eat.

"Thank you, Solas...I don't know what else to say. Please, is there anything I can give you in return for this?" She asked and stared at him as he chuckled. She poured them all water before eating a bite of her chicken.

"Perhaps some information, _Da'len._ Christopher shared with me the pages you wrote for him, but wouldn't tell me how you knew exactly what we would come up against."

"I haven't told Christopher how I have that information either, to be completely fair," she admitted while glancing over at her friend. Christopher remained silent as he watched the two, "and he promised that I wouldn't have to."

"That promise isn't going to change, Raven. You have my word," Christopher spoke up and Raven felt herself relax.

"What is it you'd like to know then, _Hahren_?" She had a feeling she knew what he wanted to know, but it wasn't like he could ask in front of Christopher. No one could know he was Fen'Harel or that it was his magic currently anchored to Christopher's left hand. _"Would speaking like this be better for you?"_ She asked in Elven and with wide eyes Solas nodded.

" _You're sure he can't understand?"_ He asked and she nodded in response. Christopher couldn't grasp the Elvish language. _"What do you know of me?"_

" _Are you sure you want that answer?"_ She asked, having to make sure before she allowed him to even a fraction of the information she had. It wasn't that she didn't trust him. He was her friend and she looked to him for guidance. She just wasn't sure what his reaction would be once he found out. Keeping secrets hurt, though.

" _Please, Little One,"_ he almost sounded wary and she wondered if Christopher was able to see the small crack in his composure the way she was able to.

" _I know everything, Pride. Your real name will stay between us, but I know who you really are and what you have done. I know the magic that created all of this is yours and what you seek to accomplish by being a part of this. I won't tell you what happens, but know that your secrets are safe with me. I respect you and care for you. You are my friend and they are not my secrets to tell."_ Solas stared at her unmoving as she slowly and as correctly as she was able to spoke in his mother language. The rhythm of the words helped her as well as the hours of studying she spent with Leliana and Josephine. Raven waited a minute and when he didn't say anything she turned her attention back to Christopher as if she didn't just tell an ancient Elvhen god that she knew what he was up to.

"I'm glad you're coming with us to the Western Approach," Christopher said with a smile.

"Yeah. All it took some carefully chosen words, some threatening tones, and a couple awkward silences, but you got your way. Congratulations, Inquisitor." She couldn't keep the chuckle from escaping, but she really was damn happy that she'd be able to leave Skyhold for a while.

"Do you have an idea of who else you will bring?" Solas asked and Raven was glad he rejoined the conversation.

"Besides you, Raven, and myself? I'm thinking Cassandra, Bull, and Cole. What do you think, Raven?" He asked and noticed the thoughtful expression on her face. Had he ever traveled with six before? Raven wasn't sure if she'd get used to that change.

"Two mages - one damage and one healing, two warriors, and two duel wielding rogues. At least no one can say you won't be prepared. Why not bring Sera instead of Cole? You'd have more ranged damage that way," she found herself asking, not at all bothered by who her traveling companions would be. Solas let out a laugh, probably louder than he expected by the way he brought a hand up to cover his mouth as Christopher and Raven looked at him.

"Cole is very impressive in combat. I've also seen you with a bow and say I'd feel more than comfortable if you decided to use one regularly. Besides, can you honestly picture Sera in the hot desert?" Christopher replied and Raven chuckled. Back home when she played Sera, the tiny elf was miserable in the desert areas; she didn't need to see it in real life.

"In my opinion, I believe Christopher chose our traveling companions well. We are all familiar enough with each other in combat that I can't picture it being a problem. Are you excited to go?" Solas asked while turning his attention to her.

"Of course. Also, I know of a couple areas that could lead to some interesting dreams and memories," she suggested and enjoyed the look Solas gave her. "There are places to set up camp near each one as well, so there should be plenty of opportunities." Now she was the one talking to him like her suggestions weren't a big deal.

"Fascinating," Solas exclaimed as he smiled at her, "it's still so strange, almost hard to believe, that you know all of this."

Raven shrugged. She supposed it would be a big deal to him and others, but it was mostly just game trivia to her with some minor differences. Things she'd seen, things she'd read, and things she'd done dozens of times.

"And I'll continue using that knowledge. Is there anything you want to know while we are on this topic?" She asked.

"There are always things I want to know, but it would be best if I didn't know them," Solas replied and took another bite of his food. Raven picked at hers, hardly hungry after the meeting earlier. It didn't go unnoticed by her dinner companion. "You mentioned threats earlier. Is everything alright?"

"Cullen doesn't want me going to the Western Approach," she finally told him. Solas nearly scoffed and Christopher chuckled at the older mages response.

"That doesn't surprise me after what happened. Varric told me there was shouting during the council meeting," he explained when she opened her mouth to ask how he knew. "What were his well thought-out objections to try and keep you here?"

"That I am failing in my duties, acting like a child, and running away from responsibility. I honestly wanted to punch him," she exclaimed and he laughed again.

"I imagine his accusations didn't get far." She shook her head at his comment.

"Leliana stepped in and called him out on his petty behavior and now it seems that everyone knows what happened because Varric can't keep his mouth shut, and now I'm coming along. There might be a week where I have to be in Val Royeaux though. Josephine will let me know." The conversation between them didn't wane until well after sunset. They talked about her training, entertaining the nobility of Orlais, and everything that had happened in Crestwood and the Fallow Mire. When Raven finally had to hold back a yawn, Solas and Christopher both apologized for keeping her up late. They were undoubtedly tired as well but enjoyed talking to her enough to stay a while longer. It was brighter than it had been the night before and as Solas and Christopher both took a moment to admire the way the moon fell over the distant mountains they was caught off guard when the small girl appeared between them and thanked Solas again for the materials. She deserved them, but her gratitude was touching. When they finally left and Raven was back in her room, she wasted no time stripping and curling up in her large quilt. The next few days would be interesting and much busier than usual. She almost couldn't wait to leave.

Morning came quickly again, but Raven was awake, out of bed, and dressed earlier than normal. She could only guess by the moon's position that it was between five and six in the morning as she made her way through the main hall and into the undercroft with the heavy bundle in her hands. Harritt was up and manning the forge when she came in and rushed to take the bundle from her. When he opened the trappings and read the schematic, the blacksmith wasted no time talking about crafting the daggers. As they were talking Dagna came forward and looked over all the materials Solas had given to her the night before.

"These are all really uncommon materials. What is this and how did you get them?" Dagna asked as she held up a piece of the veil quartz. Raven shrugged as she and Harritt made their way toward the arcanist.

"The green metal is called veil quartz. Solas gave me the bundle as a gift. I thought the other ones were regular materials like drakestone, ram leather, and darkened samite," she replied but was now also curious. Harritt looked at her and shook his head.

"The darkened samite part is right, but that dark red stuff is bloodstone; these are wyvern scales; and _this_ ," he said holding up two pieces of darker pink metal, " _this_ is fade-touched dawnstone and is supposed to help heal over time. I don't know how he managed to get all this, but it's pretty clear he's confident in your abilities if he gave it all to you." As he explained Raven suddenly felt foolish that she didn't recognize the materials last night. She had to give him something in return, there was no doubt.

"Can we work with all this?" She asked and both Harritt and Dagna nodded.

By the time they'd finish designing her daggers,, the sun was starting to rise and Harritt had begun working on her new weapons. Solas had gathered a little more material than was needed, but she used the majority of it for a matching set of daggers. The darkened samite, bloodstone, and wyvern scales would be used for the hilt which Harritt said he could dye black for her. And even though the blades would be made from green veil quartz, Harritt explained how the fade-touched dawnstone would turn the finished blades pink-an idea she wholeheartedly enjoyed. Dagna suggested putting a corrupting rune in each dagger once they were crafted. Before she left the undercroft, Raven also commissioned another set of daggers for Cole, though instead of crafting them from veil quartz she chose stormheart, darkened smite, drakestone, and bear hide from the chest of materials they had brought back from Crestwood. The two great bear claws remaining in the chest would also be used. If he was really coming with them to the Western Approach, he had to be equipped like the rest of them would be; those simple stiletto daggers wouldn't hold up. His armor wouldn't either and she requested that Harritt talk to Christopher about it later in the day.

When she got to the training grounds, her recruits were all lined up with their hands behind their backs. _Failing my ass_ , she thought. As she took her stance, she saw Cullen watching her from the battlements. He was another thorn she'd have to deal with, although she half expected him to come down and make an ass out of himself like he had yesterday. He didn't. Instead, once her lesson had started, he'd gone back into his office. He was there when she opened the office door two hours later, patting her skin with a towel. As cold as their place in the northern Frostback Mountains could be, she never failed to work up a sweat during her training sessions. She almost felt bad for the recruits in full plate.

Cullen sat at his desk going over reports; either he didn't hear his office door open or he had decided to ignore her. She could see it going either way.

"Cullen." His movements were quick as he lifted his head. Amber eyes focused on her and she watched, almost slight amused, as he stood up too fast and almost knocked over his chair.

"Raven! I didn't expect- I was- about yesterday-." he stumbled through his words and it vaguely reminded her of a child caught doing something wrong. She continued to watch him in silence, taking in the small changes that continued to present themselves the longer he tried to find some way to form the thoughts no doubt racing in his mind. With his flushed cheeks and the way his hand moved to rub the back of his neck, Cullen looked nothing like the Commander she fought with the day before. "Maker's breath, why is this so difficult. " It wasn't a question.

"You were a real ass yesterday," she said quietly and saw his gloved hand clench at his side, but to her surprise he dropped his hand to rest on the desk and let out a sigh.

"I know. I was going to try and apologize later today after I had time to…" He trailed off.

"Form an actual coherent sentence?" He knew the situation didn't warrant humor, but he couldn't help but chuckle at her light tone. Was she trying to make it easier for him?

"For starters, yes. I am sorry for what I said yesterday. You've given so much of yourself to the Inquisition and my comments…ell, I don't have an excuse, but they were uncalled for." His eyes didn't leave hers as he apologized and Raven slowly felt her body relax, no longer bracing for another argument.

"Trying to keep me here won't work, you know that."

"It wasn't as if I wanted to keep you here permanently. Just long enough that we'd be able to finally talk about what happened before you ran off," he replied calmly as he looked up, taking her in for the first time. She was standing there dressed in a pair of black leather breeches and one of the new corsets that tailor from Val Royeaux had made for her. It was purple and Cullen found that he loved the way it paired with her pale skin and red hair. He doubted she did it on purpose, doubted she knew the effect it had on him or any man who had eyes and half a brain, and he supposed he couldn't blame her for it. Nevertheless, it annoyed him.

"I'm not running off or abandoning my responsibility. And to be quite honest, I'm pissed that you had the nerve to say that in front of the others. If you really wanted to talk, then why didn't you come to me in the days or even weeks after - after you..."

Cullen wasn't sure what he felt in that moment: anger, embarrassment, hurt, longing. Whatever he felt, he absolutely despised it _and her_ for making him feel the way he did. "After I kissed you," he managed to finish for her and it hurt so much to do so. "After I told you that I wanted to be with you."

To Raven's credit she didn't look away even though she wanted to. She kept her head straight with her eyes locked on him. "Cullen-" She started to say, but he wasn't done speaking.

"I'm not like that _boy_ who broke up with you before you arrived here, Raven. I see your strength and know what you're capable of and I'm not intimidated by any of it. I know you don't need protecting, but I still want to protect you. I want to be the one you come to and can depend on for whatever you need. I would cherish you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated." From where he stood, he could see that she was, in no way, relaxed anymore. In fact, she was quite ready to bolt through the door she'd left open in case something unexpected were to happen. It wouldn't. She wouldn't need to run from him anymore than she already had been. He silently pleaded for her to say something.

"I'm sorry," her voice was low and raw as she spoke. "You are such a good man, but I don't feel the way you do. Even if I did, we fight and argue so much that it probably wouldn't work anyway. If you can't or don't want to deal with me among everything else going on in your life, then I'll talk to Leliana and Josephine about cutting down any lessons or situations that require us to spend time together," she suggested and truly couldn't believe she was suggesting it to him of all people, but it was the only thing she could think of. With his obsession over Samson and dealing with the effects of lyrium withdrawal, he didn't need any extra stress or problems.

Cullen remained silent, trying to figure out the right words to say. He'd already accepted that she didn't want a relationship with him and letting out his thoughts made him feel a bit more at ease. What made him angry was that she avoided him, not coming to his office in the morning and going over combat strategies like they used to or occasionally eating lunch together after training was done. He was angry at himself for letting it happen as well; it wasn't all her fault and he realized that they both had no idea what to do.

"You don't have to apologize and I wouldn't expect you to pretend you want something that you don't," he finally spoke. "We stopped a good, productive routine over a lapse in judgement on my part." His admission caught her off guard; it wasn't what she was expecting to hear. "You don't have to say anything. I know you're busy and I can't promise that what I feel for you will go away, but when you get back why don't we play a game of chess?" He asked while half expecting her to decline. Instead, she smiled and nodded.

"Chess sounds like a good idea. Until then, have a pleasant day, Commander." She bid her farewell with an over exaggerated, graceful movement and a smile.

As she turned to leave and walk out of his office in the direction of the Elven apostate's office and the library, he spoke again. "Thank you for the salve. I was told you were the one to give the healers instructions and had it delivered."

"Of course, Cullen. Even the not-so-bad headaches can be overwhelming, nevermind what you're going through. I'm glad it helps." She knew Cullen continued to stare at her as she descended the few steps and made her way to the heavy, wooden door.

Solas was on the scaffolding with a palette of paint and a selection of brushes. When he heard that particular door open and close, he expected it to be the Commander in his ever stern state. Instead, he smiled when he heard Raven humming and looked down at her to see her looking up at him. Her words had been on his mind since the night before and the only reason he was still with them was because of the trust he had for her. Surely she knew that. "Good morning _Da'len_. Did you sleep well?" He asked as he looked back and continued to paint the wall in front of him.

"I slept very well and had a surprisingly early morning. Did you know that fade-touched dawnstone helps heal damage in battle?" She asked and Solas felt his smile grow. When he looked back at her she was no longer standing but seated comfortably in his chair. It had been moved so she could watch him paint and talk to him. Her smile didn't seem to waver and amusement flooded her tone.

"I believe I read that somewhere. It also changes the color of weapons and armor pink when used, if I remember correctly," He replied while feeling proud of his accomplishment. From his journeys all over Thedas and the Fade he'd gathered many materials to study but very seldom ever used them. That schematic was found by pure chance at the bottom of a chest in the cellar of Caer Bronach and Solas knew that she would have a greater use for the metal, leather, and cloth he'd acquired than he ever would. She would appreciate the daggers made from them like she appreciated everything else, never taking them for granted like so many people did with everyday things.

"I know you said you didn't want anything in return, but I'll find something. The schematic is also going to be used to make some new daggers for Cole as well. I talked to Harritt and Dagna about it this morning," she told him and the elf found his smile growing even more. It was really all he could do to remain composed and seemingly dignified to anyone that would be watching or listening.

"I'm pleased that you thought of him. If there's anything else you need please don't hesitate to come see me. We are friends after all," Solas encouraged as he brought the brush laced with red paint down onto the white wall. It would be finished soon enough and part of him couldn't wait for it.


	17. Chapter 17

The Western Approach was nothing but a desert wasteland full of sulfur pits, Venatori agents, and vicious wildlife. It reminded Raven of Arizona, the heat of the sun beating down on them but with a dry heat where the humidity didn't seem to exist and sand was absolutely everywhere. some members of her party might have complained, but Raven was ecstatic. The Western Approach was always her favorite place to go in the game and it hadn't seemed all that different from what she'd seen on her television screen back in Schaumburg. Bull, Christopher, and Cassandra rode ahead, while Solas and Cole stayed towards the back with her as she hummed to herself and observed her surroundings.

"We should be close to the camp Scout Harding and the troops set up," Raven said loudly enough for everyone to hear and went back to humming. It was her favorite song, Cole noted as he looked to his friend; he remembered it playing in her mind time after time as she sparred and trained. The rhythm and words were normally fast, but now they were slower, calmer, matching how she felt. She wore long-sleeved light armor and pants made from simple white and red cotton, the white reflected heat and also caused her skin to appear paler and her hair to stand out more than normal under the large hat she wore. It wasn't Cole's; a day before they left it had been given to her by Josephine whose main concern seemed to be Raven becoming sunburned.

"Yes, I can see the tracks," Cassandra replied while looking down at the path ahead of them.

"Are you enjoying being away from Skyhold?" Solas asked, grabbing Raven's attention. He smiled as she nodded and brought her hands away from the hart she was riding, raising them above her head in a long stretch. Doing nothing but riding under the hot sun was starting to tire her. She hoped they'd get to the camp soon where there were multiple fade rifts, coyotes, and caves full of giant spiders. That would wake her up.

"I am." Her reply was light and sweet as she pulled off her hat, put it on one of the harts antlers and made quick work of retying her hair into a messy bun so it was bundled high instead at the back of her neck. Her fingers grazed over the hilt of one of her new daggers in the process and Solas caught the small smile that played on her lips. "Later tonight we can head to one of the places I told you about." He nodded his reply and it was silent again.

"Hey, Cole. Quick! What number am I thinking of?" Bull said from ahead of them. Raven glanced at Solas. With a smile she mouthed the answer to him and also used her hands to confirm before looking back at Cole. He stared ahead at Bull.

"Raw and hot, trying to open it, but just darkness. How bad, how bad? No, done now, no sense worrying. The man they hurt coughs, shaking, but sits up. Eyes wide. No, not a man, a woman, clothes torn. 'You're safe now. I'm Iron Bull. What do you want me to call you?'" He rambled and it caused Bull, Cassandra, and Christopher to look back at him. Bull looked annoyed and Raven had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing.

"Twelve. The number I was thinking of was twelve," he told him and turned back around while grumbling about demon interrogators. Slowly Christopher and Cassandra turned their eyes away from him. Raven reached out and put a hand on his shoulder and smiled when his eyes darted to hers from under his hat. She didn't say anything, instead in a quick motion she moved her hand up to the large brim and in the next moment his hat was on her head while her hat was on his, which earned her a sheepish smile from him.

"So, Raven," Cassandra spoke and Raven focused on the back of the Seeker, "Leliana tells me you've been spending a lot of time with some of the nobles of Orlais. Are you enjoying it?" She thought of Cassandra's question and back to her time with the Marquis and the group of ladies she was to entertain.

"Overall, I suppose I can't complain. Sometimes it's tiring always having to be on guard and after a while even the most comfortable corset can hurt. I like spending time with them though," she answered while leaning forward on her hart to stretch her back.

"They give you gifts. Even though you don't want them. Flashy and expensive while you like simple and heartfelt. It's not simple, but he meant what he said when he gave you the dove," Cole told her quietly and she nodded to acknowledge him while thinking of the golden dove pendant in her bag. He had helped her pack again before they left and it had caught his attention.

"Dove?" Solas asked and Raven nodded.

"One of the nobles I'm supposed to see in Orlais gave it to me. It's in my bag." Her answer was simple and short. The Marquis was kind in a very Orlesian way and she recalled the moment he'd presented her with the pendant. He'd taken such care to put it around her neck and continued to compliment it throughout the rest of their time together.

"Why is it in your bag if you don't wear it?" Cassandra asked.

"He's one of the people I'll be seeing when I go to Val Royeaux in a couple weeks and it would be rude to not wear it when I'm with him." Her reply was simple and even though the young girl couldn't see it, Cassandra smiled.

"Why don't you wear it?" It was Solas that asked the question again.. Raven continued to lean down, her body against the hart as she stretched out her sore muscles, but she smiled up at him.

"It's expensive and the chain is long enough to get in the way of training and anything else I need to do. It was also given to show his wealth and as a token of affection. I like our lunches and the things we discuss, but that's as far as any affection on my part goes," the redhead explained. Solas nodded in response to her answer. Of course she wouldn't find any romantic interest in a wealthy Marquis whose primary focus would be money and status among his peers.

"I suppose I can understand that," Cassandra replied. "Varric tells me you look like a doll when you're dressed up." Of course he would, Raven thought, and Bull laughed in response.

"You'll have to see it sometime Seeker. Hair tied up and makeup done all while dressed in lacy corsets and skirts. Looked so delicate that I didn't even recognize her at first." Raven reached in her sack and retrieved the sack of grapes Cole had given her. Without waiting for him to go on she hardly had to aim to pelt him in the back of the head with enough force that the grape split. When he let out a curse and turned around she'd already put the sack back in her pouch and was lying stretched out on her hart again. "Very funny, girl. I'll get you back later."

Lazily she sat up and looked at him, "I have no idea what you're talking about." Solas chuckled at her reply as Bull faced forward. It was nice, he thought, to see her more relaxed and playful than she usually was while held up in Skyhold.

"He likes your games," Cole told her quietly, "he's already thinking of ways to get you back like the thought of pushing you in water while you wear your clothes." His words didn't register right away. In fact, there was silence for almost a minute before Raven turned to look at the Qunari so fast that her neck cracked.

"Bull!" Raven attempted to scold though no one could take her seriously with the smile on her face. He would think of something so perverted and that it took her so long to realize what was meant made her realize that she'd been slipping.

"Damnit, Cole!" Bull grumbled. "She didn't need to know that." Cole looked at her before turning his attention to Bull.

"Why?" The young spirit asked him and Raven had to smile at his innocence. His eyes were so bright even under the hat he wore. For a moment a part of her wished they were on her again but she caught herself quickly enough to bury the thought before he showed signs of noticing.

"Cole, do you remember the pranks Sera likes to play?" Raven asked, knowing he did. He'd asked her about them after a the day she and the small elf had spent together. As predicted Cole nodded as his eyes remained on Bull, "It's like that. There are no mean feelings. Bull wouldn't do anything to hurt me. It's just fun."

"How is The Iron Bull pushing you into water fun? He wants to see your..." He finally looked at her. Raven was aware of how red her cheeks had become but put a patient hand on his shoulder.

"What his twisted and perverted little mind wants to see doesn't surprise me and if it means I get to take a nice swim in this heat then I call it a win-win." It did sound like an even trade in her opinion and though she was only joking, Cassandra let out a derisive sigh that Raven chose to ignore, at least she didn't give it up for flowers, candles, and poetry.

"Inquisitor! Welcome to the Western Approach," Scout Harding greeted Christopher as he dismounted his horse and made his way to her with Cassandra and Bull in tow. "We've sighted Warden activity to the southwest, but no one's been close enough to figure out what they're doing. Between the sandstorms and the vicious wildlife we haven't made it far out here. One of my men got too close to a poison hot spring and gave me a slightly delirious report of a high dragon flying over head. In short, this might just be the worst place in the world. Be careful out there."

Raven busied herself with tying the horses reins to the nearby tree and checking her bag to make sure she had everything. Solas and Cole did the same, staying close to her. She'd told them of the situation earlier. By the time they made their way over to the rest of the group in the center of camp Harding was walking away and Christopher had the paper Raven knew to be the orders from Servis.

"So, what's the plan?" Raven asked. Christopher looked up and handed her the paper which she barely skimmed before handing it off to Solas. "That doesn't explain what the plan is. Are we going after the Wardens, Venatori, or White Claws first?" While Cassandra nearly scowled, Christopher smiled absolutely loving that she was with them again instead of having to read page after page of missives.

"I fail to understand why you don't take this seriously," The Seeker commented catching Raven's attention. Solas, Bull, and Christopher remained silent as the two women stared at one another.

"I don't have to scowl to take things seriously, Cassandra. All I did was ask what our first objective should be." The young redhead finally replied while putting a hand on her hip. Christopher knew he should intervene before an argument started and if it had been anyone other than Cassandra, his stubborn girlfriend, and Raven, the one person who knew what needed to be done to help them, he might have. Instead, he watched alongside the others.

"Then why don't you give us your opinion on what needs to be done?" The Seeker's comment caused Raven to let out a small chuckle. Maybe it was the heat, maybe it was Cassandra's condescending tone, Raven wasn't sure, but she couldn't deny the annoyance she was suddenly feeling.

"Alright, Cassandra, if you insist. So we aren't running back and forth there are two rifts close to here we should take care of first and one even has an ocularum near it for the shards needed for the Forbidden Oasis. There's a ruin that the Venatori are focusing on which we can take care of when we pass it on our way to the other parts of the Approach. Members of the White Claws are located in a few different places all over this desert so they can be taken care of over time and the supplies they carry are research materials that belong to a very nice Orlesian man who is out here studying Dragons." By the time she finished Raven realized her voice had gone up half an octave and everyone was staring at her. "Everything needs to be done, but we got this. Trust me like your boyfriend does, yeah?" She continued after composing herself with the help of Cole's gentle hand on her shoulder. When Cassandra nodded she turned to Christopher.

"As important as the Wardens are, if there are open rifts we need to take care of them. You're sure you know where they are?" Christopher asked and then chuckled when the small redhead threw him what had to be the most incredulous look he'd ever seen her give anyone "Then let's get on our way."

True to her word Raven had led them to the first rift without a problem all while mining paragon's luster and farming elfroot along the way. When the time came to face the rage demons and terrors they all nearly just watched in awe as Raven and Cole utilized each other's position and movements for the most damaging effects. When it was over and the rift was sealed they all continued to watch as she complimented the spirit with a large smile before turning to Christopher and letting him know of the ocularum and three shards that were also in the area. As he gathered them she, Bull, and Cole took care of the soldiers by the very large and very locked gate.

By the end of the day, with Raven's unwavering guidance and enthusiasm, they had closed three rifts in total, battled demons and ended the time magic at the Still Ruins, fought countless animals, found more shards, found a sulfur pit Christopher would have Inquisition forces build a bridge across, gathered five crates of research supplies belonging the Orlesian Draconologist named Frederic, and found a second place to camp. They were all exhausted and sore as they sat around the fire and enjoyed their dinner, laughing about events of the day and old stories. Cassandra and Raven had still barely spoken, but the animosity between them had died down considerably.

"So it wasn't until he gets out of the shower and looks into the mirror that he realizes that patches of his skin were five times darker than normal. Stupid bastard blamed his brother first because apparently I would never do anything like that," Raven finished, causing nearly everyone around the fire to double over in laughter, even Solas had temporarily lost his semi stuffy personality and composure. Cole, who was seated beside the small girl, smiled at everyone.

"Did he ever get the dye off?" Christopher asked and Raven nodded after she took another drink of the waterskin she used specifically for whiskey.

"Took about three weeks. In that time he did manage to piss off his brother though, so it wouldn't surprise me if he'd been secretly adding more dye to the soap he used," Raven explained through tears.

"I can't believe you've been with us for this long and haven't shared things like this. Please tell me Sera doesn't know," Bull replied from across their small circle.

"Like I would give her ideas? She's troublesome enough without my input. You know she actually contemplated turning Cullen's hair blue and your armor pink," Raven pointed to Christopher as she replied, enjoying how his eyes widened and he seemed to visibly pale in the light of the fire.

"She wouldn't..." Christopher stammered. Raven merely shrugged and stood up to stretch. It had been a long day and she had promised to show Solas Lamarr Tower to the north. When she looked at the Elven Mage he stood up with his staff and bag in hand.

"Luckily, I convinced her to leave you alone. Not sure about Cullen... I guess we'll find out when we get back. Do you have everything Solas?" She asked. He smiled and gave her a quick nod. It had been a long time since he'd journeyed somewhere with the sole purpose of dreaming. He was glad she proposed the venture and excited for the possibilities. Solas wondered if Raven would be able to dream of any memories of events. Did she even dream? He'd never been able to find her in the Fade; maybe she was like a dwarf and had no connection to it. He would ask her when they were away from the others.

"I still see no reason why you two need to sleep together somewhere else. Surely Solas is able to go on his own," Raven rolled her eyes at Cassandra's comment. Why did she always have to be so negative and a pain in the ass? Maybe Christopher needed help finding candles or that stupid book of poetry.

"That is precisely why you are not allowed to come with us," the younger girl retorted. Instead of waiting for another comment, she turned to Cole. He didn't seem to hold a regular sleep schedule like the others but was to share a tent with Bull who snored louder than anyone she'd ever met. He remained seated but smiled up at her, still wearing her hat from Josephine that she'd switched on him earlier.

"You are welcome to come with us. If you prefer to stay here you can use my tent and I will see you in the morning." Cole nodded, thinking over her words and the way the fire made her eyes shine under his hat. She wouldn't admit it in front of the others but she was nervous about the dreams she might have. He needed to be with her in case she woke in the night. Unlike the others, Raven and Solas never seemed to mind that he could see, feel, and hear what others couldn't so when she turned to leave with his Elven friend, Cole bid a short farewell to Christopher, Cassandra, and The Iron Bull and stood up to follow them.

They were only a short way from camp when Solas spoke."Do you dream, Raven?" He asked and caught the small girl by surprise. As much as Solas loved dreaming and the Fade he'd never asked her about her dreams before.

Instead of looking at him she kept scanning the area for coyotes and quillbacks."Of course I dream. That's a silly question." She finally replied and hoped he didn't ask for any kind of specific detail or that Cole wouldn't say anything.

"I didn't mean to come off too forward. Normally it's very easy for me to find things or people in the Fade, but I've never been able to find you. May I ask what you dream about?" He asked. The list was long and half of what she'd dreamt of he could never understand, surely Solas knew that as Raven tried to think of an appropriate answer and explanation. Cole remained quiet on Raven's other side, recalling some of the dreams he'd seen and the nightmares that haunted her.

"The possibilities are endless when it comes to my dreams. Family, friends, things that happened and things I want to happen," She replied slowly and Solas wasn't sure if he could appreciate her vague and evasive answer. Of course he'd been evasive as well but managed to do it in a way that wouldn't be suspicious, in a way anyone other than her wouldn't know.

"Like fighting with The Iron Bull?" Cole's voice was soft as he spoke, so soft that Solas almost didn't hear it. Hopefully she'd dream about them tonight instead of the family she had before. He glanced at Raven to see her nodding.

"Fighting demons with Bull, sparring with the recruits like how my dad did with me, once a tea party with Sera and Vivienne - that was strange." Raven chuckled at the memory of that dream. The Knight Enchanter had worn the same outfit Raven dreamt her in the next day.

"Sometimes there is a black wolf with red eyes; strong, beautiful, feared but worthy of respect. You don't call him 'Dread Wolf' like the elves do. He is Fen'Harel in the stories that have been told. Instead you call him Pride." Cole spoke carefully as he looked at her as he continued to speak, "He was scared at first, not sure what you would do. He still doesn't know, but he calls you friend and means it." Raven forced a smile and tried not to look at Solas. It was hard, but she managed and though she couldn't see him it didn't stop the smile that appeared. Thankfully they were almost to their destination.

Lamarr Tower was a mere ruin when it came to the entirety of the Western Approach. Crumbling bricks among miles of sand with etchings that managed to stand against time. It was small but there was a subtle kind of energy present, one that Solas and Cole felt immediately but didn't comment on. The scouts had been by earlier and set up two sleeping rolls since Cole had been an unplanned addition. In her tiredness Raven still offered to share since the bed rolls supplied to them were larger and, unlike Solas, she didn't mind the chance to be woken up. It was okay, she explained to him as she took off his hat and the harness holding the daggers to her back and set them within arm's reach of the bedroll, they were friends and he was welcome to lay next to her.

 _"Come at me, Girl!" To anyone else Bull's shouts would've sounded threatening, but he was shooting a warm smile in her direction. "First one on their back is the loser. I'll block every shot you make and when this over you're buying drinks." Raven was familiar with the words and upcoming actions of the giant Qunari standing before her in Skyhold's sparring ring. She knew it was a dream but enjoyed it nonetheless._

 _"Then why are we talking?" She retorted and drew the practice daggers from her harness, while wasting no time with more banter she lunged. As Bull moved to block her blades, she brought a leg up to meet his side, fast and hard. She knew it hurt since it hurt her in return, but neither of them let it show and their movements, his defense against her offense, didn't slow._

 _"I finally found you." She heard a surprised voice from behind her announce somehow more clearly than the encouraging bystanders. All around her stilled. With a quick movement her practice daggers were replaced with her newly crafted ones and she turned to face the intruder. Solas stood calm and collected before her with his staff and a small smile. She didn't drop her weapons though and he seemed to slightly approve. "So this is what you dream of. For some reason I was uncertain what you told me was true."_

 _"I might not always be specific in my answers, but I've never lied. How do I know you're Solas?" She asked the man standing not ten feet from her._

 _"Demons have a smell to them despite how they may appear. It's something they cannot help. Like how ones clothes would smell after a night around a fire. Besides, do you truly think a demon would impersonate me to talk to you instead of Bull, Varric, or even Cole?" Raven sheathed her weapons and offered him a smile._

 _"I can see one approaching me as you, but right now that's not particularly important. How'd you finally find me?" She asked him. Hopefully having him in the Fade with her would keep the other dreams away for the night._

 _"Perhaps because your energy is closer to mine. Truthfully I am not sure." Solas looked around; if he didn't know it was the Fade, he might've been convinced that they really were in Skyhold. He could feel the cool wind on his cheeks, hear it rustling the leaves, and smell the food coming from the tavern. Every crack in the stone and lump in the ground was laid around him and all he could do was stare at the small girl in front of him with a confused and apprehensive look on her face. "Can you change your dreams?"_

 _Raven cocked her head at her friends question. Did he mean she could go somewhere else if she wanted to? Raven could tell that Solas was almost taken back as she quickly closed distance between them and grabbed his hand with a smile. Almost instantly Skyhold, Bull, the sparring ring, and unmoving crowd were gone and replaced by a setting Solas was completely unfamiliar with. He watched her head turn to take in their surroundings._

" _It worked." Raven wasn't sure why she chose such a place to bring him. She'd spent so many nights trapped and surrounded by the walls of the house nestled a small distance away listening to her father beg her to come back to him that being there willingly with Solas almost felt wrong. Weeks after she was found and brought to Haven she accepted the fact that she would never be going home. Dreaming of it hurt and perhaps that was why Cole continued to stay with her night after night. They were in her backyard, fifty feet from her old home. She envisioned it was early fall, warm enough to be comfortable but also cool enough so the leaves changed colors. Her dad never liked mowing so the grass was longer and the garden to their left was full of fall vegetables like squash, spinach, and pumpkin._

 _"Where are we, Da'len?" Solas asked while looking around. To one side was a house and the rest was more wilderness than he expected. He could smell flowers coming from a garden not far away._

 _"My home." He stilled as she spoke and didn't like how sad she suddenly sounded "More specifically we're in my backyard. Would you like a tour?" She asked like a good hostess would and Solas found himself nodding. He'd been waiting and searching for her in the Fade for months but never expected her to bring him somewhere so precious to her or to be able to control the Fade as well as she could; and it was precious, he'd be a fool not to notice the subtle change in her posture or how her tone was lower, calmer. He followed her as she turned and walked through the grass. "We own seven acres of land in total and what we don't really use we leave to the wildlife. Dad and I always liked to grow our own fruits and vegetables. Different ones for every season," she explained and he watched her run forward and jump up to grab a large tree branch. "This was my favorite tree. I climbed and fell from her quite often." She let go of the branch and dropped gracefully next to him._

 _"You miss this." It was more of a statement than a question._

 _"More than I can even begin to express. Come, let me show you the house."_

 _Again he followed her as she slowly guided him through trees and plants. The house was made of laid stone and dark wood. Solas admired the detail as they grew closer. Normally the less recent a memory was, the less detail there would be. It didn't seem to be that way for her. When they reached a large wooden door decorated with windows made of stained glass he watched Raven run a hand down the wood and take a couple calming breaths before reaching out to turn the knob. The door opened without a sound and she stepped aside, gesturing him silently to go in first. He stopped in the entryway as he was met by two dogs, one black and one multicolored, and a cat. They didn't bark or jump, just sat there and panted while wagging their tails._

 _"Raven?" He asked as the door behind him closed. She chuckled quietly as she moved past him and kneeled down gracefully on the wood floor. It was then that the animals moved, crowding and licking her arms and face as she giggled. Even with her smile he could feel the sadness coming off her in waves. Was that the reason Cole was always with her, he wondered but said nothing as she started talking again. According to her, the black dogs name was Aeries, the multicolored dog was Sasha, and the large cat was Combat. All three adored her and Raven's hauntingly beautiful yet sad smile didn't wane as she stood up again._

 _"The real dogs attack on command, know over fifty command words, and have military canine training. The cat is just lazy," she explained and he wondered why Zevran wasn't included in the crowd of animals. Maybe it was because the animal was with her when she was found. As she continued the tour of her large home, he asked more questions than he thought would be possible. He learned of machines that automatically washed and dried clothes in one room and in the kitchen there were all sorts of oddities; mixers for cooking and baking, a box you can open and close that heated food, and another box that cooled and froze it._

 _The 'living room', as she called it, was next and Solas had to admire the black leather couches and chairs. Raven explained what a television was and let him experiment with the controls. She told him of times she and her father would make too much food and invite friends and family over to watch the television, sports she called football and hockey. There was also a large black and red box that she called a stereo and explained how it was connected to four small black boxes throughout the room. With the press of a button it was turned on and music filled the room. It was different than the music he'd heard in his journeys and what was played in the tavern. It was loud, fast, and nearly violent; she called it 'metal' and the performer was someone named 'Otep'. He remembered something Cole had told him once about music playing in Raven's mind as she sparred and fought and wondered if 'Otep' was part of that. Along the walls hung dozens of framed portraits, or pictures as she called them, and he enjoyed looking at each one. She was happier in them and whenever he came to one with people other than her and her father she told him who they were and what they meant to her. She didn't claim to have many friends, but he could tell that there were a lot of people who loved and missed her._

 _When they came to the bedrooms Solas wasn't sure what to expect. He knew her room in Skyhold was large and simple but also knew that their world hardly had some of the luxuries he'd been introduced to throughout the tour she was giving him. When she opened a door close to the end of the hall and flipped a switch he was surprised to see strand after strand of purple and white lights turn on from where the walls of her room met the ceiling. It was light enough to see clearly but not blinding and he recalled a passing conversation between her and Christopher when choosing her room about how she wasn't exactly fond of overly bright places where she slept. Behind the pictures her walls were many different colors. She left it to her friend to paint, she explained and walked over to sit on her very large bed where Zevran slept. It was easily three times the size of her bed in Skyhold and Solas noticed the quilt she ran her fingers over as she watched him walk around the room. There were shelves attached to the walls full of books and cases for music, a white stereo was placed on a shelf by itself. Its three speakers were littered around the room. Two doors were to the far part of her room; one lead to a large closet full of clothes, shoes, and even more books. A bathroom was behind the other; equally large with a hard and cold black floor, a deep white claw foot bathtub with a long tube attached for showers. She explained that water came from their own well and about water heaters, even demonstrating how cold water could turn scalding hot in mere seconds, not with magic but instead something called 'thermal energy'._

 _The training room he'd heard so much about was next. In the same hallway that lead to Raven's room, her father's room, a closet, and bathroom was one last door that lead them downstairs to a completely different part of her home. The training room laid behind a door that had a number lock, but once it was entered and the door unlocked he followed her inside. Wooden floors and mirrored walls filled the large room. Racks on racks of weapons were along the far wall with a stereo and six speakers hanging from the ceiling. To demonstrate the difference in power, she turned on the stereo causing Solas to jump at the sudden loudness throughout the room and the way the floor seemed to vibrate. Unlike the violent music upstairs, what played was faster and upbeat with quick rhyming words lead by a melodic chorus of more than one voice. Raven was quick to turn it off only because there was one last thing she needed him to see and that was in a soundproof room on the other side of the basement; her dad named it 'The Cave'._

 _'The Cave' was as big as all the other rooms in the home with plush black carpet Solas enjoyed under his feet and dark red walls. Leather couches like the ones upstairs were placed around the room and to the far end was a television at least three times the size of the other one he'd seen. It looked to be mounted or fastened to the wall itself and under it were shelves with many odd looking boxes and cases. She let Solas pick out the game, well, three games on his own as he explored. Shock etched his features as he read over the covers not sure he understood what she was allowing him to see._

 _"I've played those games so many times. My friend Olivia got into them from someone she knew at work and then she dragged me and my other friend, Layla, into it. Before Olivia moved we'd all get together and spend hours talking about the Hero of Ferelden, Mage/Templar politics, whatever love interests there were. You were also brought up on more than one occasion, but I was the only one to not think you were a genocidal egghead," she explained and something in her tone caused Solas to look up and see she was no longer in front of him but on one of the couches a couple feet away with three thick books on her lap._

 _"What are those, Da'len?" He asked softly and she shook her head. When he saw her eyes glaze over and a tear escape he wasn't sure what to do. She was almost always so composed and smiling as she helped however she could. She was strong and determined; things he admired most about her. The realization that hit him almost caused his knees to buckle. Such sadness and longing showed clearly in her expression. How in Mythal's name could he not see it before? Even with all his years he still couldn't find the exact words to express how he felt for her at that moment as she sat in the remnants of her imagination; an empty home surrounded by memories of the things she once held most dear that she'd been torn from so mercilessly. It was his fault. His heart wept for her and he finally understood why Cole always remained close._

" _I knew coming back here was stupid." Solas was surprised he could understand her and he wanted nothing more than to go to her as she let out a sad chuckle and wiped the tears from her eyes. "But I had to show you. I had to finally show someone. Cole's seen small pieces but not like this." When she motioned for him to join her on the couch he did so without hesitation._

" _If I'd known from the start how painful this was for you, I would've rather simply enjoyed your company somewhere else, Da'len." He tried his best to reassure her but as he put a hand on her arm she pulled away as if she'd been burned and wiped her eyes again._

" _I do my best to stay away from here but more nights than not lately I end up back in this home. That's not important though." She sniffled and turned over the books on her lap. "The source of my knowledge. Some of it anyway." He tried to say something as she handed them to him but he couldn't bring himself to speak just yet. Aware that she was watching him, Solas looked over the cover of the first book that had the same picture and title as the items he was looking over moments ago. The words 'Guide Book' were under them._

" _Are these…" He started only to stop when she nodded and opened the cover of the first book for him, "Please explain this to me."_

" _Those cases you were holding earlier, some books you may have passed over in my room, and the ones I have on my lap tell stories about the world of Thedas. Some are novels that go into significant stories, some are encyclopedias that have everything from fashion in Antiva to what kind of broodmother makes what kind of darkspawn. These… These are guide books to help with the games. The first one, Origins, is the tale of the Hero of Ferelden and the fifth blight." Solas gingerly took the book she offered him and flipped through. While half the pages were blank or fuzzy others were maps of dungeons and outlines of objectives. He set the book down on the table in front of them._

 _"What is in the next book, Da'len?" He asked again she gave the book to him before and waited until he opened it to explain._

 _"Dragon Age II takes place during and after the fifth blight. It's the story of Hawke in Kirkwall and the start of the Mage rebellion. You play as either Marian or Garrett Hawke depending on the gender and it follows how Varric came into the picture, the expedition into the deep roads, the Qunari attack on Kirkwall, and what stupid Anders did to ultimately exacerbate things. Throughout this game you can choose whether to support the Mages or Templars and how to go about doing it. This book does the same as the last; it tells you how and what will happen depending on the choices you make and gives you a list of objectives you can choose to complete or ignore. Know that there was absolutely no way to prevent what happened in Kirkwall with the Knight Commander being who she was." Solas listened to her explanation as he went through the book. When he closed it he saw her hesitate before finally handing him the last one, 'Dragon Age: Inquisition' was the title._

 _"This is..." Her friend started and trailed off when she nodded._

 _"This tells of everything that can and will happen regarding the Inquisition and the fight against Corypheus. I couldn't tell Christopher or even you before because there was no way you would've believed me, but between this book and all the times I've played through the game this is how I know so much. Of course a lot of things are different; cities are bigger, there's more dialogue, and I'm not the Inquisitor." Solas knew she meant the last part as a jest but it was still hard for him to comprehend. The young woman sitting next to him, who he considered to be a friend, spoke of the fate of their world like it was nothing more than a story. To her it probably still was, but she held crucial information that, like Christopher, held their key to salvation. He only wished he'd known that sooner. His trust for her would've come a lot easier._

 _"T- Thank you for sharing this with me. It was an unexpected pleasure," he told her and she smiled. Unexpected was definitely the right word, she thought to herself. Solas stood and gingerly placed the books on the couch while looking at her as she stood up beside him. When he reached out to her she accepted the embrace. It wasn't long before he heard her sniffle again. "It's time to wake up." He spoke softly as he allowed himself to kiss the top of her head the way he knew a father would._

In the next moment he was awake and being greeted by the warmth and brightness of the desert sun. Solas sat up, eyes darting to Raven's bedroll to see her still laying there. It took him a moment to realize that Cole had her head resting in his lap and was looking down at her, his gloves, daggers, and hat were placed beside hers not far away and he was humming a soft tune as he gently ran his fingers through her hair. Cole didn't stop or move away from what he was doing as Solas stood up, brushed off his robe, and made his way to them.

"Good morning, Cole. What are you doing?" He asked while still taking in the sight. Now that he was closer he could see that Raven was curled up next to him with a hand on Cole's knee as she slept.

"I'm running my fingers through her hair, Solas," Cole replied simply while still not looking away from her. She was sad, tears had come from her eyes during the night, but he didn't dare wipe them away and risk waking her. She needed to sleep so he'd continued doing the one thing he could to comfort her. It was nice feeling how soft her hair was, Cole thought, she almost always had her hair braided or up against her head. He found he liked it down and moving in response to her actions even if brushing it was painful afterwards.

"I see that, but why?" Solas continued to inquire.

"Sad and alone. The hurt is screaming inside her, but she's not ready to leave just yet. When she wakes in the night this calms her. Just a little longer. Was the truth what you thought it would be?" The spirit answered just as simply as before. Solas didn't get a chance to respond. Cole smiled as he felt Raven stir, her hand lightly squeezed his knee, and her eyes opened slowly to get used to the light. He was a handsome sight to wake up to, Raven decided sleepily, with his always honest, bright blue eyes, gentle smile, and golden hair that she learned in passing was softer than it looked.

"Good morning, Cole," She replied while stifling a yawn. He nodded and smiled as she sat up and quickly brushed her fingers through her long untied hair. When she looked around for her hair tie Cole held it out to her which she took with a quick and quiet thank you. Her attention turned to Solas as she twisted her hair into a messy bun, stood up, and held a hand out to Cole which he decided not to use as he stood up. "Sleep well, Solas?" She asked him with a knowing tone. On her part there were no secrets between them anymore, he knew where she came from, what she knew, and exactly how she knew it. It bothered her less than she imagined it would.

"Very well. Would you like to head back to the others?" She nodded in response and made quick work of gathering and tying up her sleeping roll, putting on Cole's hat, and equipping her weapons. Cole was wearing her hat when she looked at him and he was adjusting the strap of his harness. He smiled as his eyes met hers.

"You're sad but happy someone was able to see," he said quietly. She smiled in return and walked three paces to close the distance between them. Cole looked to Solas, catching the man's curious gaze, before looking back to Raven. She put a gentle hand on his shoulder as she reached up on the tips of her toes and kissed him lightly on the cheek. She then pulled away as if it were nothing and walked past her two friends to start the short journey back to the rest of the party.

"What did you do, Cole?" Solas asked as he fell in step with the spirit about fifteen feet behind Raven. The Mage looked over to see Cole looking down instead of forward, his hand on his cheek, still smiling. He could hear her mind and song as she walked ahead of them, her daggers glinting in the sun. She was humming to herself but that wasn't the song that played throughout her body and heart and the lyrics of the song weren't on her mind. He was.

"She remembers that I help her. It's how she thanks me."


	18. Chapter 18

The sun was almost directly above them when the party reached the Ritual Tower. The expanse of stone was much bigger than Raven expected compared to what she'd seen in the game and as they met up with Hawke and Stroud at the entrance she remained quiet, knowing what was going to happen. She'd taken Christopher aside that morning once she returned from camp and told him what to expect. Solas and Cole took their places beside her, one on each side, and remained there as they made their way into the construct where the Wardens were. By the time they reached the ceremony platform, the rage demon had already been summoned and bound as other Warden spellbinders watched in silence. On the stairs, above them all, was a man with dark greasy hair pulled back into a ponytail, a week's worth of stubble, pale skin, and steel gray eyes. He smiled as their party entered and it made Raven think of the scary stories her father used to tell her when they went camping.

"Inquisitor! What an unexpected pleasure. Lord Livius Erimond of Vyrantium at your service." He wasted no time as he introduced himself with feigned politeness, even bowing before Christopher. Raven rolled her eyes.

"You are no Warden," Stroud declared angrily as he took a step forward. Erimond wasn't intimidated and as he looked away from Christopher to the large warrior his eyes widened and he smiled in realization.

"But you are. The one Clarel let slip. And then you found the Inquisitor and came to stop me. Shall we see how that goes?" He finished. Raven knew the overall outcome and what would happen, but his condescension still pissed her off and she had to remind herself to keep a blank face.

"It looks like you've already done some of my work for me," Christopher's sarcasm was obvious and he glared at Erimond as the bloodmage scoffed in return.

"What, him? We simply needed his blood. Oh, were you hoping to garner sympathy? Maybe make the Warden's feel a bit of remorse. Wardens, hands up." Christopher, Cassandra, and Bull looked around as the Wardens raised their hands. Erimond gave Christopher a pointed look, "Hands down." Again they obeyed him.

"Corypheus has taken their minds!" Stroud spoke and Erimond snickered.

"They did this to themselves. You see, the calling had the Wardens terrified. They looked everywhere for help." He spoke with such satisfaction that Raven nearly felt nauseous.

"Even Tevinter." Their fellow Warden finished for him and Erimond nodded.

"Yes, and since it was my Master that put the Calling into their little heads, we in the Venatori were prepared. I went to Clarel full of sympathy and together we came up with a plan: Raise a demon army, march into the Deep Roads, and kill the Old Gods before they wake." As he spoke his eyes caught Raven's and didn't look he away. Cold, dull gray against bright emerald green. It caused a slight shiver and feeling of unease to pass through her, but she refused to let it show and give the sick bastard another sense of satisfaction.

"So you manipulated the Wardens to build an army of demons for Corypheus." Raven felt her tension ease when Erimond looked away from her when Christopher spoke..

"Just so. Sadly for the Wardens the binding ritual I taught the mages has one side effect: They're now my Master's slaves. This was a test, once the best of the Wardens complete the ritual, the army will conquer Thedas."

Christopher scowled at the despicable man before them. Even though he knew it was going to happen, it didn't piss him off any less. "So Corypheus influenced the Wardens and made them do this ritual?" At that Erimond laughed.

"Made them? No! Everything you see here, the blood sacrifices to bind the demons? The Wardens did it of their own free will. Fear is a good motivator and they were very afraid. You should've seen Clarel agonize over the decision; burdens of command I suppose," Erimond trailed off with a nonchalant shrug.

"Do you really want to see the world fall to the Blight? What do you get out of this?" Raven glanced at Christopher and the other members of her party that she could see. Solas looked absolutely furious and she didn't blame him, knowing what others did not about his true origin. Cassandra was scowling. Bull and Cole, like her, kept blank expressions, but their stances were stiff, ready to attack at a second's notice. She supposed she was, too.

"The Elder One commands the Blight. He is not commanded by it like the mindless darkspawn. The Blight is not unstoppable or uncontrollable. It is simply a tool. As for me, while the Elder One rules from the Golden City we, the Venatori, will be his God Kings here in the world." His explanation sounded even more ridiculous as he stood before her than it did in the video game and Raven fought the urge to roll her eyes.

"Why would the Wardens try to kill the Old Gods?"

"A Blight happens when darkspawn find an Old God and corrupt it into an archdemon. If someone fought through the Deep Roads and killed the Old Gods before they could be corrupted... Poof! No more Blights. Ever. The Wardens sacrifice their lives and save the world." Ugh, Raven couldn't help thinking. The man's satisfaction was quickly turning to smugness over his plan. The only redeeming factor was that she knew it would fail. It would fail miserably and in the end Erimond would most likely die by Christopher's own hand. Shame it couldn't be hers.

"That's madness!" Solas shouted. "For all we know killing the Old Gods could make things even worse!"

"Well then, it's a good thing I'm taking this demon army off their hands." He retorted and to Raven's displeasure his eyes landed on her again. "I'd be more than happy to take a thing or two off your hands as well." His words and smile caused Raven's eyes to widen. That wasn't in the game and an involuntary shudder ran through her body. A familiar gloved hand wrapped itself around her own and she looked away from the vile man before her and up to the pale blue eyes of Cole.

"He won't take you. I won't let anyone take you." His quiet words made her smile and after a small nod she turned back to Erimond.

"That's all I need to know," Christopher nearly growled. Erimond looked at Christopher and let out a harsh laugh.

"Oh, please. The Elder One showed me how to deal with you in the event you were foolish to interfere again." In a flash that caught everyone off guard, red light emitted from Erimond's hand and Christopher fell to his knees, the anchor in his hand glowing green. "That mark you bear? The anchor that lets you pass safely through the Veil? You stole that from my Master. He's been forced to seek other ways to access the fade. When I bring him your head his gratitude will be -" He let out a cry of surprise as Christopher broke the hold and stood up. Green light from the anchor shot toward Erimond and hit him in the side. "Kill them!" The Venatori man shouted and ran.

Raven pulled her hand from Cole's and drew her weapons. As she focused in on one of the Warden spellbinders and advanced toward him she heard Cole and Hawke pull out their daggers, Cassandra unsheathe her sword, and the crackle of magic as Christopher opened a rift to take care of the demons that were summoned and bound. The entranced Warden stared at her as she appeared before him; in a quick motion she brought one of her blades up to the weak spot in his armor under his left arm and buried the blade up to the hilt inside his sternum. His eyes widened and he went limp, dropping down as she tore the dagger from him and moved to position herself behind the Warden currently fighting Cassandra, who stepped back in surprise as Raven suddenly appeared and stabbed him in the neck. With an outward swing she let the sharp blade tear through his neck causing blood to spurt out and cover the Seeker's shield before he fell.

"They refuse to listen to reason!" Hawke exclaimed once the last Warden was dead. Raven made her way back to the group after collecting the bottle hidden under debris.

"You were correct; through their ritual the Wardens are slaves to Corypheus," Stroud conceded and Raven could see the forlorn disappointment etched in his features.

"And the Warden warriors?" Hawke asked and then turned away, "Of course, sacrificed in the ritual. What a waste."

"Erimond lied to the Wardens. They were trying to prevent future Blights," Christopher added in their defense. Raven stayed quiet but noticed the disapproving look Solas gave and nodded in agreement with him. Lie or not, it was a conscious decision.

"With blood magic and human sacrifice," Hawke's retort caused Stroud and Raven to look at her. It was the first time seeing Marian Hawke close enough to notice how similar she looked to the game; her hair was a little longer and the signature mark across the nose didn't exist but her crystal blue eyes and smile were the same.

"The Wardens were wrong, Hawke, but they had their reasons," Stroud said with a long sigh and went to put a hand on her shoulder only to pull it away when her expression changed.

"All blood mages have their reasons. Everyone has a story they tell themselves to justify bad decisions and it never matters. In the end, you are always alone with your actions." She spoke from the heart; Raven knew that and had to resist the urge to hug her. Instead, she placed her hands at her sides and kept a calm expression.

"I believe I know where the Wardens are, Your Worship. Erimond fled in that direction." Stroud pointed northwest as he spoke. "There's an abandoned Warden fortress that way, Adamant." Christopher nodded in acknowledgment and turned to look at Raven and the other party members before turning his attention back to the Champion and Stroud.

"I want the Wardens. We cannot let Corypheus have an army of demons."

Hawke nodded. "Stroud and I will scout out Adamant and confirm that the other Wardens are there. We'll meet you back at Skyhold." Her voice was kinder as she informed Christopher and took her leave with Stroud at her side. Christopher wasted no time turning to Raven and she was caught off guard at the calm expression he wore. She knew that he'd ask more later since she didn't have time earlier to tell him what would happen in detail.

"We need a stronghold here. What can you tell me about the keep to the distance?" He asked her as he pointed to the giant fortress north of them. It was the first time he ever pointedly asked her something directly pertaining to the knowledge she had in front of the others and she wasn't sure she liked it. She wasn't ready to let the two most suspicious people in their party in on what she knew. She eyed the other members of their party. Cassandra and Bull kept their eyes on her while Solas spoke quietly with Cole. Finally, she sighed and looked back at him.

"Griffon Wing Keep. It's the only stronghold within a hundred miles of here. It was abandoned for quite some time, but now it's been taken over by the Venatori. Right now there's between seven and ten soldiers with melee weapons keeping watch outside with two scouts higher up and another twenty or so agents inside the actual fortress. Once it's taken, and it will be, there will be another sulfur pit to cross that Cullen's forces will have to build a bridge over and a water source we'll need to clean up. Also, there's shards in and around it, as well as an Elven Artifact, and a landmark." Raven explained without hesitation, ignoring the stares from Cassandra and Bull.

"And you think we can take it?" Christopher clarified and moved closer to her.

"It's not a matter about what I think, but yes, I know we can take it. It has to be done or we can't get to Servis and finish doing what we needs to be done here," she said quietly. Christopher gave her a kind and appreciative smile and turned his attention to the rest of the party.

"Anyone have any objections?" He asked and Raven looked at Cassandra. The Seeker remained silent.

"There's also a place to set up camp closer to the fortress," Raven continued, "I can get rid of the scouts there and mark the territory while you take care of the rift north of here. We can meet up and take care of Griffon Wing Keep together."

Christopher stared at her surprised at her suggestion. She was strong and proven to be a great strategist, but one wrong move or misjudgment and she could get hurt or worse and if they were going to face Corypheus and live, then they all needed her.

"I'll go with her and we'll meet up at the keep, how does that sound Boss?" Bull asked while he and Christopher still watched Raven. Did she miss something? Was she under watch again? With a nod from Christopher, Bull made his way over to her, put a hand on her shoulder, and lead her away from the others. When they were out of hearing range it was easy for her to get out of Bull's grip, as if he weren't even trying to keep her in place.

"I don't understand, Am I in trouble?" She asked him and received a glare from the large Qunari in return. He wasn't angry with her, not really, but he wasn't stupid. Something had just happened a moment ago when she listed off information about the keep. It was the second time in two days that she knew what to do and how to go about doing it and he'd be lying if it didn't leave him absolutely dumbfounded. The Seeker, too. However the Boss, Cole, and Solas seemed to know that she had the information at hand. She was a whole hell of a lot more important than what she presented herself to be and that was something he knew in his gut.

"You suggest going off alone again, Girl, and you will be," Bull said in a low voice as he looked down at her. Raven looked away, almost as if embarrassed or ashamed and started heading in the direction of the would-be campsite with her arms folded across her chest. He knew she was normally quiet but something about her retreat bothered him. She didn't argue, didn't ask questions, just went silent like she used to do when she was found and brought to them. Bull thought of the night before around the campfire after she, Cole, and Solas had left when the Seeker had questioned Christopher about what they'd done earlier in the day. The Boss had made it clear that he trusted her and revealed that she was behind their success in the Fallow Mire and Crestwood. After that he'd given nothing else away.

"The camp is further east, about half a mile away. There aren't many soldiers. I saw you use a potion for your arm earlier; do you have enough?" She asked, bringing Bull out of his thoughts. He looked down at her, expecting to see her smiling at him but she was still looking straight ahead.

"Thanks, but I'm good. Those Vints in the keep are mostly mages, right?" He asked and she simply nodded. "You're not in trouble. Some things were brought to our attention yesterday and we had a talk last night after you left." The Boss never said to keep her involvement in planning and knowledge a secret and he liked to think they trusted each other well enough that she wouldn't hide from it if he brought it up.

"Did Cassandra accuse me of being a spy again?" She asked only half serious. Bull chuckled and was glad her sarcasm remained.

"Only once, but it's not about that. What you did yesterday - knowing what needed to be done and where to go - it came up. The Boss trusts you and the only thing he told us was that you were the reason his trip to Crestwood and the Mire went as well as it did. You're more important to the Inquisition that you let on." Bull chose each word carefully and watched the way her face paled in response. He hit something in her mind and wanted to say more but didn't. It wasn't the time.

"Even if I didn't have the information I do, I'm still quite capable of protecting myself. There's no reason to go out of your way to watch me."

Bull put a large warm hand on her shoulder and smiled despite his slight annoyance at her attempt to change the subject and her inability to grasp the concept he was trying to explain. At least she didn't attempt to deny her knowledge. "I know you are, but you mean a lot of things to a lot of people, all of whom would be heartbroken if something happened to you. Say someone from the other side does get a hint about you and what you know; Are you gonna fight all of them by yourself? You're a lot of things but stupid isn't one of them."

He took his hand from her shoulder but didn't look away as she stood there thinking over his words. Every part of her wanted to dismiss them, especially about those caring enough to be heartbroken if something bad were to happen. But she knew he was right. She'd started a life with them; bonded, gained their trust like they gained hers, and earned friendships that if broken would crush her. Instead of responding, she turned and continued walking in the direction of the campsite with Bull by her side.

With Bull's help it only took ten minutes to get rid of the Venatori agents and mark the territory for their camp. It took another twenty to meet up with Christopher and everyone else at one of the large bushes about fifty yards away from the keep. While Bull stood next to Christopher, Raven made her way to stand next to Cole who offered her a kind smile. The Qunari's words still played in her mind.

"The Iron Bull is right," he told her quietly as he brought a hand up to wipe off a speck of dried blood from her cheek. She smiled back at him and mouthed a quick thank you before bringing her attention to the rest of the group.

"What do you propose we do?" Cassandra asked and Raven's eyes widened. She was curious to see what Raven's plan was, they all were, except perhaps Cole who most likely already knew. Raven turned and pointed to the front of the keep.

"There are two men keeping watch on the ledge in front. I don't have my bow and arrows, so I think Christopher and Solas should take care of them while the rest of us take care of the ones on equal ground. Cole and I can stealth and while Cassandra and Bull charge them. We can sneak behind them and slit their throats or serve as distractions while you deliver the final blow. The choice is yours, but I think those are the best choices," Raven explained to them while continuing to point out the soldiers, taking note of when each one wasn't paying attention. It didn't exactly matter since they would all die anyway, but any information was useful.

"What about that door?" Bull questioned while he peered over the bushes. The wooden door looked heavy and he imagined it could take a while to get through. He looked back at the small girl when she laughed.

"Two hits with your axe and it's gone. Once we're inside, anyone in the main area will run up the stairs. Second level will have soldiers and mages along the wall and on the ground. The top level will be the same. Solas can cast barriers while we take care of the rest." Raven continued to explain, images from the game playing through her mind. There was no doubt that it would work, but she looked at Christopher for confirmation since it was his choice on whether or not they went with her plan. His eyes met hers.

"I want you to stick with Cole, understand?" His words and tone were clear and all Raven could do was nod and glance over at the spirit beside her. Christopher watched him nod as if they were having a silent conversation, which they likely were.

"They won't make anyone suffer anymore. We will kill them all, I promise," Cole told her quietly in response to her silent request. He could see the images playing out in her mind, the hurt and evil the Venatori had caused. It wasn't fair that she, someone so caring and good, had to be the one to live with all the knowledge of what they'd done.

"Then let's get started. I'd like to take care of this before nightfall," Christopher agreed.

By nightfall Griffon Wing Keep was claimed by the Inquisition. As discussed, upon approaching the large entrance and patrolling soldiers, Raven and Cole went into stealth mode and made their way to the two largest men, where almost in unison they brought their blades across their targets' throats. They couldn't see one another, but when the large targets dropped, Christopher and Solas made their move and attacked the agents scouting while Bull and Cassandra rushed the other soldiers who still seemed to be momentarily confused with what had started to transpire. Although no longer invisible to her enemies, Raven didn't let it affect her efficiency and took down another that faced Cassandra by exploiting the weak points in his armor. Still in stealth, Cole watched his small friend as she delivered the final blow with a calm, calculated expression before moving in closer to his own target, a Mage The Iron Bull had distracted. He brought his blade down through cloth robes into the evil man's shoulder. Hurt, pain, laughing at suffering, screaming, eyes roaming the young girl as she cowers before him. He was very evil and deserved to die.

"Cole, watch out!" He heard Raven's terrified scream over the images playing in his mind, bringing him out of his momentary daze just in time to end the life of the man before him. Fortunately, that was all he was able to do because the soldier behind him fell as he turned around mere seconds later as blood spurted from his neck, covering Cole and the sand around him. Raven stood over the body, eyes wide and worried. Without a word she sheathed her daggers and held out a hand which he took as he stood up. She moved away once he was steady and addressed The Iron Bull. Cole could hear her heart racing, blood pumping as she tried to distract herself from the thought that she'd just almost lost him. She hurt, but he couldn't help her; it wasn't the time.

"Bull get through the door," she told him and he nodded at her request. She stood far enough away to not get hit with his giant great axe, but once the door was destroyed she went into stealth and made her way inside while Venatori agents scrambled like frightened mice to get up the stairs to the second level just like she said they would. Cole did the same and ran to catch up, they were to stay close and he made it up to the second floor just in time to see two men let out gurgled shouts and fall, then only a glimpse of her before she disappeared again.

Moments later another two were down while the others focused on Bull and Cassandra coming toward them. Cole made his way to one of the ladders and climbed up. They couldn't see him as he moved around them, using their weak points to disarm and kill, halting the effects and wards belonging to the spells they cast. When all on the wall were gone, Cole jumped down in time to see Raven become visible. His eyes focused on a cut along her torso staining the white cloth she wore as she drank a health potion, wincing at the taste and as it stitched the cut skin together.

"You're tired," Cole said as he reached her. She looked at him but wouldn't meet his eyes. She was still scared and trying to think of other things.

"We're almost done," she told him quietly and moved to the rest of the group, "The rest are on the top floor and won't attack until one of you is half way up. Cole and I will stealth and make our way up first, I imagine we can get between two and four guys down before you're in range to attack." Christopher smiled and put a hand to her cheek. It wasn't romantic, Solas observed, but like what a proud older brother would do and he wondered when they had become so close.

"Remind me to treat you to a very large meal and a drink once we get back to Skyhold." She smiled at him and nodded before stepping back and reaching out to grab Cole's hand.

"I'll accept that offer. Wait one minute, then come up," she told him and Cole was glad to see she was still smiling. On queue they both went into stealth and when she let go of his hand he quickly made his way up the stairs and past the Venatori officer who seemed too busy trying to antagonize Christopher to realize that not one but two members of the Inquisition had already started picking off mages from the back. Quickly, Cole took care of the two closest to the far wall that would be in everyone's blind spot once they ascended the stairs. By now they knew someone was up there with them, but didn't have a chance to retaliate. Right then Christopher and the others reached the top of the stairs. Cole watched as he threw a fire spell toward the officer, hitting him in the center of his chest. The fire grew and he screamed as he ran around, even managed to set fire to another Mage. That distraction was what they needed, at least in Raven's opinion as she brought her dagger down in a quick motion into one man's shoulder, piercing his heart in the process. The officer was dead. Only three remained. She was tired but made her way over to stop one of the men from advancing toward Solas.

When it was all over, Cole remained beside Raven as she looted the bodies of the fallen Venatori. Silk, gold, nothing she particularly needed. Not at the moment anyway. She needed a bath.

"You need sleep as well," Cole spoke from her side as they moved back toward their friends. She looked at him and shook her head. He was still covered in blood from earlier.

"We both need baths. I insist if you're going to be sleeping next to me tonight," She said but then looked away, realizing how that sounded and that she was being presumptuous. Cole didn't sleep. "I meant if you wanted to stay with me, instead of listening to Bull snore like a giant. You don't have to." She tried to explain and did her best not to look at him, missing his smile as he peered down at her. Raven's face was the color of her hair and somehow it fascinated him.

"Did you find anything?" Christopher asked her. Raven turned her attention to him, grateful she didn't have to focus on her own thoughts anymore.

"Silk, gold, weapons, no orders or correspondence though. So let's raise that banner and send the needed ravens. While we wait for Inquisition forces we can go over our next plan of action."

"We could," Bull agreed, "or tonight we can celebrate. You deserve a drink." Raven smiled and gave her friend a knowing look. He knew better, but it never seemed to slow down the invitations he gave her.

"A long bath sounds better though. Cassandra, would you care to join me?" Raven asked, catching the Seeker off guard. It wasn't intentional, but Raven couldn't help but smile as the older woman stared at her.

"You want me to take a bath with you?" She was skeptical, probably not sure if she heard Raven's words correctly.

"Not particularly, but since I'm to be watched and protected now, I'd rather have you with me than one of the men. Come on, I have some scented oils in my pouch and you know the water would feel great." Cassandra thought over Raven's words; a bath did sound wonderful after what they had just accomplished and her going alone wasn't an option. She was surprised the young girl didn't ask Cole; it would be inappropriate for her to ask such a thing, but between them and her other friends the sort of propriety she held with others wasn't particularly something she worried about and from what she'd heard from Josephine, the creature usually stayed in her room as she slept like a pet.

"If you are certain, then I shall join you," The Seeker finally accepted and followed Raven down the stairs.

It was a few moments before Bull laughed and put a hand on Cole's shoulder. The spirit had been looking out over the giant sulfur pits and wondering what was hidden beyond them. Bull's hand was a surprise.

"Shame she didn't ask you. There's always next time," The Iron Bull said quietly in his ear. Cole looked at the large man with a curious expression. Why would she ask him to take a bath with her? Why was it a shame? Raven had never asked him to join her before and he was certain nothing had changed.

"I don't understand, The Iron Bull. Why is it a shame she didn't ask me?" Cole asked. She could protect herself and she had Cassandra. Bull looked at him wondering if the Kid was serious or messing around. If anyone had a chance at her it was him, if that was his deal anyway. "Long red hair, breathy whimpers and pleas, small hands holding onto horns pointed up, pushing harder, 'I bet she tastes like raspberries and cream'. Do people always taste like fruit?" He continued to ask and Bull probably would've laughed if it hadn't been his thoughts the Kid just announced. Fucking Varric was supposed to have the talk with him about private thoughts.

"Some women do, Kid," Bull simply explained and Cole looked down.

"I wouldn't know," he replied, not sure if it was bad that he never had the experience. Never wanted to. Solas came forward and put a hand on Cole's other shoulder.

"Have you been interested in anyone, man or woman, since you left the Fade, Cole?" Solas asked him and after a few moments only received a quick shake of the head from the spirit.

"I can take her then," Bull offered with a laugh, only half serious. Again Cole shook his head.

"You can't. She says you and Dorian need to be together," Cole replied with a simple shrug and Bull swore he stopped breathing for a moment. Why would she want him with the Vint? True, it was fun to flirt and get him flustered but a real relationship? The Mage would never go for it.

"What else does Raven say, Cole?" Solas asked and even Christopher moved a few steps toward the three men, curiosity getting the better of him. Cole thought to himself about all the things they'd talked about since he'd come to join the Inquisition; all the things she said, the thoughts she had during her everyday routines, and even her dreams. There wasn't any way he could ever tell them everything he knew; Solas, Blackwall, choices that would have to be made that would change the outcome of their journey. Raven knew it all and had been using that knowledge to help them all succeed and only he, Christopher, and Solas knew that. She wouldn't like it if he told the others; it would make her sad and that was the last thing he wanted, it muted her song.

"It's still like a dream sometimes. Waking up in a cold sweat in an unfamiliar room, an unfamiliar bed. It takes a moment, but then she realizes where she is and it's a little better but also worse. Teaching, training, learning, sparring; new life, new friends and responsibilities, but the routine is nearly the same. Cullen didn't intend to kiss her that day in his office, but he couldn't help himself. Months of wanting turned to needing and she was so undeniably compelling, beautiful, delicate and then she tasted so sweet. She didn't want him to kiss her, but it didn't stop her from thinking about it later. It was her first and it had to be him of all people. 'Why can't he get over it? I'm not the one to deal with his problems and attitude. I'm broken, not right, I don't belong here' -"

"Cole. Cole! It'S alright, you can stop," Solas brought him out of his head. What he didn't realize was that his voice had nearly become frantic, rushed, higher and louder than intended.

"She belongs here," The spirit was much calmer as he spoke. Solas was the one to nod, but there was no question that the other two agreed.

The journey to the small oasis was short, mostly silent with the exception of Raven humming to herself, and surprisingly void of wildlife or extreme cultists. Once every now and then, Cassandra would ask simple questions or voice her observations while Raven hummed to herself, only breaking to answer the questions Cassandra asked her.

"I must admit, Raven, I'm surprised you asked me to come with you instead of Cole," The Seeker finally told her as the pool of clear water was in sight. Raven didn't stop walking, but she became silent. Was her friendship with Cole really that dependent that people thought she'd really drag him to bathe with her?

"Why would I ask Cole to come bathe with me?" She asked. The water was barely fifteen feet away and Raven wasted no time throwing her bag to the rock wall a foot from it and stripping the weapons, boots, socks, and bloodied cotton from her body, paying no mind to the stares she was getting from the Seeker.

"It just seems like every time I see you, he's by your side. It's obvious how protective he is of you." Raven shrugged in response.

"Well, yeah, we're friends. I don't know about the whole protective thing, we all do what we can to make sure no one ends up with an axe to the head or something and he's no different. I like spending time with him. I don't have to struggle to explain things and hide how I'm feeling because he already knows. It's comforting in a way."

"I don't understand how you can feel safe with a demon."

Raven found herself biting her tongue as the other woman spoke. She knew it wasn't meant to be malicious, Cassandra was just sharing her thoughts. "Cole isn't a demon and I'd thank you to keep from calling him one. He's a spirit of compassion," Raven requested, her tone more patient than she felt. Maybe she should've asked Cole to come along with her after all, Maker knew he needed a bath after the incident at the keep. Still, it wouldn't have been appropriate and the last thing she needed to deal with was Cassandra's snide judgmental comments or Bull's perverted ones.

"You really do care for him..." Cassandra trailed off and Raven felt her eyes roll on their own accord as she made her way into the water, nearly groaning in appreciation at how cool it was as it met her toes, knees, hips, and finally the rest of her as she dove under to wet her hair. By the time she emerged, Cassandra had removed her weapons and armor and was working on her boots and pants.

"That's no secret and nothing I will ever try to hide. Now enough of this stupid conversation. I have no rose petals but there are soaps and oils in my bag you can use." As long as it changed the damn subject.

"Do you usually carry them with you?" The older woman asked when she was finally undressed and making her way into the water.

"Not that I get out of Skyhold often but yes, I try to." Raven replied as she moved toward her bag. After a few moments of searching around fresh underwear and more cotton robes, she finally found them. Rose oil, citrus oil, and two shaved chunks of vanilla scented soap, "Call me spoiled, but I like smelling nice. Here." Cassandra reached out and took the offered soap while wasting no time rinsing off the blood, sweat, dirt, and grime from her body. The young woman was slower in her actions, finger combing her wet hair with the soap first before tying it back again and working on her shoulders and moving down.

"Between us I have a few things that I've been wanting to ask you about," Cassandra broke the silence between them as she looked over to the younger girl. The tattoos on her pale skin were remarkable, colorful in contrast, and it seemed every time she turned there was another that was never noticed or was kept hidden.

"Alright, go ahead." Raven didn't look back at the other woman as she spoke. She wasn't trying to be rude; the last thing they needed was to be surprised by anything while naked. If she were to be completely honest with herself she expected Bull to show up over any Venatori.

"You are close with the Inquisitor. Is… was there something more between you and him?" Before the question was complete Raven was already staring incredulously at the Seeker, not sure if she should be offended.

"Do you think..." Did Cassandra really think so little of her? First Cole, now Christopher. "No. He's like a brother to me, a friend, nothing more. I wouldn't want anything more anyway." Raven didn't bother trying to hide the annoyance in her tone as she replied. How else was she supposed to respond to such an asinine question?

"I am sorry if that came out wrong. I didn't mean to offend you. It's just very hard to figure out exactly... You're very secretive and it's hard sometimes to figure out your intentions." Cassandra was caught off guard when Raven turned around quickly enough to make the water move. She looked angry, hurt even. It was more emotion than she ever let the Seeker see, but she didn't care.

"With all due respect, just because I elect not to tell you something doesn't mean I'm being secretive. We aren't really friends, Cassandra." Raven wasn't sure how she able to speak as calmly as she did as she tried to wrap her mind around the sudden turn in the conversation.

"Well, no, but -" The Seeker stammered undoubtedly embarrassed.

"Nothing is going on between Christopher and myself. Just like nothing is going on between myself and Cole and whether you meant to offend or not it hurts and pisses me off that despite all I've done to help, you still think so low of me." Cassandra stood still, mouth agape, as Raven spoke, her composure cracking, and made her way out of the water while grabbing her bag in the process. By the time she realized that Raven was leaving the small girl had already thrown on the cotton underwear, shirt, loose pants, and strapped her weapons to her back. The boots she was wearing earlier and her bag were clutched in her hand. She was so fast as she retreated that Cassandra knew there was no chance of catching up with her. Shit, she thought as she quickly rinsed the soap from her body, Christopher was going to be angry.


	19. Chapter 19

It took a week for Inquisition forces to make it to Griffon Wing Keep. That week had been uneventful for most of the party. Every day was spent hunting down Venatori and any Darkspawn who had crossed the sulfur pits into Inquisition territory, exploring new places, and gathering materials from the never ending supply of wildlife. They even fought and killed a dragon. Nights consisted of dinner and stories around the campfire until Raven, Solas, and sometimes Cole politely took their leave until the next morning. The young girl had kept her promise when it came to showing the Elven Mage old ruins which he gladly dreamt in and explored while in the fade every night. Most mornings seemed to be nearly the same as the first when Cole joined them; Solas would wake to see Raven sleeping only a few yards away with Cole at her side gently stroking her hair or humming an unfamiliar tune that would cause her to smile when she woke moments later even as tears often stained her cheeks. Solas wanted to ask them about it but was unable to find the right words.

Since the incident at the small oasis, Raven and Cassandra were seldom ever together and communicated even less. With Raven it was a matter of anger and pride, with Cassandra it was mostly shame, though she doubted the younger girl would ever believe it. She was right, Cassandra realized. Raven had been with them nearly every step of the way, risking her life and showing endless patience with all of them to help fight Corypheus and bring order to Thedas. It was foolish to allow her own insecurities to cloud her judgement that way. As those thoughts played out in the Seeker's mind she caught sight of Raven and Cole in the distance from her vantage point at the keep.

"They seem to get closer every day." Cassandra jumped and turned at the sudden noise to see Solas standing not too far away. Slowly she nodded in agreement.

"What makes them that way, do you know?" She asked and Solas shook his head before coming forward to lean against the high stone wall and stare out in the distance, his stance mirroring hers.

"Honestly, I'm not so sure. Cole and I had a short conversation about it once, but that was right after we discovered Skyhold," the Mage replied, aware that what he was saying wasn't true but that was between Raven, Cole, and himself. Even he felt like an interloper when it came to the pair and the bond they shared. The Seeker didn't need to know the pain Raven harbored or how it affected her when others weren't around. Out in the distance he saw the small redhead kneel down with Cole standing beside her. It took a moment and he had to focus, but he was finally able to see a small fennec slowly make its way into her arms. "Raven, on the other hand, accepts him for what he is. I was worried when she was first found and brought to Haven. Everyone was talking about the events of her capture and somehow I found myself picturing a violent, heartless monster instead of that girl. I mean, she is violent, but it's something only our enemies have to worry about."

"And the nobles of Orlais." They both turned at the new voice to see Christopher smiling as he walked up the stairs. The week and a half they'd been stuck in the desert were evident in his features; his skin was tanned and his hair lightened by the sun. He smiled at his friends as he made his way over to the ledge they were leaning against and saw the two rogues on their way back to the keep, a bundle in Raven's arms.

"When is she leaving?" Cassandra asked him and didn't envy the girl at all while doing so. She hated Val Royeaux and the nobles that came with it. How Raven could dress up day after day, put on a smile, and stomach the nonsense they spouted was a mystery.

"Five days. Now that our forces are here and done working on the bridges across the sulfur pits, we can start seriously planning about what needs to be done about the Darkspawn and finding Servis. If it's not done before she has to leave, I'll request she write down everything like she did in Crestwood," Christopher replied and Solas nodded.

"Are we still never going to discuss how she has all this information?" Cassandra asked a lot calmer than she truly felt about the situation. Earlier in the week Solas had taken Christopher aside and Raven was summoned shortly after. The contents of their meeting had been kept confidential and whatever topic had been discussed, it didn't seem to alter her relationship with any of them. Still, she wanted to know what was said.

"Right now that isn't anything you need to worry about. Raven and I discussed it and I trust her. She will tell you when or if she's ready to," Christopher retorted, his tone giving away his slight annoyance before he turned to Solas. "Have you talked to her about an escort to Val Royeaux yet?"

The Elven Mage let out an exasperated sigh and looked out to see Raven and Cole much closer to the keep, sitting in the shade as they played with the fennec. Having someone join her when she left had been brought up earlier that week when Solas brought Christopher aside, with Raven's consent, to explain what was shown to him in the Fade and the source of Raven's knowledge. The notion had gone about as well both mages expected. Raven was against the idea of anyone staying with her. Solas had tried to broach the subject only once since then, only to stop and change the subject when she'd given him a glare that made it very clear that an escort wasn't up for discussion. "She still says it isn't needed and that Val Royeaux is only three days away on horseback. Two if she rides straight through," he finally replied and then flashed a sly smile at the Inquisitor, "But since Cole agrees with us, chances are he'll be able to change her mind."

"I thought as long as it wasn't Cassandra, she'd be alright with it." Christopher mused and looked at her when she made a noise. "You think I'm wrong? You accused her of having a relationship with Cole and then questioned her about her relationship with me. If I didn't love you and think you were so damn cute, I'd probably be as upset as she is." And it was true. He was annoyed at first when Raven had finally calmed down enough to explain why she'd come back alone and upset, nearly breaking her own hand when she punched Bull during their sparring match later that night.

"I didn't intend to upset her. I felt they were valid questions." The Seeker tried to justify while blushing at his other comments only to stop when Christopher rolled his eyes and gave her a smirk.

They weren't really valid questions. Were all women secretly this way? Somehow he knew he'd get in trouble with Cassandra if he were to ask her and Raven would most likely shrug it off because she was unlike any woman he'd ever met. Perhaps Bull would have an idea since he always seemed to have his choice of them.

"I don't understand the validity," Solas voiced as the trio slowly made their way down the stairs to the designated living quarters, passing Bull as he sharpened his great axe at a grindstone. "Cole is a spirit and has made it clear that he has found no romantic interest in anyone since crossing the Veil. As close as they are, Raven is still just a woman."

Raven wasn't just a woman and Solas could preach about the Kid being a spirit all he wanted, but Cole was changing; anyone who took the time to really observe him could tell as much. Varric was right in saying the Kid was becoming more human and it was only a matter of time before it became obvious to the others, including Solas and Raven. Just like how it was a matter of time before the Kid realized that Raven was more than just a woman-if he hadn't already. The kind of protection that Kid gave her wasn't because of friendship.

"So Boss, are we ready to get a move on? I'm getting kind of restless." Bull asked while examining his axe one last time before standing up and harnessing it on his back.

"We'll plan it all out when Raven and Cole get back. If we're lucky we can get it all done before she has to leave," Christopher replied and was thankful for the change in topic.

"Where did they go?" Bull asked and before anyone could reply they heard the distinct sound of the newly built iron gate for the keep open from below. It didn't take long for the rogues to come into view as they ascended the stairs together, not noticing the others as they talked quietly together. Bull wasn't the only one to notice the tiny fennec asleep in Raven's arms and had to wonder what it was with her and animals. First the cat, then the small lizard the other day, and now that very lucky pile of fur curled up into her breasts.

"I saw they wasted no time building the bridge across the sulfur pits. Does this mean we can go?" She asked without any formal greeting and Bull smiled at her lack of small talk. Her fingers absentmindedly moved under the small animal's chin to stroke the soft fur and the animal mewled in response to her light ministrations.

"We wanted to discuss it with you first." It was Cassandra that replied, which no one seemed to be expecting. Raven didn't let any emotion show as she looked over to the Seeker wondering why Cassandra was the one to answer.

"Discuss?" Raven repeated the word as if she were confused. "'Discuss' as in how you don't want me to go or 'discuss' in the way that you wanted to go over a plan first?"

"We wanted to go over a plan," the Seeker verified. When Cole reached out to pet the small fluff in her arms she turned to smile at him; it was calm, warm, and he smiled back in response and found himself noticing small, subtle changes in her features; freckles along the bridge of her nose, her long red hair, normally a deep red, was now the color of light copper, and her green eyes glowed. It was the warmth and the sun, Cole decided and looked away when he felt a sudden itch in his fingers to run them through her hair like before even though she wasn't hurting in that moment.

"As long as we are stocked on healing potions and some of Sera's bee grenades, we'll be fine. If you have no problem with it, Cole and I can go ahead and take care of the archers and assassins."

Christopher balked at her offer, after countless conversations about needing her kept safe she still was the first to offer her specific talents. "How many are there?" Christopher finally asked.

Raven shrugged. She never kept precise count in the game and it usually varies depending on the chosen difficulty. "Between five and twenty before we get to the ruins. At least five of them will be with two handed weapons, which I personally don't wish to fight." Raven answered honestly and her continuous lack of concern touched a nerve with nearly everyone, but it was Cole who spoke up.

"Twisted, torn, savage; they want nothing more than to hurt anyone who isn't the same. They will not touch you. I will not let them."

"I will be safe, Cole. If we do it this way, we can just cover more ground. Division of labor and specialization are key, but we don't have to do it like that if you don't want to," Raven replied while trying to give them the most logical explanation. Cole continued to stare at the small girl beside him.

"This isn't the first time Raven's gone ahead and done this," Bull spoke up not seeing what the big deal was since she was smart enough to include Cole going with her. If it was her suggesting going in alone then he'd tie and gag her to keep that from happening, but that wasn't the case. "She'll also be with the Kid and we'll be close behind anyway. I think it's a great idea."

"I agree with Bull. Raven is more than capable of handling herself in hand to hand combat and the same goes for Cole," Solas smiled at Raven as he spoke up and she had to resist the urge to roll her eyes. It wasn't that they were being unreasonable, but they were speaking of her like she wasn't even there. It was a recurring habit that she was growing less and less fond of.

"That being said can we please get ready and go?" She asked and Bull didn't miss the look of relief that flooded her features when Christopher finally nodded his approval.

By midmorning nearly any hesitancy the rest of the party had was gone as Darkspawn were taken out one, if not two, at a time. Raven's plan for she and Cole to scout ahead and eliminate any Darkspawn that didn't handle a two handed weapon had worked better than Christopher, Solas, Cassandra, and even Bull had expected. Raven seemed to glide around her enemies using her speed, new tempest abilities, and position to her advantage. Cole shadowed her, adding a unique movement so the daggers in his hands always hit their target one after the other. Part of him didn't like that she was the one always volunteering to go first into the unknown but, joining and fighting alongside her felt as natural to him as helping the broken and hurt. Only after they reached the ruin and helped the others take out the last of the bigger Darkspawn did they allow themselves to breathe for a moment. Raven sat on the giant steps and retied her sweaty, damp hair before taking a long drink of water from her canteen which she then offered to the spirit who sat down beside her. She did that often, Solas observed and it seemed like the actions always went unnoticed. He could eat and sleep, she insisted during one of their conversations long ago, he just didn't very often. Still, the spirit declined.

"I don't want to split up in the ruin," the petite redhead announced once her canteen was sealed and put away. "There's more Darkspawn and it's close quarters. I don't mind making the first move, but I'd like to not get too ahead of you, even with Cole by my side."

Christopher looked over at her in surprise and he could tell Cassandra had done the same, but he nodded anyway and asked, "How many are there?" Only to receive another shrug.

"Between fifteen and thirty. There's also a giant at the end. How good are you guys on health potions?" There was silence after her revelation and when no one answered her question Raven looked up to see the shocked faces of her companions. Christopher, Cassandra, and Solas stared at her in disbelief and Bull had stopped wiping his giant axe of tainted Darkspawn blood to look at her.

"Are you shitting me?" The Qunari's voice was low as he looked down at the small girl sitting not even five paces from him. She slowly shook her head in response feeling anything but intimidated, since she assumed that was what he was going for.

"I never actually understood that expression but no, I am not _shitting you_ ," she replied while taking out an apple from her bag and offering it to him. Was she serious, Bull wondered as he shook his head at the thing. With a shrug she tossed it to the Seeker who clumsily caught it then did the same with Christopher and Solas.

"Then why are we sitting here drinking and eating instead of taking care of it?" He asked while finally showing a smile. Dragons, Darkspawn, and now Giants? The damned desert had everything and he couldn't wait to kill them all.

"Because fighting in hot weather like this can get you sick of you don't stay hydrated. Now I'll ask again, how is everyone on health potions?" When Cassandra announced that she had taken one she was caught off guard when Raven reached into her bag, took one out, and walked over to her.

"Why are you giving this to me?" The Seeker asked and stared at Raven as she tucked it into the empty slot of her potion belt.

"Because I want you safe. Besides, you take more damage than I do," she replied simply and made her way back over to Cole who was still sitting on the old decrepit steps while the Seeker tried to mask her surprised expression.

"You worry about everyone. I am alright," The spirit assured as he looked up at her. Whether Raven was aware of it or not, thoughts and images were playing in the back of her mind of hot days, odd devices hooking up to her before climbing cliffs, apples and homemade sweet tea kept cool with ice were the reward for making it up to the top. She was happy then and he hated that loneliness and hurt seemed to take over even when she was among friends. Barely sleeping or eating, he was worried about her. During their time away and dreaming, she stopped caring about herself but was so good at showing concern for others. He turned his attention to The Iron Bull, Solas, Christopher, and Cassandra while Raven took her seat next to him and pulled out another apple, this time for herself. It was the first thing she'd eaten since the day before.

"You leave for Val Royeaux soon," Cassandra spoke up, trying her best to make small talk. Raven looked up at her as she took a bite of her apple, the small crack as her teeth broke through the skin was loud. "Are you still looking forward to it?"

Raven stared at the Seeker as she thought over the older woman's question, holding off on a reply till the food was gone from her mouth. When they first arrived she was a little eager to go back to the Orlesian capitol but now that it was so close and she was happy with how far they'd come, she was significantly less excited. The idea of an escort didn't help either, so hopefully her plan would work. "Truthfully I'd rather stay here. Josephine would kill me, though." She finally replied before taking another bite of her apple. Her comment caused Solas, of all people, to chuckle.

"Yes, I imagine she wouldn't be too thrilled," the Elf agreed.

"She's surprisingly terrifying." Christopher agreed with his own laugh.

"Yeah, but have you noticed that accent of hers gets stronger when she's mad? It's kind of a turn on just like yours is," Bull voiced before pointing a finger to Raven who wasn't paying attention as she continued to eat her apple in silence. She didn't even notice Cole looking at her and the Qunari wondered what had her so distracted. He was looking forward to getting a reaction from her and it was completely wasted.

"I don't have an accent," she replied as Bull was about to look away. "Cassandra does though. So do Solas and Cole, why not talk about them?" Raven had yet to look away from the view that caught her focus as she spoke. From her spot on the steps she could see Griffon Wing Keep and the tiny black shadows of their soldiers patrolling the perimeter.

"I've figured out Seeker's reactions a long time ago and Solas does nothing for me." Cole was also more her deal, he wanted to comment but decided against it.

"Thank the Gods for that." Raven heard Solas retort quietly and she chuckled at his obvious sarcasm. If Bull heard it, then he chose not to reply as he gave Raven a smirk and continued watching for any subtle reaction.

"You always surprise me. The second I think I've figured you out, you do or say something to throw that idea out the window. It's exciting." Raven merely shrugged. Cole watched the exchange between his friends with an amused curiosity. He could hear and see the thoughts and images playing in The Iron Bull's mind and had to wonder what about his friends' reactions always excited the large Qunari so much. The spirit wanted to understand, but he couldn't keep up with the pattern of racing thoughts Bull seemed to have which were suddenly halted so he could move out of the way to dodge the apple core Raven had thrown at him. The Iron Bull's thoughts seemed to kick into overdrive then as he stared at Raven; pulling down her breeches and underwear to expose the soft, pale skin of her -

"Looks like I'll have to work on being less exciting. Is everyone ready to head in?" Raven asked and Cole was the only one who didn't respond. Instead he just stood up while trying to block out the very loud thoughts his Qunari friend was having about Raven.

"Damn, Girl!" Bull bellowed as the giant fell dead to the ground with Raven still braced on its back on her hands and knees, one of her daggers deeply embedded into its heart while the other she freed from its neck on the way down. It was an interesting situation that lead to her in that particular position, mainly thanks to Bull for letting her use him as a ramp. Raven threw him a quick smile before dislodging her dagger from the dead creature before her, not noticing the surprised looks from her other companions, Cole included.

"Was it really necessary to use Bull as a thing to jump off of?" Solas asked aware that he was starting to smile. She smiled back at him once she was on solid ground and then started laughing at what had just occurred.

"Bull didn't seem to mind," she replied while wiping her daggers on her once white cotton shirt.

"I can't believe that actually worked," Bull exclaimed with an even bigger smile and not helping the Elf make his point.

"You need to be more careful. What would you have done if the giant turned at the last moment and grabbed you or had fallen on top of you?" Christopher scolded, not at all amused.

"I imagine the things sternum would be harder to break with my daggers, but I think I'd manage," she replied and her nonchalance annoyed the more practical members of the group. "I'm sorry if I freaked you guys out, but I saw an opportunity and went for it. Besides, it stopped the thing from throwing the boulder at you and Cassandra." Without another word they watched as she made her way across the large room to loot the chests. When she was no longer in hearing range Christopher let out a frustrated sigh and shot a glare at Solas who had started to chuckle then at Bull who was just as excited as Raven had been moments ago. That girl was going to be the death of him. He swore while looking at Cassandra whose expression was one of awe and disbelief.

"I don't know if I should be happy that she made it out unharmed or if I should scold her," the woman murmured quietly and wished she was back at Skyhold with her training dummies.

"Come on Seeker, if anyone knows what they're doing it's her. She's fine," Bull protested as he wiped his axe. It was obvious Raven meant a lot to them and not just because she had the skill and knowledge that could lead to their victory or defeat. She was their friend and someone they'd come to care about. Even Bull found himself staying close to her during combat just in case something were to happen. She was still a young woman even though she could put the best soldier on their ass and come up with quick, biting remarks that could make even the most self-assured person feel like they were nothing. He knew that trying to put restrictions on her wasn't going to help, not with what was going on with her that she and the kid were keeping quiet about. Bull looked over to Cole. His pale face was expressionless though on the inside his thoughts were more frantic than the others. He didn't know how to explain it, he couldn't explain how or why he didn't like her reckless actions, her lack of concern for herself, and that she so readily put herself in danger.

"I don't want to take that chance Bull." Cassandra argued, "Whether her actions stopped the giant or not, she could've been hurt or worse and I don't want to bring that news back to Skyhold. It would break Cullen's heart."

"Cullen?" Bull bit out quietly to keep the Kid from hearing. "Try a little closer to our exact location. But I get what you're saying Seeker. I'll talk to her later tonight if it'll make you feel better. Cole will even join me." Bull finally conceded as he glanced over at the demon...spirit thing. Whatever the Kid was, it was obvious to Bull that he was probably the least happy about recent events. Even though his eyes were hidden behind long blond hair and that stupidly large hat, his stiff posture and the fact that he refused to look at any of them was a dead giveaway and Bull decided that he would need to talk to the Kid before sitting down with Raven.

"There's a place to set up camp just through those doors." Raven announced as she rejoined her friends still standing around the giant's corpse. They looked at her and Christopher was the one to nod and start to make his way to the pair of large doors standing between their next set location.

"You weren't kidding," Christopher told her as they walked up the stone steps to see a large semi-fenced in area that reminded him of the battlements back at Skyhold. Raven made a simple noise of acknowledgment and quietly made her way over to the shaded area and slid down the wall. She was tired and her body hurt. She was thankful that there wasn't much left to do before they could leave, if not tomorrow then the next day. She'd make sure of it.

Night came hours later and everyone seemed more than ready to relax after a long day. The Darkspawn, ruins, and giant were just the beginning and even though Raven let them know what was ahead, it didn't make it any less tiring. Two more giants, three rifts, countless Venatori, capturing Servis, and the vicious wildlife. It all seemed nearly impossible to get done within a matter of one day, but by the time they returned it was late and nearly all was completed. Thankfully the soldiers finished setting up camp and one even thought to prepare dinner as they all took seats around the large fire. All but one, anyway, and it wasn't until they realized there was an extra plate that Raven hadn't joined them.

Tired and still hot, the small redhead stripped on her way to her sleeping area, hardly caring if anyone saw. That possibility was doubtful; she requested for her tent-if one could call it that-to be set up away from the fire. It was more like the fort she used to make when she was a kid, a large tarp secured over the covered shaded area from earlier with two comfy bedrolls and pillows just in case Cole didn't want to listen to Bull's snores. Once practically naked inside her tent, Raven made quick work of placing her daggers beside her in a small chest, tying her hair into a tight bun, and taking advantage of the giant bowl and washcloth left for her. It was nothing compared to bathing in the oasis but as the cool water touched her skin she couldn't help but let out a soft moan in appreciation before taking out a small bar of scented soap from her bag.

"Do you think she's alright?" Solas asked after noticing that Raven hadn't joined them.

"She's probably tired," Christopher replied knowing that they all were, even Cole had to be to some degree. His eyes flicked over to the spirit who still had on his hat but was covered in dust, dirt, and blood like the rest of them.

"Tired, hot, body aching but the cold water soothes the muscles and mind as it touches, dampens, and drips down soft skin. She doesn't like being dirty," Cole replied quietly and it took a moment for his companions to realize that she'd decided to clean up before joining them.

It wasn't until they were halfway through dinner that Raven joined them wearing a loose black cotton sleeveless shirt and a pair of black and purple shorts, clothes from the time before she joined them but in all honesty seemed the most appropriate for the weather even if she was among men. She looked absolutely exhausted as she less than gracefully took a seat between Bull and Cole.

"Hungry?" Bull asked and was surprised to feel her shake her head against his arm. "You need to eat." He continued in a tone that let her know it wasn't a matter up for discussion.

"Let me wind down first. Can you pass me some water?" She asked while turning her attention to Solas halfway through. The Elf smiled at her and with a nod filled a large tankard full of water and gave it to Bull to give to her which she started to sip after she thanked him.

"We did a lot today," Christopher commented before taking another bite of food. The meat was tender and he wondered if it was something they brought from Skyhold or something they'd acquired in the desert. Raven sighed and nodded. "How much more do you suppose is left to do?"

"Shards and opening a door." The redhead replied before taking another sip of water. Damn, she was tired.

"You're joking!" Cassandra exclaimed and Raven shook her head.

"I have to leave soon and you guys made it clear that you don't like the desert so I wanted to get all the necessary things done today. If you want to get the shards tomorrow morning that door leads to where we encountered that first rift. We can head out after that," Raven explained and suppressed a grown as she sat forward to put down her glass and grab a plate and fork for food that was still on the cooking spit and pot. They stared at her surprised as meat was the first thing she grabbed followed by an assortment of vegetables and some rice.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Christopher asked after she had taken a couple much needed bites.

"You would've insisted we stop if I had told you sooner about how little there was left to do. With Servis caught, the rifts closed, and the Venatori gone from the area you, I, and everyone else can sleep deep and well," she replied and her logic was extremely hard to find fault in.

"So we can head out tomorrow?" Christopher verified and Raven nodded and continued eating. Bull looked down at the girl who jumped at his loud, unexpected laugh. Hell, she was a pain in the ass.

With Raven's admission there was a sudden lightness and excitement that came over the rest of the party. They were more lively in their actions and the chatter was more pleasant than before. Raven didn't speak much, then again there was no doubt in any of their minds that she pushed herself the hardest and had a right to be exhausted. When she stood up, using Bull for balance, bid everyone goodnight, and left for her tent, no one objected.

Cole had enjoyed the night and sudden changes everyone seemed to have once finding out they could leave the next day. He didn't say much amidst all the other conversation going on, he liked listening instead but once his friend was settled in her tent and was sure she wouldn't hear him, he looked to Christopher and smiled, eager to know what he would say if they knew Raven's second reason for pushing them as hard as she did. They had discussed it earlier that morning.

"Is everything alright, Cole?" He asked and the spirit nodded.

"How about we take a walk," Bull suggested, not giving Cole time to respond before he stood up and stretched. Cole tried to block out any thoughts his large friend was having knowing he hated that Cole could sometimes hear. Reluctantly Cole nodded, stood, and followed Bull down the steps and through the doors to the room they faced the first giant earlier that day.

"Is everything alright, The Iron Bull?" Cole asked as he watched his friend turn to stare at him.

"I think we need to talk about what's going on with Raven," he replied and suddenly had no idea how to approach the conversation. There was no questioning that Cole knew and felt more about Raven than either of them had let on.

"I don't understand what you mean, The Iron Bull." As Cole spoke he couldn't help but hear some of the louder things going on in his friend's mind. The Iron Bull was smart, after all the years in Seheron fighting agents of Tevinter and becoming a spy for the Ben-Hassrath, noticing the worry Cole seemed to have for his friend when the others didn't was child's play. The Iron Bull had his own thoughts about the Kid and Raven, none of which Cole knew how to respond to or explain. None of them were correct; they were not lovers like Christopher and Cassandra and he didn't feel that secret longing that Warden Blackwall felt when he looked at Lady Josephine or when Commander Cullen watched Raven walk away after a long, pleasant conversation. Was he supposed to? He couldn't help but wonder every time he overheard someone mention Raven and him together. In the months they'd been friends she'd never stopped or objected to him listening to her thoughts when they called out and it was the same with hurt she felt. Her song had always been so compelling that he wanted to listen, to learn, and be there for her, but he never felt for her what others would think and she never felt that way for him.

"You know that we all care for her, too. But if something is going on with her, then I need to know. We can't help her if we're kept in the dark." Bull found himself explaining and felt like he was talking to a child.

"Raven is my friend. She tells me many things but not what you think. She dreams of her family. Of him. She didn't abandon him like he says but the hurt takes over and binds, knots, and suffocates that sometimes she can't breathe. Her heart hurts but she's pushed the pain down so no one sees and she can't feel but it's not working anymore. I- I don't know, I don't understand why she cares so little about what happens to herself. She doesn't understand that people care. Lost, unworthy, confused, 'how can they possibly...' It... hurts and I can't fix it. I don't know how and I need to." Cole explained quietly, his voice rushed and almost trembling as he looked down, shielding himself from The Iron Bull's gaze. He was shocked at the Kid's admission but didn't let it show.

"We'll get through to her. I was going to talk to her about it today, but that little girl didn't give me a chance. Just keep up what you're doing and I'll work on the rest." Bull kept his voice soft and even as he spoke not wanting his friends to hear their conversation. It was pretty clear the Kid didn't want his own worries about their friend made known. Cole nodded in understanding and without a word vanished causing Bull to let out a loud unexpected curse. Fucking demons.

Cole was quiet as he entered Raven's tent. Even in the darkness he could see the second bedroll and pillow laid out for him but instead kept his attention on Raven who was fast asleep, her body sprawled out and exposing her small curvy frame. Her long hair fell free from its tie and flowed over her pillow, shoulder, and face. Part of her shirt had ridden up to show a sliver of the pale tattooed skin of her stomach. She was exhausted and so he didn't wake her. Cole removed his daggers from the harness on his back and held them to his chest to avoid any unnecessary noise as he sat against the stone wall and closed his eyes. He could sleep, but he liked the calm too much to do so. Her thoughts and dreams were quieter than normal but he could still hear her song more clearly among the thoughts of the others.

 _'I wonder what they could possibly have to talk about_.' Cassandra's thoughts always seemed to cut through first and he wasn't surprised that she was curious about The Iron Bull pulling him aside.

 _'I can't believe we can depart tomorrow, I'm sick of this place. Why does Bull look so grim?'_ Even Christopher's thoughts sounded tired.

' _I hope she's alright. She's lost weight since the incident at Haven.'_ Cole smiled at the concern Solas had for his friend. His thoughts were less muted than usual.

' _Shit. How the hell am I supposed to bring this up to her? Maybe Varric or Cullen? I'm not good at this... Maybe we need someone like Josephine? If she were up for it, we could always settle it my way. Why couldn't the Boss bring something stronger for us?'_ The Iron Bull's thoughts weren't surprising. It didn't take the large man's thoughts to see he cared for and respected Raven, it seemed they all did for some reason or another.


	20. Chapter 20

The sound of her name woke Raven from dreams of autumn in the Hinterlands. When she heard her name again, only louder, she found strength to open her eyes. From the breaks in the laid stone she could see it was morning. Who was calling her? Was everyone okay? With a slight groan caused by the protesting of her stiff muscles she sat up and reached out to the opening of her tent, pulling back the flap to see Solas kneeling only feet away already dressed in his usual pale green light armor.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?" He asked and Raven inwardly cursed at his never ending propriety before forcing a smile and nodding. The sun was already bright and her body felt like she'd been stomped on by a stampede of druffalo.

"Is everyone okay? What time is it?" She asked and was surprised that Cole hadn't been the one to wake her.

"Everyone is fine, it's just you and I here right now. Christopher and the others went to collect those shards you spoke of yesterday and I imagine they'll want to leave once they get back," he explained while gauging any reaction she may have. However, she simply looked dazed and he couldn't help but smile at her unusually disheveled appearance. "Why don't you get dressed and come out for some breakfast." She nodded so he stood up, dusted off his robes, and made his way back to the cooking spit. Hopefully he would have enough time to resolve the mess at hand before the others got back.

Raven appeared from her tent barely ten minutes later in one of her more functional corsets, canine hide tinted black and green, matching pair of green leather trousers, a pair of black boots, and her daggers sheathed in the harness on her back. The leather armor was lighter and cooler than she'd anticipated in the desert heat. Her hair had been tied back into a messy bun, a big improvement from its earlier mess. Solas smiled at her as she sat down across from him and she gratefully took the water he offered her.

"I would like to discuss something before the others come back," he told her. Unlike the others he wasn't afraid to bring up her recent actions.

"Is everything alright?" She asked him, her mind suddenly going to the worst possible place. Her friends face was calm as he looked at her which confused Raven even more.

"Actually I'm not sure. You would know better than I." His reply confused her even more. "You've been more reckless than usual. I'm not the only one who's noticed nor who is worried. Surely you understand that we care for you." Raven looked down and immediately regretted joining him for anything. Having someone openly admit their concern, Solas no less, wasn't something she ever expected to happen. She was close with her father, family, and friends but they always spoke with actions, not words. Still, deep down she knew they cared for her, they wouldn't want her around if they didn't. Even before Christopher and Solas knew how much help she could be, they spent time with her; they talked, and laughed about both silly and important things. Bull cared in the way that he liked to rile her up and watched her with the recruits, even threatening anyone whose words became too excessive. Cole especially-even though he was a spirit of compassion-insisted on being around her even though she didn't hurt.

"I do," she finally replied and Solas felt himself let out the breath he hadn't realized that he'd been holding.

"Then you can imagine how we would all feel if something were to happen to you and we were never able to see you again." Solas spoke slowly to make sure she was able to comprehend what he meant. Raven didn't look at him as she tried to understand, to put herself in their position. Her father had taught her that people die everyday and she was no different, but her mind went to a month after she'd woken up in the snow, to that moment of clarity when she realized that she would never go home. She would never see her family or train with her father ever again. The emptiness made her heart ache just as it had back then and had been doing for months. She'd give anything for her new friends and family to never feel that because of her.

"I am sorry, Solas." Her voice was barely a whisper, but he heard it.

"I am not mad, _Da'len_. I know you aren't a malicious person so I know you didn't do it on purpose. As long as you understand that your actions don't only affect you." His reply did little to make her feel better. She should've known and she was an idiot to think it wouldn't go both ways.

"It wasn't meant to come off as reckless. I didn't even think of what could happen to me. People die, that's a part of life. All I thought about was that I knew what had to be done and how to go about doing it like any soldier would. That's how my dad trained me." Solas listened to the young girl across from him who wasn't only an ally in the war against Corypheus but a friend as well. She very seldom opened up to people, even to those she considered friends, but this was at least three times that she'd trusted him despite knowing who he was. He imagined Cole being the only other since she hid nothing from the spirit, but it touched him nonetheless.

"I can't say much since I've never met him, but I think your father would be very proud to see all that you've accomplished and what you've become," Solas replied honestly and moved next to her as she wiped the sudden tears from her eyes. Her cheeks turned the color of her hair.

"You can't say things like that," Raven admonished while trying not to chuckle as she wiped tears from her eyes, "That mushy sentimental crap makes me cry and crying is stupid." Solas couldn't help but laugh at her logic.

"I apologize, _Da'len_. Will you please try to be more careful now that you understand how we feel?" She nodded at his request and before he could say anything else or move away she hugged him, suddenly needing the comfort. It wasn't long until she pulled away; she was quick to stand and wipe her hands on her breeches.

"I can't wait till we're out of here. Sand gets everywhere and it sucks," she grumbled and turned around in surprise when she heard Bull's loud laugh. Had she really been so distracted that she hadn't heard him or the others approach?

"That makes the rest of us," Christopher replied while coming forward to put a hand on her shoulder. "We all packed before setting out this morning. Once you're done with yours, we can get the hell out of here." Raven nodded and when Christopher dropped his hand she turned to quickly make her way back to the tent. Once she was out of earshot his smile dropped and he turned to Solas.

"I presume you retrieved everything?" The elf asked and Christopher slowly nodded.

"Why was she crying?" His question wasn't unexpected, as was the dark tone to accompany it, and before answering Solas looked to Bull, then Cassandra, and finally to Cole whose eyes were locked on to the direction of Raven's makeshift tent. It was surprising that he hadn't already disappeared to her side.

"Since it was obvious Bull didn't know how to approach yesterday's incidents, I decided to talk to her," Solas finally explained once he looked back to Christopher whose eyes widened.

"Hey, I knew exactly how to approach her about it," Bull defended even though he was lying through his teeth. In truth he was glad Solas decided to do it, he wasn't good at that type of shit.

"Clothing stripped, torn, shredded, bare skin, soft, glowing in the moonlight, eyes twinkling, excited, nervous as you bend her over. White skin turns pink through caresses and precise blows. Breath, hot and heavy, sweet musical moans full of longing. Soft whispers of apology. I don't understand how this would help," Cole piped up and Bull looked down at him with a smirk.

"With any luck maybe you'll understand someday. It's a lot of fun." A hand smacking his chest caused him to stumble back, not from the strength of it but surprise.

"Don't you _dare_ teach him that," Cassandra scolded. She turned to Solas, "What did you say to her?"

"She is a very compassionate and empathetic person. All I did was appeal to that side of her. I believe she will be more careful in the future," The Elf replied simply and his eyes darted to the space Cole had inhabited before; he suddenly wasn't there anymore. The others didn't seem to notice.

"I have a couple soldiers preparing our mounts right now. We'll leave once she's ready. I'd still like someone to stay with her while she's in Val Royeaux since Josephine's stuck at Skyhold with some other diplomats." Christopher spoke in a tone that meant there was no choice on the subject and none of the companions could blame him. Val Royeaux was a dangerous place with nobles obsessed with The Game and while he trusted Raven, he knew it would be better to have someone with her in case something happened. She was a beautiful young woman and had many admirers according to Josephine and all the letters she'd shown him. "What do you think Solas?"

"I imagine Cole would agree to be her companion if we were to ask. His ability to come, go, and choose whether a person sees him makes him the best choice." Solas replied while ignoring the annoyed glare Cassandra tried to discreetly shoot him. His reasons made sense, Christopher nodded in agreement. It was settled then.

Back in her tent Raven made quick work of packing everything she needed. Most of it was already in Val Royeaux thanks to Josephine including the new mask she was to wear. All she needed were the clothes she brought to The Western Approach, her backpack, and her weapons. As much as she tried to keep her mind busy and focused on the task at hand she couldn't shake the conversation that she'd been a part of not even ten minutes ago. Shame still filled her; she should've known and was stupid not to, even after Cole had reassured her so many times. How could she apologize to them? Would they all be as forgiving as Solas?

"So much sadness and shame spinning around inside, tying and knotting together. It's wrong, it mutes the light and song." Cole's voice was a frantic whisper as he appeared in front of Raven, catching her off guard and causing her to jump back.

"Damnit Cole!" The curse came out before she could stop it but he didn't seem to notice.

"You know. You understand now that I'm not the only one telling you." He continued, "Please, let me help. I can make the hurt go away. I can -" His frantic words were cut short as Raven wasted no time coming forward and wrapping her arms tightly around his waist. With wide eyes Cole looked down and immediately felt some of the stray red strands that had come loose from her tie tickle his skin. His hands moved up to wrap around her small shoulders without him telling them to. He loved how she felt. "I can help you."

"You do so much already. I'm sorry, Cole." Her words were quiet, but he heard them. She wasn't only apologizing for the last couple days but for any time she'd worried him as if knowing there were many. Cole wasn't sure what to say, no one had ever come to him wanting his forgiveness. Only her. He was always the one to apologize. Her pain had slowly started to fade but it was still there under the skin, so contrite in realizing her actions, ' _Please forgive me_ '.

"It's okay. If you don't understand, then how can you know?" He chose his words carefully knowing that he could not take them back. She wouldn't let him. Raven looked up at him, her eyes still red from crying earlier making the green irises stand out even more.

"I should've known. You told me but with who you are, _how_ you are… I should've known," she replied and then as if she realized how she was clinging to him she pushed herself away. "Sorry, I didn't mean to just throw myself on you like it was some telenovela nonsense."

"You needed comfort. I am happy that you chose me." His reply was simple, but it caused her to smile before she turned to pick up the two bags she'd packed and left the covered space. Cole followed just in time to see her stop in front of the others. Her words were soft and whatever she said Cole was too far to hear. She looked so small compared to the others, especially The Iron Bull. The Qunari stepped forward and put a giant hand on Raven's shoulder. Solas looked over to him and gave a reassuring smile.

Val Royeaux hadn't changed much in the time since Raven's last visit. Autumn was evident in the trees; instead of the bright green, the leaves were now multiple shades of red, orange, and yellow. They made their way to her suite on foot. Christopher watched as Raven seemed to become an entirely different person. Her posture became straighter, she held her head higher, and he noticed the calculated reactions and responses she gave to some of the nobles wandering through the downtown marketplace that stopped to talk to her; the men bowing low and taking her hand to place a kiss on the knuckles while the women greeted her with kisses on each cheek. It was strange to see.

"Was she like this at Skyhold?" He asked Bull quietly and the Qunari responded with a gruff chuckle.

"This? This is child's play compared to Skyhold, Boss. Are you sure you want Cole to be the one to stay with her?" Bull asked almost hesitantly. It wasn't like he wanted to be the one to stay in Orlais with Raven and deal with the pompous assholes that were the city's nobility but it was a reasonable question. He liked Cole but the Kid even put him on edge with that mind reading and disappearing crap. There was no telling what reactions would come from the people who didn't know him. Shit, why couldn't Dorian or Viv be there with them?

"Cole doesn't need to stay with me," Raven quietly protested as she lead them to her suite. One of Leliana's agents met them at the door and with a formal greeting announced that the suite passed inspection before rushing off on other business. It was the same suite Raven had during her last visit and they watched from the doorway as she carelessly threw her bags onto the large table and made her way into another room.

"Is she exploring?" Cassandra asked.

"She's making tea," Cole answered her. "The men want her. The women like that she doesn't want them. She is safe here, but I want to stay."

"You'll have to talk to her about it. There's only so much I can do." Christopher looked at Cole as he spoke, struggling to see the spirit's blue eyes from under the long blond hair. Cole opened his mouth to reply but stopped and looked to the door that she came out of seconds later with a smile. She must like that new tea, he thought.

"You guys are welcome to stay the night and head out tomorrow," she offered politely once coming from the kitchens, noticing how late in the day it was. "There should be enough space and I have water heating up for tea."

"Thank you. We'll head out first thing in the morning to prevent any hindrances to your meetings." It was Solas who accepted her offer. It had been a long journey to Val Royeaux and he didn't mind the idea of sleeping in a bed instead of riding all night. Christopher looked back at him and nodded in agreement.

"That's great. There's no _'hindrances_ ' or anything like that. I'm here a couple days early so I was going to stop by the Couslands' shop, maybe the bookstore, and definitely take a few baths..." Raven explained but trailed off halfway through her sentence. It felt like she was rambling. "If you'd like we can go to this cafe I know of or I can cook. Josephine sent word ahead and the kitchen is stocked."

"You can cook?" Bull asked suddenly not sure if he'd heard her correctly. Raven just nodded. "Why don't you?"

"The kitchens are a busy place. I give them recipes though if that counts for anything." She answered nonchalantly while giving him a shrug. They really didn't know much about her, she thought to herself but did anything but blame them. She was the one who didn't open up. "Why don't you guys make yourselves comfortable, take baths, and change. I'll start on dinner."

"So we'll see you in a couple of weeks," Christopher bid her farewell. "If something happens I'll send word." Raven smiled up at him and nodded. Maybe it was because she was still half asleep but it seemed like last night had flown by. Cole helped her in the kitchen once she'd made the decision of cooking dinner for everyone and between the food, wine, and stories that seemed to naturally come out in good company it was late by the time everyone chose to retire. Even Solas lingered later than usual and offered to help her clean which she respectfully declined.

"Sounds good. Send a raven anyway when you get home so I don't have to worry," she requested while readjusting the blanket around her frame. Cole had been the one to wake her not long ago to announce that everyone was leaving. She'd stumbled out of bed, bringing the blanket with her. She'd nearly tripped on the clothes she'd stripped herself of the night before, and simply walked downstairs not caring if she was in a tank top and her favorite boy shorts or that her hair was undone, slightly fuzzy, and falling in her face. Her appearance had caught Christopher, Bull, and Cassandra off guard. Solas just smirked while Cole paid no mind, he'd seen her that way more times than she cared to count.

"Do not worry, _Da'len_. I'll make sure you are kept updated. Please make sure you allow us that same courtesy." The elf mage's request came easy and she nodded again in agreement.

" _Dareth shiral, Hahren_." Solas smiled at her farewell, the Elven seemed to simply flow off her tongue without a second thought and it was a... fun feeling that they could converse with one another in a way most around them couldn't understand.

Once goodbyes were said and all but one friend departed, Raven shut and locked the door and turned to Cole seated on the large wooden table not far from the fireplace.

"You're sure you want to stay with me?" She asked and only received a nod from him. "You are more than welcome to. I'm still very tired and… slightly hungover so I'm going to go back to sleep for a while."

"You like autumn," Cole spoke and Raven raised an eyebrow, curious as to what she had thought that he deemed important enough to bring it into conversation so early. "Leaves changing; red, yellow, orange, cold air hitting your cheeks and blowing your hair back as you jump in pile after pile of leaves. Muscles burning and straining as your work to reach the top of the cliff. Hot cocoa, soft sweaters. Sitting around campfires listening to Uncle David try to play the lute that was always out of tune."

"Guitar. It's called a guitar. His singing was always worse." Her voice was soft as she spoke. It was way too early in the morning for those kinds of memories. "I think I'm just going to get ready for the day. If it's not too much trouble can you make me some tea?"

Cole merely nodded and remained seated as Raven gave him one last sad smile and made her way up the stairs. She reminded him of the cats around Skyhold; graceful, soft languid movements; climbing, watching, so hard to predict. The moment her door closed he moved to the edge of the table, extended his legs, and put them to the floor. He normally would've just thought about it and been there in an instant but he liked looking at the paintings on the wall as he walked by. One caught his eye the night before, giant trees with green leaves, green grass, even green moss covered rocks along a waterfall in the distance. _The Emerald Graves_ , that was the paintings title, and Cole couldn't help but wonder what it would look like in Autumn before he made his way into the kitchen.

The room itself was massive with a giant countertop in the center across from the fireplace and cooking spits. Cupboards along the wall and various tables held assortments of dry ingredients and a closed box bearing the symbol of an ice glyph, no doubt courtesy of Solas or one of the circle mages, held milk, butter, chunks of meat, and eggs. The fruit and cheese she chose to keep out and covered were sitting on a table to the left. Cole wasted no more time looking around as he gathered what was needed and began working on making tea. The blend she had asked to be created smelled spicier than normal with cinnamon, pepper, and cardamom seeds. Better with milk and sugar, he remembered her thoughts from the night before.

"So what would you like to do today?" He almost jumped at the sound of her voice as she entered the kitchen on silent feet. Cole turned to face her.

"I don't know what there is to do. You're the only one to ever ask me that," he replied while noticing that she was in similar clothes from the day before, however it was all black making her red hair appear even brighter against the material. Her mask was also black, made of lace with small shiny white stones near the eyes. She wasn't wearing it, he'd seen it the night before. She would have to wear it if she went out now that she owned one. Cole never understood the custom, he could still hear their thoughts and see the pain under the masks and he knew Raven could, too.

"I'd like to see if there are any new fabrics at Adrian and Delphine's shop. If you wanted to explore the city, come with, or even stay here it doesn't bother me. Just be safe and come get me if you need help," she replied in earnest.

After a quiet breakfast in the Val Royeaux marketplace, Cole quietly followed Raven into the Couslands' store two hours later. He wasn't close enough to touch her but could still feel her warmth. Her song was soft, pleasant, and resounded through his being. Excited, anxious, happy; that was what she was at that moment and Cole found himself nearly buzzing with his own quiet excitement because of it. The woman seated at a table in the middle of the large room dressed in green with hair tied back looked up and smiled at Raven's presence. It was a wide smile filled with as much exuberance as the petite redhead beside him.

"Raven!" The girl exclaimed, her tone high pitched, as she stood and began to close the space between them. "It's been so long. Adrian and I just sent a letter yesterday to tell you of the new fabrics that arrived." There was so much fabric last time, Cole thought to himself as the giant blanket on her bed at the suite came to mind. At Raven's request Lady Josephine had it sent to be with her for the couple weeks they were to be in the city.

"I guess this is good timing. How have you and your brother been?" Raven asked with a genuine interest that Cole could see the brunette wasn't used to. In Val Royeaux most only cared about themselves, power, money, and the pain of others.

"We've been well. The shop has had a significant increase in business ever since it became known that a member of the Inquisition does business with us. Speaking of, that outfit looks great on you. I'm glad it turned out as nice as it did," Delphine complimented while taking a step back to observe the outfit they had made for her. The mask was a change, black like her outfit with small diamond-like stones.

"I'm sure it has. We've gotten a lot of letters and offers from other tailors wanting to do business with us and me, specifically, but I told Lady Montilyet to throw them away. I wasn't planning on having anything made today but the idea of more fabric sounds nice." Cole watched in silence as the young brunette's smile grew and she lead his friend to the collection on fabric bolts on the other side of the store. The young woman, Delphine, didn't hurt like the others. She was happy, her song nearly soaring as she laughed at something Raven must've said. Cole willed himself to be seen and as if she could sense his sudden presence Delphine looked over to him. Raven's eyes followed.

"Good morning, Sir," she greeted kindly.

"Hey, Cole," Raven greeted simply and turned back to inspect the fabric. She was wondering when he'd choose to make himself known.

"I apologize I didn't see you come in. Is there anything I can help you with?" Cole shook his head and Raven turned to Delphine again.

"He's here with me. Cole's part of the Inquisition and one of my closest friends," she explained causing Delphine's smile to widen before she came forward to properly introduce herself, growing a little more nervous the closer she came to him. Cole, as Raven introduced him, was tall with a slim build, had bright blond hair under a large hat, and barely visible light blue eyes. The depth and color reminded her of the lake on her Uncle's farm back in Ferelden. She wasn't normally the type to judge a person based on looks alone, but his large hat and patchy leathers made her think of a farmer instead of a member of the Inquisition, especially someone that Raven would keep so close. Was he a fellow diplomat, or maybe a rogue? Delphine was in front of him at that moment and looking up at him it was obvious that he'd seen more pain and death than anyone so young should. He continued to look at her as she held out her hand in greeting.

"My name is Delphine. My brother and I own this shop. It's nice to meet another member of the Inquisition." She remained polite despite the sudden unnerving sensation coursing through her as Cole's eyes met hers.

"It was so hot that day. Dry grass scraping your feet didn't matter because the moment you jumped in the air laughing, flying, falling into the lake trying to make a bigger splash. The cold water feels good on hot skin, Aunt Leandra will kill me when she sees I got my dress wet. She does miss you." Cole spoke quietly and Delphine couldn't bring herself to step back or look away. His eyes looked through her, bringing up the memory like it was playing out in front of him. Then suddenly he stepped back, eyes wide, "I'm Cole."

Raven watched him from the corner of her eye, her hands running along the smooth ring velvet in her hands. She observed the way he moved around Delphine who turned to watch Cole make his way over to the fabric section to join Raven in silence. His eyes were wide, fingers twitching though he didn't seem to notice. When he was close enough she let go of the fabric and brought her hands to his cheeks. He seemed warmer than usual, but she paid no mind as she kept a hand on his pale skin and removed his large hat with the other.

"I'm sorry. It was a good memory. She wanted to remember it," he spoke quietly, not realizing the way his face pressed into her open palm. She set his hat down on an empty bolt and, keeping her calm smile, she ran her fingers through his long hair, brushing back the blond tresses.

"Why are you apologizing then?" The question was a simple one.

"Solas told me some things are inappropriate to say. Some people don't like it, but I did it anyway," he replied and Raven couldn't help but let out a short laugh and watch Delphine come up to them both, her eyes still on Cole.

"You are such a sweetheart. If you think you did something wrong then apologize to the one you feel you offended. She's right behind you. Delphine, once he's done can we take his measurements?"

"So he's really part of the Inquisition?" Delphine finally asked after Cole had gone into the fitting room again. For the last hour he'd been trying on an assortment of tunics and breeches at the young redheads request. So far six items had been set aside, including a masculine coat and tunic similar to the training pieces Raven had so enthusiastically purchased from them only thicker, made from rams leather, and thanks to Ravens suggestion before, included pieces of drakestone. Raven looked over at her friend and nodded.

"Yeah. When the Red Templars attacked Haven Cole was the one to come and warn everyone. He saved my life that night," Raven replied as she continued to look at the drape Cole has pulled closed moments before, listening in case he needed assistance.

"That's remarkable! What happened?"

"While the Inquisitor and the others were fighting the Red Templars and working on aiming the trebuchets I was busy evacuating the homes and sending civilians to the Chantry. A Red Templar caught me off guard and I couldn't dodge him because he was so close. As I lay there with him on top of me, struggling to breathe with the behemoth's hands wrapped around my throat, Cole appeared from behind and killed the bastard. Blood was everywhere." As Raven spoke Delphine just looked at the woman casually leaning back against the counter, Cole's hat and her mask on top of the order form for even more fabric and an outline for a new dress. She had taken the thing off shortly after the fabric order was completed, apparently fed up with Orlesian customs for the day. Delphine couldn't picture her fighting, even with the daggers she'd seen. Raven had that air of regality; with grace, confidence, and the ability to read people she seemed more like a diplomat than anything else.

"We never did discuss your official position with the Inquisition. You fight and spend time with the nobility? Are your family nobles?"

Raven shook her head. "Mom was an artist when she was alive and Dad is a former soldier who taught me almost everything I know. You knew I helped train the soldiers."

"But you really fight out in the field? You're so small."

Raven laughed and at that moment Cole hesitantly opened the curtain and stepped out, his patchy shirt replaced with one of a similar pattern but all black. It made his blond hair and blue eyes appear brighter, if that were possible.

"It's very soft," he simply stated.

"Is it comfortable? Do you like it?" When he nodded quietly in response to Raven's questions the young girl straightened and walked over to her friend. After a few quick commands consisting of basic arm and body movements she nodded. "Why don't you take it off and give it to me."

"I have money. You don't need to buy it for me," Cole quietly protested as her thoughts lingered in both their minds. Raven smiled up at him. "Or anything else."

"I don't need to do anything but you like it. I like you on it. So please take it off and let me buy it and the others for you." Her smile nearly made it seem like he had a choice in the matter, but Delphine knew better as she watched the two together and suddenly looked away with a small noise as Cole reached down and removed his shirt before Raven or she could object and gave it to her.

"Are you alright, Raven? Your face is turning red," he asked, his eyes going wide in concern as she, too, looked away.

"Go back in and put your shirt on please," she replied quietly, still processing that he'd just so casually stripped in front of her. It wasn't like she'd never seen a man without a shirt and it wasn't like she hadn't done the same. Between Bull, her father, and the male trainers she'd had she was used to it. What she wasn't used to was her mouth suddenly going dry as he removed the article of clothing. She never expected his skin to be so smooth and pale or for muscles to subtly move under that skin. That was something she'd never even thought about, not out loud anyway. Instead of moving right away Cole lifted a hand and gently brought it to her forehead before doing as she requested. Once the drape was closed Raven moved back to where she was standing before.

"So... He's a rogue like you?" Delphine asked, eager to get her mind off the sudden brazen indecency.

"Yes, he is." Raven's reply was simple, her voice quiet and Delphine continued to watch her as she ran her fingers through her long hair.

"He's quite accomplished, I presume?"

"Let's put it this way," Raven replied and finally looked over to Delphine with a smile, her cheeks still flushed, as she thought back to the sparring match that seemed so long ago, "If there was anyone in the Inquisition that could match me in stamina and damage it's him." Part of her liked how Delphine's eyes widened. What Raven didn't know was that it wasn't just her words that surprised her friend, it was the look of pure adoration Raven held as she spoke of the young man not fifteen feet from them.


	21. Chapter 21

"What the hell was that, James? You know as well as I do that Advisor O'Hara taught you how to dodge that attack weeks ago, now try again!" Raven leaned against the ledge that overlooked the courtyard, impressed as she watched Patrick command her recruits. Before she'd left with Christopher and the others for the Western Approach she'd taken him aside and talked to him about training them in her absence. He'd been hesitant at first but after a couple drinks it didn't take much convincing. Upon coming back to see the recruits hard at work and Patrick taking her teachings - and even mannerisms - to heart, she knew she made the right choice. None of the recruits seemed to notice her above them as she stood against the ledge outside the Herald's Rest and she preferred it that way. It gave her an opportunity to watch them from a different perspective and get a better idea of what still needed to be done before she resumed command.

The two weeks in Val Royeaux with Cole had been a much needed type of vacation. Even with the luncheons, salons, and invitations from various nobles, she enjoyed being away from Skyhold and the time with Cole had only made it better. While the nightmares still came, he was always there when she woke ready to calm her and they'd spent so much time simply talking to one another that confiding in him felt like a second nature by the time they'd returned to Skyhold the night before. She'd shown him how to sew one night when they'd decided to stay up late. It had been a long but entertaining process spent around the large table on the main floor and with the fire lit to keep the cool autumn air from invading the suite, she'd elected to throw propriety completely out the window and dress in a loose top and the pair of shorts. She'd given Cole a pair of loose cotton breeches, but he'd gone shirtless. The entire night she fought to keep her thoughts hidden and to keep her attention on what she was teaching. If he'd gleaned anything he didn't make it known which was something she was grateful for. Her attention was drawn away from the recruits as she caught Christopher approaching out of the corner of her eye.

"I'm glad you're back," he said quietly while leaning against the ledge, matching her stance as best he could without drawing attention to himself. Raven looked over at him.

"What's wrong?" She asked when she saw that he looked anything but happy to see her. Relief, maybe, but his arms and shoulders were wound tight in his rather pretty red, white, and brown outfit. She couldn't remember the specific name for that particular ensemble but she remembered it being in the outerwear section of the Inquisitor's wardrobe.

"The Qunari want to ally with the Inquisition." He didn't sound happy about the news and Raven couldn't stop the frown from appearing on her face as she suddenly felt more uneasy than she expected. It was only a matter of time, she reminded herself. It was inevitable. One of the many dozens of things that would come to pass whether they liked it or not.

"What do you want to know?" Her voice matched his in volume despite the lack of worry she felt about people around overhearing their conversation. "Mind you, I know you won't like what you hear." She needed to get that warning out of the way.

"I want to know what you know." She nodded at his request and motioned with her head to join him as she straightened. Christopher moved with her as she walked over to the stairs and started to ascend to the battlements. Their pace was slow and unhurried, giving away nothing to onlookers about what they were to discuss.

"Are you sure about this? Once you know -"

"Yes," he cut her warning short.

Alright, then.

"Bull will know the contact. He's an elf named Gatlok, but Bull calls him Gat for short. The job is to eliminate the Venatori along the Storm Coast and signal the Qunari Dreadnought to arrive." She glanced at him as she spoke. They were now in the private square above the Requisition station where he'd met Hawke not long ago. Christopher nodded and took his place against one of the pillars, leaning casually and looking out at the massive courtyards of Skyhold. It was truly a beautiful view.

"It can't be that easy."

Raven smiled at his statement and shook her head. "Is it ever that easy for us?" Her question was rhetorical and she laughed as she took her place next to him. Soldiers were starting to patrol the battlements and members of the Inquisition were starting to wake. She stood perhaps a foot from him with her body facing his direction. "There will be more Venatori than anticipated which isn't noticed until after the Dreadnought is signaled. A choice has to be made and the results of what choice you make will last years." She didn't want to sound dramatic, but there really wasn't any other way to stress the importance of Bull's personal quest.

"What choice?" He asked while turning his head to look at her. She could sense his nervousness and she couldn't blame him. In all her times playing the game she'd made both choices and only one really ripped her heart apart. So much, in fact, that she remembered nearly sobbing as she fought and killed Bull in Trespasser. She let out a long sigh before speaking.

"If you want this alliance with the Qunari then Krem and the Chargers will die and you can't save them without the Dreadnought being destroyed." She heard more than saw Christopher stop breathing. "Bull will follow your command; so if you sacrifice the Chargers, Bull will remain with the Qun and ultimately die by your hand years from now in a situation that I cannot yet give you. If you have the Chargers retreat and sacrifice the alliance, Bull will become Tal-Vashoth. Some assassins will be sent out of courtesy, if that makes sense, but he'll stand by you no matter what."

He didn't speak. Not for a long while but at least he started to breathe again. Raven remained silent while doing her best to prepare for any response or action she could predict.

"How could you make such a choice?" Christopher finally asked and his voice was low and thick like he was holding back a scream. Raven flinched at his question.

"It was never one I made easily," she replied honestly, her heart suddenly heavy at the thought of him and Bull having to come to such a decision. She didn't want either of them to hurt, but no matter what they choose, the emotional outcome is inevitable and always bittersweet.

"Everytime I come to you for your help, what you tell me -" He had to stop and clear his throat before trying to speak again, "How can you live with the knowledge you have knowing it's your friends lives that hang in the balance?"

Now it was Ravens turn to clear the lump that'd suddenly appeared in her throat. As she met his gaze she knew he wasn't angry. He was sad and worried and whether it was for her or the decision he'd have no choice but to make, she wasn't sure. She blinked once, twice, then more rapidly until she knew she would keep her composure. She needed to. She had to be strong for him and for everyone which was becoming harder and harder to do on top of facing her own demons. "I wish I could give you the strong kind of response befitting of someone who's an advisor of the Inquisition but I can't."

"I would never ask you to, Raven. You're my friend and I care about you and your wellbeing more than whatever position you have. All I ask for is honesty." He put a hand on her arm and kept it there. For a moment she wondered if her composure wasn't as strong as she thought. Could he see how much it hurt her the way Cole was able to?

"It was a hard decision to make when you were all nothing more than a game. Now, knowing what I do and what you all will have to go through kills me. You're my family and if there was any way to prevent the pain...I'd do everything in my power to make it so. Actually being here, I hate the knowledge I have, which is why I'm so hellbent at times to be there with you." She felt like she'd downed an entire bottle of molasses and she had to swallow a few times to keep her voice calm.

"I know I've been asking you this a lot lately, but what would you do?" He asked her, his tone soothing. She moved away from him and his gentle comfort. She wasn't in the mood to be touched.

"I've only sacrificed the Chargers once. It's not something I'll ever do again."

Christopher nodded but said nothing and she knew he was thinking of his options. The proposition of an alliance was sudden and unexpected, even to Bull, and something she knew Christopher never considered or expressed wanting to have. Krem was his friend and so were the rest of the Chargers.

"Can we live without the alliance?" He asked after a long time of silence between them. Slowly, Raven nodded, suddenly feeling more tired than she should after finally sleeping in her own bed for the first time in nearly a month, even with the nightmares.

"You're living without the alliance now. If you sacrifice the alliance, Bull will need a comfort only you can provide. Remind him he's not Tal-Vashoth. He's Iron Bull of the Inquisition. It'll help and if you need me there just let me know." For the first time since telling him what would happen Christopher smiled at her. It wasn't something she returned.

"Anything else I should know about our friends and their personal lives?" He asked and she wasn't sure if he was joking.

"To help them and gain their loyalty? Yes, and I can help although I prefer to go over that somewhere warmer, with food, and something significantly stronger than tea."

The cacophony of the Herald's Rest was a comfort to Raven as she wandered in from the cold emptiness of Skyhold. Her friends - a good portion of them anyway - had left for loyalty missions after she told Christopher about them, leaving her alone with not much else to do for the past week besides work and advisor duties. While training the recruits in the morning was one hell of a needed workout, it left her body stiff from the hours she'd spent afterwards bent over books and tomes during her lessons with Josephine and Leliana. The time with them had dragged, each minute feeling like ten, before finally ending just as she thought she'd fall asleep. With a small smile directed to a group of her recruits who called out for her to join them she made her way to the bar. Her first tankard was something strong she couldn't quite pronounce, but it wasn't long before she was making her way to the table of good soldiers requesting her company. Patrick was one of them.

"She finally joins in!" Rene, a newer recruit, announced loudly.

"About damn time. We were starting to think you didn't like us!" Another recruit replied. Raven couldn't remember his name. "That was one hell of a lesson this morning!" Some of them laughed and agreed. Raven chuckled at the enthusiasm knowing it'd come a very long way since her first week as a trainer and took a long pull from her tankard. The drink burned her throat as it went down, but the warmth that followed in her cheeks and stomach was more than welcome and she enjoyed how her body seemed to relax a bit more than before.

"It's the only way I can keep your asses in shape!" She said loudly so others could hear over the rest of the bar. Behven, who was taking a large gulp of his pint, choked and all but slammed the large tankard onto the table as he coughed and laughed while eyeing Raven across the table.

"Just because we aren't skin and bone like you don't mean we aren't in shape, _Ma'am_." She loved how he added the 'ma'am' at the end and once she was done laughing she took another long drink of her own cups contents.

"No, the fact that a woman not a hundred pounds soaking wet can kick your ass means you aren't in shape." Her reply was quick and earned laughs from the men and women she trained. Behven laughed, too, knowing that she was right. Years of experience were on her side, not just her small stature.

As her men continued to talk, taunt, and goad each other she felt better than she had since returning to Skyhold over a week ago from Val Royeaux. Hell, even before that. The soldiers were great company. As she took a drink, then another, a barmaid came by with a refill. It was at that time the cards came out and everyone urged her to play a few rounds not knowing what they were getting into. If it weren't for Varric and his love for the damn game she would've been screwed. Instead, she was able to join in and know what she was doing even with the amount of alcohol she continued to consume.

"Well, ladies… and _Raven_ , looks like this round is mine!" Behven announced proudly as he threw down a matching set of three knights on the table and leaned back in his chair laughing hard at the shocked faces of Patrick, Rene, Behven, and four other men she couldn't quite recall the names of. Her mind was fuzzy and the warmth had spread through her body long ago, but that didn't stop her from smiling sweetly at him.

"It's an awful good thing we aren't playing for shirts," she commented and stopped to chuckle at the thought of the Wicked Grace scene way back when and how their Commander had to run back to his room stark naked. "With all the times I've kicked your ass tonight, you'd be butt ass naked and no one needs to see that." He threw her a playful glare and leaned forward over the pile of coins between them.

"And I suppose you got better?" He asked and she was aware of the way her smile grew. Grinning wide, pink tongue held between her teeth, as she calmly placed four beautifully colored angel cards on the table in front of her.

"Fortitude, Charity, Truth, and Death." Bheven's cocky smile dropped. "I learned to play from the master meaning you never stood a chance." The roar from those watching around her was loud and even in her drunken haze she flinched before laughing hard at the wide eyes of Behven as he sat stunned across from her.

"How the- What the fuck- Fuckin' figures! You sneaky ass - Commander!" The sudden look of horror on Behvin's face only made her laugh harder before looking up to see Cullen standing over their table looking just as big out of his official armor and furry mantle as he did in them. His eyes slowly moved over each of them and finally landed on her. She couldn't help but laugh even harder as his eyes widened.

"Good evening, Commander," she managed to say between breaths.

"Raven," he addressed her as seriously as always. She opened her mouth to say something in response but stopped when Cullen looked over at Behven, his eyes narrowing dangerously at him. "Recruit, were you in the process of disrespecting your commanding officer?" His tone was sharper than he'd used on her and Raven glanced over in amusement as Behven straightened. The group went quiet.

"No, Commander, I swear! We- we were simply playing a few games of Wicked Grace. She kicked our asses- I mean, she won, ain't that right?" Behven stammered while looking around at the other recruits for help. When she looked up at Cullen again ready to interject on the man's behalf she stopped and smiled when he saw her glance her way and a smirk. A wink followed and her laughter was barely contained by the hand she used to cover her mouth.

"Enough with scaring my recruits, Commander. Sit down and join us," Raven finally said more out of pity when none of her men spoke up on Behvens behalf. Cullen turned his full attention to her.

"I only came here for something to eat," he said simply. Raven emptied the last of her whiskey and motioned to the barmaid for a refill.

"What's your point?"

"I didn't come here to drink," he spoke slower and she thanked the barmaid for bringing her a full cup before smiling back up at him. She was going to get him to drink with her. He was going to drink and play Wicked Grace. She would win. It was her new mission in life; nothing else mattered.

"Have a drink with me, Commander, and play a couple rounds. Since you can't beat me in the sparring ring you might have some luck here." She snickered hard at the glare he gave her as she took a drink and coughed hard as it burned her throat. That wasn't whiskey. Whatever was given to her was a hell of a lot stronger.

"You think a simple taunt will make me change my mind?" He asked her with a smile.

"I'm not sure what to think. I thought real men indulged a lady, but I guess I was wrong. At least I have Patrick here to play with." Before she looked away, as if she didn't care, Raven caught his cheeks turn red. The blush was rather adorable on him, she concluded, and smiled knowingly at Patrick who hopefully knew how to play along.

"Of course, You can play with me anytime, My _Lady_." He stressed the 'Lady' part while glancing up at Cullen. As her second in command reached out for the deck of cards, his hand brushing over hers for effect, she didn't have to look away from Patrick to know it was Cullen's hand that covered the remaining cards on the table.

"That's not necessary, Patrick. I can take care of _Lady_ O'Hara just fine." She looked back at Cullen as he rested both hands on the table and looked at her. His eyes were bright and playful and while he refused to break eye contact she smiled up at him. With that scar above his lip he really was a handsome man. How would that scar feel against her tongue? He didn't pull away as she lifted a tentative hand to his cheek. Even brushing her thumb along it gave her more ideas than she wanted.

"We'll see what you're capable of, Commander."

Bright light was what woke Raven the next morning, or maybe it was the sound of birds. It also could've been that she felt like she'd just been hit with Iron Bull's giant maul. Her head pounded so loudly, her stomach felt like she'd just downed a few teaspoons of epicac and a cup of water, and she felt much warmer than she wanted to be. What the hell happened, she wondered while desperately trying to grasp any semblance of the previous night's events. When thinking became too difficult she let out a groan and curled up tighter into the blanket covering her and tried to reposition herself only to find that what covered her was not her quilt and that something large and warm prohibited her from moving. Her blood ran cold.

Shit… Shit! Where the hell was she? Raven opened her eyes but the sun shining through a hole in the roof blinded her and if her head didn't hurt so much she would've screamed. The sinking feeling in her stomach continued to grow; she recognized that roof. Upon further ungraceful movement she realized that she was very, _very_ unclothed. The arm around her… Cullen's arm, pulled her toward his large, naked chest. Fuck… What had she done? What was she going to do? Raven flinched when she felt him nuzzle his face into the crook of her neck and move to kiss her shoulder.

"Cullen…" Raven said quietly while doing her best to keep her composure and whatever contents she had in her stomach down and not all over the bed. He didn't wake, his breathing remained slow and even, but his grip on her loosened and with one last kiss to her bare skin he moved from lying on his side and pressed against her to repositioning himself on his back.

Raven didn't waste time trying to clumsily scramble out of his bed. While frantically searching for her clothes she nearly tripped over a damn lute. She needed to get the hell out of there, away from him before he woke up. It was wrong on so many levels to do…she didn't know what. Her muscles were tight and sore, the throbbing between her legs...the dizziness went away but her head was still felt like a mallet was pounding against her skull, and the nauseated feeling in her stomach had yet to disappear. When she was finally dressed and descending the ladder leading down to his office she stopped to look at him sprawled on his bed one last time. He didn't sleep peacefully very often and despite what happened she couldn't help but feel glad he didn't seem to be having a nightmare.

Thankfully many weren't out in the courtyard or battlements when she left Cullen's office and made her way down the stairs. The idea of going the other way and possibly running into Dorian in her state was even less appealing than how she woke up twenty minutes ago. Of course, it wasn't unusual for her to visit Cullen early in the morning, but she didn't want to take a chance.

As she quickly made her way to the stairs leading to the Main Hall she tried to think of the night before. She was at the tavern, wasn't she? Playing cards with her recruits. That was the last thing she remembered before she awoke naked in Cullen's bed. They had sex right? Her body hurt, between her legs hurt, and there were no other reasons to be in bed and naked with a man. Was he going to expect that between them from now on? Or worse, a relationship? How did it even happen? The lack of answers only scared her even more.

"Good morning, Ginger." She heard Varric cheerfully greet her as she briskly walked into the main hall. She jumped, obviously not expecting him to be up and when she looked at him, he smiled and eyed her appearance. Her hair was down and tangled, clothing rumpled, and he could see a slight bruise on her neck. "Weren't you wearing those clothes last night?" He asked, already knowing the answer. She looked away and he took in the sight of pink filling those pale cheeks of hers.

"Do you know what happened last night?" She asked while eyeing the main hall. Two people were seated at one of the closest tables to the throne. Other than them, Varric, and herself the main hall was empty and when she looked back at her dwarf friend he silently beckoned for her to come sit with him. He didn't say anything until she was seated.

"You went to the Herald's Rest. I don't know how it all started, but when I arrived you were definitely more than a few drinks in and playing Wicked Grace with your recruits. Curly showed up not long after I did and I'm not sure if it's your natural charm or something you learned from Ruffles or Nightingale but you got him to sit down, drink, and play a few rounds with you. You two were drinking and making bets when I left for bed," he explained, wondering what happened after he left. He and anyone who bothered to pay attention, including Ginger, knew that Curly had been harboring feelings for the better part of a year now while Ginger stayed away from any form of the topic any time it was brought up in conversation. It wasn't just involving Curly that she avoided those types of topics, it was anytime a possible suitor was suggested. Since she made progress with gaining approval from the Orlesian's, she had many admirers but played it off with a cool, sweet smile and kind words. The poor fools seemed to like that and didn't mind that she subtly rejected their advances. Tiny had brought it up during drinks weeks ago that she was inexperienced and thought that, maybe, it was why she never let herself take advantage of the options she had.

"Recruit training…Was that one of the bets?" She asked and Varric nodded.

"Training recruits, weapon and armor cleanup, crafting, who's buying the next round, all fairly simple. Do you not remember anything at all?" He asked and she shook her head. "Where'd you find yourself this morning?"

"In bed with Cullen, naked," she answered after a few moments which caused Varric's eyes to widen in surprise. Of course, despite her protests it certainly wasn't impossible to picture those two together, maybe it was how they seemed to balance each other. Finally, Varric let out a low whistle and watched his friend put her head down on the table. Between the hangover and waking up with Curly, she had to be absolutely miserable.

"At least he's handsome. I've woken up to much worse," he tried to console only to get a groan in response. When she finally looked up at him his heart nearly dropped.

"Varric, this isn't funny! I've never had sex before," her whispered admission knocked the air out of his lungs. There had been some speculation and Tiny only said she was inexperienced, but she never confirmed it before. He supposed there was no reason to keep it from him now. "If I even had sex. I can't remember what happened. My head hurts and it still feels like I'm going to throw up. My whole body is stiff and I don't want to have sex with someone like Cullen."

"Ginger, it's -"

"It's already bad enough that he took my first kiss and he wears that stupid looking fur thing, but he always doubts me and what I can do. 'Oh, she has to wear heavy plate armor to train,' 'She needs more protection,' 'Inquisitor do you think it's wise to send her on that mission?' He treats me like a fucking doll half the time and the one time I was knocked on my ass he babied me for nearly a week. He pisses me off. Stupid, self righteous, condescending, prejudicial son of a bitch, I swear- ," she continued to rant and all Varric could do was sit there in shock as her eyes started to water, her face grew red, and her voice cracked. She'd never given any reason why she didn't want anything to do with him romantically before, now he was thrown reason after reason and none were kind. He wasn't sure if it was because she was just hungover and overwhelmed, or if it was what she had always been thinking but had been too kind to say.

"Ginger, you know it'll be alright. This is a harder lesson than most to learn but at least it's out of the way now. Curly's not going to make you do anything that you don't want to do and you know that." His words were calm and quiet and he was relieved when her breathing started to slow.

"But he'll look at me in that way he does, like a kicked puppy," she argued and Varric barked out at laugh at the unexpected comparison. She wasn't wrong, now that he thought about it.

"Why don't you take a hot bath, get cleaned up, and come back down. I'll have some food brought up for us," he suggested and was relieved when she smiled at him.

It was over an hour later when Raven joined him again; her hair was wet but pulled back and tied into a loose braid. She wore a simple pair of loose black breeches and one of her equally loose tunics. Her skin was still paler than usual, her eyes red, but she looked better after a long soak in the hot water perfumed with Crystal Grace.

It was much more crowded in the main hall by the time she came back, but he was the only one at his table, like he always preferred it when it came to the nobles. He greeted her with a smile and it took her a moment to realize that a bottle of wine, a pitcher of water, and a large plate of cut meats, cheeses, and fruits were between them when she finally sat down. He didn't ask how she was doing, she would hate that; instead he started telling her stories of his time with Hawke in Kirkwall. It was a nice distraction and one he knew she desperately needed.

"Good morning Raven," Leliana greeted her hours later. In the time since she'd taken her place next to Varric, he'd been kind enough to put aside his manuscript and keep her company while encouraging her to drink glass after glass of water and eat at least a quarter of the food on the platter. He was such a fantastic story teller; knowing exactly when and what to embellish. She knew some of the stories but the ones she didn't had her on the edge of her seat. Raven looked over at the Spymaster as Varric stopped talking, "Can I have your company for a moment?" She seemed pleasant as always, but Raven knew something was on the woman's mind. Did her scouts tell her about earlier? How the hell was she supposed to explain that when she couldn't remember what happened or how she ended up in his bed?

"Sure." She turned to Varric as she stood up from her chair while saying her goodbyes and then joined her fellow advisor. The two redheads were silent as they walked side by side through the doors and past Josephine's office to the war room. Josephine stood up quickly and followed them. Raven could only imagine what the women wanted to talk about, knowing her it could be anything, but she wouldn't bring herself to be as cautious as she knew she should be. Her head still hurt and she was tired even though she ate and had plenty to drink. When the heavy wooden doors closed Raven made her way over to the far wall with the windows to put some distance between them.

"We received a letter from the Inquisitor this morning from the Storm Coast confirming what my agents told me last night. He sacrificed the alliance with the Qunari to save the Chargers." Leliana didn't waste time. She knew, Raven thought. She was too smart to not realize that Christopher had asked her for advice. After Crestwood and the Western Approach she supposed a great portion of the Inner Circle knew that she had more information than she let on. Only a few people talked outright about it and never to anyone who wasn't part of Christopher's trusted companions.

"I know," Raven replied simply. There wasn't a point in hiding it.

"How do you know?" Leliana asked without any surprise or real curiosity in her tone. Raven eyed Josie for a moment who still remained quiet as she watched and listened.

"Because I spoke with him about the Storm Coast events before he left with Bull, Solas, Sera, Cole, and Cassandra. It's a good thing, really. Nothing good happens from that alliance." Why not stretch the boundaries? Leliana's eyes widened as she spoke.

"What do you mean nothing good happens? We need alliances, Raven," Josephine finally spoke and her tone was nothing short of scolding. "That's why you're an advisor. That's why there are lessons."

"The reason I'm an advisor is because Christopher wanted me to be. The lessons were what you offered me in exchange and probably a form of compensation for all the times I've been dressed in heavy gowns with corsets I can't breathe in. I agree that we need alliances, Josie, but not with the Qunari. It doesn't end well and Bull dies because of it." She was calm as she spoke and was given a look of surprise by the Ambassador. Leliana stared at her with a knowing expression and Raven counted seventy-three seconds before anything was said.

"And you know because you're... ?" Leliana trailed off and Raven nodded.

"Special? Gifted? Those are Cole's and Christopher's terms, not mine." She wished she was joking. Cole had coined the terms back in Val Royeaux during a conversation they were having with Delphine. She didn't correct him, didn't object because he was so sweet, but then he used it in front of Christopher a couple nights before they left and it stuck. "I understand your need and want for knowledge but, like I told Christopher the night he woke up after Haven was attacked, while there's a lot that is inevitable and impossible to change, I'll help him and the Inquisition however I can."

"So, Haven?" Josephine asked and it was obvious that Christopher hadn't shared what she'd told him in the past. She had to respect his loyalty to her and the secrets he kept on her behalf.

"I knew what would happen. That's why I recruited Varric to help." No point in denying it. All that would get her was more distrust and it wasn't like they could do anything anyway. Christopher was the one in charge.

"The Grey Wardens?" Leliana was the one to ask and Raven nodded.

"That's one of the things that happens no matter what decisions are made, but the Hero of Ferelden is safe, Leliana. I promise you that." The spymasters eyes widened.

"Do you know where she is?"

"Unfortunately, I don't. I'm not omniscient, but I can tell you that she survives the Calling that Corypheus put in the Warden's heads. Did that letter you received say when he and the others were coming back?" She did her best to change the subject.

"Two days for most of the party. He's not sure when Solas will be back after what happened in the Exalted Plains." Raven slowly nodded when Josephine responded to her. Three more quests down with companion loyalty added and there was still so much to do. With Adamant and the Winter Palace moving closer every day they had to move faster. "What's going through your mind?"

"Everything else that needs to be done."

"Perhaps we can help?" She asked and Raven looked at her. There were a lot of things the advisors could still help with when it came to missives on the war table. From the time she'd arrived back at Skyhold till the time he left they didn't get to talk much about what else other than the Qunari alliance for Bull, the family retainer for Dorian, Solas's friend, and the Seekers for Cassandra. He'd been busy and overwhelmed while she'd been getting back into the swing of things, but once he returned they needed to have that conversation.

 _Sera. Exalted Plains. Vivienne. Josie. Leliana. Adamant. Emerald Graves. Hissing Wastes._ There was no end, Raven grumbled to herself as she let the pen she'd been using fall to the twenty-second page she'd written since the meeting with Josephine and Leliana that morning. Sorting through the missives had been ridiculously tedious and simple even with Cullen making an appearance halfway through. Raven struggled to not look up at him and to keep working even as her cheeks heated as he spoke to the advisors. Anything he'd asked her was met with a nod, a nonverbal tone, or even a one word response towards the end. As soon as all were sorted into four categories, one for each of them, she wasted no time saying her goodbyes and heading to her room like the embarrassed coward that she was.

She'd been there ever since, listening to music from the phone she'd only been using for pictures up until an hour before that she'd plugged into the solar charger she always kept on her back home. She'd busied herself by pulling out her parchment and notebooks but instead of the quill and ink she'd been using since she arrived she decided to go old school and dig out the pencil case before making herself comfortable at her table surrounded by candles and that's where she'd been ever since.

Her hand hurt like a bitch and massaging it didn't make much of an improvement, but she couldn't deny that she'd been more than productive as she made lists and outlines detailing what needed to be done and the order of importance before the events of Adamant were to take place.

Unlike other games she'd played, like the Mass Effect series, her companions loyalty status weren't based off a live or die consequence but how to go about them was still crucial which she took the time to explain in the massive amount of papers in front of her in case she wasn't allowed to attend. When a knock sounded at her door she made no move to get up and answer. Her right foot had gone numb a while ago, but she didn't want to stop and adjust the position she'd been in at the time.

"It's open." She said loudly enough for the words to carry through the stone and wood as she worked to turn the pile of papers into something that at least looked as organized as the content was. She looked back up to the door when it slowly opened to reveal Cullen at the entrance a lot more clothed than what she'd woken up to that morning and holding a large tray of food, two cups, and a pitcher. Raven felt her cheeks heat up and was glad her hair was down to help hide it. He looked almost as nervous as she felt. She knew she was going to have to face him sometime and she supposed after the incident with the kiss it was best to get it out of the way instead of avoiding it.

"Can I come in?" He asked and she noticed his tone almost seemed timid. With a deep breath in and out Raven nodded. She didn't stand to greet him, but she did finally adjust her position and worked hard to not let the pain as blood rushed back into her extremities show. His eyes didn't leave her as he came in, closed the door with his foot, and brought the food to the table where he sat it down. "I was worried you'd send me away after what happened last night."

"What _did_ happen last night?" She asked him as her stomach started twist. "I remember drinking with the recruits and Varric said we ended up drinking together. The next thing I know, I'm waking up naked in your bed." His cheeks flushed and she watched him rub the back of his neck. He sat down when she motioned for him to and she wasn't sure if she was grateful or terrified that he didn't answer right away. She still wasn't sure if she wanted to know, but it was something she needed to find out if she was going to move forward. "Did we have sex?"

"You really don't remember?" He asked and she shook her head, edging closer and closer to the point of hyperventilating. He didn't look offended so that was at least a small point in her favor. "Yes, Raven. We did. Twice." At his admission she felt herself stop breathing. If what he said was true - No, he wouldn't lie about such a thing especially knowing how she felt about him. They fought, but she knew he respected her too much to be anything but honest... but with him? Twice? How in the hell could she be so irresponsible and stupid?

"How? What happened?" She asked as she felt the panic from that morning came back to her. She wanted to get up and pace but didn't trust herself not to run. Cullen looked uneasy, like he wanted to reach out but didn't. He knew better.

"By the time I arrived at the tavern, you'd already had a few drinks and had even more with me when we started our games of Wicked Grace. We were both drunk and when it started emptying out we grabbed another…rather large bottle of what we'd been drinking, you stole Sera's lute, and we headed to my office."

"I stole Sera's lute?" She had to confirm his words and when he nodded she had to wonder what the hell was wrong with her. "Why?" Though that explained why she nearly tripped over one that morning while searching for her clothes.

"You called me a lion and said there were songs about me where you're from. I didn't believe you so you insisted on showing me. We ended up in my room and I suppose I should know better than to doubt you by now." Raven was quiet as he spoke but she remembered the song he was probably talking about. Olivia and her damned obsession with the former Templar in front of her included it on an unofficial playlist and Raven had heard it often.

"Sorry about that. I imagine it must've been disconcerting." She wasn't sure why she suddenly felt the need to apologize. If she'd offended him she wouldn't have woken up in his bed that morning and he certainly wouldn't have been sitting across from her at that exact moment recalling the events of the night before.

"I don't understand why you're apologizing. You were witty, charming, and very adorable," he insisted and she leaned back in her chair.

"Continue, then. Please."

"The song was - I can't even begin to describe how pretty it was, but you were so lovely as you played. Afterward you climbed onto the bed with me. Actually, you- ah, you laid on me. Your back against my chest. We talked and drank. Between us we finished that bottle as you told me about your home, time with your father and friends and I told you about Mia and the rest of my family. I did accidentally kiss you. It was meant for your cheek, but you turned your head to look at me at the last second.

"Oh…"

"It was after you told me how proud my family would be if they knew all that I'd done and am still doing. You made me promise to see them once this was all over or bring them here but only if you could meet them." Raven didn't even want to think of her father as she looked away from him as he spoke truly wishing she could remember the events of the night before. He'd be so disappointed in her and she didn't need that thought on top of all the others mulling around in her mind. The normal thoughts and memories were difficult enough to manage.

"I kissed you back?" She finally asked but still wouldn't look at him. He cleared his throat before speaking and she could only imagine him rubbing the back of his neck again the way he did every time he was flustered or embarrassed.

"Yes. You straddled my lap as you did so and things… um…" He trailed off as if he wasn't sure how to say what happened next, "escalated."

"And I ended up naked." She felt nauseous and had to fight to keep down what little contents her stomach held.

"I ended up naked first. That was kind of an effort on both our parts," Cullen's voice was quiet as he spoke and when Raven looked up at him she was surprised to see him still staring at her even as his cheeks flushed. "I - You… " Something else had happened and through the shock Raven felt she didn't want to hear anymore.

"You don't have to keep going." She saw his body practically sag with relief and she couldn't help but chuckle and soon after he followed. It was a strange moment shared between them and she wasn't sure how to describe it. Through the embarrassment she busied herself with filling both tankards with water and taking a small sip. "What happens now?"

She wanted to scream; there was so much she wanted to say and ask but her mind was racing and her heart felt like it was going to leap out of her chest. She watched with wide eyes as Cullen moved himself from the chair he was seated in and kneeled on the wooden floor in front of her. His eyes were still so bright and reminded her of honey with the warmth they held. She could see the pain and worry in them, but she knew he didn't regret a single moment with her and she knew the ache she felt was nothing compared to his. He wanted her. Possibly loved her and everything he wanted, everything she knew he deserved she couldn't… she couldn't give him.

"I know you don't want a relationship with me and that's not something I'm in any position to push towards, but I don't regret last night. My only concern right now is making sure you're alright and that we can find a way to eventually move past this." She couldn't stop the tears from blurring her vision as she nodded. She didn't have a choice. They had to move past it if the Inquisition was going to continue to thrive.


	22. Chapter 22

"I said you can't go. You are too valuable to the Inquisition so stop trying to change my mind!" Christopher's voice was loud enough to be heard from the main hall as he spoke to her. She stood across from him, braced for battle. He'd gotten back a week ago and to say they'd been busy was an understatement. She wasted no time throwing herself back into her advisor duties in a sad, pathetic, and determined attempt to forget her bad drunken decisions as well as every shitty lingering thought in her mind and it had been going extremely well until she'd mentioned joining him at Adamant. With all the things she'd written down for him in his absence, the details of that battle hadn't been one of them.

"Why the hell not?" She demanded. "I have more experience scouting than most of the inner circle combined and I am one of the best fighters you have! I wrote a damn novella of shit that needs to be done and the very least you can do is include me in it when you head to the fortress." Christopher knew it was true, but a battle was different than a few enemies during their missions. If something went wrong and she was captured or killed they would be left in the dark whether she decided to write it all down or not. He thought the talk Solas had with her had worked on that damn reckless, near suicidal, behavior she had.

"You aren't going. Whether you like it or not, Raven, you are too important to our cause and everyone in it. I won't take the risk of throwing you into the mix of hundreds of Demons and mind-washed Grey Wardens thinking blood sacrifice is the right choice when you're barely making the right choices yourself. Stop acting like a child." Raven could feel her body shaking, blood pounding in her ears. She knew her anger was clouding her judgment but couldn't find it in herself to let it go. When he told two days ago he planned on taking nearly everyone - including Cullen - except her she was furious. Why did she have to open her damned mouth about what she knew? She was a fucking idiot. She should've just gone about her business training the soldiers and kept the information away from him and everyone else.

"Stop being so goddamn overbearing then. I can take care of myself, you don't know what all can happen! The knowledge I have can prove useful."

"I know it can. It has time and time again but you're still not going."

"So I'm just supposed to give you crucial information then sit here like a caged bird waiting until you need more? Fuck you, Christopher. That's not what we agreed on and if I'm to be treated like this by you after everything I've done, then you won't get another motherfucking thing out of me." Her voice had gone calm and the hurt in her eyes made him look away. She was serious, he knew that just like he also knew that if she chose to run she probably wouldn't be found. She'd told them what she knew on her own volition, but was she truly capable of holding in that information if she were captured? When he looked up again, hesitant to do so, he was surprised to see that she was no longer in front of him. She wasn't even in the room and it caused him to curse. Fucking rogues.

Raven descended the stairs quickly with as much grace as she could muster. Her mind was racing and she needed to move, to spar, to give pain, even receive it if necessary. Sitting in a damned padded chair and talking about it over tea was useless and despite the countless things she'd done to help and prove herself, it was like none of it mattered. She knew life wasn't fair; it fucking proved that when it ripped her from her home, her family, friends, everything she knew, and threw her into a damned video game she was truly starting to hate.

Hushed voices met her ears as she entered the main hall but she kept moving, ignoring the sudden calls from Varric as she left and made her way down the stone steps. She wasn't surprised that Cole met her at the foot of them, his eyes wide and frantic as he gently grabbed her arm causing her to stop.

"So much anger, hate, blood flowing, heart pounding, you want to hurt. I can't hurt you. I won't. Not with real daggers." He replied to her silent question with a small nod, though it was more of a screaming plea at that moment and her pain hurt Cole more than he could ever remember hurting before. He disappeared and she made her way to the sparring ring. By the time she'd discarded the daggers from her back and took off the dragonling scale jacket to expose a simple sleeveless shirt and skin tight cotton leggings he was back with two sets of weighted, blunt metal practice daggers. With the quick removal of her shoes she accepted the daggers and wasted no time making the first move.

At first her dodges and lunges were sloppy and uncoordinated out of anger but quickly became more quick, calculated, and harder for Cole to predict and deflect. Her mind was screaming, full of things she did and didn't understand, things he couldn't possibly explain because in that moment it wasn't him she was fighting even though it was him that she needed. She wasn't in Skyhold. She was back home, her true home with screaming music and loved ones where she could be her true self. She was with her father. None of them were real, and she didn't know what she knew now. At Haven she realized that she would never go back to that place but never mourned the way she needed to. She threw herself into training, learning, planning, and helping Christopher and anyone else who needed it because kept her mind off the pain, even he couldn't see it at first, but the more she grew to trust him, care about him, she let him see the truth. The pain of her knowledge only made the destruction worse.

Raven rounded off a wooden post to his right so fast he almost didn't have time to move out of the way, her practice dagger still hit his leg as she skidded past him. As he turned Cole was surprised to see Raven standing there breathing heavy, hair no longer tied up but damp and falling in waves down her back and shoulders, shirt and pants torn, and blood coming from wounds she'd received. The Iron Bull, Varric, Solas, Cullen, and Christopher all stood in a group behind the fence and then Cole noticed that the sun was no longer in the sky. They had been at it for over an hour and now that Cole was no longer moving, attacking, and deflecting, he could feel a dull ache settle in his limbs. Was he bleeding, too? Not that it mattered. She was more important, she was still hurting but had worn herself down to exhaustion. What would she do now, Cole wondered but then realized that she didn't even know the answer to that question. She was hungry, thirsty, and hurt but didn't want anything at the same time. Broken.

"I think it might be best to put any position I have in the Inquisition on hold for a while," she said quietly before moving past him with her practice daggers leaving the real ones and her jacket behind as she made her way to the stairs and began her ascension. Cole wanted to follow, but she wanted to be alone.

"What did you do?" It was Cullen who spoke and Cole could sense the anger and worry rolling off him in waves. It was a change from the pain he'd been feeling since the day after he and Raven had spent a night in his bed.

"She won't let me make her forget so healing the hurt is harder. She needed to hurt and be hurt, to exhaust herself and some of the wrong inside her and I was the only one she wanted," Cole explained in the best way he could and immediately felt something else from the Commander, the same thing Dorian was starting to feel when watching The Iron Bull talk to other women and men. Jealousy.

"She's acting like a brat," Christopher retorted and Cole could feel himself glare at his friend. "She's too important to risk losing at Adamant. If she doesn't like my choice maybe it's best her position _is_ halted." His words were said out of anger. He didn't mean them, but Cole knew he didn't understand. Raven kept it all from them.

"Inquisitor, it's because of her that nearly every noble house in Orlais supports us the way they do," Cullen argued on her behalf and Cole could tell they were all surprised.

"I don't care about them, Cullen. I care about one of our best soldiers, informants, and my friend wanting to put herself in harm's way and then throwing a tantrum like a child when I say no. Honestly, what could she have to gain?" Christopher continued to rant and Cole had to strain to keep his hands at his side.

"Peace," Cole replied and wasn't surprised when Christopher looked to him.

"I want answers. Now."

Christopher's room was the one place in the castle Cole didn't typically explore. It wasn't that he couldn't, he just simply never wanted to unless Christopher needed to discuss something so as he appeared in the middle of it standing atop a large rug looking through open windows to a view of the moon across the mountains Cole didn't pay it much mind. Raven was hurting and what made it worse was she didn't know what to do, didn't know how to express the pain she felt, and Christopher was angry because he didn't know either. Would he understand if told? Right now she was in her room, lying on her bed, still clothed with wounds untouched and untreated. She didn't want to be there anymore, didn't want to be with any of them. It hurt, not just her but him, too. He could see into the deepest part of her mind at will, but what could he possibly say to help right the wrong and help heal the pain she was feeling? What could he do? Cole didn't have time to act as the door to Christopher's door swiftly opened and then closed with a slam.

"Cole?" He called out as if not sure he was there.

"Yes?" His reply had Christopher coming up the stairs instead of leaving to find him. Once in his room Christopher resigned himself to sit on the lounge to face the spirit. Cole knew what was going on and Christopher was tired of being kept in the dark by his temperamental friend. "You don't like being angry."

"No, I don't, so why don't you tell me what is going through Raven's mind to put me at ease." It wasn't a question, that Cole knew. Christopher wanted answers, all of them and Cole wondered what he was expecting. "Cole, the more I know, the more I can make an educated guess and help her." That was all Christopher wanted to do. He wanted to help, just like Cole did. She was his friend.

"Her mind is jumbled, distracted, disorganized. With all she knows of us and the choices that have to be made she knows nothing of why she's here or how to go back." Cole could tell his words confused Christopher. No doubt he was thinking that Skyhold was her home, that they were her family. "She will never see her father again. No more screaming music during training, no more time spent with uncles, games and sleepovers with friends. So she fights, trains, throws herself into anything that will help her not to think of it, but that only makes the pain spread and grow like ivy on a stone wall. No matter what her father says as she sleeps, she didn't abandon him and as the Inquisition grows so do the decisions that have to be made. Even the lesser evils hurt the ones she's come to love and care about and she can't stop it no matter how much she wants to. Her heart chips and cracks every time. Bull with the Qunari. Solas and his friend. It's just the start. She doesn't belong here. Broken. Wrong. Not worthy of any of it. Useless. Why can't I just go home?" Well, shit. Christopher thought as he stared at Cole now pacing back and forth, twitching fingers picking at his gloves. Gloves she had made for him, he thought. He tried to see the spirit's face but his hat was down and his movements were too quick. He didn't understand; how long had she felt that way? Why didn't she tell them? Was it something she had told Cole or something he'd seen in her mind?

"Cole." The spirit stopped when he heard his name and looked over at Christopher.

"She can't tell you if she doesn't understand it. Her mind and spirit are mixed and intertwined with the thoughts and hurts that she can't help feeling. The pain and wrong have grown so much, she doesn't know how to stop it and she won't let me make her forget. It's been months of burying the pain and waking up at night scared and not where she should be." His voice was quiet as he answered Christopher's unasked questions, "Before the sky was closed. Before you saved the mages. Before I came to help." Cole stepped back as Christopher stood up suddenly very angry, more than he had been when Raven stood in the same spot Cole stood at that moment.

"How long have you known?" He asked.

"Since we came to Skyhold. I've been trying to help, to untangle the knots but it's hard. She never took time to think and feel so its…jumbled, trapped, and confused. She doesn't want it to be but facing fear is never easy." And that was the problem, Christopher thought. If Raven never took the time to sort through what happened and allow herself to mourn in the way that was needed, he could see how it would eventually reach a breaking point. She was young and he was surprised she lasted as long as she did.

"What do you think I should do?"

"Keep her here, safe. The hurt won't untangle if you don't make her face it. I can help her, make her stronger. Happier." With a nod from Christopher Cole disappeared leaving him to his own thoughts. How could she have possibly gone so long with those feelings inside her and how had he nor anyone else not thought of that possibility? He knew knowing the fate of the Inquisition and her friends was painful. Hell, she'd told him that the morning after returning from Val Royeaux, but how did he not think that there was more to what was going on? Something ripped her from her previous life and while she nearly thrived here having shown a fraction of what she could do, she was alone in her suffering, never showing it or opening up to them. How was he supposed to know? What was he supposed to do? Everyone had seen her below in the sparring match barely holding anything back and even if they hadn't. Cole was sheer proof of what she could do. His pants and shirt were torn, the wounds she caused were healed but dried blood remained on his clothes, skin, face, and even in his hair. She would've killed anyone else. Could spirits die? He knew Cole meant too much to Raven for her to lose control and let that happen.

The air was cool the next morning and even with about two hours of sleep Raven was awake out of habit but had yet to leave the comfort and warmth of her bed. Her body hurt, her limbs stiff, eyes scratchy, and she felt like shit. but she needed to get down to the practice fields.

"You're not training the soldiers today." Cole's soft voice caused her to look over in the direction of the table only to see him seated in a chair less than a foot from her bed. Even in the dim light of the candles he'd lit she could see that he had yet to remove the dried blood from his face and hair, making her instantly regret her actions the night before.

"Why am I not training today?" She asked while slowly sitting up in her bed, protesting the ache in her muscles. She didn't need him to answer. Cullen had been there to see her psychotic meltdown. If he had babied her over being knocked on her ass, she could only imagine that her not training the recruits was only the beginning of whatever he had planned.

"Covering up the hurt doesn't make it go away," his reply was soft, calm, and Raven wanted to brush it off.

"I'm not hurting Cole, we've been over this." And it was true. Weeks ago in the Western Approach he'd caught her at a particularly vulnerable moment after showing Solas her home in the fade. It was a moment she didn't care to remember. Shortly after the taking of Griffon Wing Keep, during their downtime, Raven had time to reminisce about the past and the time her father had brought her to the Grand Canyon. Looking out over the cliffs not only brought back those memories, it brought back others as well. Cole had sensed it and was by her side in an instant with words she needed to hear even if she didn't realize it. That moment brought on a lot more than either of them anticipated; the reckless behavior, Cole never being too far away, and even the significant lack of sleep and loss of appetite over the last few weeks.

"You are. It's there. Loud, screaming, muting your song, muting everything that makes you, you and I can't let that happen," Cole argued while standing up from the chair he was sitting in and moving over to the bed. He could feel the warmth coming from her skin but made sure not to touch her. Not yet. "You're scared, but the demons will only get worse the more you run." His voice soothed her as he spoke, a balm on her frayed nerves. Silenced filled the space between them and he watched her while preparing himself for anything she threw at him. She was still so unpredictable, but he would give her whatever she decided she needed. Hurt or comfort. All she had to do was make that choice. When she looked at him he felt his chest ache and wondered for what had to have been the hundredth time since their friendship began if what he felt was normal. In the dim light of the room her eyes nearly glowed with unshed tears.

"I'm scared." Her admission was soft as she held back the sob that was caught in the back of her throat. He still wasn't sure what she wanted. The urge to wrap his arms around her, to cradle her against him as she allowed herself to let go at last was strong, but he didn't want to make it worse. She hated being touched sometimes.

"You won't be alone. I'll be with you as long as you want me here," Cole matched the volume of her voice while hoping he sounded calmer than he felt as her small body started to tremble.

"I'm not good at this," she continued. "The realization that I was never going home, losing everyone I've known my entire life. How the hell does a person deal with that? How am I supposed to? Not to mention everything else going on with the Inquisition."

"Let me help. I won't make you forget, I promise."

Raven stared at him for a moment before she began untangling herself from her blanket and moving around him to stand even though her muscles screamed with every movement. She needed to change, wipe the dried blood from her skin, and then do the same for Cole. It was only fair since she'd been the one to put it there. She was aware of his eyes on her as she stripped her pants and shirt on the short way to the giant bowl full of water across the room. Not bothering to comb her hair she threw it into a simple bun, she made quick work of doing what needed to be done, surprised by the amount of blood and cuts on her skin. It made her smile despite the circumstances and she looked back at him.

"Short of killing me you didn't hold back." It was funny in its own way.

"You would have been angry if I had," he replied, knowing that would've been the case. She would've been furious and most likely not have stopped when she did.

"Angry? Yes, but not with you." She turned back and continued scrubbing her skin to rid it of the dirt and blood not caring the water was cold. "Somehow you're special to me and I can't - I can't imagine ever being upset with you." Not used to such sentimentality, even with Cole, Raven stumbled through the admission. It had been something she'd grown to feel over the months he'd been with them and something she'd always thought when they were together but had never said out loud. He deserved to hear it though. He kept her grounded and was always there to protect her. She knew it was his purpose as a spirit of compassion but it still meant so much. When she turned around he was still sitting on the bed facing her. His hat and jacket were on the chair he'd been in before.

"You are special, too. You don't know how special you are to some," Cole heard himself reply, amazed that he could. Something was different, wrong. He felt warm, too warm even, restless and he didn't understand why. His eyes followed Raven's half dressed form as she walked over to the dresser and pulled out a large shirt which she threw on without a care, the thin black material landing mid thigh.

"Can you take off your shirt for me? I'd like to get that blood off of you." Cole nodded in response and did as she asked while she brought over the bowl of water and another chair. She gently started working on his skin with the wet rag. It was quiet between them with Raven focused on the task at hand; Cole took the time to watch her long, nimble fingers flex and move to control the pressure against his skin. "Will you stay with me today? I don't want to be alone," she asked, green eyes flashing up to him.

"You're staying here." His reply wasn't an order. Her mind told him. He was right, she couldn't distract herself forever.

"Yes."

"I'm worried about her," Josephine's voice cut through the silence that was supposed to be the war council. Barely anything had been said since Christopher summoned three of his advisors nearly an hour ago. It had been the first one Raven hadn't attended since accepting her new role as Advisor and her absence felt wrong to all of them.

"Cole is with her," Christopher replied from his place against the table, his hands playing with some of the markers currently placed in Orlais. The pages she'd written for him were in a pile of their own next to stacks of missives she sorted and organized in his absence. Truthfully he was worried as well. He thought over the words he'd spoken over a week before, the last time he'd seen her.

"And what could he possibly do?" Cullen snapped even though he didn't mean to. It had been a very stressful eight days with her recruits' constant worry on top of his own and his head was pounding because of it. The sight of her in the sparring ring bleeding and exhausted stayed with him and he saw it every time he closed his eyes. It was ridiculous that so much faith was put in the creature where Raven's safety was concerned.

"Whether we like it or not, Cole knows her better than any of us. Surely he'll come to us if something happens. Until then we have to wait," Leliana spoke up from her spot around the war table. Everyone was worried, but given what had transpired between Raven and Cullen recently, she could imagine it was worse for him. His feelings for the girl hadn't exactly been a secret even before their night together.

"That spirit is the reason she was in that state!" Cullen argued, only partly correct but Christopher didn't correct him. Doing so would only raise questions about what Cole had told him. Raven deserved more privacy and respect than that.

"Enough."

"But Inquisitor -"

"I said enough, Cullen. There's a lot to blame for what she's going through right now, including Raven, herself. I won't have you putting all the blame on Cole when he's the only one who knows what's going on in that messed up head of hers and the only one she's reaching out to." The frustration in Christopher's voice was evident but there was no other choice in the matter. After months of harboring the pain, bottling it up instead of dealing with it, sorting it all out was going to take a while; but she was their friend and her knowledge was one of their best weapons. A knock on the heavy wooden doors followed by the creaking of hinges brought their attention to the entrance of the War Room and every mouth opened when they saw Raven standing there looking at them. She seemed smaller. Her pants hung low on her hips and her skin was nearly transparent, red hair flowing untamed down her back.

"I heard a meeting was called." Even her voice was softer, nearly horse as if she'd been crying.

"You're under no obligation to be here." Cullen was the one to speak as he fought to keep still instead of going over and wrapping her in his arms or dragging her downstairs to the kitchens for some food.

"I know I'm not, but you're going to discuss Adamant." Her reply was simple, factual, and Christopher nodded.

"I still don't want you going," he told her as he moved closer to her. Her past reckless behavior was no longer his concern. At that moment it was how frail she seemed. He wouldn't risk even sending her to the Hinterlands in her physical state. Still, to his surprise, Raven laughed as she closed the wooden door and made her way to one of the empty chairs around the mapped table. The others held stacks of papers and books. They watched her as she flipped it around and straddled the thing.

"Trust me, I don't want to go," she finally replied and Christopher let out a sigh of relief. At least she wasn't arguing anymore.

"Are you alright?" Josephine asked and Raven struggled to find the right answer. The last eight days had been hell and it wasn't over, not by a long shot. Her body still hurt, her voice was raspy, and her eyes itched from the nearly impossible amount of tears that had come from them but her friends needed the information she had.

"No, but I will be," she finally replied and then looked at them all, one by one. "I'm sorry for all the worry I've caused over the last couple months, especially the last eight days." Her eyes stayed on Christopher. "If you'll allow it I would like to remain an advisor and carry out my responsibilities as such, but I'd rather not be in the field."

"Another distraction?" Christopher asked and Raven shook her head.

"No more distractions, but I would rather be productive. It makes me feel better than just lying in bed all day," she explained while looking down to play with her thumbs. She could hear Cullen come closer to her and everyone was surprised that she didn't move, didn't even flinch when his gloved hands came to rest on her shoulders. She expected him of all people to say something, to scold her or object but he kept silent, his thumb stroking one of the sore muscles in her upper back in smooth, strong strokes.

"On one condition," Christopher finally spoke after what seemed like half an hour of silence between them, "I want you to be honest with us from now on, understand? You aren't only one of the best fighters in the Inquisition, you're also my friend and friends don't typically pull the shit you did. If something is bothering you, then you tell someone, anyone."

When Raven nodded Christopher smiled and the subject was closed. As she sat in her chair, not minding at all that Cullen was so close to her, gently working out the sore parts under her skin and listening to the plans for Adamant. The path had been created, soldiers were ready, and Hawke and Stroud had apparently set up camp a mile from the fortress.

"You have four trebuchets. Any chance you'd be okay with me getting you a ballista or two?" Raven asked so suddenly that it caused Christopher, who was speaking, to go quiet. "You're going to need force to break into that place. Flinging rocks is all fine and dandy, but unless you take multiple factors into consideration such as weight, strength, and weather, they can be unpredictable. Even one ballista will increase your chances because it can be aimed and all that force is going to one exact place. Henry has a couple, I can write him a personal letter asking for assistance." Raven offered while turning her attention to Josephine.

"Henry?" The Ambassador asked not entirely sure who Raven meant.

"Duke Henry Durand. He showed them to me the last time I was in Orlais," the young redhead explained and Josephine's eyes widened. She supposed it wasn't too out of the ordinary for him to show her his weapons given her status among the Inquisition. It was one of the reasons Josephine had introduced them at the beginning. Being a former general in Empress Celene's army his support gave them a significant advantage.

"It certainly doesn't hurt," she replied and looked to Christopher, "Do you object?"

"No, I think that's a great idea," Christopher agreed with a nod. "Raven what do you know about what's supposed to happen?" He was hesitant to ask that question, not sure if he wanted to know or if she'd be comfortable discussing it with the council. They needed that information though. With fast reflexes she grabbed Cullen's hands in her own, stripping them of the leather gloves and threw them onto the table. They watched as she leaned forward and moved her long hair over her shoulder, a silent command for Cullen to continue his ministrations which he did without any objection.

"Depending on how you look at it, the whole thing will be a shit show, pardon the language. Before you even get to the main area there are demons. You know this. Not just shades or terrors, but a couple pride demons as well. Do what you can to save the Wardens, because it will help in the long run. Erimond will be there with Clarel and it'll be in the middle of their ritual. Another pride demon will be summoned, but this one is a bigger pain in the ass so you need to be careful." It was the first time he'd asked her what was to happen in front of her fellow advisors and she was surprised how at ease she felt giving them all the play by play.

"Sweet Maker." She heard Cullen's breathy comment from behind her and looked at her other friends. They knew to an extent because of Christopher, but they'd never been present during her recollections of what was to happen.

"Once Clarel finds out what's really going on, she'll go after Erimond. The dragon Corypheus controls will show up, it will kill her, and you and your main party will end up in the Fade. Physically in the Fade."

"That's not possible," Christopher argued and Raven shook her head. A lot of what has happened shouldn't be possible including her own presence in the Inquisition, but there she was helping them.

"Think that all you want, but it happens. And I can tell you that no one comes out of it completely okay. It's a dangerous place. You'll get your memory back about what happened at the Conclave and towards the end you'll have to fight the being that took them from you. A fear demon who keeps a giant spider as a pet. After you defeat the demon someone has to be left behind. Cullen, you're hurting me." She looked back and up to the Commander who let go so fast it was as if she'd burned him.

"What do you mean someone will be left behind?" Leliana asked coming forward to lean on the table across from Raven. The young girl looked down, took a couple deep breaths in through her nose and out through her mouth before looking up at her friends. Her eyes were glassy but the tears didn't spill out.

"Hawke or Stroud. Unless you can conjure a miracle and save both, one will stay. And I refuse to make that choice. You do make it back, of course, and have the choice of keeping the Wardens or throwing them into exile." Either choice would devastate hundreds and Raven refused to have any part of it.

"But there's a chance," Christopher replied. Raven shrugged and looked away. She looked exhausted and probably felt worse but at least she wasn't hiding it anymore. He had to keep his mind focused though if they were to have any chance at Adamant, especially if what she'd just told them really happened. "We'll think of something. We have to."


	23. Chapter 23

"Raven, you need to calm down. Worrying won't make them arrive any faster." Josephine spoke from her desk as she watched her friend paced back and forth around the room not noticing the cat quietly and patiently padding after her. It was clear the redhead had yet to sleep judging by the dark circles around her eyes and Josephine couldn't blame the poor girl. A raven from Cullen had come a week ago detailing the events at Adamant. Clarel had been killed by the dragon Corypheus controlled as Raven said she would be, Erimond was in their custody, and Christopher had actually pulled off that miracle; both Hawke and Stroud managed to leave the fade alive and the Grey Wardens now belonged to the Inquisition. It had been a significant victory that had been needed and yet Raven was still worried. Her hands trembled, her movements lacking their usual grace, and she still wore the same clothes as the day before.

"They were supposed to arrive yesterday!" Raven replied with a groan as she flopped down into one of the chairs in such an unladylike fashion that it made Josephine flinch. Zevran wasted no time jumping up and curling into a small, purring ball on Raven's lap.

"Cullen gave an estimated date to return." The Ambassador replied.

"Well _Cullen_ is a butthead," Raven shot back not caring if she sounded like a child. Josephine held a hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle.

"Sometimes," the Ambassador agreed, "but he's also the kind of man who likes to make sure everything is taken care of, you especially. I've seen how he still looks at you."

Raven continued to pet her cat, feeling him purr as she reached the spot behind his ears. That wasn't a surprise, she thought to herself, everyone could see the way Cullen looked at her. Ever since her minor breakdown, her eight day absence spent in her room with Cole, and her slow recovery Cullen had nearly been up her ass making sure she slept well, ate regularly, and trying to make sure she was alright when training the recruits. It was sweet in its own way, but the constant attentiveness and watching her was maddening.

"I don't know what I can do to make that stop. I've already told him that with everything going on it isn't fair to entertain the notion of something happening. That one, surprisingly amazing kiss and night we both got drunk and hooked up aside, I don't like him that way," Raven vented, her hand moving to the kitten's backside, smiling when the cat's long fuzzy tail came up and brushed her cheek. She turned and looked at Josephine when the woman made a loud gasping noise.

"You slept with Cullen?" The Ambassador's voice was louder than Raven preferred, but it didn't stop her from nodding as she looked back to the fire.

"Twice apparently. I don't remember any of it though. I'm surprised Leliana didn't tell you since she seems to know everything," she explained simply. It had been one of the many things she'd recently been forced to come to terms with. It wasn't like she could go back in time and change her stupid intoxicated decision. All she could do was move forward and deal with any consequences that came from it. The night after it happened was the last time they'd spoken of it and how she didn't want a relationship with him. "Nothing is going to come of it, Josie, and I like it that way."

"What about Cole?" Josephine asked hesitantly and she did everything she could to not look away as Raven's head snapped toward her in confusion. Sure, Cole was a spirit but he'd also been changing dramatically in recent months. Josephine wasn't the only one to notice how his demeanor had changed, towards Raven most of all. He was protective, attentive, and never seemed to leave her side. The morning he left for Adamant with the others had been hugs and whispered words between the two and Josephine couldn't help but remember the intimacy of it all.

"What about him?" Raven asked after a moment of silence. How had they gone from discussing Cullen to Cole? It was like the Cassandra incident all over again. At least she had yet to mention Christopher.

"What about your relationship with him? He spends nights in your room without a concern to how you're dressed, he's around you more than anyone else in the Inquisition, he helped you through those eight dreadful days not too long ago, and from what I was told you two share a tent while away from Skyhold. Have you not felt anything for him as well?" Josephine asked, listing examples and spelling it out for the young girl because it was obvious Raven didn't understand. She could tell once everything dawned on the small redhead as she looked away and paid very close attention to the cat still purring on her lap.

"Have you heard back from your friend about the Rivani amulet?" Raven finally spoke and blatantly ignored the question, although switching topics gave Josephine more answers than Raven probably realized.

"Not yet, are you sure it will be needed?" Raven nodded in reply, already dreading the mental state Cole would be in once he arrived. What could she possibly say to him? To any of them? No doubt it was terrifying and Raven truly didn't envy what they had gone through. Before anything else could be said the signal bell rang, the bell that meant they had returned. Raven grabbed Zevran so he didn't fall and placed him on the floor as she stood. She and Josephine wasted no time rushing through the main hall, around some of the foreign nobles and diplomats, and down the large stairs to the lower courtyard where Leliana and some healers waited in case they were needed.

"I just received word from my agents not long before the bell sounded. The Grey Wardens are in the valley below making camp with the others, but Stroud and Hawke are with the Inquisitor. Erimond is with Cullen, Patrick, and Behven," Leliana explained once she saw Raven and Josie making their way over. Of course it would be two of her recruits to accompanying Cullen in securing the prisoner, Raven thought with a smile.

"Any word on their status? How are they?" Raven asked while keeping her eyes on the bridge, no doubt as anxious as Leliana.

"Still rattled, but I imagine they'll be fine. Corypheus and the Red Templars will have a hard time coming back from this." And it was true, not to mention the amount of power the Inquisition now had between taking control of the Wardens and that hundreds had seen Christopher literally disappear and then reappear from the Fade with Stroud, Hawke, Solas, Cassandra, Bull, and Cole. Being as close to Skyhold as they were, Leliana was surprised that the spirit hadn't just appeared out of thin air. According to her agents-and what she didn't tell Raven- Cole was in worse shape than the others, being a spirit himself.

"Now we just have the masquerade to worry about. Have you and Josephine decided on the attire I should wear so I can let Adrian and Delphine know?" Raven asked trying to sway the conversation to keep her mind from all the possible states her friends could be in. With what happened a couple weeks back Raven had no intention of joining the Inquisition in attending the grand ball Empress Celene was holding in a few months time, but six invitations from various nobles with Raven's name on them and the deal she made with Henry regarding the ballistas had quickly changed everyone's mind. Attire was an important factor and ever since those invitations came there had been a debate if Raven should wear formal Inquisition attire or a one of a kind dress.

"We have," Josephine replied from the other side of Raven. "To avoid any more stress on your part after what happened a few weeks ago Adrian and Delphine will be arriving next week to go over dress designs."

"A dress then?" Raven confirmed and Josephine nodded. "Henry wished to know the color and fabric so he could match. I hope that won't be a problem?"

"Not at all, Raven. We already have some ideas and your new masks will be here within a couple of days." Raven looked at Josephine as she spoke. She had a mask already, two in fact. The black one was safe in their suite in Val Royeaux and the other one, a silver mask with black and purple accents, was on top of the dresser in her room.

"How many masks do I need?" The incredulity in Raven's voice was expected since dressing and keeping up with the latest fashions weren't necessarily something she was interested in. That's what Leliana and Vivienne were for.

"At least six," Josephine informed and watched in amusement as Raven's eyes widened. Both she and Leliana couldn't help but let out simultaneous giggles before the Antivan continued, "Typically one for every season, one for formal events, another for casual."

"I hate wearing masks," Raven stated without any tone to her voice.

"But they look so good on you," Leliana complimented, amusement still evident though her words were serious. Raven rolled her eyes but any reply she had was halted as her friends came into view.

Christopher rode beside Cassandra in the front with Stroud and Hawke, but she could see Bull's horns coming from behind them and Cole's large hat peeking out from the side of the large group. She didn't see any sign of Solas but knew he was with them. Although that didn't really matter at the moment.

Raven wasn't a spirit of Compassion, she wasn't like Cole who could feel and read a person's pain like she read a book. In fact, she was probably one of the most emotionally bottled people any of them had ever met, but somehow she could feel the hurt and fear the Fade had laced into Cole's being. He must've sensed that she knew as well because before she could run to him he appeared not even a foot from her causing Josephine and even Leliana to jump back. His blue eyes were wide, and she wasted no time closing the distance between them, wrapping her bare arms around him as he did the same to her.

"Warped, wrong, I shouldn't have been there," he whispered into her long hair. She was warm, soft, unwavering only for him, and smelled like lavender. Cole couldn't understand what she kept saying to him, but the soothing tone she used was calming. His mind was filled with bad things, things that the nightmare demon said to him. They weren't alike, they couldn't be. Raven would tell him if he was.

"Shh, sweet thing," Raven whispered as she pulled far enough away so he could see her eyes; beautiful, dark green, filled with love, worry, and kindness. "Let's get you somewhere more comfortable and quiet." When Cole nodded Raven turned to Josephine.

"The Inquisitor will want to go over the events at Adamant tomorrow morning," the Ambassador informed, not taking her eyes off Raven and Cole.

"I'll be there. Josie can you have someone bring up some tea and food to my room? Cheese and fruit if you don't mind." When Josephine nodded Raven turned her attention back to Cole and slowly they began their way up the stairs and into the main hall. It was a fascinating sight to see, her gently taking control wasn't something either of them saw everyday. When Leliana let out a quiet giggle, Josephine turned her attention back to the approaching party.

"What's so funny?" the Antivan demanded. "I think they're precious."

Leliana agreed but what Josephine didn't know was that in the near three weeks they had been gone Cullen had sent a total of six letters asking about Raven; was she eating well, how was she handling training, what has she been doing in her spare time. He was acting more like a concerned father than a man obviously smitten with the young girl.

It wasn't long after their departure when they finally made their way to her room. Cole grasped Raven's small hand in his own, scared that he was hurting her but unable to pull away. She used her free hand to open the door and usher him in and to her large unmade bed.

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I just need to light some candles." Her words were soft, the tone like music in his ears and when Cole looked down prepared to tell his hands to let go he was surprised to see that it already had. When he looked up again, Cole watched her quickly light all the candles in her room before closing the door and pulling dark fabric over the window facing out to the garden. She was back to him then, sitting next to him, speaking softly, calmly. Her eyes never left his as she took off his hat and his large jacket, then she kneeled down in front of him for his shoes.

"It was wrong. I made myself forget when I became real," he whispered, his voice shaking. "It wasn't like that though. Fearful, hateful, hurting. He said we're alike. I'm not like him, please believe me."

"I know you aren't. I didn't want Christopher to bring you," she whispered while resting her cheek on his lap not caring if his leathers were dirty. Her hands ran up and down the sides of his legs in motions he'd seen her use on others to calm them and it helped a little but the tremors didn't leave. His body still shook, hands twitched, wanting something, but he forced them to stay at his sides.

"Small fears everywhere. Then there was a big fear and a giant spider," he continued but stopped when Raven lifted her head and stared at him. Silence remained between them as she lifted herself off the floor and made her way to the door just in time for the man standing on the other side to knock. He watched her take the trays with a polite smile, close the door with her foot, and leave the trays on the table before coming to him again. She sat beside him and put a soft hand over his.

"I wish I could say that I envy you but that would be a lie. If I could've gone in your place I would've in a heartbeat." Her words were just as soft as his. He needed calm and she wouldn't be loud or panicked despite her heart pounding and wanting to cry because he had to be the one subjected to those old, painful memories. She knew he'd have to face more before making the choice to keep or forget them. It scared her but she hid it well.

"No!" Cole exclaimed quietly as he moved even closer to her. More than their hands were touching. "It's wrong. You don't belong there, it mutes and destroys everything and I won't let that happen to you."

Raven was caught off guard as Cole suddenly reached out and pulled her to him, her arms raising to land on his chest as her face ended up in the crook of his neck. Her body tensed at first. Cole felt it but didn't let go. She offered him solace, soothing his fears with gentle words, even gentler touches, and those strong sincere green eyes. She repositioned herself, then him, before relaxing. They were no longer on the edge of her bed but in the middle and she was propped up against the many pillows while she allowed Cole to rest, his head on her chest and his body both on and beside hers. Raven wrapped an arm around his shoulder while trying to calm him. The tremors coursing through his body had died down somewhat and she had to wonder if all spirits could feel what he was feeling and have those physical reactions to it or was it the human side in him beginning to grow. The choice he would have to make was not far away and Raven would support him no matter what his decision would be.

"You're safe," she whispered and Cole shook his head against her chest.

"They could bind me," he replied to her, hands tightening in the soft, thin material of her shirt. "Doing things, hurting people, and I can't control it. I can't let that happen." As he spoke Raven tightened an arm around him while bringing up the other to run through his blond hair. It had become longer recently and unless spirits could choose the length of their hair at will, it was another sign that he was changing.

"They won't. I won't let that happen," Raven told him and the conviction in her voice caused Cole to shift so he was braced on his arms over her small body, blue eyes staring.

"How can you control it?" His voice was soft and even though he didn't want to look away, Cole closed his eyes and leaned further into Raven's hand as she kept playing with his hair. It calmed him, she knew that. The last thing either of them needed was Cole becoming frantic and doing anything unexpected.

"There's always a way. No one tried to bind you before, right?" Her question was rhetorical but Cole still shook his head in protest before laying down again.

The next morning Raven woke up alone. She couldn't say she was surprised; Cole was a spirit, albeit a little different, he still didn't need to sleep as often as she did and she pictured him growing bored during the night. That didn't stop him from taking care of her though. The water for her tea had been reheated and the milk had been replaced. Raven stood over the table after getting ready for the day, putting the loose tea leaves and spices into the container for steeping there was a knock on her door.

"It's open," she said loudly enough for the person on the outside to hear, not taking her eyes away from what she was doing. The door opened a couple seconds later.

"What is that?" Cullen asked as he stared at the task she was in the middle of. It definitely wasn't the first thing he wanted to say to her upon his return or what he wanted to talk about but curiosity got the better of him. Raven didn't look at him but he noticed her smile.

"Good morning, Cullen. Would you like some tea?" She asked while putting the remaining cardamom seeds into the small holed container and lowering into the kettle of hot water, it's ridge resting against the lip before she made her way to him. He noticed the closer she was the smell in the room changed. It still smelled pleasant, just slightly spicier than cinnamon.

"What kind of tea involves you doing that?" He was referring to the loose leaves and herbs in little tins on the table.

"My favorite kind. Usually it's all in one big tin but I've been too busy. Come, sit, how was Adamant?" She asked as she ushered him to the chair across from the one she was in before.

"We should really get to the lower courtyard," Cullen tried to object and was met with a smirk and a pair of rolling green eyes.

"You're going to have a cup of tea with me first. A proper gentleman never denies a lady's request," she told him with a large smile. It was something Duke Henry had told her some time ago and for some odd reason she always wanted to use it on someone. Originally she thought of Solas, but he typically never denied her company, neither did anyone else. Cullen, on the other hand, was too much of a workaholic which made him a fun sort of specimen to experiment with. It worked, too. His eyes widened, gloved hands came up, and his expression turned contrite.

"The last time you pulled that we both ended up very drunk and I woke up in my bed alone and naked." Her eyes turned sharp and he watched her look away as he cursed to himself. It might've been a frequent memory in his mind, but it was clear she didn't need or want to be reminded of it. "I'm sorry, Raven." His words were sincere. "How have you been?" He took the seat across from where she was sitting before, the spicy scent that started enveloping the room was much stronger around the kettle but breathing it in made Cullen feel better. His slight headache seemed to vanish and he felt much more awake than he had moments ago. She sat down and set about pouring him a cup, adding milk and sugar even though she knew he didn't often use them.

"As far as my state of being and mind go, I'm alright. It's been an interesting couple of weeks but I feel better. A lot better." And it was true, he could see it in her features. She was still thinner than he felt comfortable with, but she had this calmness about her that she didn't have before and she was still so beautiful. Did she realize it, he wondered as he hesitantly brought the cup of tea to his mouth for a small sip, surprised at the amount of flavor and the warmth that followed as he swallowed the warm liquid. The look Raven gave him as he continued to drink the sweet and spicy tea made it clear that she'd gone through it at one point, too.

"I apologize," Cullen started as he put down the empty mug but then stopped, remembering she hated unjustified apologies. "I'm glad you're feeling better. We were all worried, I was worried." His admission was quiet.

"I'm not good with emotions; acknowledging or expressing them. I'm also glad you and everyone made it back." They fell into a comfortable silence as she refilled his tea. Cullen watched her small hands move; it never ceased to amaze him how she could go from grasping her daggers till her knuckles turned white to looking so ladylike as she wrote, poured tea, or even read one of those damned books in the library with Solas or Dorian.

"It was a good victory on our part. With Erimond in our custody and awaiting judgement we can focus on trying to find Samson," Cullen said out of the blue. Raven looked at him and nodded while deciding it would be better to keep her mouth shut on the topic even though he probably wanted to ask what she knew of his whereabouts. Was he always so single minded though; she knew the question didn't need to be answered.

"Samson as well as the masquerade Celene is holding, Corypheus, and most importantly any trauma Christopher and our friends might've gone through in the Fade." She couldn't hide the slight annoyance in her tone and thankfully Cullen was bright enough to catch on quickly, his eyes suddenly narrowing at the young girl across from him.

"Our soldiers and the members of the Inquisition know what they're getting into, but they are fine." Cullen tried to reason with her but her expression didn't change.

"Is that so?" Her voice was lower, sarcastic, as if daring Cullen to continue.

"They'll get past the shock o-"

"Cassandra is questioning her faith, Leliana is mourning The Divine now more than ever, and Cole... Sweet, kind, compassionate Cole is terrified some Mage with a fetish for blood magic is going to bind him." She was no longer sitting back in her chair but on the edge of it with hands itching to grip the daggers currently on her dresser. Cullen stared at her as he worked to carefully choose his reply. He wanted to ask about her and the spirit knowing that the reason he couldn't see her last night was because they were together. He could imagine it; her taking Cole into her arms, whispering gentle words into his ear, playing with his hair. They were things Cullen often wished for himself when he was with her but knew would never come. Not again, anyway.

"You are right," he accepted, knowing she was speaking the truth and that she would be the one to look over every possible after effect of Adamant. "Forgive me. Shall we make our way to the field?" With a last sip of her tea Raven was up and to her dresser before Cullen could even put his mug down.

Training was over at noon. Raven was aware she kept them longer than usual but the need to blow off steam was nearly overwhelming and Patrick was a good sparring partner. He had come far since she started training him months ago. He still had a lot to learn and that would come mostly from field experience, but she was proud of him. After a straight hour of sparring, she'd promised him a drink that night to celebrate his surviving Adamant. Cullen had come by shortly after that, whether it was to make sure she was alright or something else, she didn't like it.

"He does it because he likes you," Patrick had said with a smile as he came back from putting his and Raven's practice daggers away."He does it because he's a dick," Raven grumbled and Patrick laughed in response. When she looked at him her features calmed and a smile finally made its way to her lips, the first one he'd seen all day. "Let's get something to eat, my treat," she offered and he felt himself nod. Her long hair was tied back but damp from sweat and her black cotton shirt clung to her form. She would usually insist on a quick trip back to her room to freshen up before focusing on food or whatever she had planned for the day, but he didn't bother questioning the change in routine. They made small talk as they ascended the stairs and halfway to the tavern a loud voice caused Raven and Patrick to stop. He heard her mumble something that sounded like 'shit' and turn around. When he followed her motions he could see Cole, the spirit that looked like a normal man whom Raven often spent time with, and the Mage named Solas make their way down the steps from the main hall. Cole was a familiar face and was often at his trainer's side, a strong and supportive companion.

"No!" Solas exclaimed as he descended the last step. He looked and sounded angry, but his tone didn't stop Cole from following.

"But you like demons!" Cole argued. A hand on his shoulder caused Patrick to turn his attention from the spirit and Mage. Turning around, he was met by the Inquisitor standing in the doorway of the tavern. Almost immediately Patrick moved out of the man's way, watching as the Mage gently grabbed Raven's hand and guided her to their friends.

"I enjoy the company of spirits, yes, which is part of why I do not abuse them with bindings," Solas tried to explain, eyes momentarily meeting Raven's as he spoke. Cole didn't seem to notice her or the Inquisitor standing there and watching barely ten feet away.

"It isn't abuse if I ask," Cole continued to protest.

"Not always true. Also, I do not practice blood magic which renders this entire conversation academic." The clipped tone Solas used should've been enough of a hint to drop the subject. Raven looked away as Cole looked to her and then Christopher; she knew her words the night before weren't enough to put Cole's mind at ease, but did the conversation playing out before her have to come so soon? She thought she had more time…

"He won't bind me," Cole explained while taking a step toward them, "He's a Mage and he likes demons, but he won't help!" The desperation in his voice caused Raven's stomach to tighten uncomfortably.

"Why would you want Solas to bind you?" Christopher asked curiously.

"So I'm safe!" Cole's tone didn't improve and Raven found herself wanting to move toward him, but she remained still and he turned away. "If Solas won't do the ritual to bind me then someone else could - will. Like the Warden mages and then... I'm not me anymore. Walls around what I want; blocking, bleeding, making me a monster!" Patrick watched in silence from the tavern entrance as Raven slowly moved closer to the distraught being.

"A Mage using blood magic could conceivably do that to any one of us, human or demon," Christopher tried to explain. Solas watched them as well, eyes focused on Raven and the worry that flooded the young girls features. A part of him sympathized with her as she was still going through her own loss, but part of him also wondered if she somehow knew or played a part in Cole's ridiculous notion.

"You should ask Solas to bind you, too," Cole said seriously. "And then someone can bind him!" As he turned to look at Christopher the sight of Raven slowly shaking her head caught his attention. Had she been there the entire time? They listened to her, maybe she could convince them!

"Cole, that isn't how this works," she said quietly and he could see that she wanted to be close to him but she didn't move.

"There has to be some middle ground between 'do nothing' and 'bind Cole with blood magic'," Christopher thought aloud, mind still reeling at Cole's request.

"Indeed. I recall stories of amulets used by Rivani seers to protect spirits they summoned from rival mage's. A spirit wearing an Amulet of the Unbound was immune to blood magic and binding; it should protect Cole as well. The resources of the Inquisition could be used to find such a talisman." Solas spoke to Christopher like Raven and Cole weren't there. It pissed her off but she just rolled her eyes and watched Cole walk away. It hurt to see him so upset.

"They will not take me," he muttered, trying not to think of what could happen if he didn't succeed. Once Cole was out of sight, most likely somewhere on the battlements, Raven's room, or in the tavern, Raven turned her attention to Christopher to see that he was already looking back at her.

"Did you..." He wanted to ask and thankfully didn't have to finish when he saw her nod. Of course she knew and he was positive she would've been even more vigilant because it was Cole who was involved.

"Yes. I also spoke to Josephine about the amulet a day or so after everyone left for Adamant." She spoke quietly and then, as if she remembered she had yet to greet him, rushed in to him with a hug of such force that it nearly knocked him off his feet. "I'm so proud of you; Hawke and Stroud both survive and you recruited the Wardens." He smiled when she did, knowing that he had truly done the unexpected, even by her standards.

"You helped; they survived because I knew what to expect. I assume you're feeling better?" He asked even though it was obvious he really didn't need to. The change in her since he'd been gone had been dramatic.

"Much, compared to before. It's good to see you as well, Solas," she greeted politely once she stepped away from Christopher although she didn't move to embrace him like she'd done with Christopher. She looked the same but he eyed her cautiously. After what just happened with Cole it was to be expected, but he wouldn't discuss it out in the open.

"You as well, Raven. I'm pleased that you're feeling better," he replied kindly and it was the truth. The calmness around her was a nice change. She nodded before politely excusing herself and walking back to the tavern where Patrick still patiently waited for her.

Unlike the game Cole wasn't in the tavern when Christopher approached him with news about the amulet. The only reason Raven knew that was because Cole was seated beside her on the battlement walls staring at the mountains in the distance. He had placed her hand in his lap and was tracing the lines of her palm as she sipped a cup of tea while few words passed between them. Since they returned from Adamant a week ago he'd spent more time with her than before and if they heard the whispers and gossip about them they didn't acknowledge it. She was doing her best to keep him grounded while still moving past her own thoughts and losses. The nightmares had stopped but she still woke during the night—more out of habit at that point than anything else—but he was always there with her.

"We found the Rivani amulet you had Josephine acquire during our time at Adamant. Would you like to try it on, Cole?" Christopher asked while glancing down at Raven's hand still placed in Cole's lap. The spirit didn't look at him right away, his fingers kept playing with hers.

"Yes, but not here. I like it here. Not around Raven either. We need some place that can go away if it becomes sharp," Cole finally replied and Christopher noticed the way Raven quickly turned to look at him as if he said something she wasn't expecting. As Cole moved off the battlement wall Raven stopped him and turned her attention to Christopher. Her eyes were dark and he knew that she had something private to discuss with Cole before they tested the amulet. Unlike what happened with Bull, Solas, Sera, and the others, she hadn't said anything about what was happening with the spirit or what was going to happen with the amulet. He'd asked her once but she made it clear it was a subject that wasn't open for discussion.

"I'll be in the library with Solas. Meet me there when you're done," Christopher said quietly as he left, not even sure if he wanted to know what they had to say to one another. Once he was gone, Cole looked over to Raven.

"It will be okay. I will be okay," He assured her, not liking the scared, sad look in her eyes. He tried to listen but she was keeping him out. She'd been doing that a lot in the last week and he wanted to know but didn't push. He knew she would tell him soon.

"I have no doubt about that, but will you promise me something?" She asked quietly. She continued when Cole finally nodded, "Whatever happens, whatever choices you have to make, make them because they're what you want. Don't let anyone else choose what's best for you."

"Choices?" He asked and she nodded.

"I can't tell you what happens, but I promise you that I will still be here when you get back and I will still love you no matter what you choose. We'll still be friends." Her voice shook and as Cole reached out to brush away the tears brought on by the sudden waves of emotion that had fallen from her eyes, but she pushed his hand away. He wanted to ask what she meant but knew she wouldn't say anymore. He wanted to ask about how and why she loved him, if that was truly how she felt. Her admission made him feel unbelievably warm and Cole wasn't sure what to say in response or if she even wanted one.

"I promise," he vowed quietly before moving off the wall. She let him go. Christopher waited for him at the entrance to the main hall and together they passed Varric who was sitting at his table beside the large fireplace.

"Are you ready?" Christopher asked while holding out the amulet for him to take.

"What do I do with it?" Cole wondered aloud as they made their way into the library. Solas stood up from his large chair and made his way over to them.

"You found one of the amulets, excellent! May I?" Solas smiled as he asked, holding out his hand for the amulet which Cole readily gave him. "It is simple enough; you put it on and I charge it with magic and you should be protected," he explained while removing Cole's hat and slipping the amulet over the spirit's blond head.

"Are you ready, Cole?" Christopher asked again, his own stomach turning at the thought of something bad happening. If that were the case, Raven would've said something. Cole was too important to her to simply stand idly by.

"They can't make me a monster," Cole declared and went silent as Solas held out his hand and the feeling of magic permeated the air, bathing them in a beautiful pale blue light. It only lasted seconds though before it backfired causing Cole to cry out in surprise.

"What was that?" Varric's voice broke the brief shock that had come over the small group and all eyes turned as the dwarf entered the room. "Oh, for... What are you doing to the Kid?"

"Stopping blood mage's from binding me like the demons at Adamant but it didn't work," Cole replied simply without missing a beat. Varric looked past the Kid to Chuckles and Christopher and had to wonder if Ginger knew what was going on, surely she'd have something to say on the subject.

"Something is interfering with the enchantment," Solas explained to him as well as Christopher.

"'Something' like Cole not being a demon?" Varric retorted earning a look of exaspiration from the elf. Christopher looked over to Solas.

"Solas, is it possible the amulet doesn't work on Cole because he's too... Human?" He asked and received the same look from Solas.

"Regardless of Cole's special circumstances, he remains a spirit," the elf clarified, tone clipped. It was a shame they didn't bring Raven along to help confirm his knowledge.

"Yes, a spirit who is strangely like a person." Varric spoke slowly to let his point sink in. Throughout their conversation Cole was silent, listening to their words and thoughts noting how similar they were. It wasn't often people said what they meant, there was always some underlying reason, some ulterior motive, but when it came to him Solas and Varric and Christopher had none.

"I don't matter!" He finally exclaimed, tired of arguing. "Just lock away the parts of me that someone else can knot together to make me follow." It was a simple request, right? Solas was a powerful Mage, a powerful being, he could help.

"Focus on the amulet. Tell me what you feel," his voice calmer now that he wasn't debating with Varric. Cole closed his eyes, his mind going to the small pendant around his neck and it didn't take long to feel a pull that had his entire body wanting to follow.

"Warm, soft blankets covering but it catches, tears. I'm the wrong shape. There's something. There, that way," Cole murmured quietly while bringing his hand up to point south.

"We'll find whatever is preventing the amulet from working. We'll make it right," Christopher promised and Cole wasn't surprised to feel the mans large, warm hand on his shoulder.

"Alright, Kid. Get Cullen and work with him on the map to figure out where you're sensing something wrong," Varric supplied the idea and it made Cole nod. When he finally turned around all three were staring at him in concern.

"Will you come with me?" He asked them, "All of you?"

"Sure," Varric answered and was glad when the others didn't object. He knew they wouldn't, they all cared for the Kid in some way or another.

With a small smile, which Varric returned, Cole slowly made his way out of the room. Was he going to see Cullen or update Ginger on what was happening? When he was sure the Kid was gone, he looked at Chuckles and took a step forward. "Alright, I get it. You like spirits. But he came into this world to be a person. Let him be one."

"If I see a way to protect Cole without taking away whatever he is I'll use it, but Cole clearly needs our help," Christopher argued and Varric resisted the urge to roll his eyes at his dear friend.

"I'm not saying we do nothing, but that ritual of theirs only works on demons right? And by the way, where's Ginger? She and the Kid are usually attached at the hip. You would think she'd be here with all that's going on." Varric could only imagine the rampage she'd create if she found out what was happening. He'd seen her angry, but where Cole was concerned he knew it'd make the arguments she had in the past with Curly and Christopher seem like child's play.

"Cole didn't want her where there was the possibility of her getting hurt," Christopher explained and judging by the look Chuckles suddenly had on his face, Varric wasn't the only one caught off guard.

"It's sweet that he cares about her. Are you sure he's nothing more than a spirit?"

"This is not some fanciful story, Child of the Stone. We cannot change our nature by wishing," Solas countered once he recovered from the initial shock. He too had been wondering why Raven wasn't with them and where she could be. It never dawned on him that Cole would wish her to not be present for the sake of her safety. Then again, it made sense with the bond those two shared. Varric's smirk brought him back to the topic at hand.

"You don't think?" He asked and that time Solas didn't hesitate to roll his eyes, as improper as it may be.

"However we deal with the problem, our next step is to track down whatever is interfering with the enchantment." Hopefully it wouldn't be too difficult.

They were in Ferelden, entering Redcliffe for the first time since the incident with Dorian and his father and it felt strange to all of them. It was warm, humid even and as Christopher, Solas, and Varric followed Cole to the destination only the spirit seemed to know, they couldn't help but admire the sun shining over the lake in the distance.

"How much farther do you think it could be?" Varric asked quietly as he glanced up to his friend. Christopher looked down and shrugged while trying to ignore the hair falling into his face; it had been months since he'd gotten it cut but Cassandra liked it long.

"Only he knows that," Christopher's reply was quick and with a glance forward, past Cole, he could see two men a short distance away. One was shorter, balding, and looked much older than he probably was. The other was taller, dressed in clean tan clothes, a matching hat, and black hair with a mustache. Upon approaching, the shorter man looked to them and bid his farewell. By the time other man turned toward them and offered his assistance, Cole had gone rigid with recognition.

"You… You killed me!" Cole practically growled, disappearing before Solas had a chance to react and grab him. Moments later he appeared again in front of the large man, the shock bringing him to his knees. Cole stood over him, hand on his head, angry… so very angry. He could feel it screaming deep from inside him.

"No. I don't even know you," the man tried to protest as he brought his hands up to try and defend himself for whatever Cole was about to do. His words only seemed to anger Cole more.

"You forgot! You locked me in the dungeon in the Spire and you forgot and I died in the dark!" Cole screamed, each word fueling the fire that was now blazing inside of him. Memories filled his mind; the pain, hate, anger, hurt, loneliness, and abandon consumed him, filled his being and it wasn't fair that he was the one to die while the man kneeling before him was the one to live, the man who killed some but also hurt and tortured hundreds more, who laughed at the pain he caused.

"The Spire…?" The man finally acknowledged, eyes going wide. Cole barely felt the hand on his shoulder.

"Cole, stop!" Solas' voice was so close to him and worked toward breaking the hold Cole held on the man cowering on the ground. Sensing the opportunity, the man scrambled to get away. Cole would've gone after him if it weren't for his three friends standing beside him, their confusion like one giant cloud among them.

"Just take it easy, Kid," Varricsaid, his voice much less frantic than the others, but it did little to soothe the feelings still raging inside of him. His head felt heavier, thoughts scattered, sporadic, fading in and out as pictures and sounds flooded his memory.

"He killed me!" Cole exclaimed, "He killed me! That's why it doesn't work, he killed me and I have to kill him back!" That was what he had to do, right? It had to make the amulet work or else all hope of safety for him and the others would be lost.

"Before anyone gets killed I need to know what's going on." Christopher spoke loudly and clearly, trying to make sense of all that had just happened and what caused Cole, gentle and innocent Cole, to nearly break like he did.

"Cole, this man cannot have killed you," Solas calmly explained, hoping his words would reach through the anger and whatever else Cole was feeling. "You are a spirit. You have not even possessed a body." At his words Cole stood up straighter before turning away to face the direction the man had run. They didn't understand because they didn't know.

"A broken body. Bloody, banged on the stone cell. Guts gripping in the dark. Dank. A captured apostate." He spoke of the visions in his mind of the small, weak Mage cornered by hungry rats in a dark cell, the visions he hadn't told anyone up until then. Not even Raven, though he suspected she already knew; she knew so much that it was nearly astounding and sometimes he wanted nothing more than to talk to her about it all. "They threw him into the dungeon in the Spire in Val Royeaux, they forgot about him. He starved to death. I came through to help and I couldn't so I became… Cole." He could feel even more confusion from them. Surprise, too, but it wasn't as strong.

"If Cole was an apostate, that'd make the guy we just saw a Templar. Must've been buying lyrium," Varric suggested, knowing he was right. He'd seen it time and time again in Kirkwall. It was a shame to see Templars have to resort to such means but, really, what could one do about it?

"Let me kill him. I need to. I need to." Cole couldn't keep the anger from his voice. He was becoming restless. His fingers twitched.

"Solas?" Christopher asked looking to the elf.

"We cannot let Cole kill the man," he replied and Varric would've chuckled if the situation wasn't so serious, if it wasn't the Kid involved.

"I don't think anyone was going to suggest that, Chuckles." Solas glared at Varric's tone.. It was clear that he didn't fully understand. How could he, dwarves had no link to the Fade. They couldn't even dream.

"Cole is a spirit. The death of the real Cole wounded him, perverted him from his purpose. To regain that part of himself he must forgive." At his words Varric scoffed again. They didn't have much time before the Kid would do something drastic.

"Come on, you don't just forgive someone for killing you," Varric countered.

"You don't, a spirit can!" Solas couldn't help but raise his voice as he continued to glare at the dwarf.

"Varric?" Christopher asked quietly, his head spinning. He wanted to look at his friends but kept his eyes on Cole instead, grateful he had yet to run off. Instead, he leaned against the giant horse statue, fingers gripping the cold, white stone. Even from a distance he could see and hear Cole muttering quietly to himself but couldn't make out the words.

"The Kid's angry. He needs to work through it." Varric's simple rationalization only seemed to anger Solas even more though the dwarf didn't seem to care much as the elf moved closer.

"A spirit does not work through emotions, it embodies them!" Any other time Varric and Christopher would both be surprised by the tone Solas used. The elf valued propriety, always did his best to remain calm and dignified even in the worst of times.

"But he isn't a spirit, is he?" Varric shot back in the same infuriatingly calm and rational voice that he'd been using. "He made himself human and humans change. They get hurt and they heal. He needs to work it out like a person."

From where he stood leaning against the cool stone Cole could hear their words, the way they talked about him like he wasn't even there; but it was clear that they cared. It was strange to feel the effects anger had on the body, his body. He'd seen it, felt it in others, but it had been so long for him or maybe this was the first time, Cole didn't know. Thoughts of the Templar, visions of the past, and the broad spectrum of emotions rushing through his body and mind made him anxious. Raven spoke of choices; was this what she meant, he wondered. Cole didn't know why or how she crept into his mind, but her words seemed to make so much more sense than before. The fear and pain in her eyes, too. She promised to be there no matter what his choice was, promised to love and care for him like she always had. She knew. He knew without a doubt that she knew and yet she didn't argue one side or the other like Solas and Varric were doing not fifteen feet away. She knew the consequences of each action and vowed to accept whatever choice he decided to make. A gentle hand on his arm broke him free of his thoughts.

"Come with me."

Cole stared at him, mind going back to the words previously spoken as he explained them to the others. It was nice, but wasn't what he wanted. No one could tell him what was right and wrong, what choice he had to make. That was up to him.

"No. It's my choice. I don't want that."


	24. Chapter 24

_Dearest Raven,_

 _I hope my letter finds you in good health. I can't begin to express how worried I was when I received word from your Ambassador that you had to cancel your latest visit to Val Royeaux. I know you're always busy when you're here, but I was so looking forward to seeing you._

 _Still, with the Inquisition's taking of Adamant Fortress and preparing for the Masquerade, I can understand how much stress you are undoubtedly dealing with. How is the Inquisition dealing with the rogue Grey Wardens? Please let me know if there is anything I can do to assuage you, My Dove. Anything at all and you shall have it. I hope I proved that with the trebuchets. I'm glad they were of help._

 _Things here in the city are as they've always been, beautiful and busy with day to day life and the weather is growing slightly cooler with the anticipation of autumn, but I find such a dullness without you here. I do hope that can be rectified soon, or at least allow me to come to Skyhold to see you. I know the Couslands arrived two weeks ago and think that this would be a lovely opportunity to go over your dress and my suit for the Masquerade, among other things._

 _I look forward to hearing from you._

 _Always yours,_

 _Henry_

"Checkmate. I win again, Commander."

Cullen leaned forward and stared at the board. Several pieces, both black and white, had been discarded to the side as casualties of a great battle but he was more focused on the black knight trapping his queen. He couldn't help but smile at her from across the table. She was looking at him as well, a small smirk playing at her pink lips and green eyes waiting patiently for his admission of defeat. It hadn't been the first time she'd won and he knew it wouldn't be the last.

"Then I suppose congratulations are in order," he finally replied as the smile he wore turned into a smirk of his own. If it were just them enjoying the peacefulness of the garden and if she would ever allow him the honor he'd gladly lean forward, over the small table, and kiss those lips of hers but he couldn't. Not only because it wasn't just them but also that she would stop him. Even if she didn't for one reason or another and somehow gotten carried away she'd be angry with him so instead he reached forward to shake her hand. It was all he could really do.

"Always so formal," she commented, her voice light and full of amusement and absolute music in his ears. So much so that he found the hand he hadn't offered gripping the side of the chair as she reached out and shook his other one. Once she let go he watched as she leaned back, crossed her legs, and moved some of her long red hair from her face. It was longer than it had been when she'd first been brought to them, so much longer that when she left it down it pooled around the chairs she would sit on just like it was doing at that very moment, soft red tresses teasing him, haunting him, filling his mind with lustful images about how it felt against his naked skin but what made it truly marvelous was that she didn't know. She didn't remember their night and she didn't have any idea how she really affected him and others. "If we can't be casual around each other now after everything we've been through then I guess all hope is lost." Was she mocking him?

"A lady deserves to be treated with the utmost respect and formality," he explained somehow feeling more at ease than before. She made the point of looking around before letting her green eyes settle on him once more.

"That is very true, Commander, but I see no lady present and if you are trying to insinuate that I, of all people, am a lady then I'm afraid you're mistaken." Raven stared at Cullen from her small chair across the table enjoying the way his hand went to the back of his neck showing that he was nervous. It was fun to tease him.

"You are a lady," he insisted and she couldn't help but laugh. Playing the part of a lady was fun while she wore beautiful dresses and corsets and drank tea with the nobility of Orlais, but she wasn't a true lady. Ladies didn't fight or curse or allow themselves to become dirty like she did. Cullen seemed to believe otherwise, or at least lead her to believe he did ever since accidentally walking in on her with Adrian, Delphine, Josephine, and Vivienne a couple days ago. They had been going over different dress designs and from the look on Cullen's face when he realized what exactly he'd walked in on she guessed he still hadn't gotten over their one night together. His eyes widened while he stared at her, dressed in nothing but a corset and a small slip. Of course, the true ladies had been angry and embarrassed where she found it hilarious. He'd been on his best behavior and much more reserved around her ever since.

"A lady would agree with you instead of telling you to 'suck it'." Her tone was so polite that he didn't realize what she'd actually said until a few seconds later.

"Maker, what am I going to do with you?" His reply came out as a sigh before he started to smile again.

"Did you want to play another game?" She asked, deciding to ignore the plethora of sarcastic remarks that came to mind while setting up the board once again. Even if he didn't want to, it was still a polite gesture.

"I'd love to but there's still so much to be done. Don't you have another dress fitting soon?" He asked her as he stood up. She followed though her movements were much more graceful and soon she was standing beside him, barely coming up to his collarbone though the armor he wore hid that. He loved how small she was compared to him.

"Why?" She asked with a small smile as they made their way through the garden to the main hall. "Planning on walking in again?" He stumbled over air and his breath caught in his throat. He should've expected a reply like that coming from her but it still managed to catch him off guard and cause his skin to become entirely too warm under his metal armor as his mind went back to the other day. With the ball a mere two months away there seemed to be more pressure for Raven to come to a decision about what she wanted in the dress she was to wear and where most women would tell a man to leave, much like Josephine and Vivienne had once they realized he'd walked in and he realized what he'd walked into, Raven remained on the pedestal in the middle of the room clad in a corset the color of phoenix scales and a small black skirt that barely reached her knees that seemed to be nothing more than tiny pieces of silk. She'd smiled, waved, and even said hello to him without even blushing and he had to wonder how someone so young had such little modesty. Even though they had slept together he imagined more of a reaction. Part of him wanted to ask Raven about it, but he couldn't even begin to conjure up the words for a conversation like that much less say them. In the end he just chose to keep quiet, much like what he was doing at that exact moment because any comment or retort he could make would be met with one ten times worse from her. Halfway through the main hall they were stopped by Vivienne who looked stunning in her traditional white Enchanter robes.

"Raven, Commander Cullen," she cordially greeted, "it is such a pleasure to see you both."

"It's a pleasure seeing you as well Madame Vivienne. I do hope you're enjoying your day so far," Raven replied in the same tone though she wasn't in the mood for fake cheerfulness and forced pleasantries.

"My day has been wonderful, my dear. If you have some time to spare. Josephine wanted to speak with you about your dress since we didn't get much done the other day." She looked at Cullen as she spoke and Raven had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing as Cullen's face went from pale to the color of a tomato in mere seconds and he stuttered through an excuse to leave. When he was gone Raven turned to see the ebony skinned woman smiling down at her.

"Sounds like a plan." She couldn't hide the noncommittal enthusiasm. Aside from her measurements, they didn't really need her.

"Don't be like that. We need to finish this so we can send an idea to your date for the Masquerade. The Duke Durand is really looking forward to having you as his guest." Yeah, she was sure he was. If it wasn't the most recent letter that gave it away it was probably the four letters before that and then her latest visit to see him a couple months ago. Still, without saying much more, they made their way to Josephine's office where the pedestal, three mirrors, a dozen dresses, and swatch after swatch of colored fabric were laid out in the corner. Adrian was the first to come forward and greet the redhead and Delphine quickly followed suit.

Three hours later Raven bid farewell to Josephine, Vivienne, Adrian, and Delphine before slowly making her way into the main hall. Her back hurt from standing so straight as she tried on dress after dress while she and the others decided everything from the appropriate silhouette to the color, fabric, shoes, gems and jewelry, and hairstyle. It was ridiculous and once everything had been decided and Raven had been released she wanted nothing more than to grab something to eat from the kitchens and watch the soldiers fight in the sparring ring. Normally she'd want to join in but no one in the fortress could keep up with her except Cole and he was... Raven felt her stomach turn as she thought of him and it wasn't in a pleasant way. The words she'd spoken to him a week ago on the battlements played in her mind and she wondered if she did the right thing. Varric and Solas would argue over his fate but she urged him to make his own choice, to choose whatever would make him happy. It wasn't a lie, she would remain by his side as a friend and confidant, she would listen to him and include him in things others didn't. She would still love him, if that was in fact how she really felt. She didn't know. She would gladly give her life for him and do everything in her power to keep him from harm but was that really what love was? She would do the same for anyone else if the situation called for it but he was different, special, and she didn't know what to think or how to feel about it.

As she made her way down the stairs, Raven found the kitchens emptier than normal. It was well after the time dinner was typically served and the three kitchen maidens she met along the way offered to help but she declined. She knew her way around the kitchen enough to know where everything that she wanted was and she could feel the women watching her in hushed silence as she sliced three different kinds of cheese, two different kinds of cured and salted meats, some hardened bread for crackers, purple grapes, two pears, and some strawberries. What she wouldn't eat of the plate tonight would be breakfast the next morning so with the large plate in hand, she made her way down the small steps into the courtyard, past the stables. On her way up the grand staircase she was disappointed to see not many soldiers were sparing. With a simple shrug she turned direction and made her way to the main hall. Varric was still gone, along with Solas, Cole, and Christopher so she sat at their usual table beside the fireplace. She didn't know when they would be back and she hated being stuck in limbo, not knowing the outcome. Raven remembered being back home and learning about Schrodinger's Cat from her father; that until something was certain it can be both and neither. Back then she thought it was fascinating but as she stared into the fire, her stomach still churning and feeling restless at the thought of each outcome she despised it.

"Not up for hanging with us tonight?" A deep voice asked breaking Raven from her train of thoughts. Bull took a seat beside her as she looked at him, eyeing his giant hand that reached forward and grabbed a slice of cured ham.

"Just a lot on my mind," she replied quietly and took a piece of cheese from the plate. Bull stared at her with his one good eye and decided he didn't like how withdrawn she seemed to be. With everything they both had been through recently, their time together had been limited. He'd be a fool to not know that she helped the Boss come to the decision to save his men back in the Storm Coast. He'd betrayed the Qun, had become Tal-Vashoth but the support from those he'd become close to had been surprising and thanks to her he still had his men and a place where he was more than just a position and a series of numbers.

"That's nothing a strong drink can't cure." And he was right. If he had a gold piece for every time he used a drink to get his mind off something he'd be able to retire very fat and very rich. It made her smile though.

"The last time I resorted to strong drinks, I woke up naked and in bed with Cullen. I'll stick with my cheese and grapes. What are you doing up here anyway, did Josephine need you for something?" She asked and was genuinely curious but Bull shook his head and gave her one of those kind smiles he was capable of giving but very seldom ever did. With how often Raven and Cullen argued, he supposed it was only a matter of time before the two hashed out their differences between the sheets. He knew nothing would come of it but sometimes that was the only therapy that was needed.

"Nah," he answered as he grabbed a piece of cheese and a grape to pop into his mouth like he'd seen her do so many times and found he really enjoyed the creamy saltiness and juicy sweet flavors together, "You just looked a little down, so I figured I'd make sure you were okay." It was the least he could do. Bull watched her as he explained, not bothering to tell her that it was Cole who had asked him to keep an eye on her while he, Solas, Varric, and the Boss were gone. She didn't need to know that and she'd been doing pretty well with training, spending time with Cullen, going over plans for that ball in Orlais two months away, and keeping herself busy. She was eating more as well which he was glad to see; she'd gotten entirely too thin and it was good to see her putting that weight on again.

"Thanks but I'm fine. The quiet is nice every now and then." He agreed with her words and watched as she grabbed a piece of meat off the plate before looking into the fire. "Back home we had these things called marshmallows. They weren't much more than a simple confection made from sugar, water, and gelatin then formed into a cylinder. Whenever we'd go camping or feel like lighting a fire in the backyard, Dad would go to the store and buy bags of these things along with chocolate and graham crackers for s'mores."

"S'mores, what the hell kind of name is that?" He asked and Raven chuckled.

"It believe it was a play on the words 'some' and 'more'," she explained. "You'd roast marshmallows over the fire so it would become soft, pliable, and the sugar would burn then stick it on a graham cracker, add chocolate, then put another graham cracker over the chocolate to make a sandwich. They were always messy and sticky and I hated them that way so I'd make the stupid thing then pick it apart and eat the components one at a time."

"Sounds weird," Bull commented and Raven simply shrugged not bothering to disagree with him. They were weird and she honestly had no idea what made her think of them or tell him in the first place. Maybe it was because he liked sweets or maybe she was feeling particularly nostalgic at the moment. He watched her relax more as she watched the fire, waiting for her to continue talking or eating but it seemed like she wasn't thinking about doing either. Something was going on in that head of hers but she wasn't sad. Worried would be a better word to describe it.

"So about you and Cole..." He asked while deciding to start at the top of the list of what would most likely be her top priorities and when Bull suddenly found Raven's eyes on him faster than he'd expected he knew he'd guessed right. He should've known. It was always the Kid.

"So about you and Dorian?" She countered and Bull couldn't help but smile. "Lovers yet or are you both still playing coy and hard to get?" Fuck, she was observant, but then again she seemed to know from the start that they would make a great pair. It wasn't like he'd gone to any great lengths to hide the fact that he and the Vint had been sleeping together, it was just something they didn't really talk about in the open. She would be the one to notice though.

"You'll get your answers when I get mine, Girl," he told her and didn't like how she looked away from him.

"That seems to be the main topic with our friends. There is no 'Cole and I'," she told him after a few moments of silence. "He's a spirit, one of my closest friends. I love him for it and all that he is just like I love you and the rest." Her voice was soft and Bull had to struggle to hear her over the crackle of the fire. Once her words sunk in he found himself not believing the entirety of it even though he knew she wouldn't lie to him. When she didn't want him to know something she just didn't talk about it or changed the subject so maybe she simply didn't realize how thin that line actually was.

"Then why are you worried?"

"Do you want the truth?" She asked even though she knew the answer. One glance in his direction caused her to smile. "He's going to have to make a choice that will change everything he is. Either he'll become more like a spirit or he'll become more like a person." Okay, Bull wasn't expecting that. He knew the Boss, Cole, Solas, and Varric were on a mission but that was really what it was about? He continued to look at her, trying to find any sign that something else was going on but found none. Demon or human, he contemplated the options and knew without a doubt what he would want. What did she want though? She never said.

"What do you want him to choose?" Bull asked and watched as her features stayed the same. She gave nothing away.

"I want him to choose what he feels right with and whatever makes him happy." Her reply was simple. Diplomatic. Safe. "Spirit or human, what I want him to choose doesn't matter. It's his decision and I will be there for him no matter what."

Bull continued to stare at her even after she finished speaking and was glad to see her pick up multiple pieces of food and nibble on them. It wasn't a secret between them that he vouched for the girl all those months ago when she was captured and brought to them, even after her strange stories and even stranger devices. He continued to watch and observe her afterward, like he was doing at that exact moment sitting next to her. Mostly it was because of his Ben-Hassrath training but he couldn't deny that the small redhead had captured his attention and respect. Bull respected her dedication, willingness to learn, her badass fighting skills, and the unwavering loyalty he was seeing from her as she spoke of Cole and the others - himself included. It was that loyalty she was hiding behind and using as a crutch.

"I know you'll be there for him, no one expects any different but I know you want one more than the other or else you wouldn't be so concerned. I won't judge you for it if that's what's holding you back." She didn't look at him and didn't speak for a long time. He watched her pop a small square piece of cheese into her mouth, aged sharp cheddar if he remembered right, chew slowly, and swallow.

"I feel like a bad person," Raven admitted quietly, "for wanting him to choose to grow as a person instead of a spirit. The really messed up part, what I don't understand, is why I want it so much." She was able to keep it from Cole the night he left, he would've told her otherwise, but it had been a lingering thought in the back of her mind. She didn't know why she wanted him to choose to move on and work through what had happened to him. In the game his fate usually rested on how she felt and choices she'd made earlier but that was then. Now it felt wrong to choose such an important thing for him.

"For what it's worth, you're not a bad person. The Kid has a lot to learn and it's easy enough to see that he enjoys learning from others," Bull consoled her, not entirely used to or comfortable with talking about feelings, especially with a girl as young as Raven who clearly didn't understand or grasp her feelings well either.

"I guess. Can we stop talking about it and focus on you and Dorian?" She asked quietly while throwing him a small smirk that he would've missed if he hadn't looked at the right time. Not much was said about the two, mainly because she wasn't serious about wanting to know what happened between them. She knew the lifestyle Bull preferred and after a couple questions about that more than anything else she was content to merely sit in silence, her mind miles away, while absentmindedly picking at the food on her plate. It wasn't long before Bull bid her goodnight and made his way to the tavern.

As Raven slowly gained consciousness she realized before even opening her eyes that she wasn't in the safe, private confines of her room. There was no unbelievably warm and constricting feeling of her quilt wrapped around her body and she could hear people talking not so far away. When she finally gathered the strength to open her eyes she was greeted by the sight of Solas on one of the rafters placed around his office quietly mixing paints. Was he really there or was she dreaming? Echoes of ravens could be heard from far above. He looked over to her as she sat up while ignoring her protesting muscles.

"Good morning," he greeted kindly, "I hope you slept well." Raven was silent, staring at him as she tried to wake herself up a little more. "Cole is with Varric but he insisted on bringing you tea. It is on the table beside you." She looked half dead, Solas thought to himself as he stared at her. She was paler than normal, her red hair was undone and tangled, and there were dark circles under her eyes. It wasn't often he saw her so early in the morning so he could only guess it was because she was still waking up and barely coherent. Her eyes did widen when he mentioned Cole and tea.

"Solas?" She asked and he nodded not expecting what happened next. She was up faster than he could blink, all signs of tiredness forgotten, "You're back! How was it? What happened? Where is everyone else?" Her questions came out so fast that in his own tired state he couldn't help but chuckle.

"Calm yourself, _Da'len_. We arrived late last night," he explained while thinking back to the night before. After Cole's decision it was obvious what the outcome would be. He wanted to ask if she knew what would happen but he wasn't in the mood and it wasn't the time or place to have such a conversation. Raven seemed to comply with his demand and gently sat down again, hand absentmindedly reaching out and grasping the hot tea from the table barely a foot from her. Raven's mind was racing and question after question kept coming to her. If Solas was alone did that mean Cole had chosen humanity or did he simply want to be alone in his area on the top floor of the tavern? If she could see him most of those questions would be answered.

"Do you know where Cole is?" She asked quietly and took a sip of her tea. It was the Masala chai she loved so much and as she drained half the cup in a couple long sips she found herself feeling better. Solas still kept his eyes on her from his place on the rafters.

"No," he finally replied slightly amazed at how she could drink her tea so quickly and how she looked much better after doing so. Solas hated tea as it usually kept him awake but when Cole brought in a cup of what he called 'her special tea' and Solas could smell cinnamon and spices it did pique his curiosity to the point where he planned to ask her about it later. "After he and Varric brought you here, they left and I haven't seen or heard from them since."

Raven's eyes widened. "They brought me here? I apologize, Solas. You could've woken me up and I would've gone to my room." At hearing such contriteness in her voice he suddenly realized how his explanation sounded and mentally cursed.

"It was no trouble, _Da'len_. When I'm tired things sometimes come out in ways that I do not intend. I was the one who insisted on you sleeping here. I apologize that it isn't as comfortable as your quarters." She seemed to relax with his explanation.

"Please, Solas. You know I love being here. Thank you." Solas watched her drink the rest of her tea, put her cup on the table, stand up, and start to comb her long hair with her fingers where she eventually tied it back and out of her face with the band that had been around her wrist. With a kind farewell he watched as she grabbed her now empty cup and leave his office through the far door and he supposed it was that time; he hadn't slept since coming back and normally he was in his room until after the sun came up so it was strange to be awake and see her make her way to Cullen's office so casually before the sun even began to rise.

Cole watched her make her way from the library to Cullen's office from his place on the battlements. It was still dark and from his distance the only way he could really tell it was her was her copper hair. Even tied back it seemed to shine and reflect the dim light coming from the moon. Varric had gone to sleep over an hour ago after a long discussion about a lot of topics and leaving Cole with all he'd learned, more questions than he could keep track of, and entirely new feelings. As much as he wanted to go to Raven for help, he felt he couldn't. She promised to be there for him the way a friend would but he was scared. Would she be disappointed in his choice? Would she be mad? Varric didn't think she would but part of him still didn't want to take that risk.

She was in Cullen's office for a long time and by the time she came out the sun was rising over the mountainside and her recruits were getting ready in the lower courtyard. Cole still stood there watching, waiting, wondering if or when she would notice him. His stomach started to hurt and even though he wanted to go to Varric, Christopher, Solas, or even The Iron Bull, he stood still and continued to watch. From the corner of his eye he could see Cullen come out of his office with papers in his hand and suddenly stop to watch her like he normally did. Waiting, longing, wanting, wishing that she would look up at him and smile, that she would kiss and touch him and want him like he wanted her; stomach turning, chest aching, growing nervous as she says things he would never expect, and those eyes the color of emeralds. Something about it made Cole want to look away from the man and he didn't know why. They were thoughts he'd often seen and heard from Cullen, nothing had changed.

"Good morning, Cole." It was Cullen who spoke. Had he been so in thought that he didn't hear the man and his clanky armor approach? Cole looked up at Cullen who was smiling kindly like he usually did. "I wasn't aware you were back. Raven didn't mention it," he continued.

"She wouldn't. She was sleeping when we came back last night and then I carried her to the couch in the room Solas uses," Cole explained as he looked away from Cullen and back to Raven training her recruits below, ignoring the slight feeling of jealousy suddenly coming from the armored man.

"Well, I bet she'll be excited once she sees you," the Commander replied as he put a hand to the back of his neck, an action Cole didn't have to see to know it was being done; His mind was elsewhere, seeing into Cullen's loud thoughts as he remembered carrying Raven in his arms when she came back from Val Royeaux with Josephine and Dorian; how small and light she was and how she curled into his chest.

That had been months ago and, not counting their night together, Cullen could count on one hand the amount of times he'd been allowed to get close to her since, the last being before Adamant when she allowed him to caress and massage her shoulder blades and neck. It had been the first time he'd seen her since she reached her breaking point eight days prior. Eight days with no one but Cole knowing how she was. He couldn't understand how she seemed to trust him implicitly and how he was the one she always went to. If she wanted comfort and warmth, Cullen surely could've been there for her and given her what she needed. He couldn't see into her mind but he also wasn't a spirit, he was a human made of flesh and blood and warmth. The thoughts made Cole want to hit him.

"Perhaps," Cole said so quietly that Cullen nearly missed his response. Had something happened between the two before Cole left with The Inquisitor, Varric, and Solas? He couldn't imagine Raven not telling him if there had. "I'm not me anymore. Well, I am but not really. I'm different."

"I don't see how that would make her any less excited to see you. She missed you while you were away." Cole could see it in Cullen's mind.

"She didn't tell you that but you could sense it, feel it during the chess games in your office and in the garden. She reminded you of Mia then, always winning. Thank you for keeping her company. She enjoys spending time with you away from the Inquisition." Cullen stared at Cole as he spoke not sure how he should feel about having anyone or anything in his mind and reading his thoughts. He'd done it on multiple occasions but at least it wasn't private like before.

"Just away from the Inquisition?" Cullen finally asked and Cole nodded.

"Yes. You're calmer, fun, don't judge or treat her like a child, and you make her laugh. She doesn't want to hit you as much." It was easy for Cole to see the surprise on Cullen's face. Even if he didn't suddenly feel it burst from him like a fresh wave Cullen's eyes widened and a noise left his mouth.

"She wants to hit me?" Cullen asked incredulously. He shouldn't have been surprised; there was no doubt that Raven wanted to hit him at least a few times in the months they'd known each other. She'd even admitted it to him once or twice like he admitted to wanting to shake some sense into her for those stupid and careless actions she'd taken in the past, but hearing it from someone else, someone who was with her nearly all the time like a shadow or a bodyguard and who had the ability to see into her mind, was unsettling to him and he didn't know how else to reply.

"It isn't often anymore. It was a lot back in Haven, the camp after Haven, when we arrived at Skyhold, sometimes during council meetings, when you kissed her." Cole stopped speaking and Cullen wasn't sure he wanted to know anymore.

"Not after the night we had?" He asked against his better judgement. Cole shook his head.

"No. She tries so hard to remember the events of that night but nothing shows. She wasn't angry, not with you. Overwhelmed and confused but that was back before she let the hurt start to heal. She's happier now. Stronger and more relaxed. I like her happy." Cullen's mind was still reeling when Varric showed up only a few moments later. The dwarf, as always, was dressed to impress with his chest on full display and his hair pulled back, but he looked more tired than usual. It seemed to be a recurring theme.

"Hey Kid," Varric greeted quietly as he looked up to see shock on Curly's face. Whatever the Kid must've said he wasn't prepared for. "Are you waiting for Ginger to finish up with the recruits?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly looking away from Cullen and down to his friend. "Do you think she'll want to see me now that I'm like this, more real than before?" Varric chuckled to hide his surprise at the Kid's question all while watching Curly stare at them both in utter confusion.

"I know for a fact she'll want to see you. There's nothing to worry about," he replied and could tell there were still doubts and most likely other thoughts floating around the Kid's head. Part of Varric wondered if he'd always had those thoughts or if it was one of the consequences of the choice he'd made to become more human. With a polite farewell Curly made his exit, something about delivering reports, and Varric watched the Kid's head turn to watch the Commander as he walked away before taking a seat on the high wall overlooking the lower courtyard.

"He's jealous of me," Cole muttered quietly while still trying to make sense of what he'd seen and felt from Cullen only minutes ago. Varric's eyes widened but he couldn't help the laugh that escaped him. Did that really have to be one of the first lessons he'd have to learn as a human? "'Why can't she want me like she wants him?'"

"Kid, now that you're human, you should know that a lot of people are probably jealous of you. Ginger is a strong and attractive woman. You can't do what she does without attracting attention. Curly's one of them." Varric slowly explained while hoping he would catch on. Cole looked away from him and down to the small redhead below them currently demonstrating a new move on the man named Patrick. Cole had spoken to the man a couple times since Raven started her training. The first time was without her present, but neither she nor Patrick knew that. Cole hadn't been angry exactly while he sought the man out, but the actions Patrick had taken during his first training session with Raven didn't make him happy. Even back then Cole couldn't understand why he was so upset but it worked, it helped. Patrick wasn't mean and hurtful anymore, he treated Raven the right way. That was for only him to know, no one else.

"What does that have to do with me?" Cole didn't take his eyes from the two as he asked. How did others opinions of her affect him?

"They want things from her; sex, marriage, power, or maybe something else entirely. It all comes down to earning Raven's loyalty and everyone who knows her and has seen you two together knows that her loyalty belongs to you." It took Cole a few moments to understand what Varric was speaking of. Cullen and others were jealous of him because of how close he and Raven were, the idea seemed silly.

He could understand how others could want things from her and Varric was right in saying she was strong. She was fast, calculating, and vicious on the battlefield and could hold her own with the nobles of Val Royeaux. He also supposed that she was attractive with her soft red hair and green eyes but that wasn't everything, it couldn't be. She was funny and loved helping people and playing with animals. She didn't become upset with him when things weren't said right. She was there to comfort him and she accepted him when others only showed hesitation and fear. Even Christopher. Even Varric.

"They don't need to be jealous, Varric," Cole spoke with a confidence he didn't know he had and Varric shook his head before taking the step forward to lean on the wall Cole was sitting on so he could observe the events below.

"That's where you're wrong, Kid, and you should probably learn this now that you've chosen to grow as a person. If you were to leave, no matter the circumstance, she'd follow without question. This thing between you two is there and I'm not the only one who's seen it."

"Thing?" Cole looked down to his friend as he asked.

"Yeah. Thing. Whatever it is that causes you to watch her the way you do and her to go to you without second thoughts. Maybe you'll learn more as time goes by." Varric didn't doubt he would learn more from everyone he was round on a daily basis, Ginger included. He'd deny it but a part of that idea scared him. What if he did start to understand, what if whatever he was feeling grew. Would he be happy or end up regretting his decision in the time to come? From the grounds below it was Patrick that noticed the two; Cole sitting on the ledge and Varric leaning against it. Once he grabbed the practice dagger that was just knocked out of his hand, he turned to tap Raven on the shoulder which stopped her mid sentence as she spoke to the recruits.

"What?" Her tone was clipped and it made him flinch. She hated being interrupted while she played the role of instructor and maybe she already knew they were back and watching. When she turned to glare at him for not replying he pointed at the two observers and watched as her features suddenly softened making her look more her age than someone much older and experienced in combat.

"Do you want me to take over?" He asked while silently praying to the Maker that he didn't just overstep his bounds and that she wouldn't assume she thought he was disrespecting her. Instead she looked back to him and shook her head.

"We'll be over soon," she replied before she turned her attention back to her men.

"You're a hard man to find when you want to be," Cole looked up from his place on Raven's bed to see her standing in the doorway. She didn't seem mad as she spoke, a little tired and relieved but not mad. He watched as she closed the door and went to her dresser where she undid her harness and put it and her daggers down. He had gone to her room an hour or so ago knowing she would talk to Varric first and then Christopher to hear what happened. It felt strange to be in her room alone. He knew that she never cared before, but would she have a problem now that he wasn't the same?

"I didn't know if you would want to see me. I'm different." Cole looked away not sure if he wanted to see her face now that she was closer so he waited for her words, even knowing how cruel they could be. Those words never came though and he almost jumped back in surprise when she suddenly appeared in front of him, pressing her hands against his upper thighs, using them as leverage to lower herself to her knees and with one quick movement she was in between his legs. He could feel the warmth of the sun radiating from her skin. When Cole looked at her he could feel his chest tighten as his eyes met hers. While he was busy not looking at her he missed the smooth, graceful movements of her hands untying her hair. She was scared, but Cole couldn't tell if she was scared of him or for him. She knew, afterall, what the consequences of his actions would be. Had he chosen wrong?

"I missed you." Her words were soft and he noticed her voice was lower than it usually was. "Are you okay?"

"The hurt is always there now but I made the choice that I wanted," Cole answered while reaching forward to brush some of the long red hair away from her eyes only to have it fall back into place when she shook her head. "Varric is helping me."

Raven stared up at him from her spot on the floor. Now so close to him, she was able to observe smaller differences like the way his skin felt warmer through his leathers and how he seemed less pale than before. He watched her lay her head down on his lap where she closed her eyes, letting herself truly relax for the first time since he left. The action was not lost on him.

"I like that you're more real." Her voice was so quiet that Cole almost didn't hear her. "You're still Cole. You'll always be Cole." As he stared down at her comfortably using his lap as a pillow he let himself smile while feeling foolish. All the worry and fear he felt at the possibility of her wanting nothing to do with him like Rhys had so long ago suddenly seemed silly and perhaps Varric was right; him changing didn't matter because she would care for him and be there for him no matter what he decided.


	25. Chapter 25

"I don't understand why I need a bath when I took one yesterday" Cole protested aloud to Dorian for what must've been the fifth time since they entered the large bathroom together as he begrudgingly scrubbed his skin with the rag the Mage had given him. It was black and full of soap smelling like elfroot and sandalwood just like the hot water he was sitting in. Dorian chuckled from the other side of the bath as he stripped out of his robes and stepped into the hot water.

"Humans sweat more than spirits, Cole. You know this. Now that you're human you have to bathe regularly or you'll start to stink and no one wants that. There's also the ball tonight and we both have to look and smell our best. I usually do but one can never be too careful when it comes to those _Orlesians_. You don't want Josephine to get angry, do you?" He explained while pouring some of the soap from the bottle. It was different than the product he normally used but it smelled fantastic and he made a mental note to ask her for the recipe once they had time to sit down and catch up over a few drinks.

Perhaps she'd be open to letting him read to her incredibly false information out of a history book to annoy Solas who usually studied below. It seemed like forever since the last time they had a night together. In the weeks leading up to the ball, Josephine and Vivienne had kept her busy with dress fittings, finding the perfect shoes, hair stylings, dancing lessons, instruction on proper etiquette, and many other things Dorian didn't want to think about.

"But I don't want to go," Cole replied simply while still working on his arms. At least the rag given to him was softer than the one he had to use last time. He thought of all the times Raven had excused herself and disappeared after camp had been set up to go take a bath, coming back with damp hair and clothes but claiming she felt much better. He couldn't understand how she found it so enjoyable. His skin was starting to hurt. Maybe she did it a different way, Cole thought to himself and wondered if it would be appropriate to ask.

Varric and Christopher had been teaching him about being proper and what were and were not appropriate questions but it was still hard to understand the rules when it came to his friendship with Raven. Lady Josephine had told him once that the things he and Raven often did _were_ inappropriate and surely Raven knew that after all the training she'd received and nobles she'd been around. He found he didn't mind the things they weren't supposed to talk about but did anyway and the things that had become part of their everyday routine.

She sometimes changed clothes with him present even if he now had to turn around first. She allowed him into her room whenever he wanted, letting him rest in her bed, and even curling up next to him where she'd often fall asleep. What they did broke all the rules everyone else had been trying to teach him. Was it wrong that he didn't care? He liked being around her. He liked the way she would laugh and tell stories, the way she leaned her head on his shoulder when she was tired without a care of who seemed to be around, and he loved watching her laugh and spend time with others.

"Don't be like that. Raven will be there and you know how she gets when she's around those nobles for too long. Grumpy is an understatement. You'll be helping her," Dorian tried to reason while looking over to Cole who was still working on scrubbing his arms and he could see through the lather that the skin was becoming pink though the young man didn't seem to notice. "You don't have to scrub so hard that your skin comes off, just the dirt." The distant look didn't fade from Cole's light blue eyes, but Dorian could see the pressure lessen and soon he began to scrub other parts of his body all while ignoring the way the hot water likely stung the raw skin of his arms.

"She isn't excited about tonight but they won't know that. They won't see anything under her mask of green and silver. Will I get a mask, too?" Cole asked and Dorian could only shrug in response. He doubted it. As far as the mage knew the only member of the Inquisition that would be wearing a mask to the ball was Raven who would serve as a distraction while Christopher and the others, himself included, would try to make sure the Empress stayed safe.

"Probably not. I'm sure if you want one Josephine or Raven can take you to that shop in Val Royeaux." Dorian glanced over to see Cole washing his neck and chest and was truly surprised in the many physical changes that had occurred lately. His blond hair was past his shoulders and his skin no longer looked sickly pale. His complexion had smoothed out as well with some help from Josphine and himself but aesthetics were only the tip of the mountain. In the two months since Cole had made the conscious decision to grow as a person, Dorian knew the list of things Cole would learn must seem endless.

Between eating, trying to sleep more, etiquette, hygiene, fashion, and basic conversation, Dorian wasn't the only one to have his hands full or was often caught off guard by some of the questions to leave the pale lad's mouth. News of what happened to Cole spread fast among the inner circle and it seemed as if everyone wanted to give him some advice. Everyone but Raven anyway and that was probably for the best. From what Dorian had been told, she was the one Cole went to when he had questions about what someone had said to him.

"She looks better in them than I do. I'm not pretty enough," Cole replied as he continued to wash himself. He wasn't looking at Dorian as he spoke, his mind was back at Skyhold in Lady Josephine's office when Raven had tried on the mask she was to wear to the ball for the first time. She had turned to smile at him, not caring about anyone else's awe and praise, only wanting his; Cole had been left speechless. It wasn't that he knew the words and they just wouldn't come out. They were gone completely and he remembered only nodding and receiving a smile from her unlike any he'd ever seen. Had she always been so... It had been weeks and every time it came to his mind he still couldn't think of the words that would be right to describe her. So many came close but none were good enough.

"I don't doubt that, her cheekbones are fantastic. You're starting to turn into a handsome young man yourself, though," Dorian commented while trying to keep a straight face only to receive a look of pure skepticism from the newly turned human as he shook his head.

"The mask Raven had fit so well. Brilliant, dazzling, stunning as she looks at me, happy when I smile at her. It felt strange when she suggested I try it on." Stunned, Dorian caught on as he continued to look at Cole who was no longer paying attention.

"Those types of masks personally made for one person. They're going to feel strange if you try them on and you aren't the one it was made for. Don't forget to wash your hair." Cole nodded, though he didn't say anything and it was quiet as both continued to bathe.

Dorian glanced at the boy from time to time to make sure all was going smoothly but eventually finished and Cole didn't object to him leaving. In the silence of the room and with the absence of friends he had more time to focus on the task at hand; how clean did he have to be and why did fingers and toes become like prunes if he stayed in the water too long? Raven never went into much detail when baths were brought up in the beginning.

Eventually, Cole put the rag on the edge of the bath, brought water up to wet his hair, and picked up the bottle of shampoo. It wasn't like the type Raven had made for Dorian. He liked the one she made for herself that smelled of lavender and honey so much, she often made enough for them both now that he was to take baths regularly. The thought made him smile.

It was an hour later when Cole finally made it back to the room he and Dorian were to be staying in. Dorian was seated in a chair not far from the fireplace already dressed in the red formal clothes they were supposed to all wear. He looked up from his book for a moment and let his eyes meet Cole's before looking down again and turning the page while Cole made his way over to the large bed.

"Josephine requested that I help you get ready. With any luck we'll be able to find a place to hide your new daggers," the Mage explained and Cole stopped in his tracks to look at his friend. What did he mean _new daggers_ , he wondered while his eyes glanced at the beautiful pair of daggers on his dresser. Raven had commissioned Harritt to make them for him the first time they traveled together to the Western Approach. They were the same as hers except for the color.

"But I already have daggers," Cole replied. His eyes went back to Dorian who had a wooden box on his lap that he hadn't noticed before. From where he stood, Cole could see the box had been stained a darker color than what the wood should be and it was glossy enough to reflect the flames of the fire.

"And now you have new daggers. Leliana dropped them off as a favor for Raven shortly after I arrived. I swear, if Bull gave me gifts as often as Raven gives them to you, I truly don't know what I would do with myself," Dorian exclaimed, only half-serious while marking his place in the book, setting it onto the table, and standing up with the box in hand. At the mention of her name Cole looked away from the box and up to Dorian's smiling face. Cole didn't understand why Raven would give him another pair. The ones she'd had made before were perfect, sharp, beautiful, and they always listened to him.

After a moment Cole stepped forward and took the box from Dorian. "Hurry up and open it. I want to see," he demanded and Cole complied though he was careful when doing so.

The lid slid off easily and both men's eyes widened at the sight; placed carefully among ring velvet were two new daggers. Cole wasn't familiar enough with crafting materials to know what they were made out of but that didn't matter. They were beautiful and smaller than the pair he'd been using. With sharp glossy blades that reminded him of some of the jewels he'd seen people wear and matching black hilts. He could feel the patience, care, and dedication put into them, see in his mind her meticulously inspecting each one before giving her approval like he'd seen her do before. Tucked in the corner was a small note and Cole was greeted with Raven's smooth and pretty flowing words as he opened it.

" _Smaller daggers are easier to conceal. Please be safe tonight and save a dance for me.'_ Cole read aloud and looked at Dorian who was still staring at the beautifully crafted weapons.

They were made of dragon bone and though it was obvious Cole didn't know that. At least Dorian was able to see the meaning behind such a gesture. Of course, it wasn't a secret that those two cared for each other but such an exquisite gift like those beautifully crafted weapons had to mean something more than just Cole's safety. Was Raven aware of what others could say, he wondered and then decided that she probably wouldn't care.

Ever since he'd known her she'd never cared for romance and things becoming too personal with those who wanted her or perhaps she just didn't understand it. The girl was foolish enough to turn down the Commander, for Maker's sake and that was a fine specimen if he ever did see one. He supposed Cole wasn't bad considering the changes the young lad was still going through but what about him would catch Raven's attention? Had it been going on long?

"They are very beautiful, Cole," Dorian finally spoke while putting on a smile. Cole nodded and without closing the box, he put it down on the bed next to the clothes already laid out for him.

"I want to - What can I give her in return?" Cole stuttered while asking the question as he adjusted the towel around himself. He'd run it over his hair before leaving the bathroom but it was still damp and had yet to be brushed; not that he cared about its state. Dorian busied himself with the task of grabbing a brush off the nearby table and brushing the lad's damp blond hair while thinking of an answer to that question.

Raven never expected or asked for anything in return as far as gifts or favors were concerned, seeming only to care for others. If she wanted something she bought it or even made it herself. As her friend, he knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't want anything and if it was brought up she'd treat it like it wasn't important. Maybe it wasn't to her and he supposed that—as annoying as it could be—it was part of her charm.

"That's a good question. You know her better than I do." Dorian didn't stop what he was doing as he replied and Cole didn't move as Dorian worked some sort of product that smelled like cedar into his hair. He knew she wouldn't want anything but he wanted to give her something anyway; something to make her smile, something that showed how much he cared for her in return. He'd heard of that custom among the many others in the couple months after he'd made his choice to become more human. Cole didn't fully understand it at first and truthfully didn't care, but when it came to her and everything she'd done for him he found himself wanting to give her everything. The only problem was he didn't know-how.

"Dorian, how do you thank The Iron Bull?" Cole asked suddenly hoping it would help and the Mage felt his stomach flip. He did a lot of things to thank Bull for the small, subtle actions the large Qunari would make and none of them were appropriate to talk about, especially with Cole. Solas and Varric would have his beautiful head on a silver platter and that was only if they got to him before Raven did.

"In ways that are best left unsaid." His tone was clipped and as he worked to try and change the subject Cole caught glimpses of what was playing through his friends' mind. Most of it he'd already seen from his years in the Spire but unlike what he'd seen before from terrified mages, hushed whispers, and desperate attempts to grasp comfort before the Templars interrupted, Dorian's thoughts were different. They were full of long, drawn-out massages, lingering kisses, words spoken in native tongues, chests tightening, and pleasure that lasted for hours that left them both exhausted and satisfied. Cole's stomach started to turn at the idea.

Would she allow him to touch and kiss her like Cullen had once done or massage her the way The Iron Bull did to Dorian? Would she like it? Would he? His mind was all of a sudden eager and he felt restless. He wasn't a stranger to overhearing and seeing the lingering thoughts of others when it came to Raven, some had more vivid ideas than others and as of late he wasn't sure why he was starting to dislike them; he just knew he did. Wanting to hit people was a regular occurrence and it was one of the many things Varric was helping him understand and work through. He never told his friend the reason and was grateful that Varric never asked.

"What is it like to kiss someone?" Cole's question nearly caused Dorian to drop the crystal bottle he was holding. With a silent curse and grasping at ideas of what to say he moved around to face the pale young man who still looked ahead.

"You don't need to know that now let us switch the subject."

"But you thank The Iron Bull that way. 'Warm, safe, hearts beating, fingers gliding over skin, lips moving together, the ale tastes better this way, never thought I'd feel or deserve this and he should know, h needs to know even if I can't say the words at least I can show I care." Cole persisted, eyes peering into Dorian's. He had to know, had to understand if he had any chance of thanking her and showing her he cared too. "Do you think Raven would let me?"

"Friends don't kiss each other to say 'thank you'. I thank Bull that way because we're lovers and that's something you and Raven are not," Dorian explained through clenched teeth. The last thing he expected to be on his agenda for the night was to have such conversations with the young man facing him. Cole stared at Dorian while contemplating and slowly beginning to understand his words. They were lovers, which was why it was acceptable.

"Why not?" He found himself asking out of curiosity. "She loves me."

"It's not always just about love, Cole. You can love a person but that doesn't mean you want to be with them in the way you're seeing with Bull and myself. I know this is new to you but is pursuing that kind of relationship really something you want?" Dorian's voice no longer held an edge as he busied himself styling Cole's shaggy blond hair. The mage didn't look at him and Cole wasn't eager to learn what the man's eyes held.

Raven was just his friend. She wasn't his lover, she wasn't his anything and if he were to kiss her as a Thank You or for any other reason without knowing how she felt it would be wrong, inappropriate, and she would probably be angry with him like she used to be with Cullen. He didn't want that. He didn't want to lose her. Cole looked away when he felt his stomach drop. Why did that thought hurt so much? It hurt more than the others he'd had since becoming human.

"I don't care if you like the heels more," Raven argued while looking at Josephine in the large mirror. "If you want me to dance throughout the night without falling on my ass, then I'm not wearing them. Plain and simple. The flats are gorgeous and so much more comfortable." The Antivan let out an exasperated sigh and threw a pleading look to Cassandra who appeared not to be paying attention.

Unlike Josephine who was taking the ball way too seriously and Raven who was, at least, feigning some sort of interest, Cassandra was pissed at being forced to waste her time among people she despised when more important things could be done. After all the countless nonsense she'd been subjected to since they learned the masquerade was necessary, Raven could understand the Seeker a bit better.

"It would make a better impression if you wore the heels, Raven. The court has standards and expectations that -"

"Josie, I have met nearly every man and woman attending the ball tonight and they all expect me to be my usual short, adorable, and charming self. I'll gossip when needed, laugh when it's called for, and dance with any man or woman that requests me to do so but I can't do that if I can barely walk." Raven had come prepared for battle and had thought out valid arguments on the carriage ride from Skyhold. Josephine wanted to argue but a glance to Cassandra who was looking at the Antivan while shaking her head caused her to swallow any attempts at trying to get the stubborn redhead to do something she clearly didn't want to do. Josephine was lucky Raven even chose to attend at all despite all the invitations she'd received and the promise she made to the Duke. Pushing her over something such as shoes choice didn't seem like a winning battle.

She had to admit that Raven had come a long way and the transformation in the last four months made the word 'drastic' seem like an understatement. While she still maintained her genuine personality, eagerness to learn, and natural eloquence when it came to people, she'd also calmed down to the point where she no longer minded staying at Skyhold. It was that same calm and peaceful disposition that prompted multiple letters of proposal from many of the single noblemen of Orlais and Nevarra, including one from Duke Henry Durand, the handsome man Raven was to attend the ball with later that evening. Raven didn't know of the proposals though. Not yet.

The sound of the door opening caused Josephine to turn just in time to see Leliana enter the room and close the door behind her. Raven turned to smile and received a nod from the spymaster. The younger redhead let out a sigh of relief and finally stood up from the chair she'd been sitting in with little difficulty and such grace it was astounding to realize that she was already laced into a green satin corset the same color as her dress. Her hair and makeup had been done not long ago, it was something Raven insisted on doing herself and all the women were pleased that she'd kept her long hair down to fall around her shoulders and eventually land in soft curls at her waist and her makeup light and natural. All that was left was for her to step into the dress hanging across the room.

"I assume Dorian was with him?" She asked and Leliana shook her head in reply.

"He was the only one there. Cole was still in the bath," she explained and Raven nodded. Dorian would most likely look at the daggers before giving them to Cole which she didn't mind. He might appreciate the craftsmanship and the finish on the dragon bone but it was Cole's opinion she cared about.

A month and a half ago she'd commissioned the daggers specifically for the ball knowing the smaller size would be easier to conceal and easier to use in tight spaces if the situation arose. He wasn't a spirit anymore. His skin no longer healed as fast if he was hurt. Raven and Cole had both found that out at the same time while sparring together and, although it was an accident and he didn't scar, she still felt terrible.

"That's fine. Thank you, Leliana. Everything else is going according to plan?" Again Leliana nodded. The Inquisition had some guards brought in, Christopher was with the Grand Duke Gaspard, and the few nobles she'd met along the way we're all in good spirits and eager to see Raven and the other members of the Inquisition. Some were concerned that Christopher was a Mage but she had no worries that he wouldn't win at least most of them over by the end of the night.

"Duke Durand is excited to see you, Raven. Since you will be attending the ball as his guest you will be riding to the Winter Palace with him and should be there before us. I hope you don't mind." Josephine ran over the plan hoping Raven wouldn't object to being alone for so long. She'd been disinterested in the man as of late with no reason why. With a handful of others in a familiar setting such as Val Royeaux or Skyhold was one thing but there were to be at least two hundred on the guestlist for the masquerade and Josephine wasn't sure how familiar Raven was with the Winter Palace. She almost had to do a double-take when Raven simply shrugged.

"Sounds good. I know my way around and Henry will be with me. When is he scheduled to be here?" Despite her nonchalance, for the women in the room who had been around her and knew her, it was easy to tell that at least a small part of her was nervous. She wouldn't be so serious otherwise.

Henry Durand knew he was a good man. Born into a wealthy family of Ferelden thirty-four years ago, at the age of twelve he was sent to live with his aunt in Orlais when his parents died. Throughout his short life, he'd joined the Orlesian army to become a General, invested in the right businesses, and earned the title of Duke by the age of twenty-six. Like every noble in Orlais, he mastered The Game but despised the deceit and politics around it. Making the choice to become involved with the Inquisition had been something he'd done months ago on a whim to spite all the fellow nobles he couldn't stand. It was a heretical movement, after all. Still, he had yet to regret a single part of it.

In the beginning, he was sure The Inquisition would fail but, surprisingly, the group of misfits and that circle mage from the Free Marches were gaining power and influence all across Thedas for one deed or another. Putting all that aside, at least one good thing seemed to come out of it and it wasn't the reputation he'd received as an Inquisition ally. Even if it were a bad reputation Henry wouldn't deny that the beautiful young redhead that sat across from him looking out her window, dressed in silver and emerald lace and satin was definitely worth any public backlash he could face from his fellow noblemen. Especially when she wore the dove he'd gifted her around her pale slender neck.

Then again, all of Orlais seemed as captivated with the young woman as he was and he couldn't blame them. Raven was the epitome of loveliness with the grace, skill, and intelligence to rival anyone he'd ever met. It didn't matter if it was chess, battle strategy, or even politics, she always had something worthwhile to contribute. He'd also learned since meeting her that she had a strong side, speaking her mind and putting those in their correct place when they were wrong or needed to be taken down a couple of levels. With any luck, she would be his before the end of the season.

She wouldn't be forced to wake before sunset to train soldiers that their Templar Commander couldn't be bothered with or be forced to associate with Qunari, the Vint Mage he'd heard much about, or demons any longer. He would never understand why the Inquisitor would keep a demon in his inner circle. Perhaps it was a pet? He'd met the mage once and couldn't see any scarring or tells of blood magic, so that was a point in the apostate's favor.

With him, Raven would be treated better than royalty and the idea of allowing him to take that lovely fertile body of hers as payment for all he'd done for her caused Henry to shiver. She would be his. He'd take her, break her in, and fill her again and again until she grew plump and round with his children. It was about time he settled down with a wife and Raven was the one he wanted.

"Raven are you excited to see the Winter Palace?" Henry asked and Raven looked at him. He was handsome with his brown hair, tanned skin, and tailored black suit with green accents to match her dress.

"I'm very excited to see it. Have you been there before?" She asked and continued to keep her attention on the man sitting across from her. He was kind, she supposed, if not a bit controlling and overbearing at times. Handsome, too, for those who preferred the tall and dark variety.

"The Empress has a ball at least once a year and not because of peace talks. I've gone every year since being given my title. If tonight goes well perhaps you might accompany me to her next one." He suggested with a smile.

"Perhaps. Who knows what the future holds." She doubted it would be him. Raven knew better, of course, but it wasn't like she would tell that to Henry. She hadn't even brought it up to Christopher or anyone else in the Inquisition though there was that possibility that Cole knew. She wondered how he was and what he was doing. Did he like his daggers and was he able to conceal them under his formal attire like she had been able to with the lazurite pair strapped to her thighs?

Henry continued to stare at her in silence, wondering if she was playing coy or if she hadn't been told about his proposal. He was aware that other nobles had sent letters of a similar nature; was she informed? With all she was forced to do within the Inquisition it wouldn't surprise him if she was kept in the dark. They didn't seem to care for her much.

"We can only hope. Is there anything, in particular, you're hoping to do tonight?" His question seemed normal enough but Raven caught the tightness in his tone.

"I'd love to view the gardens and perhaps mingle with our friends." And keep you all distracted while Christopher gets to have fun, she thought only somewhat bitterly. She'd told Christopher and his selected party of Florianne's plan. In the Winter Palace, approval was everything so, of course, he would have to go through the process of gathering evidence and proving fault on all three parties. She was glad it wasn't her doing the detective work.

Henry seemed to be satisfied with the nonsense suggestions she gave and didn't say anything else so she returned her attention to the view outside the carriage window in time to see the gates of the Palace pass them by signaling their arrival.

The Winter Palace was quite possibly the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen; a fortress within itself made up of glass, white marble, many gold and blue embellishments, and more secrets hidden inside than the ancient tombs of Egypt. Through the small carriage window, Raven approximated thirty guests had arrived so far and were enjoying their time in the palace courtyard.

All eyes were on them as Henry was the first to get out of the carriage and turn to escort Raven. She remembered to smile, thanked him softly, and then gazed at the Palace and all its beauty as he took her hand in his. He led her to a couple that Raven knew all too well as the Viscount and Viscountess De Chamberline. She had only met them a handful of times, but they were always very gracious and hospitable. The Viscount thoroughly enjoyed his wine and his wife and, in return, his wife enjoyed the elven servants after her husband was asleep. During her last trip to Skyhold to visit Raven she'd taken a momentary interest in Solas which was something Raven watched with much amusement as he did his best to avoid the older woman and her advances during her stay. A girl needed to have her fun.

The elderly couple greeted her with kind words once she and Henry were only a few feet away; the Viscount kissing her hand and his wife kissing her cheek before their attentions turned to Henry. It turned into a type of routine with the twenty-eight other nobles they approached. From the corner of her eye, she saw Christopher come in through the gates with Cassandra, Cole, and Dorian in tow. With a small smile, she politely excused herself and made her way over to the small bunch. Christopher was the first to notice and she knew if it weren't for her long bright red hair he wouldn't have recognized her in the flowing green and silver gown and matching mask.

"Inquisitor," Raven greeted Christopher with his official title and a smile out of respect for him. Then, because others were watching, "It feels like forever since I have seen you. I trust your trip went smoothly?" He regarded her for a moment before noticing the eyes on him and put on his most charming smile.

"It is always a joy to see you, Lady O'Hara. You look stunning tonight." Christopher replied using a voice just as fake and cheery and Raven had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. A hand sliding around her waist caused her to tense and hold back her initial reaction to hit the offender but as she turned to see Henry beside her she only partially relaxed. He was smiling down at her but there was something in his eyes that she suddenly didn't like, though she couldn't tell what it was.

"You always look stunning, _mon precieux_ ," he said quietly and turned his attention to Christopher and the others. "Forgive me, Inquisitor, I know we've been introduced but I don't think I've had the pleasure of meeting your party. I am Duke Henry Durand." That snapped Raven out of her thoughts and she chuckled. She'd been caught up in the 'my precious' bit.

"Forgive me. Henry, this is Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast, Dorian Pavus of Minrathous, and Cole." Raven was quick in her introductions and glanced at each of her friends as she did so. When Cole's eyes met hers she felt much better about the night so far. There was no doubt he would disappear to the upstairs library once going inside and she couldn't blame him. At least she would be able to find him if it suddenly became too much.

Cole stared at Raven even though Dorian's words about not doing so were fresh in his mind. He couldn't help it. She was like a fairy in her flowing dress and red hair. When his eyes finally left her, only then did he notice the man she was with and Cole couldn't keep the anger from flowing through his body. He needed to protect her.

The man's thoughts were dark, jealous, hateful, and possessive. Full of illusions of taking her away and taking care of her. She would be his. She would belong to him and would never be allowed to see them again. Raven wouldn't like that if she knew and Cole desperately wanted to tell her, wanted to beg her to stay away from that man for good.

"It's an honor meeting all of you." Henry did his best to keep his smile, hating how the moment they arrived his future intended ran off to greet them without a care as to how it would appear to the others observing the Inquisitor. He let his eyes wander until they landed on the one she introduced as Cole. He was a skinny blond boy, no older than twenty-five, wearing the same Inquisition attire as the others and he had to wonder what position such a tiny excuse of a thing could ever have in such a large political movement. His pale blue eyes met Henry's and he saw the boy visibly stiffen and look back to Raven.

"Cole, is everything alright?" Henry looked down at Raven as she spoke. Her concern, he realized, was genuine and already he could tell she was ready to step out of his grasp and go to the boy if needed. How had he known her, talked to her, and spent time with her over the previous months and not known about the young man she seemed to care so deeply for?

"I'm sure he's just excited to see the palace. It's beautiful," Christopher said with a smile.

"It is," she agreed without looking at him. Her eyes remained on Cole even after Henry tightened his grip around her waist and the petty possessiveness was starting to annoy her. "Perhaps later we can take a walk around the gardens, I hear the flowers this time of year are breathtaking." Henry fought to appear passive. He hated them. Hated her, in that moment, as well, for inviting a boy to spend time with her in his presence. She was to be his and now she was offering to gallivant around the gardens with someone that wasn't him, who was beneath her and everything she was. It was unacceptable. His hand twitched but he hid it.

Cole noticed and it only increased his worry for her. How could Lady Josephine or Leliana let her spend time with a man so violent, dark, and possessive?

"I like flowers. I would love to." He replied as he finally looked away from Henry and over to Raven just in time to see a smile that he could only describe as joyous replace the worried expression on her face.

"Raven, why don't we head inside? I'm sure you're thirsty by now." Raven looked at Henry and silently nodded. She bid goodbye to her friends and followed Henry to the large double doors. Cole continued to watch, mind frantic at the things he'd just heard and seen from the man Raven so willingly went with. Would she have stayed if he asked, he wondered.

"He wants to take her," Cole murmured quietly enough so only Christopher and Dorian could hear. They both looked at him and Dorian even smiled, clearly not knowing what he meant.

"She's a beautiful young woman. I'm sure many men would like to take her," he replied and Cole shook his head.

"He wants to take her away from the Inquisition. He wants her to belong only to him. He wanted to hurt her, hit her just now when she asked me to walk around the garden." His words remained quick and quiet while he barely held himself together, wanting nothing more than to go after them. People would see him and he couldn't make them forget. Christopher and Dorian continued to stare at him.

"Dorian, take Cole to Josephine or Leliana. I'll see you soon," Christopher replied with one of the cheeriest fake smiles Dorian had ever seen as Gaspard chose that moment to make his entrance as if they hadn't spent most of the day together.

"A woman's ring in the front right planter that she placed there on purpose. Tell her you know when you give it to her. Caprice coins. A key in the flowers of the upper left side. Remember to find the keys within the halla statues and secrets. Even if she can't be with us she will help." Cole's voice was still quiet and Christopher nodded before approaching Gaspard. Dorian continued to regard Cole. If something were to happen to Raven, he knew there was no way to stop the young man from hunting down the Duke and killing him.

"Alright, Cole. Let's go find them while pretending to gawk and appreciate how pretty everything is." Dorian's tone was light and not how he truly felt at all. Raven was a good friend and not only because she had an unusually fantastic sense of style or was a wonderful conversationalist. He hadn't told her what happened in Redcliffe but she was there during a moment of weakness after the meeting with his father. For some reason, he expected that she'd be angry or even disgusted. And she was, only it wasn't he that invoked her anger. It was his father and seeing what wasn't sympathy or pity, but rage, for what had been done back in Tevinter and they had spent that entire night drinking. She listened to him speak of the history of Thedas, Tevinter, and Elves loudly and incorrectly knowing that Solas was below. She knew he was full of shit but continued to play along with such convincing enthusiasm. That night made him realize that he'd come to think of her as a friend as well. How could he not? And as her friend he had to help her.

"Everything is pretty," Cole said quietly liking the blues and golds and the masks they all wore. It didn't stop the thoughts they all had but certainly made them easier to hide. Was that their intention, he wondered, knowing Raven wore hers only because it was something she was expected to do and not because she liked it.

Cole and Dorian kept close through the courtyard and up the steps past Christopher who was still speaking with Gaspard while ignoring the gazes and hushed whispers of the nobles around them. As they entered through the doors, passing Palace guards as they did so, Josephine met them in the hallway.

She was dressed in the same attire as the two men and it was strange seeing her out of her gold ruffles but she looked beautiful all the same. She smiled when she first saw them but after noticing their faces it quickly vanished and Cole felt bad; she was under so much stress already that it seemed almost unfair to tell her but that horrible man's thoughts still played in his mind and Raven would be upset if he approached the man about them directly.

"What is it?" She asked quietly when Dorian and Cole approached her together. Both looked impeccable in their attire and Josephine knew she had made the right choice in asking Dorian to help Cole prepare for the night and, though she had little interest in Cole, she couldn't deny that his change a few months back had certainly brought out his more physically attractive qualities. Something was wrong though and Josephine really didn't need more on her plate than she already had.

"It's Raven," Dorian replied just as quietly and to the point, knowing she still had so much to do. "I know tonight is important and we have an Empress to protect, but if you can ask Leliana and Cullen to make sure she doesn't go anywhere alone with that man she's with, we would both appreciate it."

Josephine couldn't control her eyes as they went wide or her mouth as it opened slightly. What in Andraste's name were they talking about, she wanted to demand. Henry was a wonderful person and Raven seemed to enjoy his company as much as she seemed to enjoy everyone else's. "I beg your pardon," she finally spoke once she composed herself. "What are you talking about? Duke Durand is her date and he has treated Raven with nothing but the highest respect."

"He wants her." She looked to Cole as he spoke, his eyes wide and she was grateful no one else was entering. His words were nothing new; Josephine might not have been the most exuberant or experienced in the Inquisition, but she wasn't blind to the looks most men and even some women gave Raven on a regular basis or deaf to the whispers.

"I hardly think that you need to concern yourself with who wants her. If you don't mind I have other things to attend to. Tonight is very important so please try to remain on your best behavior. No lurking, no blatant disrespect, or answering people's thoughts." As harsh as she seemed Josephine felt a twinge of guilt as she walked away to greet the Viscount and Viscountess De Chanberline as they made their way, hand in hand, through the gate.


	26. Chapter 26

Raven had to pee and there was no pretending she didn't. The moment Henry escorted her into the ballroom he'd done his best to make sure that when she wasn't dancing she always had something to drink. She wouldn't drink alcohol so he brought her water in the beautiful crystal glasses he'd given her. Four hours, sixteen glasses of water, and twenty-seven dance partners later all she could think about was how her feet hurt even with her flats and her full bladder. She was more than grateful when a woman Raven had never met, who called herself Duchess Andres, invited her to the powder room.

"You were truly a spectacle out on the dance floor, My Dear," the older woman cooed happily from across the room as Raven carefully did her business, a difficulty in her corset. "What I wouldn't give to be forty years younger."

"I imagine you would still be just as beautiful," Raven commented with a smile. The woman was still giggling when she came out from behind the curtain to wash her hands in the bath of cool water. She was the only woman not wearing gloves and didn't mind, preferring to feel with bare skin rather than simply guess.

"I had red hair like yours back in my day as well," the woman replied sweetly and Raven eyed the silver hair pulled back with purple ribbons to match her dress. The combination contrasted beautifully.

"Hopefully mine looks the same in the years to come." The Duchess smiled as they slowly made their way back to the ballroom through the foyer. Raven noticed Christopher, Cassandra, Dorian, and Cole lingering near the stairs to the royal wing and let out a quiet sigh of relief. They were almost done and shortly after that they could all leave for the night.

The nobles of Orlais were charming in one twisted way or another and Raven understood they had to be as it was all part of the Game; the music and dancing was a sight in itself that Raven had no adequate words for, and what little food she'd consumed since entering the Palace had been delicious. The ham didn't taste of despair at all. Henry was the problem. If it weren't for him she wouldn't want to leave and while Raven could understand that she did accept his invitation, it didn't mean she was a trophy to show off.

Throughout the night his attitude grew more and more bitter towards her every time a noble made a joke and she laughed or she broke away from him to dance with another, something he knew she would be doing as they had discussed it weeks ago. She was a part of the Inquisition and serving as a distraction to as many nobles as she could so Christopher could protect the empress all while she worked on gaining influence, secrets, favors, and allies. His fascination with Cole also bothered her; his wanting to know who he was, where he came from, his family's lineage, what his position was within the Inquisition, how Raven cared for him, and even went as far to ask why she never brought him up in conversation. Raven answered nothing when it came to her friend. It wasn't Henry's position to question her and the fact that he thought he could as if she was one of his servants or belonged to him in any way was ridiculous and if he continued Raven would make sure he and his possessive, petty, jealous behavior would never conduct any formal business with the Inquisition again. They had gained enough power and hadn't been considered a heretical movement since the attack on Haven when Corypheus revealed himself.

"I hear you are with the Inquisition. Is that true?" The older woman asked with a smile and Raven returned it with one of her own. Unlike a majority of the smiles she'd given that night, this one was genuine.

"This is true, Madame," Raven confirmed as they stopped in the middle of the foyer at the other woman's wishes. She didn't mind. The air was cooler in the empty space than it was in the grand ballroom.

"What do you do within the Inquisition? It's hard to picture you as anything but a pretty face with the way your companions have been watching you. Those young blond men specifically." The bluntness and no-nonsense words made Raven's smile grow. Was she not playing The Game like everyone else or was it simply a different approach?

"I'm mostly an advisor to the Inquisitor," she answered. "I've had the privilege to meet with many of the noble houses of Orlais who are interested in helping the Inquisition as well as train some of its recruits and scouts." The woman's eyes widened.

"Truly?" Her question would've been funny if her answer hadn't been true. Raven nodded and allowed herself to lean back against the wall. It was cool against her warm, bare skin.

"In return, I receive lessons from the other advisors and-"

The woman stopped her before Raven could continue. "You really train Inquisition soldiers?" Her tone was still one of incredulity but that didn't stop the smile on her face as she worked to confirm Raven's response.

"Yes, Madame. Commander Cullen insisted when he saw my skills in combat. Where most of the men are used to fighting fellow men with swords and shields, I fight with daggers and ranged weapons." The older woman then let out what can only be described as an excited chuckle.

"Smart, beautiful, and dangerous. It's no wonder you have the attention of those young blond men, my nephew, and every other man here."

Raven stared at the woman trying to piece together all that she said. Blondes were obviously Cole and Cullen. The latter had a sweet and annoying habit of watching to make sure she was okay but who was her nephew? Raven felt as if she should know this and worked as fast as she could to sift through all that she'd learned about the noble houses in Orlais.

"I'm sorry, Madame. I feel I should know this, but I don't know who your nephew is." Raven hated admitting the shortcoming but the woman was perceptive and there was no point in lying to her. She seemed to appreciate the honesty.

"That's quite alright, my dear. Henry and I have never been on the greatest of terms so I'm not surprised that you didn't know. I will tell you, and you can take this as an old woman's opinion, but you deserve so much more than what he can offer in a husband." The blatant honesty shouldn't have been unexpected but Raven felt her breath catch. The duchess wasn't smiling, her eyes weren't as bright as they were earlier. She was serious. Raven couldn't help but wonder at the history between them and what she didn't know about Henry.

"Forgive me but that isn't for you to say, Aunt Charlotte." Raven heard his voice before she even knew he was in the room with them. When the older woman and she had left, Henry was amidst conversations with many others and she had to wonder when he left and how long he'd been waiting. She looked at the older woman before making sure she had on one of her many fake smiles and turned to look at him. He wasn't smiling. In fact, he looked angry behind the mask and she wasn't sure if it was directed at her or his aunt.

"Your aunt is merely expressing her opinion, Henry. Besides, my focus needs to be on the Inquisition right now. Not finding a husband. " She felt the need to point this out to the man. His expression didn't change and she subtly shifted her stance as he took a step towards them.

"Raven-" She hated how condescending his tone was as he said her name. "-you don't have to pretend to be interested in that mages' political movement. No doubt there are dozens of letters of proposal for you, but I'm the right choice. You're suited for better than all they put you through."

"I'm not pretending anything. You know I have no interest in settling down when there is still so much that needs to be done. Corypheus is still out there." And it was true. Raven had made that clear with Henry and every other single nobleman she'd met the last few months that had shown an interest.

"Are they really so incompetent that they have resort to putting all responsibility on a young girl?" Henry countered and Raven didn't mistake the disgust laced within his voice. Anger flooded her, blood pounded in her ears, and she fought the way her body started to shake. It was through sheer will that she was able to keep her fake smile and composure. How dare he say such a thing!

"With all due respect, Henry, you don't know the first thing about the workings of the Inquisition. They don't put me through anything I don't already want. I train recruits because I want to and because I'm good at it. I advise the Inquisitor because he listens and respects my opinions. I am the best at what I do and I don't appreciate your skepticism and shameless disrespect for my friends or your disregard for me doing something that I love." She was quiet as she spoke, mindful of anyone coming or going from the Great Hall. Henry looked at her with such anger that if she didn't know how to defend herself she would be scared. Instead, she moved from her spot on the wall and moved slowly to stand in front of the duchess. While she had most of his attention, she wouldn't put it past him to lash out at her as well and it was smart to be prepared. Before he could respond loud footsteps could be heard rushing from the hallway leading to the gardens and Raven sighed in relief when Christopher was the one to come around the corner followed by Cassandra, Dorian, and Cole.

"Is everything ready?" Raven asked as Christopher approached. He nodded and was quick to assess the situation in front of him, not sure if she was alone with the Duke or if he'd interrupted time between the two women. Josephine was to make sure she remained in the ballroom around the other nobles.

"It is. Cole, you and Dorian assist Raven in whatever way she needs while Cassandra and I confront the duchess." He glared at Henry as he spoke, not in the mood for any more fake formalities. He was tired of the formal clothes and hidden meanings in the words people spoke. How Raven, Leliana, and Josephine did it so long and often was beyond him. Cole nodded and watched Christopher and Cassandra enter the ballroom before facing Raven, the woman she looked to be defending, and the man next to her. The Duke was angry, furious even, close to lashing out like an animal and Raven was his target. She had rejected him, _'stupid insolent bitch!_ ' Cole stepped forward but stopped when Raven raised her hand.

"You don't need to assist Raven with anything. We're just having a pleasant conversation about her future." Henry's tone was low and his teeth were clenched. That Raven dared to think that she didn't need him and that their beloved Inquisitor thought having those two interfere would be helpful was outlandish.

"My future is with the Inquisition. You and I have no future, Henry." Raven uttered the words slowly as if to make sure he understood what she meant.

Cole was just as angry; the Duke's vile, horrid, condemning thoughts fueled the fire and at that moment he didn't care if he was going against her wishes. Henry raised his hand high and made a move to strike Raven but Cole wasted no time in his actions. He suddenly stepped in front of the man, grasped his wrists tightly, and slammed him hard into the wall. Raven would be mad at him, but he would beg for forgiveness later. The Duke wouldn't hurt her. No one would if he could help it.

"Such loud, angry thoughts. Twisting, turning, corrupting the mind and soul within, keeping them in a dark, cold chamber of iron and stone. She doesn't want you but that doesn't matter. You'll take her anyway. 'She'll be mine before the end of the season. I'll take her away from disgusting, brutal Qunari, blood mages, and demons. She'll wear silk dresses that stretch over her fat, round stomach that I helped create with my seed.' You are low, sick, cruel, and I will never let you have her." Cole spoke in an even tone and as Henry tried to escape Cole only increased the pressure around the man's wrists, chest meeting chest. Cole was surprised when Henry smiled at him.

"You think she'll want a small, weak man like yourself? You wouldn't even know what to do with that chance if you had it. At least with me she'd be doing something with her life instead of wasting it as a slave to that spellbinder's cause." Henry's words echoed in his ears. They weren't just words, they were what he truly believed and Cole had to wonder where such hateful, hurtful thoughts came from. It wasn't until a small, gentle hand rested on his shoulder that Cole looked away to see Raven, as strong and lovely as ever, by his side. She smiled a smile that was reserved just for him before turning to the man Cole still had pinned.

"I didn't want to do it this way, but you really haven't given me a choice. You have disrespected the people I hold dearest in this world and the Inquisition itself. Cole is ten times the man you'll ever hope to be. Duke Henry Durand, as an advisor to the Inquisition, any connections you have we no longer need and anything you need from us is no longer at your disposal. Our alliance is done. Shall you try to contact the Inquisition again, I will personally send my very big and brutish Qunari friend to you with a reply. If Leliana hears anything negative coming from you in regards to the Inquisition or its members, I will not hesitate to come after you myself." She kept her smile as she spoke, the first real smile she'd given him all night. Henry stood there, still angry but significantly more terrified at the thought of The Iron Bull. Cole pulled his arm away and stepped back towards Raven, but the Duke didn't go into the main hall. Instead, they watched as he slowly made his way down the stairs to leave.

"Are you alright, Little Bird?" Dorian asked her as he took a step forward. Raven turned and nodded and he had to smile when she let out a sigh of relief, took off her mask to expose her bare face, and made her way over to the older woman he somehow failed to notice. She stood there against one of the pillars looking anything but appalled and angry.

"I apologize for the scene you just had to witness, Madame. I know he is your family, but I will personally make sure that the consequences of his words and actions don't affect you. Is there anything I can do to make things right on your behalf?" There was a silence that followed and both men looked at the older woman and the contrite expression on Raven's face. If Raven had to be honest with herself she was past caring about appearances for the sake of the Inquisition. She was exhausted and although the duchess was Henry's aunt, she didn't need to see the wretched display or deal with her nephew's idiocy.

When the duchess raised her hand Raven prepared herself for a slap across the face but it never came. Instead, the older woman put her hand on Raven's cheek and gave her a small smile. Charlotte wasn't happy by any means, but neither the girl's actions nor apologizing for them was the cause. That girl put her brat nephew in his place, one thing not often done, especially by women.

"You tell your ambassador that I'll be in touch. Have a goodnight, Raven," the old woman replied before taking her leave down the same stairs Henry had taken moments ago. A moment of silence passed before turning around and looking at her two friends. They would probably want to discuss what had just happened but now wasn't the time.

"Let's go in. Maybe if we're lucky it won't be over."

The silence was a blessing. All the guests that remained at the ball after Duchess Florianne's arrest and the announcement of an alliance between Celene, Gaspard, and Briala were in the ballroom soaking in the peace and success of Christopher and the Inquisition. Raven, however, decided that the gardens were much more interesting and that was where she remained, seated on the ground with her back to the stone fountain.

So much had happened earlier and she was still trying to wrap her head around everything that had been said and done; the hateful words spewed from Henry's mouth, the anger she felt coming from Cole as he moved in to protect her, and finally using her power as an Inquisition advisor to cut ties with what insignificant alliance she had with the Duke. She felt like an idiot. How could she not have known what Henry really wanted? Did others want the same? It wasn't the first time Raven questioned herself about what she was doing with her life and where she could go based on the choices she'd made so far. She was happy with her place in the Inquisition and even happier with the fact that she'd been able to make the best out of the situation she'd been thrown into.

"We're happy you're here, too." Cole's voice was soft over the sound of water in the fountain and Raven looked up as he spoke, not surprised that he would be wandering around the palace instead of spending time among the others. His Inquisition attire had been discarded, most likely by himself, because he was dressed in the black shirt she'd gotten him the last time they were both in Val Royeaux, a pair of matching black leathers, and shoes. His hat had been left on the bed in his room at the small apartment where they were staying, but she liked the way his pale blond hair reflected the moonlight.

Raven didn't reply when he sat down next to her and he wondered for a moment if she was angry that he'd gone against her orders with the man earlier, but then she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"It was a long night." Her voice was quiet and Cole nodded.

"Dancing, talking, faking smile after smile so they don't see how much you didn't and still don't want to be here." She wasn't bothering to hide her thoughts, not that she ever really did before. They were so loud from his place beside her, feeling her long hair tickle his cheek and smelling vanilla and lilacs from the soap she used. It was intoxicating and Cole wondered if there was any possible way to be even closer to her.

"That sounds about right," she murmured with a smile. His shoulder was comfortable and warm against her skin. "I already told Josephine and Christopher, but I'll be going on my own for a couple of days as a sort of vacation. The last few weeks have been beyond stressful and I need a break. You're more than welcome to come with me." Raven was proud that her offer came out as easily as it did and she was thankful he either didn't notice the way she suddenly felt nervous as she awaited his answer or he simply chose not to mention it.

"You want me to stay?" He seemed surprised. "You aren't angry?" His question caught Raven off guard and he regretted asking it as she took her head away from his shoulder to look at him.

"Why would I be?" Of all the things he'd ever done, from scaring the hell out of her first thing in the morning to revealing parts of her past and thoughts aloud to others, Raven could never find it in herself to be angry with him. He didn't do it out of spite. He was Compassion and only wanted to help.

"You wanted me to stop, but I didn't. Such cruel, loathsome thoughts. Hearing them made me so angry and then he tried-" Cole swallowed trying to make the sudden unpleasant feeling in his stomach go away. "He wanted to hit you, hurt you in any way he could. I couldn't, wouldn't let that happen."

"You protected me, Cole. I wouldn't be upset over something like that." Her words were soft, sincere, and made him try to look away but her soft hand on his cheek kept him still and facing her. Cole was aware of how fast his heart was racing, how warm she felt against him, how green her eyes were, and the way her skin seemed to glow in the night. Had she always been like this, he couldn't help but wonder and desperately wished Varric were around to help him try to understand such things. Cole thought back to earlier in the evening when he was with Dorian, the things that played in his friend's mind in response to his questions.

Passionate kisses, gentle caresses, delicate moans escalating to cries of pleasure as they traveled closer and closer to heaven. Back when he was less real, Cole had never seen the appeal of such things and as Compassion he was content to simply feel the emotions of others as they sought out such comforts, but after everything that had happened in the last few months and all he'd gone through...the choices he had to make, the things he'd learned so far, the things he was still learning, the new emotions he was starting to understand a little more each day. Raven had been there for him through every part of it to answer questions and help him the best she could because she cared for him. She loved him.

She loved him but not in a way that would make his sudden need to feel those emotions for himself acceptable. But he did want them. He wanted those experiences and he wanted to share them with her. It was that realization that caused him to suddenly pull away and his cheek felt cold the second he did. He couldn't feel that way for her. They were friends. Only friends and he couldn't lose her like Cullen did. What Cullen felt for her was wrong.

It had been months since the Commander had taken her and even though she didn't remember that night, their friendship was still strained, guarded on her part and near desperate on his. If it was wrong with Cullen, then how could it be different with him? She was the only one to accept him for what he was and he couldn't ruin that no matter how much he wanted to be with her.

"I can't stay with you. I'm sorry." His words were soft, but Raven could hear a distance in them and she knew something was wrong. Was it her or was it something else? He'd stayed behind with her before and she thought they had a fun time wandering around the city and watching the people. Maybe he would like the Hinterlands as well with the fresh air and animals. That was her true intention, staying away from the chaos and games of Val Royeaux. It was autumn in the Hinterlands and she wanted to spend her time among the trees.

"O-Okay. Alright," Raven stuttered through the words, choosing not to question him as she looked away, gracefully stood up, and brushed off her dress. "I'm going back to the party. I'm sure the others are eager to leave." It surprised her more than it should've when he got up as well and followed her out of the garden.

Back in the grand ballroom, Raven was pleased to see that about half the guests had departed. She could see Christopher and Cassandra on the dance floor and smiled at the look of pure adoration on Christopher's face. Cole noticed it as well and snuck a glance at Raven. He wanted to speak to her but didn't know what to say. It was clear his rejection hurt her but how could he possibly explain himself? Staying away was his best option until he could figure out the new wants consuming him.

"Would you like to dance?" Cole looked at Cullen the same time Raven did. He stood before them still in his Inquisition attire with a hand extended toward Raven. She glanced at Cole for a moment as if expecting him to say something, but when he didn't she smiled and put her small hand in his and Cole watched them make their way down the stairs to the dance floor. He was leaning against the railing when Dorian approached him moments later.

"She wanted to dance with you," he said as he took a place next to his friend. He might've been watching from further away, but the look she gave Cole had been unmistakable and for a moment Dorian thought that the Duke's words rang true. Raven had given him chances that he knew she wouldn't give anyone else; asking him to stay with her instead of returning to Skyhold and then silently waiting for him to object to Cullen's request and Cole had no idea what to do about them. Or maybe Dorian was wrong in thinking Cole had any real physical interest in the young girl and the conversation they had before was a passing idea.

"I can't be near her right now," Cole replied while not bothering to look away from the dance floor. She was graceful and the green silk of her dress demanded the attention of anyone watching. It was strange finally understanding how Cullen felt after so long. He didn't like it. Didn't like the idea of wanting so much that it made his heart hurt. Not when it meant hurting or losing her.

"And why not? You two seemed pretty close a bit ago in the gardens." Chances were it was Cole's decision to stay away from her and Dorian couldn't understand why. He seemed so excited to be around her earlier and it was easy enough to see that she wanted to stay with him.

"It hurts. Now knowing and understanding how Cullen feels every time she's around; knowing she doesn't want the same things hurts and I don't know how to make it better. I can't lose her like he did, so I'll stay away until it becomes easier." As Cole spoke of the relationship between Cullen and Raven it was easier for Dorian to understand. It didn't make the decision any smarter, but he could understand. He wanted to object but was it his place?

The fear of Cole's own growing affection towards Raven and the idea of losing her because of them would be a possibility if he were anyone else, it had been proven with Cullen. They didn't speak for months and even though they were talking and laughing on the dance floor below, Dorian could see that she was guarded as much as he could see that Cullen was trying his best to hide the fact that he loved her. There would always be that knowledge in the back of their minds and it would alter how they thought and acted around each other, but anyone could see things were different with her and Cole.

The unmistakable bond they shared, the way they trusted each other without a second thought, and the devotion they both had to one another was all the proof Dorian needed to know how she felt about Cole in return. She didn't have to say it out loud. He might detest sentimental romance, but he wouldn't wish their situation on anyone if he could help it. Dorian was grateful there weren't as many people around as before. It wasn't that he cared about what they thought of him but the last thing Raven, Cole, and even Cullen needed were rumors about any supposed feelings or relationships before they could figure it out themselves. If they ever figured it out anyway. It wasn't his place to lecture. He'd just mention it to Varric in passing once they got back to Skyhold.

"You look beautiful tonight," Cullen murmured as she moved against him. The hand that wasn't in his rested on his shoulder and his other hand rested on her delicate waist. Raven forced a smile and followed his lead, though he wasn't much of a dancer. She knew countless noblewomen would kill to be where she was, in the warm embrace of the Inquisition's handsome Commander, but she was tired, her body hurt, and the only person she wanted to dance with, to be with, didn't seem to want to be around her for a reason only he seemed to know.

"Thank you," she replied. "So how many women do you think fell in love with you tonight?" He laughed at her question and she wondered for a moment if he didn't believe her. If that was the case, she couldn't wait until the requests came in for him.

"Entirely too many, though I'm sure not as many as you had falling for you. One woman even pinched my bottom."

Raven couldn't help the laugh that escaped her. The surprised tone he used was genuine."You have to keep an eye on those noble ladies, Commander. You only think they're all prim and proper."

By her tone Cullen couldn't tell if she was being serious, but it was pleasant to see her eyes light up in amusement and the first real smile he'd seen her give the entire night. "From what I hear it's best to watch after noblemen as well. I apologize for not noticing Duke Durand follow you out of the ballroom. If I had, I would've done something."

Raven stared at him, hardly believing there were orders to actually watch her. That had never been the case before, that she was aware of anyway. "Was I to be watched? I can handle myself."

Cullen could hear the displeasure in her voice and shook his head in response. "With everything going on and you playing the part of a distraction tonight we wanted to make sure no one tried to hurt you or sabotage your efforts. I know you can handle yourself." The excuse he'd been practicing since news of Duke Durand's departure rolled off his tongue so easily that he almost felt guilty. Cullen never lied to her but the last thing he wanted to fight about-especially when she was in his arms again-was the disgusting intentions the Duke had and Raven's ability to handle him. He knew she could, but she shouldn't have to.

"I guess I understand." And she did, it wasn't a lie. "After I talk to Josephine later, his severed connection to the Inquisition will be final."

"You're serious?" Cullen asked only slightly surprised. She wouldn't joke about something like that and from her expression he could tell there would be more to come than a cutting of ties with the Inquisition. "May I ask what he did?" It was simple curiosity.

"He informed me of his real thoughts about you and our friends. Would've hit me if Cole hadn't stopped him."

Cullen nearly faltered and he wasn't sure if shock or anger was the first to set in. Did that bastard really have the nerve to try and hurt her and think he could actually get away with it? Even if Cole hadn't been there, chances were that Raven would've killed the man and felt no remorse about doing so.

"Cullen, hey, it's alright. I'm fine."

He hadn't realized it at first but his grip had tightened on her waist. "At least Cole was with you. Are you looking forward to next week?"

He was referring to her vacation and Raven nodded in response. It had been a long time since she'd been to the Hinterlands. Blackwall had given her permission to use the cabin he stayed in, but Raven was more content with the idea of sleeping in a tent or even under the stars. "I am. It'll be nice to rest after these last couple weeks."

Silence stretched out between them but it was a comfortable silence unlike the many in the past that were the result of a fight. In her tired state, Raven rested her head on his shoulder and Cullen held her even closer all while memories played in his mind of her smooth, warm skin under his touch.

She didn't remember that night between them but he did with damn near perfect clarity. The song she sang, the taste and feel of her mouth and skin against his, and once they were both free of their clothes, the way she looked as she slowly lowered herself onto him. She'd been a virgin, he realized once he saw the blood, and after she'd gotten used to his size she wanted more and that was something he willingly gave her. He'd worshipped her that night, taking his time to give her the release she deserved; the release that had her tight heat clamping down on him hard as she cried out and convulsed in his arms. Back in the present, he enjoyed the way her relaxed figure felt pressed against him. Multiple songs played and Cullen didn't let go once because who knew the next time she would let him hold her.

From above, still in his spot and leaning against the railing, Cole watched in silence as he begged for the hurt he was feeling in his chest to go away.


	27. Chapter 27

It was late when Christopher and the others made it back to Skyhold. Varric ignored the distant signal bell that could be heard faintly over the fire next to his table and the scratching of his quill on the paper, but he stopped writing when he heard their voices coming up the stairs breaking through the silence of the main hall. Ruffles was the first to notice him seated at the table; she smiled at him.

"I guess everything went well?" Varric didn't have to ask. If something bad had happened, the group wouldn't be as happy. It was then that he noticed three members of their party weren't with them. "Where's Curly? Did Ginger and the Kid stay in Val Royeaux?"

"Raven did. Cole wandered off when we arrived and Cullen is in his office." Christopher replied and Varric understood wanting some quiet after what the last couple days must've been like. He was familiar enough with Orlesians to know that they weren't necessarily a pleasant bunch and for someone still learning how to be human he was going to learn a lot more than he wanted.

"I guess I'll see him tomorrow then. You guys off to bed?" He asked more out of politeness than curiosity. He had a couple of hours left in him and planned to continue working on that damned manuscript until he was too tired to even hold a quill just like every other night. Varric looked down to read over what he'd come up with so far, ignoring pleasant goodbyes and the shuffling each person made as they all began the journey to their own rooms, save the Seeker who followed Christopher as he expected.

"We need to talk."

Sparkler's low voice pulled his focus away from the manuscript. Varric could see the concerned expression on the man's face when he looked up. What could they possibly have to talk about?"Alright. I'm listening." He said as he leaned back in his chair. The Mage paused as if he wasn't sure how to say what was apparently so important and Varric wondered what he could've possibly done to make Sparkler so serious. It wasn't like he was Sera; he didn't mess around with others' things and while he may spin a few tales, none had really included the Mage standing on the other side of the table.

"Your crime series is doing really well in Orlais. I met a lot of people who were disappointed that you chose not to attend."

This news, while it caught Varric off guard, wasn't what Sparkler wanted to discuss. Nonetheless, Varric made a note to ask his editor about his Orlesian sales.

"You're stalling. If I did something, just let me know. I'm a busy man." He was aware that he was coming off as an ass, but he didn't really care. So much had to be done and his deadline was in two weeks. Varric didn't even know why he was trying his hand at romance again, especially when Ginger told him not to write about her. But he just couldn't help it.

"It's about Cole."

Shit. He should've guessed as much after such a long trip. He wondered what the Kid could've done; The possibilities were endless, but Sparkler seemed more concerned than angry and that put Varric on edge.

"Care for a seat then?" Varric asked and, almost reluctantly, Dorian pulled out a chair and sat down, the gold in his robes reflecting the fire.

"Cole learned a few new things since we left and I'm not sure how it will affect him and the rest of us."

Well, if that wasn't an ominous way of starting out what would become a long conversation then Varric knew nothing. He felt himself grow nervous as he watched his friend try to find the right words. "Alright. Go on."

"I suppose I should tell you that it all started with a beautiful pair of dragon bone daggers Raven had commissioned for Cole to use at the palace in case anything went wrong."

Varric nodded, already aware of the daggers so that was a step in the right direction. Ginger had brought it up to him a month ago over dinner.

"Cole wanted to thank her like he was told most humans do."

He felt like he was waiting for the punchline of a joke as Sparkler slowly continued his story. So far, there wasn't anything worth worrying about.

"Well, you know how she is; always doing something for someone and never wanting anything in return so Cole, looking for ideas, asked me how I thank Bull."

Varric couldn't hold back his laugh. "And how did that go?" The dwarf asked knowing it would be entertaining any way it stemmed. Sparkler's expression didn't change.

"I didn't tell him. I even tried to change the subject, but he saw anyway. Then he wanted to know what kissing was like and if Raven would allow him to kiss her - among other things. He… did seem to drop the subject when I explained that Bull and I are... We are more than friends. As close as those two are to one another, that's still all they are."

The man had a point and he couldn't blame him for the response. "That's up for those two to decide, Sparkler. If he were to kiss her, I don't think she'd react the same way to him as she did with Curly a few months ago."

"I agree, but I couldn't tell him that without putting ideas into his head." It wasn't a lie. Curly was a friend and ally most days, but he and Ginger weren't close enough for the relationship the man so desperately wanted to have with her. Sparkler hadn't been there when she was found and brought to them as a prisoner but since his own arrival, he'd lost track of how many times the feisty redhead said she wanted to beat the man for his arrogance, stupidity, or something else altogether.

"I'm guessing that's not the end of this little story?" He mused more to himself and was met with another nod.

"So Raven and her date were already at the palace when we arrived and it turned out the man was despicable. He wanted Raven for all the wrong reasons and even made to hit her toward the end of the night when she put him in his place. He would have succeeded if Cole hadn't stepped in and explained to her what the man really thought. She broke off the Inquisition's alliance without a second's hesitation. The Empress was saved and during the celebration, Raven and Cole disappeared into the gardens. When they came back Cullen asked her to dance and Cole said nothing to object. When I asked him about it, he said that he understands how Cullen feels so he's going to avoid her until it becomes easier."

"So she rejected him?" Varric could barely get the words out and was relieved when Sparkler shook his head in response.

"No. She asked him to join her for the couple days she'll be away from the Inquisition and looked almost heartbroken when he didn't object to her dancing with Cullen. He said he doesn't want to lose her like Cullen did. I figured you could try to talk to him."

"To tell the truth, I was wondering if it would happen." Varric finally said and Sparkler's eyes widened. Varric chose to remain calm about the relationship between those two months ago but the development Sparkler was explaining wasn't what he was expecting. Perhaps once Chuckles found out it would be a different story. That man was like a mother hen when it came to the Kid. A nitpicking, horrendously dressed mother hen.

"So, you're not angry?" Sparkler clarified and Varric could understand the skepticism. When it came to rogues one could never be too careful. Those sneaky bastards could come from anywhere.

Varric laughed. "Nah. No reason to be. He was the one who decided to continue growing as a person and things like this are a part of that. It's not like I can stop it."

His words were true enough and, satisfied with his answer, Sparkler stood up and quickly bid him goodnight.

Varric didn't move as Sparkler made his way out of the main hall in silence. His manuscript was still open in front of him but he doubted he'd be able to focus on the words. It was surprising that the mage came to him since he often chose not to become involved in things that didn't concern himself. But what surprised Varric more was that Cole hadn't come to him. Yeah, they'd only arrived an hour ago, but with how the Kid had been with his questions and new feelings before they left, Varric expected him to come to him first. If what Sparkler said was true about what happened it was a rather large deal. If he was starting to look at Ginger in the same light as Curly - and every other man with half a brain - there was a lot to think about. If their relationship fractured, he knew those two wouldn't be the only ones caught up in the aftermath. But Varric couldn't see that happening. It depended on them and only them and until they could sit down and talk nothing would be resolved.

It was quiet the next morning. Those who arrived late the night before, the advisors and Inquisitor included, were still in bed fast asleep even after the sun had risen over the mountains. Recruit training had been called off in Raven's absence, even with Patrick as her second, but Varric still found Cole seated on the ledge overlooking the empty courtyard. It was his favorite place to sit and watch her train and teach.

"Good morning, Varric." Cole didn't look at the dwarf as he approached, only knowing for certain it was him from the song his body and heart tended to play. His own body was tired, but his mind wouldn't allow him to rest. Varric leaned against the ledge and looked up at Cole, noticing right away the bags under his eyes and he wondered if the young man had gotten any sleep.

"Hey, Kid. I take it you didn't get any sleep last night?" Cole shook his head.

"My body wants to, but my mind won't let it. So many thoughts, hurts, wants, and lying there alone only makes it worse. I don't know how to stop it." Cole said barely soft enough for his friend to hear and, in response, Varric put a hand on the Kid's back.

"What do you want?" It was a simple question yet Cole hesitated. Images of green eyes and long, flowing red hair dominated his vision. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that Dorian told Varric everything that had happened during their time at the Winter Palace. "Knowing and coming to terms with what you want is part of the battle, Kid. You don't have to tell me, but keep that in mind."

"And if I know, then what?" Cole asked when Varric took his hand away.

"That's up to you. Part of being human is making mistakes and learning from them. It's all trial and error. If something doesn't work you can try again or give up." As Varric spoke Cole thought of Cullen and the months before and after he'd kissed Raven then after they spent the night together. He still wanted her, perhaps even more than he'd anticipated. It was a bittersweet feeling, craving someone and not being allowed to have them.

"Did Cullen give up?" His question caught Varric off guard and he took a few seconds to ponder over what Curly's intentions could be. Could he have a plan? They weren't close and Varric didn't really care enough to pry where there was no story, but the look on their Commander's face every time Raven was present and the way he would watch her made him think that nugs had a better chance of overthrowing the human race than Curly had of giving up hope that Raven would somehow wake up one day and want him the way he wanted her.

"No and chances are he won't." There was no point in lying to the Kid. He'd see through it and know better.

"I don't know where..." Cole struggled to find the words. He wanted so desperately to find out when, why, where, and how he started thinking of Raven, his friend, in such a way. He was aware of others and their thoughts about him and Raven together. It was mostly born out of humor as if a strong and beautiful woman could want something like him, or jealousy when they saw that she never denied Cole and always made the effort and time to make sure he was included and knew that someone cared about him. And she did care. She cared about him more than she cared about herself and he never understood how or why. When asked, she never answered.

"Where?" Varric pressed him to continue.

"How did they change? Always smiling, caring, protecting me even when I didn't need her to. She's my friend. I don't understand how what I feel and want for her could change." His tone was still soft but his words were rushed and Varric noticed the Kid's fingers picking at his torn gloves. "I saw Dorian's thoughts. With The Iron Bull and suddenly she was all I could think of. Kissing. Caressing. Would she let me? Would she want me? I don't know."

"Sometimes it happens and there isn't a clear reason as to why or how. You can't help who or what your heart wants, Kid." It was simple advice, but Varric knew the truth from his own experience. It hurt and he couldn't deny that.

"I don't want to lose her. I can't. Not after everything she's already had to go through. I can't put her through that, Varric."

"Is that why you said no to staying with her in Val Royeaux?" It was a rhetorical question on Varric's part, but it didn't stop Cole from looking down at him and answering anyway.

"She isn't in Val Royeaux but yes. If I don't stay away I can end up like Cullen and I- I need her. She needs me without these feelings."

Varric couldn't help the laugh that escaped him. It wasn't a funny situation, but honestly, if the Kid were to end up like anyone, Curly would be the last possible outcome.

"You won't end up like him. Look at your relationship with Ginger and think back to Curly's relationship with her before all that happened between them. Do you remember all the fights those two would get into? How many times she'd come back from a meeting or training muttering about how he was an insufferable bastard?"

"She thought worse," Cole interjected while thinking back to the insults he'd never heard before. He'd only seen a 'car' from Raven's mind and the pictures she'd shown him and he doubted that something that large could fit where she wanted to put it during the arguments she and Cullen had gotten into.

"Exactly. Ginger cares for you more than I think she cares for anyone else here. If you were to let her know how you felt, I don't think it would go how you expect it to." Varric continued to watch Cole's face as he spoke, pointing out the painfully obvious facts that the Kid, for some reason, didn't take into account.

"You don't know that."

Had he always been so damn stubborn? As a spirit, he was never so hard-headed. "I know Ginger enough to realize that you mean more to her than Curly ever could. She was willing to leave the Inquisition with you if Christopher didn't let you stay. You know that, right?"

Cole's eyes widened. "She wasn't serious."

Again with the denial. "Yeah she was, Kid. She told me. You can do what you want, but think about it, okay?" Varric was too tired to continue arguing with the stubborn young man but turned around to look at him one last time before making his way into the tavern for some much-needed food. "I also know that you staying away from her without giving her a reason will hurt you both in the long run. That's not from me speculating. It's something I know from experience."

Autumn in the Hinterlands was everything Raven knew it would be. It had been nine days since her arrival, much longer than she intended on being in the southern part of Ferelden and she still couldn't believe how beautiful it was. The air was cooler than it had been during her last visit, but nothing compared to the frigid dryness the Frostback Mountains and Skyhold sometimes had. The leaves on the trees had turned from shades of green to a rainbow of reds, oranges, yellows, and browns and some already littered certain areas of the ground. While the war between the Mages and Templars was still ongoing in smaller remote areas, without their strongholds numbers dwindled on both sides. It was also nice not having to hear the crackle of magic, clanging of swords, and yelling at all hours of the day. Instead, she could enjoy the chirping coming from the birds that remained and the flowing water of Lake Luthias not too far away.

Raven had decided to stay at the Inquisition camp instead of making a campsite of her own; she wouldn't have to worry about meals even though she preferred to do the hunting and would be able to sleep easier with the Inquisition agents and scouts nearby despite most conflict having been eliminated. If she'd brought someone with her it would be different and she'd feel more comfortable sleeping away from the Inquisition camps, but that wasn't the case. Maybe next time she'd invite Solas or Bull.

"Lady O'Hara, is everything alright?" Ritts asked while sitting on the log across from her. At Raven's request, the elf had been transferred to the Lake Luthias camp at the beginning of her stay. It was nice to have a familiar face around. Raven looked away from the campfire and up to the Elven scout. How long had she been staring into the fire and why did Ritts still insist on addressing her like she was a noble?

"I'm fine. How are you?" It had been a couple of days since she'd had any real conversation. Lately, she was usually up and exploring before dawn and didn't return until after dark to sleep.

Her first two days in the Hinterlands was spent at the Crossroads following up with Corporal Vale. With the Mages and Templars no longer a threat it'd been easier to hunt and acquire the needed supplies. Her third day was spent in Redcliffe. After that she'd kept to herself, climbing trees, exploring new areas, even spending a portion of the day before swimming in the lake, and gathering ram, bear, wolf, and fox pelts to make a new blanket. It was nice being away from the chaos of the Inquisition and it had given her time to think about her options once Corypheus was defeated. Would she even live that long? What would they do about Solas? Part of her wanted to disappear with him.

"I've been alright. Things have been easier since you and the Inquisitor took out the Templar and Mage encampments."

Raven nodded absentmindedly while listening to the young girls' words. That had been an exciting time and she found she liked fighting mages more than the Templars. They were unpredictable and where Templars usually rushed forward in their heavy armor with swords drawn, mages could use the elements to their disposal. Of course, it probably gave Solas a workout with the barrier spells but that was part of the fun.

"I'm glad things are easier. You guys deserve it." And that was the truth. They all worked hard for the Inquisition.

"Word is the Inquisitor saved the Empress. Is that true?" Ritts sounded so excited as she asked that Raven couldn't help but chuckle. She wasn't surprised the news traveled so fast.

"It's true. The Grand Duchess was working with Corypheus and planned to assassinate Celene in front of her people. Now she is stripped of her title and sits in a prison cell waiting to be brought to Skyhold for judgment." As she gave a quick rundown of the events at the Winter Palace Raven had to wonder what sort of sentence Christopher would give the former Grand Duchess. He'd already had Alexius researching magic, exiled the Avaar to Tevinter which Raven helped with, and gave the Mayor of Crestwood to his people for punishment. Ser Ruth had yet to be judged as far as Raven knew. Christopher hated that responsibility and usually held off until there were small breaks in the chaos where it was deemed okay to drink afterward.

"That's incredible," Ritts commented and Raven nodded again. No need to reply. "So how come you're out here all alone?"

"I didn't intend to be alone. The one I wanted to join me said he didn't want to come." Raven tried to keep the melancholy from her tone. It wasn't that she was upset he didn't want to join her, it was how he spoke and acted afterward. She felt like she'd done something wrong. Maybe she had, in his eyes. He was learning and feeling so many new things now that he was human that perhaps she did something he didn't like. Perhaps he was still upset over how things went with the Duke. She didn't know and it was starting to bother her; there were so many things that happened throughout the course of the night including dancing with Cullen. Their conversation made up for his lack of dancing skills and Raven was surprised that she enjoyed it as much as she did. He was charming away from the Inquisition, but that didn't mean she didn't want to smack him every now and then.

"Well, that's a shame. He doesn't know what he's missing." The elfs consolation only annoyed her further, but Raven smiled anyway. It was all she could do.


	28. Chapter 28

_Inquisitor,_

 _I hope this letter finds you in good health and spirits. I know there's no excuse to justify my extended absence. You probably already know that I'm alive and well. Also, I'm not in Val Royeaux. It's a beautiful city, but after spending all that time preparing for the masquerade I've decided that I really do hate Orlesians and The Game. Still, if I didn't tell you that night, I'm glad things worked out the way they did and that I was able to help as much (or as little) as I did. I'm also happy those dance lessons paid off. You and the Seeker looked wonderful. I hope Morrigan is treating you well and that you're all adjusting to her presence. Yes, I know what I said._

 _I wish I could tell you things were eventful in the Hinterlands. Corporal Vale has everything in order. With the Mages and Templars no longer a serious threat, the refugees are able to access supplies and the hunter is able to, well, hunt. I still managed to provide some items for them. By the way, I sent a handful of Inquisition scouts back to Skyhold with some things I gathered. Have they arrived? One box is labeled mine. I imagine Nightingale already opened it to check the contents so you know it's nothing more than animal pelts. Krem has a blanket made of the same materials and I decided shortly after Haven that I would like one as well. Hopefully, this can somehow be arranged or else so many fennecs had to die for nothing. The idea doesn't sit well with me. Also, there's a new book of poetry for the Seeker. I didn't think the flowers would survive the trip. My next stop is Crestwood. I'm pretty sure, should you reply, the Inquisition soldiers will know where to send the letter._

 _I just asked and they informed me that they'll know._

 _Raven O'Hara_

 _Advisor of the Inquisition_

 _Raven,_

 _I don't think I'll ever get used to how formal, yet so informal, your reports can be. Still, I think they're hilarious and always appreciated. Thank you for keeping me up to date with the status of the Hinterlands and scouts saying you're doing well in Crestwood. I remember you were disappointed you couldn't go the first time. Thank you for following up with them and making sure they're safe. Advisor or not, you're still allowed to take time for yourself, especially after the last couple of months. I imagine they weren't easy on you and I know I could never accomplish it so gracefully - especially in that dress. How do women breathe in corsets?_

 _Cassandra loved the book. I think it surprised her that you were thinking of her and don't worry about the pelts you sent back. I got you covered. Is that the right phrase?_

 _There's a lot we need to go over once you return, both regarding the Inquisition and then a few things on a more personal matter. Obviously nothing bad so please don't worry. I just need your help with a few things._

 _Looking forward to seeing you._

 _Inquisitor Trevelyan_

 _Inquisitor_

 _You got me covered? What does that even mean?_

 _Crestwood is doing well after the incident with the Mayor. Obviously his title was stripped and he's working the fields. It's appropriate enough. The people still haven't forgotten what you've done here and they display the Inquisition banner proudly. It's good to see these kinds of outcomes. My second day here I stopped by the tavern, since it's open now, and while I didn't announce who I was, the songs and praise were heartwarming. With the constant downpour from before and now the heat, humidity is high my hair has never been so floofy. I kind of wish it would just rain so I don't have to deal with it._

 _There were a handful of Red Templars by the mine, but I took care of them rather quickly, so there's nothing to worry about. There are also no Fade rifts to report from my travels. Judith says hi. She was the one you killed the wyvern for. We had dinner together last night and I'm not sure how I feel about eating wolf since they're one of my favorite animals, but it's better than horse. And goose._

 _Please don't worry about me. I'm planning to leave within the week assuming that nothing terrible happens. Have you taken the time to judge the prisoners yet? If not, we can take a couple of days and discuss what's to be done - if that's something you'd like to go over. We can also discuss the next course of action and what should - or shouldn't - be done. I imagine I'm not the only one enjoying the downtime._

 _Anyway, I'll be in Crestwood if you want to reply. If not, I'll see you when I'm back. What would you say to dinner? Usual place, usual time? Give my best to everyone._

 _Sincerely - wait, no. Fondly? Yeah, Fondly sounds better._

 _What about formally?_

 _Raven A. O'Hara. Advisor to the Inquisition._

It was nearly a month after the Masquerade when Raven crossed the bridge into Skyhold. At dawn, most were asleep making the signal bell for her arrival fall on deaf ears, but early risers Cullen and Bull greeted her at the gates. The large Qunari wasted no time engulfing her in a tight hug that knocked the air from her lungs as he lifted her from the ground like a ragdoll.

"We were wondering if you'd ever come back," he said once he put her back down. Raven smiled at his enthusiasm but couldn't find it within herself to feel the same. She was exhausted and her body was surprisingly sore from the long journey between Crestwood and Skyhold.

"I got tired of playing hermit. I think a month is a long enough vacation. Some of the soldiers should arrive later to deliver all the remaining materials I gathered. How have you been Bull?" She asked while straightening the loose black shirt she was wearing. It was the one Cole had worn at the Winter Palace after Florienne had been taken into custody. She'd found it folded at the bottom of her bag a week into her trip and knew either he or someone else had put the garment in there.

Cole had only worn it a handful of times because he didn't want to ruin it while in the field or during one of their regular sparring matches so it had been perfect for the Winter Palace. Anticipating the cooler weather of the Hinterlands, she packed thicker clothes and rogues armor made with nugskin and fennec fur to help keep out the cold. She didn't own a shirt like the one she had on but after wearing it for a day she would write Adrian and Delphine to rectify that.

"Things are always good here. We should talk a little later, just the two of us." He said the last part quietly. Raven looked up at him and Bull could see the confusion on her face as she slowly nodded. If it was anyone else he would've chosen to keep quiet about some of the things he'd seen and heard over the month she was gone, but she was one of his friends, something he hadn't expected to find when joining the Inquisition, and where Cole was concerned he felt she needed to know.

"Drinks tonight then?" She asked and with a nod in return Bull left to head back to his room above the tavern and also back to the sexy bronze-skinned Mage asleep in his bed.

With Bull's disappearance into the tavern, Cullen took his time observing Raven who had yet to say a word to him. He hadn't seen her since that night at the Winter Palace a month ago and it was strange to see what a small vacation was capable of doing to her; her red hair was down and certainly less tamed than he was used to seeing, like she took a bath and never tied it back. The shirt she was wearing was simple black cotton that seemed loose enough to move in but still showed off the curves of her breasts and waist. The smile she wore was genuine when she finally turned his way and Cullen had to hold back his surprise when she suddenly came forward and embraced him.

Her hands seemed to glide along his armor and up into the fur mantle he wore. The only way Cullen knew her hands eventually rested on his shoulders was the pressure of her grip followed by the eventual warmth coming from her skin. He smiled when he looked down to see that her head rested on his chest.

Cullen wrapped his arms around her waist while silently cursing his armor for preventing him from feeling the curves of her body and how warm she made him. Unlike the time he held her at the Winter Palace where she was in exquisite silks and a corset to fit the standards set for nobility, Raven was now wearing nothing to shape her body in any way but its own and he longed to be able to run his bare hands over her curves.

"I am very tired," she said when she pulled away and looked up at him. He couldn't tell before because of the distance but with them being so close he could see that, while somehow refreshed, she still looked tired. It wasn't an easy journey up the mountains and she approached on foot. Her skin had less color to it despite being in the Hinterlands and Crestwood and he was surprised he didn't notice the slight bags under her eyes. She needed some tea and rest. The cold certainly wasn't helping.

"No one was expecting you until tomorrow and Patrick took over training after the first week. Why don't you head to your room and relax today?" Cullen suggested and was surprised when she didn't object and just slowly nodded. "I'll have some tea and food brought to your room."

She continued to nod as she readjusted the small pack hanging from her shoulders and gave him a small smile before making her way up the stairs to the main hall. With any luck, it would still be too early for her to run into anyone and become stuck in a conversation.

It was good to be home, Raven thought as she closed the door to her room and let the bag of clothes fall from her shoulders. The trip, much longer than she'd intended, was desperately needed. There were a lot of things she had to sort through and the time away from everyone helped, even if she was alone during most of it. In fact, she still wasn't sure what made her want to come home early or make that trip in the middle of the night, but the sight of her bed in the morning light coming through her windows and all the pillows with her comforter made it worthwhile. Something else was on her bed as well. Large and dark but the patterns were unmistakable and the realization that it was the blanket of animal pelts she talked about wanting made her smile. Christopher really did have her covered.

With a contented sigh she slowly made her way to her bed while pausing every few steps to take off one shoe, then another and the socks she hated even though they were warm. The cool floor against her bare skin made her toes instinctively curl, the soft skin grazing along the smooth stone.

It wasn't until she was about to pull up the ends of her shirt to unlace her leather breeches that a noise caught her attention and caused her body to stiffen. Her daggers were in her bag and the purple knife she insisted on carrying was clipped to her bra. How long would she have to pull it out?

"Who's there?" She didn't turn to observe the room. "You have no business being in here."

"I know."

Shit. It was him… Cole. It was only Cole and Raven silently cursed. She should've known it would be him.

"I'll leave but I had to see. Hearing is harder but your song..."

Yeah, her song... she still didn't turn to face him. "What about it, Cole?" She didn't mean to sound so harsh, did she? What she was feeling wasn't his fault and it wasn't fair to take it out on him. She knew that. But over the last month, being away from him, reflecting on the night of the Masquerade and all the other days and weeks and months they'd spent together… It wasn't his fault. It was hers. Perhaps she should've stayed away longer. At least until she could finally let it all go like she'd intended in the first place.

"It's different now." His voice was soft and Raven turned to see him sitting in a chair at her table looking down at his gloved hands. She wondered how tired she had to be to not notice him when she came in and started undressing. It shouldn't matter. He'd seen her nearly naked before back when she was mourning the loss of the life she'd once had and she'd seen him in next to nothing as she helped clean the wounds she'd inflicted during that near-deadly sparring match a couple of months ago. Still, she was glad he'd said something before she was able to remove anything significant. She shouldn't - he shouldn't have to be subjected to that. The thought slipped out and she wanted to turn away from those eyes of his. Had his rejection and avoidance have to do with such casualty? It was something she had never thought about before when he had been a spirit, but was he offended by the way she disregarded him and acted as if nothing had changed? Like he hadn't changed?

"Cole? Are you alright? What's different about it now?" Raven asked quietly wanting nothing more than to go to him but she didn't move. How would he handle her concern?

"Everything. Everything is so different but it's still not easier. I thought it would be. You were gone for so long." His words grew faster the longer he spoke. He wasn't making any sense and Raven wondered if it would be alright for her to run through Skyhold at sunrise to get Christopher, Varric, or Solas.

"Please tell me what's going on."

"You can't know. I'm sorry but it's better this way." He moved to stand, desperate to leave before he said too much, before he did something he'd never done before, something that he knew Raven would hate and he would most likely regret. Her warm hand grabbed onto his arm as he passed her. There was no strength behind her grip but he stopped anyway. Cole's eyes met hers for the first time since the Winter Palace and even if he couldn't already feel how his words and actions were affecting her, her eyes gave it away. She was tired, hurt, scared. She didn't know what was wrong but there was something and he knew he'd been the one to cause it.

"In the time we've been friends I've done nothing but encourage you to be who you are for the sake of your own happiness. I've accepted and embraced your actions and words. I've defended you, fought with you and for you, and have come to trust you with my entire being."

"You have -"

"I'm not done, Cole. I've answered your questions and tried to help you to the best of my ability no matter what the situation was. Is whatever I did so bad that you feel you can't come to me anymore? That you can't be honest?"

Her words were quiet but he heard her. Every word was laced with such pain that it made his chest hurt. Did she really believe it was her fault? She was hurting because of him; her song, once full of light, was now dark and muted, and Cole felt like a fool for thinking she would be okay with the distance he was putting between them. Varric, The Iron Bull, and Dorian had been right. Of course they were, he should've known better. When Cole made no move to answer she released her grip on his arm.

"You did nothing wrong, Raven." It was the only thing he could think of to say.

"Don't lie." Her tone changed.

"It's not you. The problem is with m -"

"Bullshit! Don't you dare lie to me, not after all we've been through!" He should've anticipated anger and he flinched at the sudden coldness of her words. When he turned to face her he expected her green eyes to cut him down where he stood as he'd seen her do with Cullen, Christopher, and the many enemies they'd faced. Instead, they reminded him of the stained glass he'd seen in Val Royeaux. Glistening with unshed tears.

"And what would you say if I told you? Are you willing to give up everything we have? I can't risk that - you. I won't risk you." He didn't mean to sound like he was challenging her. He didn't want to fight. She was… she was too important to him and seeing her distressed and dismayed hurt enough. Why couldn't she understand? Why couldn't she trust him to know what was best?

"Whatever it is, whatever it was, I'd say that you and I could work it out and move past it." She wasted no time with her reply and he knew that she meant everything she'd said "You just have to be honest with me. Trust me. Please! I can't- I've -" Tears spilled from her eyes.

He wanted to go to her, comfort her, wrap her in his arms and apologize. It was nothing short of a miracle that his legs listened to him and he remained still. His eyes moved to the wooden floor.

"It's selfish. I'm selfish but I can't lose you. Cole… "

"Words and thoughts run through my head and make my body ache. It's hard to calm down when I think of you. I'm sorry I'm hurting you but I have to. I can't think of any other way and I can't end up like him. That's worse. If he doesn't know how to make it better, how can I?" Cole rushed through his words, hardly able to look at her. Only after they were said did he realize how it probably sounded. She was confused, even more than before and Cole wished he could make her forget so he could try again. Did he really think she could understand?

Raven stared at him, struggling to see his expression in the dim light and make sense of what he said."I'm not like you, Cole." She didn't take her eyes off him as she reached up to wipe the tears from her cheeks. "I may know a lot of things about you and the others, but I'm not a mind reader and I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on." Her voice urged him to allow his eyes to finally meet hers. In the dim light, dressed in his shirt and a simple pair of black leather breeches, she was breathtaking and Cole could feel his heart speed up, hammering inside his chest. Could she hear it too, he wondered.

"I don't want to end up like Cullen," Cole said softly and it was quite possibly the last thing Raven expected to hear. She hoped he would help shed some light on whatever it was that was driving a wedge into their friendship, but the words he chose only confused her even more.

"As admirable as our Commander is, I don't think there's anything in this world you could do that would make you end up like him. Why would you think that?" It was a fair enough question in Raven's opinion. She could never picture Cole ending up like Cullen. The two were so different.

"He wants you." The words were simple but that didn't stop her breath from leaving her lungs as Cole continued, "That night only made him want you more. He wants to run his fingers through your hair, to hear your moans as he kisses you, and to feel your body curled up against his in the night. He wants it, wants you, but you don't want him. I know what that's like now and being near you hurts."

Cole's admission left her short of breath. Cullen had made it clear he wanted all that and more, but to hear Cole say, out loud, that he wanted the same things was like the first fall on a rollercoaster. Her heart pounded against her chest, hands suddenly clammy, and she wanted to scream as her stomach reeled.

They had always been close; too close for some, but it was a dynamic that seemed to work for them. She didn't care about the comments, the murmurs in the main hall, or what her friends thought. When had it changed for him and how could she not have seen it? She could feel the way her fingers twitched and she had to fight to keep her eyes on him instead of looking away. Those thoughts were something she'd kept to herself in the recent months, buried so deep so he wouldn't know. Had that been a mistake?

"You want that? With me?"

Her question was simple, but Cole still struggled to find the words to answer her while his heart continued to beat so hard he could hear it and his stomach turned. If she were anyone else, he would've already left and found an area where he could be alone, but she wasn't anyone else. She was Raven and he needed her. She called to him. Her very essence drew him in and he never wanted to leave her again no matter how much her rejection would hurt.

"Yes. I know you can understand. Please, just once, let me show you." He would deal with the pain as long as she wasn't hurting anymore. Without another thought about the fear he felt, Cole moved forward and closed the distance between them, wrapping one hand around her delicate waist while the other cupped her cheek - an action he'd seen so many times before from lovers unaware of his presence - and leaned down until his lips gently met hers.

Raven stood still, both heart and mind racing as she fought to catch up. He'd pulled her body against his and his skin was warm through the thin material of their clothes but his breath on her face was even warmer. She had been so caught up in his words before that she didn't realize he moved to kiss her until it was already happening. It was then that she noticed the way her body hummed, her lips tingled, and a rush of heat filled her as she closed her eyes and kissed him back. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine being able to feel how she felt at that moment as Cole held her tighter, slowly moving the hand cupping her cheek to the back of her neck. Her hands seemed to have a mind of their own as they moved up to his chest. He tasted like cinnamon and it reminded her of the tea she often drank. She deepened the kiss and her hands clutched at the material of his shirt as he moaned against her.

"I - I'm sorry," Cole murmured quietly as he pulled away for air. It was a lie, he didn't feel sorry at all, but the last thing he wanted was to push more onto her. Even now he was aware of how soft and warm her skin was under his fingers. He could smell blackberries from the soap she used. He could see that her cheeks were flushed and the color of her eyes had darkened. He could also hear her song, loud and light again, as it mixed with his own in a beautiful harmony that caused his vision to blur. He blinked once, then twice. She was so happy. When her hand trailed up the rest of his chest and to the back of his neck, Cole couldn't help but shudder at the sensation.

"Fuck, I'm not," she replied quietly before pulling him to her for another kiss.

She wasn't sorry either, he realized as he followed her lead and kissed back. She wasn't sorry. She wanted him to kiss her. She wanted _him_. Had it always been that way? And, if so, how had he not been able to tell? How did she smell and taste and feel so good?

Images suddenly flashed in his mind of them together, wants he never knew existed, and feelings that were familiar but somehow felt foreign. Were they hers? Were they all things she'd kept from him over the months they'd been friends, all the times her mind was silent, the thoughts he couldn't hear? When she pulled away, Cole was surprised at how cold he felt but that didn't stop him from opening his eyes to look at her.

"I've wanted to do that for a while," she admitted.

"You wanted it, too?" Cole couldn't help but ask and all he could do was stand there as she slowly nodded.

"Yeah. For months, actually." She chose her words carefully, assessing his reaction. When he didn't move to leave, she took a few shaky steps away from him so they weren't pressed against each other. "Although I didn't think it would be after a trip you declined to go on with me. It's funny how that works."

"You hid how you felt."

"Of course I hid it. So much was happening all at once and the last thing I wanted to do was put more on you while you were adjusting to being human. What else was I supposed to do?"

She hid part of herself, he thought idly as he took one of her hands in his. She buried her wants because of him. Months… Cole couldn't fathom the idea. "I didn't trust myself to be around you with these thoughts and feelings filling my mind. Doing something wrong, saying the wrong thing and losing you. You are so lovely." He reached his other hand out and let his fingers run through her long hair.

She leaned into his palm, her eyes didn't leave his. "What about now?" She asked, a smirk playing at her lips. Cole cocked his head in confusion. "Do you trust yourself now that you know I feel the same?"


	29. Chapter 29

Bull sat at the usual place in the tavern away from Krem and the other Chargers. It wasn't that he wasn't enjoying himself. He simply preferred to observe rather than participate. Some of the new Inquisition recruits were seated at a table by the far wall and even with Maryden singing, he could hear them discussing the stories and rumors they'd heard since arriving at Skyhold nearly a month ago.

It was entertaining, he supposed, as subjects of conversation changed with no real rhyme or reason. The Boss was included, not that they seemed to have anything against mages but their curiosity about his talents was obvious. Bull, himself, was discussed and so were others that belonged to the highly acclaimed 'Inner Circle'. Bull wasn't surprised when one man, a young lean blond with a patchy beard, steered the discussion to Raven. From the way the others joined in with lewd comments even Bull was polite enough to keep to himself, it was obvious none of them knew that come sunrise tomorrow she would be the one knocking them on their asses and Bull had every intention of seeing it. Maybe participate if she'd let him.

It was at that moment she came through the tavern entrance looking a lot more refreshed and clean since her arrival that morning. Her hair was tied back in a braid and the way some loose strands framed her face made her look younger than she was. She wore the same simple pair of black leather breeches he saw her in that morning and one of those loose white tunics she'd worn during their expedition to the Western Approach. She was alone, although he couldn't say he was surprised about that. With what he'd heard in the last month from Dorian, Varric, and even the Kid, himself, Bull expected it.

The last time he and Cole talked, the Kid hadn't agreed much with his idea of an upfront approach when it came to telling Raven how he felt and Bull was willing to bet all the gold he had in his pocket that Cole was most likely still avoiding her.

As she walked past the new recruits without giving any of them an indication that she heard them speaking of her, Bull noticed them all stop suddenly and watch as she passed them on her way to the bar. Their eyes were on her ass the entire time and he knew it was the part of him that thought of her as a little sister that made him suddenly want to knock their heads in. She could handle herself but he still protected those he cared about. By the time she made her way over to him, he'd gotten up and was taking a seat at one of the nearby tables.

"Way to make a first impression." He nodded toward the recruits once she sat down and pushed a large drink his way. His favorite little redhead didn't bother looking where Bull motioned but she grinned. She knew, of course. They hadn't exactly been subtle and someone like Raven didn't get to be in her position without at least a few observational skills. "Without even a glance their way you had them practically drooling."

"That'll change after training tomorrow." Her sure tone made him laugh before taking a large gulp of his ale only to sputter and gasp for breath. As familiar as he was with maraas-lok, it could knock even the strongest on their ass if they weren't expecting it. Blinking once, twice, three times to clear his vision, he narrowed his eye when he saw her hand over her mouth while her shoulders shook in silent laughter.

"Jokes have repercussions, Girl." She waved off his low, threatening tone because she knew he wasn't serious and he let out a loud laugh before taking another drink from his tankard while making a point to look her in the eye as the burning liquid went down much easier.

"What joke? Don't you prefer that disgusting shit anyway?" She could've at least attempted to sound curious as she spoke. "But as I said, those guys-" She pointed back at them half-heartedly, "will change their minds by midday tomorrow."

"Or make it worse. You can never tell who's a masochist these days and who isn't. Care if I watch?" He knew she wouldn't mind but asked out of courtesy. At this point in their friendship, he knew that ending up on her bad side was nearly impossible and it was the same for him. After all, she'd made sure his men were safe. Still, respect went a long way and, just as he expected, she nodded while finding a more comfortable position in the wooden tavern chair.

"Go ahead. Cole will be watching from his usual spot so you're more than welcome to join him." Bull didn't show his surprise but he had to wonder what could've happened in the time since he'd last seen her to make her so sure of the Kid's presence. Had he changed his mind about approaching her or was she simply guessing based on the fact that he'd observed her every day since the beginning?

"Not that it's my business but how are you two? Have you seen him?" That should be casual enough, he thought to himself. Raven didn't answer at first but that didn't stop the small smile from creeping up on her face or her cheeks from turning the deep pink color he loved. If she had that reaction, he knew she was now spoken for, but still he couldn't help think about how nice that color would be on the rest of her body. It was nice that some things didn't change.

"Better now, I think," she replied quietly and finally took her first sip of the tea in front of her. "We talked for a while today and now a lot is out in the open. Hopefully, things will be easier going forward for both of us."

"Good for you. Tension is never a good thing on the battlefield." He had an idea that more had happened than just talking, but he wouldn't bother pushing for more than she was willing to share. Chances were he'd find out the next time she and Cole were in the same room together.

"Says the Qunari who gets turned on fighting dragons." Her sarcastic comment only made him chuckle.

"Sexual tension is different from awkward tension," Bull replied with a laugh as he took another drink. "It fuels the fire, makes you alert, giddy even. You become more eager to succeed because you know what will follow afterward."

"How so? Sorry, but this is something I don't entirely understand," Raven asked simply, then suddenly diverted her attention away from Bull as Cole appeared in the seat beside her. Even though he couldn't see the Kid's face, it wasn't hard to guess that the Kid was looking at him.

"Spending time with the brunette woman in Crestwood or back in the Western Approach, how it would be taking you back to your tent still covered in dragons blood and making-"

"She doesn't need to know things like that, Cole," Bull cut him off before he could say anything else. It wasn't a secret that he'd fantasized about the tiny redhead across from him but she didn't need to know the finer details, those were for himself. The last thing she needed was to worry about being around him. It didn't surprise him when Raven let out a light chuckle and shrugged. He knew it was something she often did to help herself brush off such thoughts.

"At least Bull has enough respect to keep it to himself, or try to anyway. It's nothing I haven't already gotten used to in the, what Bull, year and three months or so that I've been here?" Bull nodded in response to her question. He could hardly believe it'd been over a year, but with so much happening it was easy to lose track of the time.

"I don't like the way others think of you though. Them especially." Cole looked back at the new recruits. Their thoughts were loud and made him want to hit them. In the weeks she was gone he overheard a couple of them ask about her in passing conversation but none had ever received the same answer and it only frustrated them. Patrick had kept quiet, refusing to tell them anything, which Cole was grateful for.

Eventually the men had come to the conclusion that she was a sort of diplomat like Lady Josephine because they'd only heard of her beauty and grace. She didn't look like someone who would train soldiers, fight demons, and have nearly every noble in Orlais eating out of the palm of her hand. It would be a lie if Cole said he wasn't looking forward to seeing their surprise the next morning.

"They'll be thinking completely different things tomorrow, I promise," she replied before taking a long drink of her tea and then frowning when it was empty. With a glance over to Bull's mug to see its status she stood and turned to Cole, "Would you like anything?" When he shook his head she turned and made her way to the bar. He watched her ignore the way those new recruits watched her. When she was far enough away, Cole looked at Bull who didn't bother keeping the smirk from his face.

"So you followed my advice, after all. Good on you." Cole couldn't stop the way his cheeks burned at his friends' words. It was going to be a long night.

Getting back into the habit of waking early for training didn't come easily, especially the first morning. An hour before sunrise, Raven usually would've been awake and on her way to Cullen's office but instead she was curled up against Cole, head on his chest, still fast asleep while dreaming of food as he gently ran his fingers through her long silky tresses like he often did, even before their kiss.

"Raven..." Cole spoke softly and was rewarded with a moan as she clung tighter to him. "You're training the new recruits today."

"Those pervy bastards can wait," she grumbled and slowly sat up. Cole would've smiled if he didn't know exactly what eight of those men were thinking the moment they saw her at the tavern. They thought she was a noble, weak-kneed at the thought of carnage and that she was better suited to fulfill the needs of men. He was eager to see her put them in their place as she had with the others. She sat there a moment, eyes closed and long hair trailing down to the bed and he knew she was truly debating going back to sleep. When she sighed and slowly opened her eyes to look at him he knew the logical side had won.

Raven stared down at him in a groggy haze and she silently cursed as the funny feeling returned in her stomach. What did people back home call them? Butterflies? The feeling annoyed her, but seeing him in her bed, feeling his hands on her skin and in her hair, and hearing his soft voice in her ear was worth it. Before he had a chance to try and coax her again she scooted out of bed, enjoying the way the cool air felt on her warm skin.

"I like when your hair flows," he admitted quietly and she knew he was watching her stretch and contort her body in a variety of positions to ready her muscles and crack the joints. The sleeveless shirt she wore rode up during one stretch, exposing the pale skin of her stomach.

"I'm going to have to cut it soon, it's getting too long," she replied and walked to her dresser to find not only something comfortable and easy to move in for the day but also something that would give the right impression to her new band of recruits. "You're still coming today?"

"Yes. The Iron Bull and I were going to watch," Cole replied once he was finally out of her bed. Having slept in his breeches he put his shirt on quickly before turning towards her to see she already had on a pair of black leather breeches and was in the middle of removing her loose top, her back to him, so she could replace it with one of her special sleeved training corsets. Her boots were last before she began working on her hair in the mirror. Would it be okay, he wondered, to wrap his arms around her and feel her body against his own? Without another thought, he approached her from behind, his reflection joining hers in the mirror, and wrapped his arms around her waist. Her reflection smiled at his, one of her hands rested on his arms.

"After training, I have a council meeting. Should I come find you when I'm done?" She asked once she finished with her hair.

"If you'd like." Raven turned around in his arms and smiled up at him as he spoke. "Varric told me yesterday that he wanted to see you." By the time he finished that sentence her hands had traveled up to the nape of his neck and he sighed in response as his hands rested on her hips. He watched her eyes flutter closed as he leaned down to meet her lips in a tender kiss that had him fighting to keep control. He wasn't sure how or why his body seemed to come alive when she touched him but he loved it.

It wasn't until the sun was starting to rise over the Frostbacks that Raven and Cole made their way from the main hall down the steps into the upper courtyard to meet up with Bull who was leaning against the wall Cole usually sat on. He looked annoyed as he stared down at the recruits who stood in a circle more than a line, laughing loudly on the lower grounds. When Raven and Cole approached, he looked away from them and down to her.

"Trouble?" Raven asked while assessing his expression. It looked like he wanted to hit someone. Or something, and she wondered what could've caused it.

"The one with the patchy beard is a mouthy bastard but there's no weight behind it. The redhead is the one with the potential to cause damage. You'll know." His tone alone let her know he was serious so all she did was nod and, fighting the urge to ask what exactly was said, she turned to kiss Cole lightly on the cheek before making her way down the stone steps.

"I don't want her near him. He's hurt people," Cole muttered quietly when she was far enough away. Bull looked at Cole. The Kid wasn't looking at him, but down over the ledge, his attention focused solely on the redhead. Under normal circumstances, he hated the demon mindreading shit but it was good to know he was right to be worried, especially since he was going off the word of the drunken recruits the night before.

"I already let Cullen and Red know. It's not like she can't handle herself but I'm not taking a chance with him."

Raven made her way down the steps to the lower courtyard while eyeing the men carefully. She recognized most of the men in the group from the tavern the night before, including the one with the patchy beard. The redhead bull mentioned was off to the side, his expression blank as he watched her. He was one of few that hadn't been at the tavern. She'd remember him. He continued to watch her movements as she made her way to the last step. By then her presence was more noticable. Now that she was ground level with them, she realized that many of them were much bigger than her last group. She kept her eyes from glancing up to Cole and Bull as she continued to move forward.

"Good morning, gentlemen," she greeted with a smile and stopped in front of them. "Line up so we can begin." The man with the patchy beard took a step towards her, amusement plastered on his face.

"Sweetheart, are you sure you're not lost?" She fought to keep her expression what it was. The condescension in his tone made her want to roll his eyes. Or hit him. She was starting to understand Bull's mood just a bit more.

"Let me guess, the kitchen is that way?" Raven wasn't able to hide the sarcasm from her tone and as most of the men laughed, she caught the redhead moving closer to the front of the group. His movements reminded her of a lurking predator but she knew she wasn't the one who needed to worry. His eyes were trained on the mouthy bastard in front of her.

"You're too pretty to be a kitchen wench but I know that the nearest Duke's bedroom is in the eastern wing. If you –"His comment was ended by a high pitched scream as the redhead closed what was left of the distance between him and the man with the patchy beard. Raven watched as the steel dagger briefly glimmered in the rising sun as the predator pulled it effortlessly from his belt and brought it to the man's throat. His other hand prevented the mouthy bastard from moving. The other recruits backed away, voicing their surprise. She would have to work on their observational skills.

"Alex, what the fuck are you doing?" One of the recruits demanded, eyes wide. The redhead, Alex, didn't pay him any attention. His eyes were still locked onto the man who'd blatantly disrespected her not ten seconds before.

"If you finish that sentence, I'll cut out your tongue. Where would your rude, empty comments come from then?"

Raven watched the display before her, not sure what to do. There was no doubt that Alex could kill the man if he wished.

"Who the hell are you?" The man with the dagger to his throat demanded albeit with little aggression in his tone and expression. She caught the subtle tightening of Alex's grip on the man's hair.

"Who I am doesn't matter. Do you know who _she_ is?" The hand holding the dagger left his throat to point to her. The man with the patchy beard let out a whimper when the dagger took its place back against his throat. He shook his head. Raven continued to stare at the display. The man, Alex, knew her but she'd never seen him before. His accent wasn't Ferelden or Orleasian and she tried to recall seeing him from her travels but there was nothing. She'd been everywhere there was to go so far except the Exalted plains, The Fallow Mire, and The Storm Coast. Christopher had tried to convince her to join that trip but she'd absolutely refused, much to her friends' disappointment, because of the Darkspawn. Who the hell was he?

"She's a diplomat!" The man with the patchy beard spoke as if his answer would solve everything. It brought her back to attention.

"Recruit!" Alex's eyes settled on her. "Stand down and step away." She shouldn't be as surprised as she was when he did as she said without objection but his reaction caused knots to form in her stomach as a wave of unease took over. When his dagger was back in its scabbard she focused on the man with the patchy beard. Other than his greasy brown hair being slightly disheveled and the look of terror on his face, he seemed no worse for wear, even as his hand went to his throat. "Are you okay?" She asked him anyway.

"Who are you?" He asked as his eyes met her.

"My name is Raven O'Hara and I'm to be your trainer. Normally disrespect gets you kicked out for a day but it looks like your fellow recruit did enough." Her eyes glanced over to Alex before settling back on the man who seemed to bristle at her words before laughing. Raven cocked her head in confusion.

"You're not our trainer."

"Why do you say that, Recruit?" She truly was curious as to what his answer would be although she had a feeling that his answer would be less than polite.

"You're the size of a child with no armor. I'm supposed to believe that someone like you –"

"Stand down, Alex." She repeated as she watched his hand leave his side.

"- could actually best me in combat or train me? Us? I'm not falling for this sham of a joke." She had to admire his honesty, if nothing else. He'd grown braver the longer he spoke and he seemed to disregard Alex to his left since it was obvious the man would listen to her.

"There's only so much disrespect I'll take, Recruit." She held his gaze as she spoke, "You won't be training with us today. Instead, you'll report upstairs to Iron Bull. He's the Qunari above us." He must not have noticed Bull or Cole standing in the upper courtyard because she saw his eyes widen before he focused on her again.

"Fuck you, I will. You can't –"

"Make that a week. Anyone else want to join him?" She was glad to be answered by silence, even from his friends she saw with him the night before.

"You can't do that, bitch! You might have this crazy bastard on your side but whatever authority you think you have doesn't mean shit to me." The man's voice was growing louder the longer he spoke. Raven kept her eyes on him while doing her best to ignore the way her blood pressure slowly rose and how her hands started to twitch as she subtly changed her stance. He looked angry, his cheeks flushing in the cold mountain air. Would he try to attack her? How long would she have to pull out her daggers if he charged at her or would she be forced to dodge and disarm him instead? His words hurt but she couldn't show it. Not now. Not in front of him and the others.

"Derin, you can't say things like that." One of the unfamiliar men spoke out to his friend from the group of men standing away from the mouthy bastard in front of her. Alex remained at his side but even from a distance, she could see his knuckles turning white from the clenched fists at his sides.

"You think you're a badass, Derin? Of course, you do. A young man from a small farm in Ferelden leaving to join the big bad Inquisition." As she spoke, trembling hands made quick work of removing her braid and throwing her hair into a simple messy bun in case the petty bastard in front of her were to attack and try to grab her, "You must be a real man now."

"Give me ten minutes, bitch, and I'll show you how much of a man I am." He bit out and despite the situation, Raven laughed. It was loud and came from deep in her gut. Was this man serious? Of all the things – by the time her laughter died down she had to wipe tears from her eyes. Looking up, she noticed that Alex had moved closer to Derin whose angry expression spoke volumes of how he felt about her. Who the hell were these people? Weren't recruits vetted before being allowed to join?

"I'll tell you what; come at me with all you have. If you manage to knock me on my ass before I knock you on yours then you'll get your wish. You can train with other soldiers and I will no longer be your instructor."

"Great –"

"However, if I win this little game then you have two options. Report to Iron Bull or Warden Blackwall every day for a month for your behavior or you're out of the Inquisition. I suggest you choose wisely." He gawked at her ultimatum.

"You can't do that!" he yelled. Raven didn't miss the smirk that appeared on Alex's face. Whoever he was, he knew she was more than a simple trainer. Whatever he knew, whatever Derin decided, she was done playing and apparently so was he.

When he charged at her seconds later with his small practice sword in hand, Raven dodged him easily enough. His attacks were ill-timed and clumsy, full of chopping motions like he was trying to split a piece of wood. To anyone else, it was obvious that she was toying with him. Dodging his faulty, inexperienced swings and inaccurate lunges with a trained rhythm that was taught over years and years of trial and error. After a minute and a half – she knew because she'd been counting, Raven gracefully dropped to her hunches and didn't spare any amount of strength to knock the cocky bastards feet out from under him with a swift kick. As Derin landed with a loud crash of metal on hard ground, she slowly rose from her position, standing straight while the others remained silent. Derin groaned from his place on the ground.

"I don't know what you might have heard in my absence or what you and your friends think you know. To be honest, I don't care. You've disrespected me, the Inquisition, and yourself today. Get up, take off that armor, grab your shit, and leave."

"You can't do that!" He objected while struggling to stand from the place he fell. Raven stared at him, unwilling to help.

"If you blatantly refuse to follow orders from someone who outranks you simply because she's a woman, then there isn't a place for you here," she replied. It was another ten seconds before Derin was standing again and facing her, his breathing rapid with the exertion he'd just gone through.

"And what role could you possibly have? You're a child!" Again with the challenges. Was it too late to just go back to bed and sleep until tomorrow? A presence at her side caused Raven to turn her head. Alex stood next to her but she appreciated the distance as he was just out of arm's reach.

"Ma'am, do you need me to remove him for you? Or give him to the Qunari?" Her eyes widened at the amount of respect in his tone. Who in the hell…? Wasn't he the one they didn't want her around?

"That won't be –" Derin was less than polite and he disrupted her.

"Ma'am?" Raven bit back a curse as he spoke. "Who are you?"

"Actually, yeah. Remove him, but you and I are going to talk later." A wide grin appeared on Alex's face and she was impressed how he wasted no time moving forward and grabbing Derin by the ear. He squealed as Alex began to lead him from the lower courtyard. It would've been funny had he not wasted half an hour of training and insulted her directly. With a long sigh, she glanced up to Bull who wore the same passive expression he normally did while observing those around him. His smile was gone as quick as it appeared and he nodded.

When her eyes shifted to Cole, she noticed his head was turned and he was watching Alex lead Derin up the stone stairs to the upper courtyard. His expression was one she'd seen only a couple of times since she met him. He was angry. Furious, even, and she didn't blame him.

"She doesn't have this kind of –" Derin yelled loud enough for her to hear. His sentence was cut off by a squeal and she knew Alex had pulled a little harder than necessary. They were now in sight and she watched how Derin tried to struggle again only to bite back a curse as Alex moved the arm that was holding him. When Alex looked down to her as if waiting for approval, she nodded. What could he possibly want? He turned back to Derin and she didn't miss the way he smiled.

"She is an advisor to the Inquisitor." Alex announced, his voice loud enough so she and the recruits could hear, "And as an advisor to the Inquisitor, she can do whatever the fuck she wants."


End file.
